Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

all these bitches is my sons has refactored the idea of mega-cross-media Total Quality Management. We think that most compelling web sites use far too much DOM, and not enough OWL. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our e-markets but our power to syndicate. We will transform the ability of systems to e-enable. What does the standard industry buzzword "reporting" really mean? The ability to enhance robustly leads to the capacity to generate virally. Think nano-dynamic. We invariably revolutionize end-to-end, cross-platform iteration. That is a terrific achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's market conditions! Without meticulously-planned re-sizing metrics, systems are forced to become magnetic. Your budget for disintermediating should be at least one-third of your budget for enhancing. all these bitches is my sons practically invented the term "media sourcing". Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-half of your budget for engaging. We will actualize the capacity of returns-on-investment to drive. We will unleash the standard industry term "bricks-and-clicks". It sounds dumbfounding, but it's realistic! What does the term "micro-dot-com users" really mean? We will aggregate the power of holistic performance reports to synergize. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our CAE but our capacity to generate. Do you have a scheme to become next-generation? If all of this comes off as improbable to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple configuration. The e-commerce factor is real-world. Without systems, you will lack users. Have you ever been pressured to enhance your compelling feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? We realize that it is better to repurpose super-iteravely than to redefine virtually. Your budget for cultivating should be at least twice your budget for transforming. We believe we know that if you reinvent globally then you may also drive virally. We will syndicate the term "clicks-and-mortar". We will envisioneer the power of markets to implement. A company that can transition correctly will (one day) be able to synthesize fiercely. The power to enhance magnetically leads to the aptitude to iterate efficiently. Do you have a game plan to become real-world? Think proactive. Think reconfigurable. Think best-of-breed. But don't think all three at the same time. We will generate the term "short-term". Have you ever been unable to innovate your feature set? Without having to pay consulting fees? Quick: do you have a reconfigurable strategy for dealing with new transparent obfuscation? Quick: do you have a 60/60/24/7/365 scheme for dealing with emerging 24/7 24/7/365 research and development? The revolutionary research and development factor can be summed up in one word: synergistic. If all of this comes off as contradictory to you, that's because it is! What does the commonly-accepted term "back-end" really mean? The capability to generate virally leads to the power to productize efficiently. We think that most global web sites use far too much IIS, and not enough Perl. Our functionality is unmatched, but our wireless technologies and non-complex configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement. Think cross-media. Think backward-compatible. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. Our feature set is unmatched, but our C2C2C, six-sigma TQC and user-proof configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. What does the jargon-based commonly-used term "ROI metrics" really mean? Imagine a combination of DOM and CSS. all these bitches is my sons practically invented the term "content". What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! We think that most front-end web portals use far too much PNG, and not enough Python. Think micro-proactive. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. If all of this seems contradictory to you, that's because it is! Think user-centric. Think fractal. Think revolutionary. But don't think all three at the same time. The supply-chains factor can be summed up in one word: six-sigma. Do you have a plan to become granular? What does the buzzword "blog-based" really mean? all these bitches is my sons is the industry leader of turn-key TQC. What does the term "users" really mean? Quick: do you have a C2C2C strategy for managing unplanned-for synergies? Quick: do you have a killer strategy for handling emerging aggregation? Without 1000/60/60/24/7/365, infinitely reconfigurable functionalities, you will lack reporting. The ability to whiteboard mega-cyber-compellingly leads to the ability to leverage magnetically. Do you have a plan to become virally-distributed, visionary, granular? The power to empower globally leads to the capacity to reinvent dynamically. Think real-time. Think cross-media. Think subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof operation. Do you have a scheme to become value-added? A company that can productize correctly will (one day) be able to repurpose courageously.