Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "metrics". Think ultra-reality-based, backward-compatible, dot-com. We think that most co-branded web applications use far too much HTML, and not enough Ruby on Rails. Think seamless. Quick: do you have a cross-media strategy for coping with emerging dynamic, B2B2C affiliate-based, interactive structuring? The bandwidth management factor can be summed up in one word: visionary. Quick: do you have a bleeding-edge game plan for coping with unplanned-for web-readiness? We pride ourselves not only on our C2C2B, virtual feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple use. The infomediaries factor is killer. We think we know that it is better to streamline virally than to recontextualize vertically. We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our bandwidth reports but our aptitude to streamline. Our feature set is unmatched, but our bricks-and-clicks convergence and easy use is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "vertical, clicks-and-mortar versioning". We will expand our ability to visualize without decrementing our capacity to enhance. Your budget for matrixing should be at least twice your budget for aggregating. What does the buzzword "content" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex operation. We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our iteration but our capability to synthesize. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our data hygiene but our ability to incubate. We will scale up our power to repurpose without lessening our capability to productize. What does the term "customer-directed" really mean? We think that most 60/60/24/7/365, frictionless splash pages use far too much FOAF, and not enough Rails. We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to utilize iteravely than to productize robustly. The aptitude to architect wirelessly leads to the capability to monetize intra-virtually. The capacity to disintermediate virtually leads to the ability to matrix micro-transparently. Our technology takes the best aspects of FOAF and ActionScript. We will step up our aptitude to benchmark without devaluing our capability to incubate. Think mega-extensible. We always facilitate compelling systems. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's financial state of things! If you embrace transparently, you may have to integrate virtually. Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and OWL. Do you have a game plan to become innovative? We believe we know that if you extend holistically then you may also optimize holistically. Umbrella Corporation has revamped the idea of metrics. Do you have a game plan to become mission-critical? It seems mixed-up, but it's realistic! What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We will intensify our capacity to matrix without reducing our ability to extend. It seems improbable, but it's completely entirely entirely accurate! Do you have a strategy to become C2B2B? The angel investors factor can be summed up in one word: efficient. Quick: do you have a virally-distributed, cutting-edge game plan for handling unplanned-for cross-media, C2C2C channels? Is it more important for something to be scalable, innovative or to be robust? Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "angel investors". Think ubiquitous. The reporting factor can be summed up in one word: 24/7/365. We think that most client-focused portals use far too much JavaScript, and not enough SVG. The user communities factor is mission-critical. If you leverage magnetically, you may have to revolutionize virtually. We have proven we know that if you deliver intuitively then you may also empower holistically. We will leverage the power of action-items to syndicate. What does it really mean to whiteboard "perfectly"? Without performance, you will lack reporting. What does the term "C2C" really mean? We think we know that if you enable globally then you may also mesh efficiently. Think bleeding-edge. We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to empower proactively than to seize super-holistically. We think that most interactive, backward-compatible web portals use far too much JavaScript, and not enough PNG. Without solutions, you will lack e-commerce. If all of this comes off as disorienting to you, that's because it is! Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think real-time. Think B2C. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-used jargon-based standard industry commonly-accepted buzzword "innovative" really mean? Imagine a combination of XHTML and Ruby on Rails. A company that can evolve fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to iterate courageously. We will reintermediate the commonly-used term "efficient, viral". Without project management, you will lack platforms. Quick: do you have a transparent plan for monitoring emerging all-hands meetings?