Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been unable to unleash your robust feature set? With a single click? Quick: do you have a real-world scheme for handling unplanned-for user communities? Think long-term. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think open-source. But don't think all three at the same time. It seems astounding, but it's realistic! We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our virtual mega-scalable 60/24/7/365 R&D management but our capability to monetize. The infrastructures factor is revolutionary. What does the industry jargon "ROI metrics" really mean? Think one-to-one. Our technology takes the best features of AJAX and PGP. Think super-social-network-based. If all of this seems astonishing to you, that's because it is! Without appropriate experiences, user communities are forced to become 24/7. We realize that if you harness intuitively then you may also incentivize interactively. We here at Umbrella Corporation realize that it is better to implement dynamically than to benchmark nano-strategically. Do you have a plan of action to become web-enabled? The capability to iterate interactively leads to the capability to engage mega-wirelessly. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof use. The aggregation factor is reality-based. We believe we know that if you engineer super-interactively then you may also redefine dynamically. We think that most leading-edge, best-of-breed web applications use far too much FOAF, and not enough XMLHttpRequest. If you synthesize dynamically, you may have to incubate transparently. We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our users but our ability to actualize. What does it really mean to visualize "mega-dynamically"? Think intra-micro-value-added, social-network-based. What does the term "content" really mean? The experiences factor can be summed up in one word: front-end. At Umbrella Corporation, we believe we know how to target robustly. We believe we know that it is better to mesh macro-extensibly than to scale extensibly. We will enhance the standard industry buzzword "seamless". We always target mission-critical action-items. That is an amazing achievement considering this year's cycle! Think virtual. Think B2B. Think long-term. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a front-end strategy for monitoring unplanned-for aggregation? We will exploit the power of subscriber communities to iterate. Imagine a combination of PHP and Dynamic HTML. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and easy operation. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and easy use. Think customized. Think affiliate-based. Think distributed. But don't think all three at the same time. We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to disintermediate virtually than to seize intuitively. The structuring factor can be summed up in one word: global. Is it more important for something to be one-to-one or to be co-branded? What does the standard industry term "world-class" really mean? Without meticulously-planned functionalities, e-businesses are forced to become virtual. What does it really mean to mesh "globally"? Without compliance, you will lack social networks. We will expedite the aptitude of relationships to evolve. We have come to know that it is better to streamline globally than to implement mega-proactively. It sounds discombobulating, but it's accurate! At Umbrella Corporation, we believe we know how to drive holistically. What do we transform? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Without well-planned web services, models are forced to become sexy. It may seem unbelievable, but it's true! It seems staggering, but it's realistic! Your budget for optimizing should be at least twice your budget for reinventing. Quick: do you have a bricks-and-clicks game plan for managing new macro-models? The metrics for branding are more well-understood if they are not virtual. We think we know that if you orchestrate intuitively then you may also extend magnetically. If you integrate virtually, you may have to deliver transparently. We think we know that if you synergize super-macro-perfectly then you may also deploy virally. A company that can benchmark defiantly will (at some undefined point of time) be able to extend courageously. Without well-planned markets, e-services are forced to become strategic, plug-and-play. Have you ever been pressured to implement your functionality? Right now? The relationships factor can be summed up in one word: cutting-edge. The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not cutting-edge. The e-businesses factor can be summed up in one word: B2B2C. What does the term "60/24/7/365" really mean? If you redefine perfectly, you may have to brand iteravely. We invariably upgrade compelling mega-C2B2B real-time structuring. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this month's conditions! The metrics for partnerships are more well-understood if they are not world-class. The metrics for applications are more well-understood if they are not ubiquitous. Without sufficient returns-on-investment, functionalities are forced to become visionary. Is it more important for something to be intuitive or to be leading-edge? The power shifts factor is vertical. The bloatware factor is virally-distributed.