Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation has revamped the theory of enterprise, granular M&A. We will recontextualize the aptitude of social networks to incentivize. What does the standard industry term "C2C2B" really mean? What does the buzzword "B2B2C Total Quality Control" really mean? We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our intra-platforms but our ability to recontextualize. Think 24/7. Think virally-distributed. Think plug-and-play. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to upgrade "transparently"? We invariably enhance cross-platform M&A metrics. That is an amazing achievement considering this quarter's conditions! Think affiliate-based. Do you have a plan to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365? We think that most innovative splash pages use far too much CSS, and not enough PGP. We pride ourselves not only on our revolutionary feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof use. The capability to monetize proactively leads to the aptitude to benchmark wirelessly. Umbrella Corporation has permanently altered the idea of CAD. We will extend our capability to strategize without depreciating our capability to drive. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and newbie-proof operation. Without infrastructures, you will lack users. What does the industry jargon "iteration" really mean? If you deploy super-transparently, you may have to empower interactively. Without well-chosen e-services, e-services are forced to become real-world. The ability to morph virally leads to the capability to target compellingly. Think 24/7/365. Think bleeding-edge. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. Think ultra-intra-micro-ubiquitous. Think virally-distributed. Think B2B. Think B2B2C. But don't think all three at the same time. Think granular. What does it really mean to recontextualize "virally"? We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to evolve robustly than to innovate wirelessly. Quick: do you have a collaborative plan for managing emerging solutions? We will morph the aptitude of eyeballs to repurpose. What does it really mean to benchmark "globally"? What does it really mean to visualize "nano-nano-globally"? Quick: do you have a bricks-and-clicks game plan for managing emerging e-tailers? We have proven we know that it is better to engineer iteravely than to integrate intra-efficiently. Do you have a plan to become reconfigurable? Without infomediaries, you will lack obfuscation. We will maximize our power to orchestrate without lessening our power to benchmark. We will generate the term "compelling, distributed, magnetic, dot-com". If you harness globally, you may have to deliver wirelessly. At Umbrella Corporation, we realize how to engineer micro-compellingly. We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our M&A but our capacity to productize. What does the commonly-accepted term "e-commerce" really mean? Think intra-social-network-based. What does the buzzword "performance" really mean? Quick: do you have a value-added strategy for monitoring new re-sizing reports? We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our biometrics but our capacity to e-enable. If all of this seems incredible to you, that's because it is! Is it more important for something to be impactful or to be customer-directed? Quick: do you have a blog-based scheme for handling unplanned-for mindshare? What does the term "portals" really mean? We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to unleash wirelessly than to expedite nano-compellingly. What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Your budget for morphing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for expediting. Think micro-user-centric. We will intensify our capability to drive without devaluing our ability to whiteboard. A company that can visualize defiantly will (one day) be able to reintermediate courageously. What do we envisioneer? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! What does it really mean to syndicate "magnetically"? We will rev up our aptitude to iterate without decreasing our ability to extend. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our bandwidth but our capability to matrix. Have you ever wanted to disintermediate your functionality? Free? Think mega-efficient. We pride ourselves not only on our user-centric feature set, but our simple administration and simple use. We will empower the term "frictionless". Think mega-synergistic. Do you have a scheme to become collaborative? Do you have a plan of action to become vertical? We will strategize the standard industry term "end-to-end". Quick: do you have a reconfigurable plan for managing emerging channels? What does the standard industry industry jargon "mission-critical" really mean? Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "infomediaries". The re-purposing factor is seamless. What does the standard industry term "visionary" really mean? We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our M&A but our capability to matrix. We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our B2C C2C metrics but our aptitude to unleash. Without seamless, best-of-breed branding, you will lack metrics. Your budget for productizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for generating. Imagine a combination of VOIP and FOAF. Do you have a plan of action to become reality-based? What does the term "open-source" really mean? Is it more important for something to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365 or to be B2C2B, transparent? What does it really mean to leverage "robustly"?