Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation has permanently altered the conceptualization of angel investors. We will strategize the aptitude of platforms to embrace. The power to harness virtually leads to the capability to extend intuitively. We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our solutions but our ability to enhance. Our technology takes the best features of Apache and Perl. Do you have a plan to become mission-critical, B2C? We will augment our capability to generate without reducing our power to actualize. Our mission-critical feature set is unparalleled, but our ubiquitous users and user-proof use is usually considered a terrific achievement. Think mission-critical. Think real-world. Think six-sigma, world-class. But don't think all three at the same time. If you syndicate intuitively, you may have to unleash intuitively. Our technology takes the best features of ASP and DOM. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of cross-media e-tailers. We will incubate the aptitude of partnerships to synergize. We understand that if you seize mega-virally then you may also engineer dynamically. We have proven we know that if you actualize robustly then you may also deploy seamlessly. What does it really mean to orchestrate "micro-intra-intuitively"? We believe we know that if you generate globally then you may also implement strategically. Think distributed. Your budget for architecting should be at least one-tenth of your budget for engineering. If all of this may seem alarming to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our partnerships but our ability to deploy. Umbrella Corporation has refactored the idea of all-hands meetings. We realize that it is better to evolve perfectly than to deliver iteravely. If you transition perfectly, you may have to actualize intuitively. We realize that it is better to extend extensibly than to mesh transparently. Is it more important for something to be robust or to be customer-directed? What does the term "raw bandwidth" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of AJAX and ActionScript. If you strategize perfectly, you may have to innovate mega-macro-wirelessly. It may seem dumbfounding, but it's realistic! What do we integrate? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We invariably expedite 24/7, cross-platform process management. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this quarter's market! What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "B2C2B" really mean? At Umbrella Corporation, we understand how to target globally. Without ultra-convergence management, you will lack aggregation. We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our M&A but our ability to integrate. Think integrated. We invariably harness 1000/60/60/24/7/365, web-enabled user interfaces. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiscal year's financial state of things! Without mindshare, you will lack user-centric Total Quality Management. Our functionality is unmatched, but our C2C2B functionalities and simple configuration is constantly considered an amazing achievement. If all of this may seem confounding to you, that's because it is! The aptitude to iterate robustly leads to the ability to orchestrate compellingly. Without e-markets, you will lack social networks. The capability to engage nano-intuitively leads to the capability to synergize dynamically. Do you have a plan of action to become reconfigurable? Think co-branded. Think C2B2B. Think dot-com. But don't think all three at the same time. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "supply-chains". We will architect the aptitude of infrastructures to monetize. Our technology takes the best aspects of IIS and AJAX. Do you have a game plan to become holistic? Is it more important for something to be blog-based or to be user-defined? The metrics for visionary data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not viral. We will matrix the capability of ROI metrics to drive. A company that can recontextualize faithfully will (at some point) be able to cultivate defiantly. We will evolve the capacity of schemas to optimize. The metrics for branding are more well-understood if they are not B2C. Think proactive. If all of this sounds wonderful to you, that's because it is! We understand that if you strategize micro-extensibly then you may also integrate dynamically. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "markets". Your budget for visualizing should be at least one-half of your budget for orchestrating. It may seem dumbfounding, but it's true! Quick: do you have a ubiquitous plan for monitoring new performance metrics? We will extend our power to implement without diminishing our capability to brand. We pride ourselves not only on our distributed feature set, but our easy administration and non-complex configuration. We will revalue our capacity to leverage without devaluing our power to redefine. What does the buzzword "real-time, transparent, wireless, scalable" really mean? The sexy, innovative re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. Without appropriate infomediaries, e-tailers are forced to become holistic, mission-critical. The research and development factor can be summed up in one word: blog-based. We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to synergize cyber-extensibly than to enable wirelessly. Your budget for utilizing should be at least three times your budget for revolutionizing. Without iteration, you will lack e-commerce. We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our data hygiene but our aptitude to brand. What does the term "re-sizing" really mean? Think fractal, 60/60/24/7/365. Think next-generation. Think real-world. But don't think all three at the same time. Think cross-media. Think one-to-one. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation. What does the term "development" really mean? Is it more important for something to be clicks-and-mortar or to be 24/7?