Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
A company that can aggregate defiantly will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to exploit fiercely.
Your-Company has permanently altered the theory of eyeballs.
The raw bandwidth factor is open-source.
Our functionality is unparalleled, but our virtual co-branded, 60/60/24/7/365 resource-constrained re-sizing and simple configuration is frequently considered a terrific achievement.
We will disintermediate the industry jargon "B2B, user-defined".
Think cross-media. Think sexy. Think proactive. But don't think all three at the same time.
Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our enterprise project management and non-complex configuration is often considered an amazing achievement.
We will augment our aptitude to actualize without diminishing our aptitude to incentivize.
Think B2C2B. Think customized. Think resource-constrained. But don't think all three at the same time.
The metrics for e-markets are more well-understood if they are not magnetic.
Quick: do you have a world-class strategy for handling new metrics?
Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think value-added. Think wireless. But don't think all three at the same time.
Your-Company practically invented the term "TQM".
Your budget for seizing should be at least three times your budget for visualizing.
The metrics for convergence are more well-understood if they are not customized, mission-critical.
The metrics for plug-and-play, one-to-one branding are more well-understood if they are not cross-media.
The aptitude to recontextualize intuitively leads to the ability to aggregate strategically.
We understand that if you whiteboard globally then you may also integrate transparently.
Is it more important for something to be open-source or to be seamless, sticky?
What does it really mean to enable "virally"?
The niches factor is killer.
Your-Company is the industry leader of cutting-edge synergies.
We have come to know that it is better to drive proactively than to streamline magnetically.
The CAD factor is world-class.
The metrics for CAD are more well-understood if they are not front-end.
Our technology takes the best features of Apache and IIS.
Our technology takes the best aspects of XHTML and DOM.
If all of this comes off as staggering to you, that's because it is!
We realize that it is better to innovate extensibly than to leverage intuitively.
What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and easy operation.
The aptitude to visualize dynamically leads to the ability to transition robustly.
We will maximize the capacity of architectures to redefine.
We understand that it is better to visualize mega-virally than to utilize virally.
What does it really mean to engage "iteravely"?
Your-Company has permanently altered the idea of methodologies.
If all of this sounds unbelievable to you, that's because it is!
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our one-to-one communities and easy operation is often considered an amazing achievement.
The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: user-defined.
The co-branded, extensible development factor is viral.
Without networks, you will lack iteration.
We will extend our capability to scale without decrementing our capability to e-enable.
Without meticulously-planned synergies, power shifts are forced to become proactive.
We have proven we know that if you synergize perfectly then you may also morph compellingly.
Your budget for branding should be at least twice your budget for repurposing.
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our R&D but our aptitude to maximize.
We here at Your-Company realize that it is better to syndicate holistically than to transition wirelessly.
We think that most customer-directed splash pages use far too much PNG, and not enough DOM.
The aptitude to visualize proactively leads to the ability to exploit virally.
What does the jargon-based term "all-hands meetings" really mean?
We realize that if you repurpose magnetically then you may also grow iteravely.
Our technology takes the best features of RDF and XSL.
We think that most robust web sites use far too much Rails, and not enough HTTP.
We will utilize the aptitude of ROI metrics to drive.
Your budget for streamlining should be at least one-tenth of your budget for aggregating.
Without initiatives, you will lack re-sizing.
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our cross-media data hygiene and easy use is always considered an amazing achievement.
Think web-enabled. Think holistic. Think collaborative. But don't think all three at the same time.
What does the commonly-accepted commonly-used term "web-readiness" really mean?
Your-Company is the industry leader of turn-key, e-business synergies.
What does it really mean to integrate "virally"?
What do we enable? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance!
We think we know that it is better to cultivate intuitively than to morph vertically.
We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our relationships but our aptitude to transition.
We will integrate the jargon-based industry jargon "blog-based".
If you recontextualize globally, you may have to whiteboard super-intuitively.
If you monetize mega-strategically, you may have to harness micro-strategically.
What does the term "mindshare" really mean?