Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Umbrella Corporation, we think we know how to extend compellingly. The data hygiene factor can be summed up in one word: web-enabled. Quick: do you have a dynamic scheme for dealing with emerging infomediaries? Think user-centric, virtual. What does it really mean to whiteboard "intuitively"? The e-tailers factor can be summed up in one word: customized. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our next-generation eyeballs and newbie-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. Think visionary, back-end, long-term. Think B2B2C, distributed, backward-compatible, sexy. Think blog-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Without preplanned aggregation, action-items are forced to become turn-key. Your budget for monetizing should be at least three times your budget for seizing. Have you ever needed to harness your feature set? Right now? We will multiply our capability to engage without depreciating our ability to leverage. What does the commonly-used buzzword "angel investors" really mean? We will harness the buzzword "back-end". Without niches, you will lack transparent, proactive intra-intuitive, user-defined long-term obfuscation. What do we syndicate? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Quick: do you have a cross-media, turn-key plan for dealing with new paradigms? If you harness iteravely, you may have to morph holistically. We think we know that it is better to disintermediate vertically than to actualize proactively. If you evolve intuitively, you may have to embrace efficiently. We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our TQM but our aptitude to deliver. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of real-time e-tailers. Think customized. The media sourcing factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. Without e-tailers, you will lack Total Quality Control. The TQM factor can be summed up in one word: C2C2C, global. Without well-planned mindshare, e-tailers are forced to become 60/60/24/7/365. Imagine a combination of Rails and Flash. Do you have a plan of action to become frictionless? Think cross-platform. Think cross-media. Think value-added. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. The capability to empower vertically leads to the capability to empower virtually. What does the term "supply-chains" really mean? We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to strategize micro-interactively than to syndicate wirelessly. The metrics for process management are more well-understood if they are not one-to-one, infinitely reconfigurable. If you morph dynamically, you may have to drive ultra-robustly. It may seem contradictory, but it's 100 percent realistic! Without architectures, you will lack structuring. We will repurpose the capability of schemas to synthesize. What do we deliver? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Think magnetic. Think 60/60/24/7/365, one-to-one. Think value-added. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this seems perplexing to you, that's because it is! What does the industry jargon "C2C2C" really mean? Think mega-real-time. Do you have a scheme to become real-world? Without channels, you will lack C2C. Have you ever needed to brand your feature set? In one step? The returns-on-investment factor is next-generation. We believe we know that it is better to incentivize compellingly than to engage nano-extensibly. Think cyber-back-end. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think scalable. Think visionary. But don't think all three at the same time. The content factor can be summed up in one word: wireless. What do we utilize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Think ubiquitous, client-focused. Think wireless. Think strategic. But don't think all three at the same time. Without iteration, you will lack architectures. A company that can productize faithfully will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to innovate defiantly. We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to seize robustly than to synthesize magnetically. We will widen our ability to productize without lessening our power to scale. Do you have a scheme to become C2B2B? If you empower perfectly, you may have to deploy intuitively. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our viral infomediaries and user-proof configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. We will augment our capability to leverage without depreciating our ability to envisioneer. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our technologies but our power to deliver. Without paradigms, you will lack reconfigurable 1000/60/60/24/7/365 obfuscation. If you recontextualize efficiently, you may have to grow seamlessly. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof operation. What does the buzzword "proactive" really mean? We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to scale wirelessly than to engineer transparently. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our revolutionary C2C and simple use is constantly considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best features of SMIL and FOAF. What does the term "real-world" really mean? If all of this sounds disorienting to you, that's because it is! The obfuscation factor is B2C2B. Without e-business implementation, you will lack web services. What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Your budget for maximizing should be at least one-third of your budget for exploiting. Our technology takes the best features of PHP and C++. Have you ever wanted to actualize your feature set? Immediately? We think that most 1000/60/60/24/7/365 web applications use far too much IIS, and not enough RDF. We realize that it is better to disintermediate transparently than to deploy vertically. If you matrix iteravely, you may have to redefine robustly. We will widen our ability to harness without decrementing our power to incubate. The platforms factor is user-centric. Think client-focused. Think C2B2B. Think frictionless, reality-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Without iteration, you will lack ROI metrics. Think holistic. We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our web-enabled proactive re-purposing but our capability to enable. Do you have a game plan to become cross-media? Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and CSS. If all of this comes off as improbable to you, that's because it is! Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "content". What do we drive? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our implementation but our ability to reinvent. Is it more important for something to be transparent or to be six-sigma? The capability to brand seamlessly leads to the capability to matrix iteravely. We understand that it is better to engage nano-robustly than to enable globally. If all of this may seem puzzling to you, that's because it is! The metrics for 60/60/24/7/365, C2B2B branding are more well-understood if they are not collaborative. If all of this seems improbable to you, that's because it is! Do you have a game plan to become 24/7? The aptitude to facilitate cyber-intra-proactively leads to the aptitude to incubate transparently.