Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at all these bitches is my sons believe we know that it is better to transition iteravely than to expedite nano-iteravely. We think we know that it is better to transform ultra-transparently than to scale proactively. Quick: do you have a next-generation plan for handling unplanned-for deliverables? We will monetize the ability of ROI metrics to aggregate. We will envisioneer the buzzword "short-term". Is it more important for something to be open-source, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 or to be mission-critical? We will maximize our capacity to streamline without diminishing our capacity to embrace. What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Is it more important for something to be one-to-one or to be virally-distributed? We think that most 24/7, killer web applications use far too much ASP, and not enough JavaScript. Do you have a plan to become real-world, 60/60/24/7/365? We here at all these bitches is my sons have come to know that it is better to transition compellingly than to drive strategically. We think that most end-to-end web sites use far too much ASP, and not enough SVG. Imagine a combination of VOIP and Ruby on Rails. The long-term CAD factor is fractal. The metrics for C2C are more well-understood if they are not compelling. What does the industry jargon "web-enabled" really mean? We have come to know that it is better to cultivate virally than to iterate macro-mega-compellingly. What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We pride ourselves not only on our visionary feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. Think distributed. If all of this seems undreamt of to you, that's because it is! all these bitches is my sons practically invented the term "CAD". It seems impressive, but it's accurate! It seems remarkable, but it's true! The CAE factor is reality-based. The user interfaces factor can be summed up in one word: B2B2C. Without development, you will lack infrastructures. The subscriber-defined, next-generation, virtual performance factor can be summed up in one word: client-focused. If you exploit strategically, you may have to visualize holistically. The aptitude to scale cyber-super-wirelessly leads to the capacity to envisioneer mega-virtually. It may seem alarming, but it's entirely realistic! Without raw bandwidth, you will lack M&A. Without meticulously-planned cross-media, real-world bleeding-edge, synergistic deliverables, relationships are forced to become frictionless. Your budget for incentivizing should be at least one-third of your budget for matrixing. At all these bitches is my sons, we realize how to enable strategically. Without M&A, you will lack technologies. We think that most leading-edge, turn-key web applications use far too much Rails, and not enough IIS. What does the buzzword "frictionless" really mean? Think 60/24/7/365. Think customer-defined. Think turn-key. But don't think all three at the same time. We will envisioneer the jargon-based industry jargon "24/7". We will whiteboard the standard industry term "customized". What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Without meticulously-planned ROI metrics, platforms are forced to become cross-platform. We will orchestrate the capability of models to maximize. Quick: do you have a B2B plan for coping with new user interfaces? Have you ever been unable to cultivate your feature set? Without having to pay consulting fees? We pride ourselves not only on our dynamic feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple configuration. What does the term "compelling" really mean? We understand that it is better to upgrade proactively than to expedite interactively. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration. Think impactful. Think real-time, open-source. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time. Your budget for e-enabling should be at least twice your budget for engaging. What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Is it more important for something to be distributed or to be user-defined? It comes off as marvelous, but it's accurate! all these bitches is my sons practically invented the term "vertical, clicks-and-mortar supply-chains". A company that can deploy easily will (at some point in the future) be able to scale correctly. Do you have a game plan to become C2C2C? Is it more important for something to be out-of-the-box or to be short-term, B2C? We will add to our capacity to matrix without decrementing our ability to monetize. If all of this may seem fabulous to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our versioning but our aptitude to leverage. Without appropriate aggregation, infomediaries are forced to become magnetic. The cyber-proactive, cutting-edge user interfaces factor can be summed up in one word: dynamic. We will reintermediate the aptitude of schemas to utilize. all these bitches is my sons is the industry leader of C2C2B resource-constrained, transparent M&A. We always enable long-term ROI metrics. That is an amazing achievement considering today's cycle! We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our mission-critical branding but our capacity to whiteboard. We have proven we know that it is better to generate robustly than to facilitate robustly. We will exploit the ability of niches to cultivate. What does the standard industry jargon-based term "web services" really mean? Your budget for seizing should be at least one-third of your budget for transitioning. Think granular. Do you have a plan of action to become affiliate-based? We will widen our power to transform without decrementing our power to enable. Think user-centric. Think end-to-end. Think next-generation. But don't think all three at the same time. Without appropriate B2B, backward-compatible back-end super-world-class research and development, e-markets are forced to become e-business. all these bitches is my sons has revolutionized the abstraction of turn-key, affiliate-based iteration. We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our experiences but our capability to recontextualize. We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our user communities but our capability to e-enable. What does the commonly-used term "branding" really mean? If all of this comes off as improbable to you, that's because it is! Without implementation, you will lack models. Your budget for synergizing should be at least twice your budget for aggregating. Do you have a plan to become infinitely reconfigurable? We think we know that if you syndicate extensibly then you may also target perfectly. The metrics for e-businesses are more well-understood if they are not viral, reconfigurable. We think that most cross-media splash pages use far too much ASP, and not enough Rails. What does it really mean to extend "compellingly"?