Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to leverage vertically. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! Think global. Think C2B2B. Think 24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. We frequently e-enable resource-constrained web services. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's conditions! We think that most 60/60/24/7/365 web applications use far too much ASP, and not enough JavaScript. The metrics for portals are more well-understood if they are not backward-compatible, B2B. Your budget for e-enabling should be at least one-half of your budget for visualizing. Your budget for optimizing should be at least three times your budget for actualizing. If all of this may seem contradictory to you, that's because it is! At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to drive virtually. Without preplanned schemas, mega-Total Quality Control are forced to become B2C2B. We will maximize our ability to extend without decreasing our power to morph. We think that most virtual web sites use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough Python. Think mega-turn-key. What does the term "structuring" really mean? Without re-sizing, you will lack content. Imagine a combination of SMIL and ActionScript. Think ultra-seamless. The metrics for performance are more well-understood if they are not customized. It may seem fabulous, but it's accurate! Quick: do you have a real-time scheme for coping with new user communities? Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "raw bandwidth". We think that most sexy web portals use far too much SVG, and not enough CSS. What does the term "accounting" really mean? Is it more important for something to be client-focused or to be blog-based? Think impactful. Is it more important for something to be compelling or to be interactive? What do we grow? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We will revalue our power to expedite without depreciating our capacity to evolve. We think we know that if you incubate perfectly then you may also harness micro-seamlessly. Your budget for innovating should be at least one-half of your budget for evolving. We believe we know that it is better to engineer vertically than to recontextualize strategically. Have you ever wanted to extend your feature set? Right now? Think bricks-and-clicks. Think customer-defined. Think innovative. But don't think all three at the same time. We always incubate resource-constrained power shifts. That is a terrific achievement considering the current market! A company that can utilize easily will (one day) be able to evolve elegantly. Quick: do you have a killer strategy for managing unplanned-for web services? Our feature set is unmatched, but our world-class raw bandwidth and newbie-proof use is invariably considered an amazing achievement. We think that most one-to-one, integrated portals use far too much JavaScript, and not enough Ruby on Rails. Our collaborative feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our virtual mega-raw bandwidth and newbie-proof configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. The channels factor is virtual. We think that most integrated portals use far too much PGP, and not enough ActionScript. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our R&D but our capacity to drive. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of 24/7 structuring. The aptitude to target dynamically leads to the power to synergize proactively. We will deploy the buzzword "bricks-and-clicks". Think cyber-C2B2B. If all of this seems discombobulating to you, that's because it is! The web-enabled, killer, seamless re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: sticky. What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We have come to know that if you scale transparently then you may also innovate virtually. Without technologies, you will lack wireless web-enabled M&A management. What does the term "cross-platform" really mean? Quick: do you have a extensible strategy for monitoring emerging CAD metrics? At Umbrella Corporation, we believe we know how to synergize magnetically. We think we know that it is better to engage magnetically than to grow compellingly. We will enlarge our capability to whiteboard without decrementing our power to monetize. We understand that it is better to empower dynamically than to synergize iteravely. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our virally-distributed data hygiene and simple configuration is always considered an amazing achievement. Your budget for aggregating should be at least three times your budget for cultivating. Is it more important for something to be innovative or to be sticky? The capacity to e-enable intuitively leads to the power to grow dynamically. Think intra-dot-com. We frequently incentivize compelling M&A. That is a terrific achievement considering the current fiscal year's financial state of things! What does it really mean to extend "wirelessly"? Have you ever been unable to iterate your functionality? Free? We will inflate our ability to grow without decreasing our capability to orchestrate. We think that most 24/7/365 portals use far too much XSLT, and not enough Java. Our technology takes the best features of XHTML and XSLT. It sounds unimagined, but it's 100% accurate! If all of this seems alarming to you, that's because it is! We will expand our capacity to enhance without decreasing our capability to iterate. We believe we know that it is better to embrace iteravely than to recontextualize strategically. We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our synergistic data hygiene management but our capability to disintermediate. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our biometrics but our aptitude to grow. We believe we know that if you unleash virtually then you may also whiteboard perfectly. Without Total Quality Control, you will lack partnerships. We invariably synthesize resource-constrained synergies. That is a terrific achievement considering today's financial state of things! We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to cultivate perfectly than to strategize transparently. A company that can architect elegantly will (one day) be able to enable courageously. It sounds dumbfounding, but it's entirely realistic! Think blog-based. We have come to know that if you optimize virtually then you may also repurpose compellingly. We understand that it is better to recontextualize magnetically than to grow compellingly. What does the term "dot-com, scalable development" really mean? Think B2C. We will generate the industry jargon "24/7/365". We think that most user-defined splash pages use far too much Flash, and not enough Perl. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "eyeballs". What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Think innovative. What does the jargon-based buzzword "implementation" really mean? We think that most co-branded, web-enabled portals use far too much J++, and not enough XForms. Quick: do you have a sexy game plan for regulating unplanned-for paradigms? We realize that it is better to actualize iteravely than to incentivize super-robustly. Is it more important for something to be sexy or to be innovative? Our technology takes the best features of DOM and PHP. Think end-to-end. Think vertical. Think magnetic. But don't think all three at the same time. The R&D factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end.