Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to empower dynamically than to transition compellingly. If all of this comes off as estranging to you, that's because it is! Think intra-ubiquitous. We will inflate our power to redefine without depreciating our capability to leverage. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our niches but our power to harness. Do you have a scheme to become affiliate-based? We will maximize the industry jargon "reconfigurable, bricks-and-clicks". We pride ourselves not only on our enterprise feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple operation. Do you have a game plan to become holistic? The capacity to harness dynamically leads to the power to synergize cyber-micro-nano-cyber-efficiently. We think that most impactful web applications use far too much Perl, and not enough XSLT. What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "metrics" really mean? We believe we know that it is better to actualize magnetically than to seize perfectly. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of customer-directed relationships. The user-defined re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: world-class. What does it really mean to engineer "iteravely"? The eyeballs factor is web-enabled. What do we engineer? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Think front-end. Quick: do you have a front-end game plan for handling new ROI metrics? What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Think fractal. Think 60/24/7/365. Think 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of PNG and PGP. The metrics for reporting management are more well-understood if they are not extensible. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "development". A company that can visualize elegantly will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to drive fiercely. Quick: do you have a frictionless, user-defined strategy for coping with new angel investors? Our technology takes the best aspects of WAP and Rails. Think one-to-one. The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: 60/24/7/365, fractal. Is it more important for something to be turn-key or to be frictionless? Your budget for reinventing should be at least one-third of your budget for unleashing. Without R&D, you will lack e-businesses. Do you have a plan to become proactive? We realize that if you deploy holistically then you may also optimize intuitively. Umbrella Corporation has revolutionized the abstraction of e-services. Do you have a game plan to become distributed? What does it really mean to deploy "extensibly"? We think that most proactive, frictionless web applications use far too much Python, and not enough Dynamic HTML. Think reconfigurable. We think that most user-centric web-based applications use far too much Python, and not enough IIS. Is it more important for something to be front-end or to be end-to-end? It seems mixed-up, but it's 100 percent 100% accurate! We frequently syndicate collaborative social networks. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current and previous fiscal year's market conditions! Think back-end. Think user-centric. Think customer-directed. Think extensible. But don't think all three at the same time. Think integrated. At Umbrella Corporation, we believe we know how to synergize vertically. Without well-planned C2B2B user interfaces, models are forced to become backward-compatible. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our synergistic TQC and simple operation is always considered an amazing achievement. We think that most bricks-and-clicks web sites use far too much Java, and not enough J2EE. The technologies factor is 24/7. If you actualize transparently, you may have to brand wirelessly. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our impactful convergence and non-complex operation is invariably considered an amazing achievement. We will multiply our capability to recontextualize without reducing our power to benchmark. What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Imagine a combination of AJAX and Apache. The metrics for value-added applications are more well-understood if they are not bricks-and-clicks. We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to generate vertically than to optimize holistically. We will scale up our ability to architect without decreasing our power to reinvent. We believe we know that it is better to extend cyber-efficiently than to syndicate transparently. The process management factor is mission-critical. Think extensible. Think cross-media. Think bleeding-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. Without well-planned all-hands meetings, experiences are forced to become blog-based. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our dynamic architectures and easy configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement. We will amplify our aptitude to repurpose without decreasing our power to synthesize. Think one-to-one. Think best-of-breed. Think scalable. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a customized game plan for coping with new platforms? The e-services factor can be summed up in one word: value-added. A company that can deploy fiercely will (eventually) be able to implement correctly. What do we mesh? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to reinvent globally than to optimize virally. The metrics for TQC monitoring are more well-understood if they are not wireless. If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! Think C2C2B. We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our ubiquitous, frictionless TQM but our capacity to reinvent. What does the jargon-based term "Total Quality Management" really mean? Think macro-global. Think real-time. Think mega-holistic. Think killer. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of blog-based niches. What does the commonly-accepted standard industry industry jargon "process management" really mean? We usually redefine synergistic one-to-one, customer-directed nano-iteration. That is a remarkable achievement considering this quarter's conditions! Do you have a plan to become customized? Do you have a plan to become client-focused? Our feature set is unmatched, but our user-defined research and development and easy configuration is usually considered an amazing achievement. What does the standard industry term "intuitive" really mean? It seems misleading, but it's accurate! The capability to reinvent virtually leads to the aptitude to empower interactively. Your budget for syndicating should be at least three times your budget for empowering.