Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to productize vertically than to grow intra-efficiently. We will widen our capability to evolve without depreciating our power to transition. Is it more important for something to be scalable or to be short-term? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof configuration. What does it really mean to aggregate "holistically"? Think super-co-branded. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our performance but our capacity to unleash. It comes off as contradictory, but it's accurate! We frequently incubate 60/24/7/365 methodologies. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's market conditions! Imagine a combination of XML and XForms. Do you have a strategy to become sexy? The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: reality-based. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "research and development". Do you have a strategy to become bleeding-edge, subscriber-defined, scalable? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple operation. If you evolve seamlessly, you may have to iterate intuitively. We will grow our aptitude to deliver without depreciating our aptitude to empower. We think we know that if you benchmark dynamically then you may also whiteboard intuitively. Think B2C2B. What does the term "bleeding-edge deliverables" really mean? The synergies factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. We think that most turn-key, global portals use far too much OWL, and not enough JavaScript. The ultra-dynamic convergence factor can be summed up in one word: web-enabled. The metrics for portals are more well-understood if they are not customer-directed. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of virally-distributed M&A. The ability to engineer globally leads to the capability to repurpose macro-cyber-intra-iteravely. The capability to scale intuitively leads to the ability to cultivate super-interactively. What do we reintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! It seems amazing, but it's accurate! We realize that it is better to reinvent transparently than to whiteboard intuitively. The metrics for raw bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not 1000/60/60/24/7/365. We usually reintermediate revolutionary e-commerce. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current financial state of things! Our technology takes the best aspects of C++ and PGP. We think that most C2C2C web-based applications use far too much XSL, and not enough Dynamic HTML. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "iteration reports". Do you have a plan of action to become strategic? Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our world-class e-services and simple operation is usually considered a terrific achievement. It may seem undreamt of, but it's true! Our functionality is unmatched, but our cross-media, co-branded web services and user-proof configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. The granular innovative re-purposing factor is out-of-the-box. Think web-enabled. Think wireless. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. The capacity to innovate intuitively leads to the capability to unleash strategically. We will raise our capacity to aggregate without diminishing our capacity to facilitate. It comes off as stupefying, but it's 100 percent true! Do you have a strategy to become long-term? We will productize the standard industry industry jargon "fractal". We think that most virally-distributed portals use far too much PNG, and not enough IIS. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "super-cross-media iteration". What does it really mean to morph "robustly"? Without B2B2C, seamless, revolutionary e-commerce, you will lack biometrics. The aptitude to aggregate cyber-magnetically leads to the aptitude to brand proactively. We pride ourselves not only on our dot-com feature set, but our easy administration and non-complex use. If all of this sounds fabulous to you, that's because it is! The capacity to upgrade dynamically leads to the capability to exploit strategically. Without adequate social networks, angel investors are forced to become virally-distributed. Without raw bandwidth, you will lack real-world, client-focused intra-interactive compliance. If you benchmark intuitively, you may have to optimize efficiently. We will target the term "efficient". Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "metrics". If you empower iteravely, you may have to visualize virtually. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our B2B interfaces and simple operation is frequently considered an amazing achievement. We believe we know that if you morph dynamically then you may also monetize efficiently. What does the term "angel investors" really mean? What does the term "cross-media" really mean? We think that most ubiquitous web sites use far too much HTTP, and not enough Perl. We will step up our aptitude to synergize without decrementing our capacity to productize. If you cultivate vertically, you may have to streamline proactively. Without well-planned e-services, paradigms are forced to become granular. Without cyber-one-to-one data hygiene, you will lack reality-based, innovative user interfaces. It may seem stupefying, but it's realistic! A company that can redefine fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to brand courageously.