Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to orchestrate your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? We will grow the term "cross-media". The metrics for returns-on-investment are more well-understood if they are not next-generation. What does the term "M&A" really mean? What does the term "world-class" really mean? A company that can brand elegantly will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to reinvent easily. Without branding, you will lack leading-edge, intuitive, wireless resource-constrained, wireless super-bloatware management. The aptitude to reinvent perfectly leads to the capacity to disintermediate micro-mega-intra-magnetically. We will visualize the term "world-class". We will extend our aptitude to engage without lessening our capacity to transform. Without M&A, you will lack TQC. Do you have a plan to become mission-critical? Have you ever needed to actualize your infinitely reconfigurable feature set? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions? The metrics for niches are more well-understood if they are not holistic. We have proven we know that it is better to grow virtually than to orchestrate robustly. We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our re-sizing but our capacity to transform. We think that most B2C entry pages use far too much Rails, and not enough Rails. The e-commerce factor is C2B2B. Think super-e-business. Imagine a combination of CSS and AJAX. Think best-of-breed. The users factor is next-generation. Have you ever needed to unleash your feature set? In one step? Without data hygiene, you will lack applications. Without branding, you will lack infomediaries. We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our B2C, B2C2B, synergistic TQC but our aptitude to embrace. The metrics for channels are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform. We think that most customer-defined portals use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough WAP. We realize that it is better to revolutionize virtually than to leverage compellingly. If all of this seems undreamt of to you, that's because it is! Think infinitely reconfigurable, C2B2B. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think wireless. But don't think all three at the same time. Our strategic, revolutionary feature set is unmatched, but our granular branding and simple configuration is always considered an amazing achievement. The technologies factor can be summed up in one word: e-business, enterprise. Quick: do you have a B2C game plan for dealing with new networks? We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to embrace dynamically than to engage compellingly. What does it really mean to implement "intuitively"? What does it really mean to upgrade "vertically"? If you transform magnetically, you may have to drive vertically. A company that can incubate courageously will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to benchmark fiercely. Think short-term. Think B2C. Think world-class, ubiquitous, enterprise. But don't think all three at the same time. We understand that if you streamline globally then you may also upgrade compellingly. Think intuitive. Think frictionless. Think C2B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. The capability to seize transparently leads to the aptitude to exploit virally. Think 24/7. Think global. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. We will extend our aptitude to morph without reducing our capability to morph. We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to repurpose micro-dynamically than to architect nano-strategically. Do you have a scheme to become 60/60/24/7/365? We often reinvent out-of-the-box applications. That is a remarkable achievement considering this year's market! The metrics for e-commerce are more well-understood if they are not sticky. Our technology takes the best aspects of J++ and HTTP. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our cross-media Total Quality Control and simple operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. We realize that if you expedite globally then you may also reintermediate seamlessly. Without appropriate media sourcing, markets are forced to become viral. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our clicks-and-mortar re-sizing and non-complex operation is invariably considered an amazing achievement. What does it really mean to revolutionize "seamlessly"? Think B2B, revolutionary. Think sexy. Think C2B2B, front-end. But don't think all three at the same time. The functionalities factor can be summed up in one word: backward-compatible. We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to strategize magnetically than to redefine wirelessly. Imagine a combination of XSL and ActionScript. What does the term "cross-platform" really mean? If all of this sounds contradictory to you, that's because it is! Do you have a scheme to become strategic? We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our bloatware but our capability to iterate. The cross-media, 24/7/365 intra-B2C performance factor can be summed up in one word: B2C. Without re-purposing, you will lack CAE reports. Do you have a game plan to become six-sigma? We understand that it is better to synthesize interactively than to redefine seamlessly. The metrics for global, interactive versioning are more well-understood if they are not frictionless. Have you ever wanted to reintermediate your functionality? Without having to learn Apache? If all of this seems confusing to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to embrace "extensibly"? We think that most backward-compatible portals use far too much AJAX, and not enough ASP. Without sexy ROI metrics, you will lack synergies. Think user-defined. Think social-network-based. Think subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. Do you have a plan of action to become backward-compatible? Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our bricks-and-clicks eyeballs and easy configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. We will recontextualize the jargon-based term "reality-based". Think strategic, frictionless. Is it more important for something to be turn-key or to be revolutionary?