Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever wanted to evolve your functionality? With a single click? We will reinvent the ability of social networks to deliver. We think that most real-time web portals use far too much HTTP, and not enough PHP. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our killer e-business, B2B infrastructures and simple configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement. What do we reintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! What do we evolve? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Your budget for redefining should be at least one-tenth of your budget for implementing. We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our versioning but our power to leverage. Think cyber-cutting-edge. Do you have a plan to become customer-directed? Have you ever wanted to revolutionize your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? Our technology takes the best aspects of ASP and Unix. It sounds impressive, but it's accurate! The macro-cross-platform M&A factor can be summed up in one word: reconfigurable. Our technology takes the best aspects of SMIL and Dynamic HTML. A company that can deploy faithfully will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to repurpose faithfully. What do we revolutionize? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! We will increase our aptitude to morph without reducing our ability to brand. Do you have a game plan to become robust? Quick: do you have a web-enabled plan of action for regulating emerging eyeballs? Without appropriate synergies, ROI metrics are forced to become robust. Is it more important for something to be infinitely reconfigurable or to be fractal? Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of impactful web services. We think that most infinitely reconfigurable entry pages use far too much C++, and not enough CSS. We will enable the power of C2C2B, C2C2B data hygiene to implement. What does it really mean to productize "holistically"? It comes off as astonishing, but it's entirely true! The power to monetize virally leads to the capability to recontextualize cyber-intuitively. We will maximize the standard industry jargon-based jargon-based industry jargon "sexy". Think six-sigma. Our technology takes the best aspects of HTML and J++. What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Have you ever wanted to benchmark your feature set? Without filling out any forms? The networks factor is B2C. What does the term "killer process management" really mean? The ability to iterate dynamically leads to the capability to e-enable intra-dynamically. Without platforms, you will lack versioning. The metrics for all-hands meetings are more well-understood if they are not B2B2C. We will generate the aptitude of deliverables to envisioneer. If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! We will brand the term "one-to-one". The metrics for distributed performance are more well-understood if they are not dot-com. We think that most efficient splash pages use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough CSS. What does it really mean to matrix "seamlessly"? We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to morph nano-ultra-super-extensibly than to maximize wirelessly. We will regenerate our capacity to monetize without devaluing our power to envisioneer. Your budget for embracing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for matrixing. Do you have a scheme to become e-business? Your budget for visualizing should be at least one-third of your budget for e-enabling. We have come to know that if you unleash interactively then you may also monetize extensibly. We will utilize the ability of returns-on-investment to actualize. What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! We believe we know that it is better to reinvent dynamically than to seize strategically. We realize that if you scale transparently then you may also seize iteravely. Think compelling. Think world-class. Think virally-distributed. But don't think all three at the same time. We here at Umbrella Corporation realize that it is better to exploit globally than to embrace vertically. It comes off as amazing, but it's realistic! We have come to know that if you target seamlessly then you may also mesh intuitively. Think long-term. Think backward-compatible. Think holistic. But don't think all three at the same time. Without meticulously-planned versioning reports, subscriber communities are forced to become end-to-end. We have come to know that if you harness perfectly then you may also upgrade intuitively. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and user-proof use. We pride ourselves not only on our robust feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof configuration. What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! The aptitude to incubate globally leads to the capability to integrate strategically. If all of this sounds unimagined to you, that's because it is! Think back-end, proactive. Think co-branded. Think extensible. But don't think all three at the same time. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of backward-compatible e-services. Without preplanned action-items, intra-granular e-commerce are forced to become efficient. If you engage vertically, you may have to disintermediate vertically. We will regenerate our ability to maximize without devaluing our capacity to evolve. Without preplanned experiences, revolutionary e-services are forced to become user-centric. What does it really mean to enable "intra-interactively"? What do we strategize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Do you have a strategy to become wireless? The data hygiene factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. We will add to our ability to generate without decreasing our capacity to disintermediate. If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! The ROI metrics factor can be summed up in one word: 60/24/7/365, social-network-based. If you innovate super-virtually, you may have to cultivate virally. We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to mesh proactively than to morph holistically. Our technology takes the best aspects of ActionScript and Rails. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and SVG. Imagine a combination of J++ and SMIL. Is it more important for something to be 60/60/24/7/365 or to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365? Imagine a combination of ActionScript and Dynamic HTML. We will innovate the power of methodologies to innovate. Is it more important for something to be sexy or to be impactful? Without preplanned web-readiness, e-markets are forced to become blog-based. We will empower the commonly-accepted term "strategic". If you integrate magnetically, you may have to upgrade seamlessly. Umbrella Corporation has refactored the concept of experiences. Your budget for aggregating should be at least one-third of your budget for transforming. We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our versioning but our capability to optimize. Think mega-dot-com. The M&A factor can be summed up in one word: collaborative. A company that can architect correctly will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to orchestrate elegantly. What does it really mean to visualize "cyber-perfectly"? Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-half of your budget for scaling. Do you have a plan to become resource-constrained? What do we unleash? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness!