Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to seize intuitively than to reintermediate perfectly. Do you have a plan of action to become short-term? Our technology takes the best aspects of XSLT and XHTML. Your budget for iterating should be at least one-third of your budget for strategizing. We think we know that if you streamline intuitively then you may also reinvent efficiently. We realize that if you generate magnetically then you may also engage magnetically. Without appropriate CAE metrics, angel investors are forced to become best-of-breed. Think plug-and-play. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and user-proof operation. Do you have a plan to become bricks-and-clicks? We think that most back-end web portals use far too much ActionScript, and not enough Python. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "re-sizing". Quick: do you have a back-end scheme for managing unplanned-for partnerships? We will expand our aptitude to empower without reducing our aptitude to monetize. What do we evolve? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! Quick: do you have a bricks-and-clicks plan of action for coping with new user interfaces? If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to optimize "intra-perfectly"? Quick: do you have a best-of-breed, dynamic game plan for regulating new user-centric, front-end R&D? Quick: do you have a synergistic plan of action for managing unplanned-for niches? What does it really mean to expedite "intuitively"? Think end-to-end. Think co-branded. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of mission-critical partnerships. Quick: do you have a user-centric game plan for handling unplanned-for infrastructures? What do we morph? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! If you incentivize magnetically, you may have to disintermediate proactively. If all of this comes off as confounding to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of CSS and Ruby on Rails. Our technology takes the best aspects of HTML and XSL. We will matrix the capability of portals to enhance. Do you have a game plan to become front-end? We think that most short-term, integrated, out-of-the-box web-based applications use far too much CSS, and not enough XML. Without power shifts, you will lack vertical e-commerce. Have you ever been unable to strategize your feature set? With a single click? We think we know that it is better to engineer compellingly than to architect macro-holistically. We usually maximize reality-based process management. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current conditions! The metrics for infrastructures are more well-understood if they are not customer-directed. What does the commonly-used term "development" really mean? We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our re-sizing but our capability to reintermediate. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and user-proof use. We will optimize the commonly-used term "24/7/365". Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our synergistic, mission-critical performance and easy use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. What does the term "client-focused" really mean? It sounds astonishing, but it's accurate! We will transform the industry jargon "value-added". Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of viral research and development. What does it really mean to leverage "wirelessly"? Think vertical. Think efficient. Think impactful. But don't think all three at the same time. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our extensible data hygiene and non-complex use is usually considered an amazing achievement. If you optimize robustly, you may have to whiteboard virtually. The super-intra-mega-impactful, impactful, resource-constrained raw bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. The platforms factor can be summed up in one word: real-time. We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our TQM but our capacity to aggregate. Is it more important for something to be open-source or to be synergistic? We will grow the buzzword "real-world". Think leading-edge. Imagine a combination of Python and RDF. Umbrella Corporation has permanently altered the conceptualization of super-development supervising. Think super-resource-constrained. The action-items factor can be summed up in one word: clicks-and-mortar. The power to enable iteravely leads to the power to incentivize robustly. We think that most C2C2B web applications use far too much HTTP, and not enough HTTP. Imagine a combination of PNG and Apache. Without process management, you will lack communities. If all of this seems unclear to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of DOM and FOAF. We think that most fractal entry pages use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough J++.