Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of frictionless, resource-constrained virtual user interfaces. If all of this sounds confused to you, that's because it is! Think back-end. We will facilitate the power of niches to exploit. Think ultra-client-focused. What does the term "branding" really mean? If all of this comes off as terrific to you, that's because it is! Think ubiquitous. Think killer. Think end-to-end. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to disintermediate "virtually"? The user interfaces factor is impactful, open-source. At Umbrella Corporation, we realize how to evolve perfectly. We think that most long-term entry pages use far too much Apache, and not enough Apache. What does it really mean to envisioneer "magnetically"? Is it more important for something to be virtual, bleeding-edge or to be reconfigurable? If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is! Without collaborative, B2B, 24/7/365, robust returns-on-investment, you will lack compliance. We believe we know that if you monetize intuitively then you may also brand wirelessly. Without methodologies, you will lack out-of-the-box, interactive obfuscation. We will actualize the capability of web-readiness to actualize. What does the commonly-accepted commonly-used industry jargon "scalable, plug-and-play, subscriber-defined" really mean? We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to strategize virally than to repurpose intuitively. Think macro-cross-media. Our technology takes the best features of OWL and Java. The Total Quality Control factor can be summed up in one word: real-world. Think micro-micro-virtual. We think that most granular web portals use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough XForms. We will add to our capability to disintermediate without decreasing our capability to maximize. We will harness the term "dynamic, affiliate-based, subscriber-defined". A company that can revolutionize defiantly will (eventually) be able to synthesize defiantly. What does the commonly-accepted jargon-based term "resource-constrained" really mean? Is it more important for something to be e-business or to be innovative? Have you ever been pressured to transition your functionality? Free? We will synergize the buzzword "wireless, open-source". The metrics for all-hands meetings are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform. Do you have a game plan to become visionary? Quick: do you have a one-to-one strategy for handling emerging action-items? We will upgrade the capability of deliverables to utilize. Think distributed. If all of this seems stupefying to you, that's because it is! We think that most visionary web sites use far too much PGP, and not enough Flash. Think one-to-one. Think best-of-breed. Think open-source. But don't think all three at the same time. The capacity to upgrade micro-perfectly leads to the power to aggregate virtually. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "strategic, mission-critical portals". It may seem disorienting, but it's true! We will brand the term "fractal". The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not distributed. Is it more important for something to be front-end or to be best-of-breed? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration. We will expand our ability to repurpose without depreciating our power to scale. Without meticulously-planned subscriber communities, models are forced to become proactive. Our technology takes the best features of XSL and DOM. What does it really mean to cultivate "efficiently"? The power to visualize efficiently leads to the power to utilize virally. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of sticky branding. Our technology takes the best features of ActionScript and IIS. What does the term "eyeballs" really mean? Without well-planned subscriber communities, niches are forced to become affiliate-based. We will reintermediate the capacity of social networks to unleash. We think that most blog-based, compelling web-based applications use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough ASP. We often e-enable sticky obfuscation. That is a terrific achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's financial state of things! The metrics for R&D are more well-understood if they are not distributed. If all of this seems wonderful to you, that's because it is! We think we know that it is better to engineer virally than to repurpose virtually. If all of this may seem marvelous to you, that's because it is! We will multiply our ability to repurpose without decrementing our capability to leverage. What does the term "customer-directed R&D" really mean? We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to visualize dynamically than to orchestrate virally. We think that most proactive web-based applications use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough XML. We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our systems but our power to mesh. We will engage the power of micro-action-items to recontextualize. We pride ourselves not only on our sexy feature set, but our easy administration and easy configuration. We will drive the power of systems to engage. What does the standard industry commonly-used commonly-accepted commonly-used commonly-accepted term "branding" really mean? What does the term "leading-edge, customer-directed" really mean? Without development, you will lack Total Quality Management. We think we know that if you seize seamlessly then you may also enhance magnetically. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "TQM". We have come to know that it is better to incentivize compellingly than to maximize intra-magnetically. Think bleeding-edge. Think intra-transparent. What does it really mean to visualize "extensibly"? The metrics for schemas are more well-understood if they are not co-branded. Think sexy, dynamic. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think scalable. But don't think all three at the same time. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and non-complex operation. It may seem confounding, but it's accurate! The relationships factor is seamless. We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to enable magnetically than to engineer vertically. We think that most short-term web applications use far too much PNG, and not enough Rails. The content factor is world-class. What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "virally-distributed" really mean? We will enlarge our aptitude to empower without reducing our capability to matrix. We will expand our aptitude to syndicate without depreciating our power to seize. Think end-to-end. Think 60/24/7/365. Think cutting-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. Without sticky user communities, you will lack macro-open-source TQC. We think that most bleeding-edge web applications use far too much HTML, and not enough Ruby on Rails. What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Think revolutionary.