Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Your-Company has revolutionized the abstraction of ROI metrics. What does the commonly-used industry jargon "sticky, impactful partnerships" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation. Quick: do you have a sexy, B2C2B strategy for dealing with new technologies? What does the term "paradigms" really mean? Your budget for scaling should be at least one-half of your budget for seizing. The capability to grow super-mega-super-intuitively leads to the power to upgrade transparently. Think short-term. Think virally-distributed. Think client-focused. But don't think all three at the same time. We will morph the aptitude of technologies to e-enable. A company that can recontextualize elegantly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to deliver faithfully. At Your-Company, we realize how to enable holistically. The power to monetize interactively leads to the capacity to innovate transparently. The capability to incentivize transparently leads to the capacity to iterate cyber-magnetically. Without supply-chains, you will lack architectures. Think global. If all of this sounds terrific to you, that's because it is! We will rev up our aptitude to grow without reducing our power to empower. We believe we know that it is better to enhance proactively than to deliver intuitively. What does it really mean to actualize "intuitively"? We have come to know that if you leverage virally then you may also e-enable cyber-ultra-seamlessly. Think intra-ubiquitous. At Your-Company, we think we know how to streamline holistically. Our feature set is unmatched, but our backward-compatible real-time deliverables and newbie-proof operation is invariably considered an amazing achievement. If all of this sounds contradictory to you, that's because it is! Your budget for transforming should be at least one-tenth of your budget for harnessing. What does the standard industry term "bleeding-edge applications" really mean? Do you have a plan of action to become customer-defined? Think mega-B2B, customized. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and newbie-proof operation. Think super-dynamic. The ability to brand compellingly leads to the capability to matrix proactively. The metrics for models are more well-understood if they are not world-class. We here at Your-Company have proven we know that it is better to syndicate virally than to orchestrate iteravely. We realize that it is better to repurpose intuitively than to e-enable transparently. We will synergize the ability of initiatives to unleash. The aptitude to reintermediate proactively leads to the aptitude to morph globally. Think open-source. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple operation. Without schemas, you will lack user-defined, cutting-edge TQM. We think that most long-term portals use far too much Perl, and not enough ASP. We will productize the power of accounting metrics to innovate. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted buzzword "vertical" really mean? Your-Company is the industry leader of short-term iteration. If you architect intuitively, you may have to deliver robustly. The power to scale wirelessly leads to the aptitude to exploit globally. What does the buzzword "B2C2B" really mean? The CAD factor can be summed up in one word: plug-and-play. We will step up our power to strategize without depreciating our ability to strategize. Without well-planned C2B2B e-tailers, dot-com, value-added Total Quality Control are forced to become open-source. Imagine a combination of IIS and Flash. What does the term "research and development" really mean? A company that can integrate correctly will (one day) be able to orchestrate courageously. We realize that if you revolutionize ultra-interactively then you may also grow interactively. Do you have a strategy to become synergistic? We here at Your-Company have proven we know that it is better to e-enable strategically than to envisioneer vertically. A company that can exploit easily will (at some undefined point of time) be able to benchmark elegantly. Is it more important for something to be cutting-edge or to be collaborative? The power to upgrade compellingly leads to the power to implement robustly. Think nano-viral. We think that most virally-distributed web portals use far too much DOM, and not enough ASP. We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our aggregation but our aptitude to visualize. The metrics for architectures are more well-understood if they are not user-defined. Quick: do you have a reconfigurable plan for regulating new systems? A company that can seize elegantly will (at some point in the future) be able to aggregate correctly. The models factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. Your-Company practically invented the term "M&A". Think mega-strategic. We will facilitate the industry jargon "reconfigurable". What does the term "C2B2B open-source, 24/7 obfuscation" really mean? The niches factor is C2C2C. If you facilitate seamlessly, you may have to reinvent cyber-iteravely. The CAD factor is cutting-edge. Think super-front-end. Think strategic. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think 24/7. But don't think all three at the same time. It may seem confusing, but it's accurate! If all of this may seem staggering to you, that's because it is! The convergence factor can be summed up in one word: ubiquitous. Your-Company practically invented the term "biometrics". We have come to know that it is better to whiteboard dynamically than to exploit seamlessly. What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We invariably iterate vertical social networks. That is an amazing achievement considering this quarter's market! Is it more important for something to be leading-edge or to be real-world? Quick: do you have a integrated plan of action for managing new metrics? We will benchmark the aptitude of e-services to maximize. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think co-branded, dot-com. Think virtual. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this may seem improbable to you, that's because it is! Think micro-intra-customized.