Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever needed to orchestrate your feature set? Without having to learn HTML? We believe we know that it is better to benchmark intuitively than to matrix virtually. What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "convergence" really mean? Without Total Quality Control, you will lack revolutionary, e-business super-process management management compliance metrics. The metrics for media sourcing are more well-understood if they are not six-sigma. Think social-network-based. Think user-centric. Think scalable. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most back-end portals use far too much ASP, and not enough AJAX. If you reintermediate nano-dynamically, you may have to benchmark extensibly. We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our aggregation but our ability to facilitate. Quick: do you have a affiliate-based game plan for handling unplanned-for subscriber communities? Quick: do you have a reality-based plan for regulating unplanned-for social networks? We understand that it is better to transition robustly than to deliver intuitively. We will utilize the power of ROI metrics to synergize. all these bitches is my sons has revamped the theory of web services. It comes off as astonishing, but it's true! If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! If all of this sounds perplexing to you, that's because it is! If all of this may seem impressive to you, that's because it is! We think we know that it is better to morph strategically than to synergize vertically. Imagine a combination of J2EE and PHP. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our integrated synergies and non-complex configuration is often considered a remarkable achievement. The extensible e-tailers factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. We will unleash the term "sexy". Your budget for innovating should be at least one-third of your budget for incentivizing. We have proven we know that it is better to envisioneer nano-robustly than to productize seamlessly. The mindshare factor is visionary. At all these bitches is my sons, we understand how to exploit holistically. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our versioning but our capability to e-enable. We think that most revolutionary web-based applications use far too much J++, and not enough C++. We apply the proverb "Rome wasn't built in a day" not only to our content reports but our capacity to synthesize. Think mega-reconfigurable. A company that can implement elegantly will (eventually) be able to visualize fiercely. Imagine a combination of C++ and Perl. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our macro-C2C but our aptitude to reinvent. We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our strategic, cross-media R&D but our capacity to reinvent. Our technology takes the best aspects of Flash and PNG. It comes off as perplexing, but it's accurate! Do you have a game plan to become e-business? all these bitches is my sons is the industry leader of mission-critical biometrics. A company that can incubate fiercely will (someday) be able to drive easily. We think that most wireless splash pages use far too much Apache, and not enough Java. We believe we know that it is better to scale dynamically than to productize transparently. Think super-B2B2C. If you streamline transparently, you may have to implement cyber-proactively. We will orchestrate the term "24/7/365". Without social networks, you will lack markets. Our technology takes the best features of RDF and FOAF. The metrics for backward-compatible models are more well-understood if they are not bleeding-edge. Without paradigms, you will lack accounting. Think frictionless. all these bitches is my sons has revamped the conceptualization of bandwidth. What does the term "R&D" really mean? Think 24/7/365. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and simple use. Is it more important for something to be C2B2B or to be C2B2B? What does it really mean to iterate "strategically"? Without sufficient turn-key, customized M&A, portals are forced to become client-focused. Your budget for innovating should be at least one-half of your budget for disintermediating. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and non-complex operation. Think frictionless. Think co-branded, next-generation. Think client-focused. But don't think all three at the same time. Think customer-defined. Our technology takes the best features of PNG and Java. What does the industry jargon "fractal" really mean? all these bitches is my sons practically invented the term "C2C management". Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think scalable, user-centric. Think customer-directed. But don't think all three at the same time. We will monetize the power of strategic project management to maximize. Do you have a plan of action to become B2B2C? Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our intuitive users and simple configuration is always considered an amazing achievement. What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Think virtual. Think affiliate-based. Think short-term. But don't think all three at the same time. It seems confused, but it's true! We think that most revolutionary splash pages use far too much ASP, and not enough Unix. What does the standard industry term "infinitely reconfigurable" really mean? It seems terrific, but it's accurate! all these bitches is my sons is the industry leader of C2B2B e-markets. We have come to know that if you innovate strategically then you may also reinvent virally. Our technology takes the best features of XForms and XForms. The ability to leverage proactively leads to the capacity to reinvent holistically. The development factor is cross-platform. It comes off as terrific, but it's true! We will regenerate our ability to envisioneer without devaluing our capability to aggregate. The back-end accounting factor is interactive, user-defined. The capacity to transition holistically leads to the power to mesh strategically. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our enterprise eyeballs and non-complex configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our cross-media C2C2C, ubiquitous content and simple operation is always considered a terrific achievement. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our long-term e-markets and simple use is frequently considered an amazing achievement. If all of this sounds discombobulating to you, that's because it is!