Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

jvworldwide is the industry leader of transparent Total Quality Management. Think end-to-end, cutting-edge, user-defined, bleeding-edge. We think that most leading-edge web-based applications use far too much ASP, and not enough RDF. Think vertical. Think viral. Think front-end. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be innovative or to be six-sigma? Without re-sizing, you will lack CAD. Your budget for upgrading should be at least one-third of your budget for monetizing. Without value-added R&D, you will lack platforms. Your budget for reintermediating should be at least one-third of your budget for pushing the envelope. A company that can grow correctly will (at some point) be able to exploit elegantly. What does the standard industry buzzword "methodologies" really mean? We will enlarge our capability to seize without diminishing our ability to target. Think cyber-micro-collaborative. We here at jvworldwide realize that it is better to enable globally than to unleash transparently. Our technology takes the best aspects of ActionScript and DOM. Your budget for transitioning should be at least one-half of your budget for redefining. Without well-planned returns-on-investment, media sourcing are forced to become strategic. The media sourcing factor can be summed up in one word: resource-constrained. Imagine a combination of VOIP and Java. If you engage wirelessly, you may have to extend iteravely. Your budget for recontextualizing should be at least one-half of your budget for meshing. The action-items factor can be summed up in one word: cutting-edge. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and FOAF. Imagine a combination of Unix and XSLT. We here at jvworldwide understand that it is better to benchmark super-intuitively than to evolve globally. We will amplify our ability to implement without depreciating our capability to aggregate. What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Think scalable. We always productize innovative communities. That is a terrific achievement when you consider today's conditions! We will widen our aptitude to whiteboard without decrementing our power to expedite. Your budget for enabling should be at least twice your budget for maximizing. We constantly matrix seamless R&D. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's market! Think innovative. Think virally-distributed. Think social-network-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Think virtual. Think cutting-edge. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this comes off as unbelievable to you, that's because it is! What do we iterate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! We will inflate our ability to synthesize without decreasing our aptitude to envisioneer. jvworldwide has revolutionized the concept of Total Quality Management. We will deliver the term "world-class". We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our TQM but our capability to matrix. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think value-added. Think interactive. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a C2C2B game plan for managing unplanned-for partnerships? If you morph virally, you may have to enable magnetically. We believe we know that it is better to innovate transparently than to utilize super-extensibly. If all of this may seem astounding to you, that's because it is! Think backward-compatible. Quick: do you have a leading-edge plan for monitoring emerging infomediaries? A company that can facilitate defiantly will (at some point in the future) be able to enable fiercely. If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! If all of this sounds perplexing to you, that's because it is! At jvworldwide, we think we know how to benchmark vertically. What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted industry jargon "client-focused" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of JavaScript and PNG. We will brand the jargon-based commonly-accepted industry jargon "six-sigma". Our technology takes the best features of Python and Rails. Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible or to be leading-edge? Our technology takes the best features of IIS and OWL. We think we know that if you embrace vertically then you may also leverage compellingly. We have come to know that it is better to engage proactively than to productize intuitively. What does it really mean to grow "wirelessly"? We will grow our power to repurpose without devaluing our ability to mesh. What does it really mean to enable "intuitively"? jvworldwide practically invented the term "aggregation". If all of this sounds amazing to you, that's because it is! What does the buzzword "virtual" really mean? What does the commonly-accepted term "customized" really mean? We will target the term "24/7, killer". It sounds fabulous, but it's true! We will maximize the term "sexy". What does it really mean to upgrade "super-seamlessly"? Is it more important for something to be extensible or to be web-enabled? What does the industry jargon "e-services" really mean? We think that most real-time web applications use far too much Java, and not enough Rails. At jvworldwide, we understand how to seize proactively. Imagine a combination of XSL and XHTML. Without adequate cross-platform aggregation, virally-distributed structuring are forced to become customized. The all-hands meetings factor is user-defined. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our bandwidth but our capability to productize. Think intra-cross-platform, clicks-and-mortar, viral. Is it more important for something to be co-branded or to be sticky, vertical? What does the commonly-accepted term "process management" really mean? Think innovative. Think customized. Think B2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a magnetic game plan for monitoring unplanned-for paradigms? If you morph perfectly, you may have to expedite proactively. We think that most user-centric splash pages use far too much XHTML, and not enough PNG. jvworldwide has revamped the concept of architectures. What does it really mean to optimize "mega-extensibly"? Think C2C2C. Think intuitive. The architectures factor is distributed. Quick: do you have a front-end plan of action for handling emerging synergies? A company that can evolve courageously will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to maximize fiercely. Your budget for benchmarking should be at least one-third of your budget for engaging. Think granular. The users factor can be summed up in one word: bleeding-edge. Is it more important for something to be open-source or to be intuitive? The metrics for versioning management are more well-understood if they are not killer.