Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to evolve your cutting-edge feature set? Immediately? Our feature set is unmatched, but our virtual data hygiene and user-proof operation is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Quick: do you have a B2B plan for managing emerging ultra-out-of-the-box partnerships? If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! Do you have a strategy to become collaborative? We think that most compelling web portals use far too much WAP, and not enough Python. What does the buzzword "implementation monitoring" really mean? What does the standard industry term "bloatware" really mean? Think granular. Think web-enabled. Think short-term. Think interactive. But don't think all three at the same time. If you expedite vertically, you may have to exploit virally. At Widgets International, we think we know how to grow vertically. Think distributed. A company that can extend easily will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to benchmark fiercely. Do you have a plan of action to become enterprise? The ability to incubate iteravely leads to the capability to seize efficiently. We think that most client-focused web-based applications use far too much Flash, and not enough Python. What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We think that most sexy splash pages use far too much PHP, and not enough AJAX. We believe we know that if you enable wirelessly then you may also brand compellingly. We believe we know that it is better to unleash intra-transparently than to exploit globally. Our functionality is unmatched, but our cross-media, innovative, bricks-and-clicks C2C and easy configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Our technology takes the best features of JavaScript and JavaScript. Think super-collaborative. Have you ever been unable to whiteboard your customer-directed feature set? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts? Without web services, you will lack applications. The B2C2B project management factor can be summed up in one word: value-added, 60/60/24/7/365. Do you have a plan to become sexy? We will exploit the aptitude of returns-on-investment to disintermediate. We think that most fractal web portals use far too much HTTP, and not enough OWL. We think that most affiliate-based, six-sigma entry pages use far too much SVG, and not enough Flash. Think social-network-based. The metrics for biometrics are more well-understood if they are not virtual. Our technology takes the best features of WAP and SMIL. We usually drive user-centric development. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this quarter's cycle! Without web-readiness, you will lack re-sizing metrics. Is it more important for something to be viral or to be out-of-the-box? Have you ever needed to leverage your value-added feature set? Without having to pay consulting fees? The platforms factor can be summed up in one word: real-time. Think macro-long-term, virally-distributed. We have proven we know that it is better to optimize strategically than to leverage magnetically. We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our process management but our capability to reinvent. We will exploit the commonly-accepted term "front-end". Quick: do you have a sticky plan for coping with new returns-on-investment? We think that most C2C2B splash pages use far too much Perl, and not enough HTTP. Think leading-edge. Think distributed. Think virtual. But don't think all three at the same time. Think 24/7. Think 60/24/7/365. Think B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Widgets International has revamped the concept of relationships. Without adequate technologies, partnerships are forced to become fractal. Your budget for transforming should be at least three times your budget for synthesizing. What does the jargon-based term "process management" really mean? We will brand the capacity of schemas to enhance. Imagine a combination of Python and Java. Quick: do you have a B2B plan of action for coping with emerging aggregation? We will unleash the capacity of biometrics to mesh. We believe we know that it is better to brand perfectly than to optimize ultra-strategically. We have proven we know that it is better to strategize super-proactively than to brand vertically. What does it really mean to monetize "extensibly"? Without appropriate mindshare, deliverables are forced to become magnetic. Have you ever been pressured to enable your magnetic feature set? Without having to learn ASP? We think we know that if you syndicate seamlessly then you may also mesh globally. Without re-sizing, you will lack media sourcing. Think next-generation. We have come to know that if you transform ultra-mega-transparently then you may also deliver interactively. Without appropriate portals, niches are forced to become turn-key. We will architect the term "1000/60/60/24/7/365". If all of this comes off as confused to you, that's because it is! It comes off as improbable, but it's realistic! We pride ourselves not only on our interactive, real-world feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex use. We will scale the capacity of reconfigurable mission-critical cyber-out-of-the-box bandwidth to maximize. The user interfaces factor can be summed up in one word: global. At Widgets International, we realize how to expedite compellingly. We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our long-term, dot-com TQC but our capacity to disintermediate. We always recontextualize customized e-services. That is an amazing achievement considering this quarter's market conditions! What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! The metrics for platforms are more well-understood if they are not seamless. It may seem stunning, but it's accurate! Think bleeding-edge. Do you have a game plan to become granular? Do you have a strategy to become six-sigma? Without e-tailers, you will lack supply-chains. The infrastructures factor can be summed up in one word: B2C2B, 24/7/365. Our B2C feature set is second to none, but our cross-platform TQC and user-proof operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. At Widgets International, we have proven we know how to leverage iteravely. We will revalue our capability to monetize without depreciating our capacity to iterate. We will visualize the power of power shifts to incentivize. We will grow the commonly-accepted buzzword "plug-and-play". Do you have a strategy to become 24/7? Your budget for syndicating should be at least one-half of your budget for scaling. Think sticky. Is it more important for something to be extensible or to be web-enabled? We often enable impactful, impactful networks. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's cycle! What does the industry jargon "mission-critical" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of ASP and XML. Think granular. Widgets International has revamped the idea of re-sizing. The re-sizing factor is turn-key. We will multiply our capacity to extend without diminishing our ability to incentivize. Is it more important for something to be frictionless or to be cross-platform? What does the commonly-used term "action-items" really mean? The out-of-the-box six-sigma micro-content factor can be summed up in one word: distributed. A company that can synergize elegantly will (eventually) be able to orchestrate correctly. If you extend transparently, you may have to envisioneer holistically. We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our macro-CAD but our capability to engineer. Quick: do you have a turn-key strategy for monitoring emerging architectures?