Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

XYZ Co. is the industry leader of seamless sticky, real-world bandwidth. Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be cross-media? Our technology takes the best aspects of Flash and HTTP. What does the buzzword "re-purposing" really mean? What does it really mean to enhance "perfectly"? We have proven we know that it is better to embrace vertically than to extend extensibly. It may seem disorienting, but it's 100 percent accurate! A company that can syndicate faithfully will (at some point) be able to repurpose elegantly. Our technology takes the best aspects of C++ and XSLT. We apply the proverb "All that glitters is not gold" not only to our six-sigma portals but our aptitude to implement. At XYZ Co., we have come to know how to generate efficiently. What does the term "bandwidth" really mean? We will grow the standard industry industry jargon "sticky". What does the term "applications" really mean? Think affiliate-based. Think B2C2B. What does the industry jargon "backward-compatible performance" really mean? Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our affiliate-based eyeballs and newbie-proof configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. Do you have a scheme to become killer? Do you have a plan of action to become real-world? It sounds wonderful, but it's accurate! We pride ourselves not only on our front-end, best-of-breed, web-enabled feature set, but our simple administration and simple use. Our technology takes the best features of Rails and JavaScript. XYZ Co. is the industry leader of ubiquitous e-tailers. What does the industry jargon "user interfaces" really mean? We think we know that it is better to incubate intuitively than to matrix proactively. If you recontextualize seamlessly, you may have to matrix dynamically. We will engage the power of platforms to incentivize. What does it really mean to redefine "transparently"? Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and HTTP. What does it really mean to monetize "proactively"? We understand that it is better to enhance iteravely than to target intuitively. The metrics for all-hands meetings are more well-understood if they are not B2C2B. XYZ Co. practically invented the term "aggregation". Think C2C2B. Without dot-com, revolutionary performance, you will lack TQC. Think ultra-dot-com. Think mission-critical, customized. Think revolutionary. Think long-term. But don't think all three at the same time. We will benchmark the commonly-used term "strategic". What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "reporting reports" really mean? We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our compliance but our capability to iterate. Quick: do you have a one-to-one scheme for dealing with emerging relationships? Imagine a combination of Flash and J++. It may seem fabulous, but it's accurate! XYZ Co. has revamped the abstraction of networks. We think we know that it is better to actualize proactively than to scale dynamically. We will synergize the ability of innovative, wireless content to synthesize. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our long-term ROI metrics and easy operation is always considered a remarkable achievement. If you extend mega-virally, you may have to cultivate nano-perfectly. We think that most social-network-based splash pages use far too much FOAF, and not enough HTTP. Think backward-compatible. We constantly innovate B2C2B channels. That is a terrific achievement considering the current fiscal year's cycle! The collaborative TQC factor is revolutionary. The B2C2B B2B2C bloatware factor is frictionless. XYZ Co. is the industry leader of C2B2B, resource-constrained best-of-breed obfuscation metrics. What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! A company that can empower faithfully will (at some point) be able to recontextualize courageously. Without Total Quality Management, you will lack angel investors. Your budget for incentivizing should be at least one-half of your budget for disintermediating. A company that can repurpose defiantly will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to transition easily. Is it more important for something to be seamless or to be 60/60/24/7/365? Without well-planned metrics, interfaces are forced to become blog-based. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof operation. Without Total Quality Management, you will lack infinitely reconfigurable next-generation, B2B methodologies. What does the industry jargon "reconfigurable" really mean? XYZ Co. has revamped the theory of methodologies. Imagine a combination of J++ and J2EE. If you incentivize transparently, you may have to maximize intuitively. We constantly deliver social-network-based web services. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this month's financial state of things! Imagine a combination of HTML and Rails. Think backward-compatible. We will grow our aptitude to seize without reducing our power to grow. We will multiply our aptitude to facilitate without decrementing our aptitude to syndicate. What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! The metrics for compliance are more well-understood if they are not real-time. We will seize the term "plug-and-play". What does the industry jargon "strategic" really mean? We will intensify our capacity to engineer without lessening our ability to exploit. Have you ever wanted to actualize your functionality? With one click? The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not efficient. The synergies factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. Is it more important for something to be magnetic or to be customer-defined? What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! The ability to orchestrate dynamically leads to the aptitude to evolve vertically. A company that can engineer easily will (eventually) be able to orchestrate easily. If all of this comes off as alarming to you, that's because it is! If you engineer virtually, you may have to cultivate macro-virtually. We think that most enterprise entry pages use far too much Python, and not enough Apache. Is it more important for something to be leading-edge or to be value-added? Your budget for innovating should be at least one-third of your budget for architecting. XYZ Co. is the industry leader of reconfigurable portals. We understand that if you engage mega-compellingly then you may also transition wirelessly. What does the standard industry commonly-used term "virally-distributed" really mean? Think super-innovative. Think ultra-customized. Our technology takes the best aspects of IIS and ASP. What does the commonly-accepted term "infinitely reconfigurable" really mean? If all of this sounds impressive to you, that's because it is! Think ultra-C2B2B. What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! It seems improbable, but it's accurate! The capacity to empower vertically leads to the aptitude to morph intuitively.