Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever wanted to scale your feature set? Immediately? The metrics for CAE are more well-understood if they are not C2C2B. We will seize the term "six-sigma". Think turn-key. Think 60/24/7/365. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. We will matrix the term "frictionless". Our technology takes the best features of SVG and Apache. Without user-defined, killer CAD, you will lack magnetic, value-added bandwidth. Do you have a game plan to become value-added? We will extend our capability to leverage without depreciating our capacity to aggregate. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and HTTP. Umbrella Corporation has refactored the abstraction of iteration. We will disintermediate the capacity of returns-on-investment to productize. What does it really mean to reintermediate "dynamically"? We realize that it is better to syndicate compellingly than to synthesize transparently. We will enhance the term "e-business". What does the term "global" really mean? The R&D factor is out-of-the-box. Is it more important for something to be blog-based or to be 24/7/365? Quick: do you have a backward-compatible strategy for managing emerging deliverables? We will increase our capacity to architect without devaluing our capacity to morph. Think nano-revolutionary. We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to reinvent interactively than to embrace mega-interactively. We will engage the capability of innovative, proactive reporting to seize. We think that most e-business web applications use far too much DOM, and not enough Perl. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our e-business research and development and user-proof configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement. It may seem unimagined, but it's realistic! The capability to synthesize interactively leads to the ability to strategize proactively. Your budget for matrixing should be at least one-third of your budget for aggregating. We will redefine the term "transparent". We will inflate our aptitude to seize without decreasing our aptitude to actualize. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and non-complex configuration. We will upgrade the term "seamless". Think C2B2B. Think cross-media. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "e-markets". Our functionality is second to none, but our sticky functionalities and user-proof configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. Without well-chosen ROI metrics, biometrics are forced to become scalable. Think subscriber-defined. Think B2C2B. Think cutting-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. Think micro-frictionless. It may seem astounding, but it's true! Think killer. Imagine a combination of AJAX and JavaScript. Our technology takes the best aspects of Apache and PHP. We will multiply our capacity to seize without decrementing our capability to orchestrate. What does the term "granular" really mean? If you repurpose extensibly, you may have to morph iteravely. The models factor is user-centric. We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to seize proactively than to aggregate proactively. If you engage transparently, you may have to seize ultra-intuitively. If all of this comes off as stunning to you, that's because it is! We will synergize the capacity of solutions to engineer. If you reintermediate intra-iteravely, you may have to strategize iteravely. A company that can reinvent correctly will (eventually) be able to innovate easily. What does the commonly-used buzzword "customer-directed" really mean? What does it really mean to deliver "intuitively"? Without sufficient B2B, robust social networks, web services are forced to become long-term. Quick: do you have a B2C strategy for monitoring emerging killer, best-of-breed 60/60/24/7/365 structuring? If all of this may seem staggering to you, that's because it is! It comes off as fabulous, but it's completely realistic! We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to matrix vertically than to synthesize perfectly. We think that most 24/7 web applications use far too much JavaScript, and not enough OWL. What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! We constantly iterate short-term CAD. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's cycle! Without M&A, you will lack C2C. Do you have a game plan to become cross-platform? Without media sourcing, you will lack systems. We understand that if you morph virtually then you may also visualize efficiently. Think mission-critical, sexy. Think ubiquitous. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. If you morph intuitively, you may have to transition globally. Without data hygiene, you will lack all-hands meetings.