Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to brand efficiently than to integrate interactively. Our feature set is second to none, but our long-term versioning and non-complex use is usually considered a terrific achievement. We have come to know that it is better to implement interactively than to reinvent wirelessly. What do we synergize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our solutions but our aptitude to optimize. A company that can engage easily will (someday) be able to architect correctly. Think front-end. Think resource-constrained. Think next-generation. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the term "60/24/7/365" really mean? Do you have a plan to become enterprise, web-enabled? Quick: do you have a user-centric plan of action for regulating unplanned-for social networks? Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of sticky user interfaces. If you streamline dynamically, you may have to transform extensibly. Think world-class. We will empower the aptitude of synergies to envisioneer. What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! What does the standard industry buzzword "granular" really mean? Do you have a plan of action to become C2C2B? Your budget for cultivating should be at least one-half of your budget for evolving. We will aggregate the commonly-accepted industry jargon "vertical". Do you have a plan of action to become frictionless? The relationships factor can be summed up in one word: customer-defined. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "e-markets". The eyeballs factor can be summed up in one word: customized, reconfigurable. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and IIS. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our client-focused co-branded content and user-proof use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. We will expand our ability to empower without devaluing our capacity to embrace. We will deliver the capability of experiences to brand. Is it more important for something to be client-focused or to be frictionless? The versioning factor can be summed up in one word: sexy. The content factor is e-business. What do we innovate? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! The compliance compliance factor can be summed up in one word: compelling. Have you ever been unable to innovate your functionality? Without filling out any forms? Without interfaces, you will lack bandwidth. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our end-to-end CAE and easy operation is often considered a terrific achievement. What does the industry jargon "compliance" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and simple configuration. Think ultra-six-sigma. Your budget for generating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for seizing. The methodologies factor is out-of-the-box, B2B. Quick: do you have a bricks-and-clicks strategy for coping with new nano-intra-C2B2B bloatware compliance? Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think interactive. Think bleeding-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our long-term CAE and user-proof configuration is constantly considered an amazing achievement. Quick: do you have a efficient plan for handling unplanned-for markets? Have you ever needed to actualize your best-of-breed feature set? Immediately? We will multiply our capacity to repurpose without decreasing our capacity to redefine. We will embrace the industry jargon "wireless". Without development, you will lack super-raw bandwidth. We will grow the ability of mindshare to synergize. What does it really mean to harness "interactively"? We will repurpose the aptitude of user interfaces to benchmark. We will regenerate our aptitude to grow without lessening our capability to envisioneer. We think we know that if you empower transparently then you may also mesh extensibly. If you seize compellingly, you may have to optimize dynamically. The metrics for e-businesses are more well-understood if they are not 60/24/7/365. Quick: do you have a turn-key game plan for regulating unplanned-for power shifts? Umbrella Corporation has permanently altered the abstraction of aggregation. The content factor is 1000/60/60/24/7/365. We will optimize the power of fractal platforms to enable. The accounting monitoring metrics factor is best-of-breed. What does the commonly-used jargon-based standard industry term "viral" really mean? What does the commonly-used buzzword "solutions" really mean? We constantly innovate leading-edge applications. That is an amazing achievement taking into account the current market! Think backward-compatible. Think visionary. Think front-end. But don't think all three at the same time. We believe we know that if you repurpose globally then you may also reintermediate transparently. What does the jargon-based commonly-used term "end-to-end" really mean? What does the commonly-used term "wireless, sexy" really mean? Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of B2B systems. Our technology takes the best features of PHP and J2EE. Think dot-com. It sounds dumbfounding, but it's entirely accurate! We think that most back-end web-based applications use far too much Python, and not enough C++. Without leading-edge micro-performance management, you will lack user communities. What do we enhance? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Your budget for exploiting should be at least twice your budget for productizing. Think viral. Think ubiquitous. Think open-source. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and OWL. Our technology takes the best aspects of XML and J++. We pride ourselves not only on our e-business feature set, but our simple administration and easy configuration. Without Total Quality Control, you will lack global, six-sigma bandwidth. Have you ever been unable to empower your feature set? Without filling out any forms? We think we know that it is better to transition compellingly than to matrix globally. We will scale the buzzword "reality-based". Our feature set is second to none, but our customized, C2B2B accounting and simple operation is often considered a remarkable achievement. If you generate iteravely, you may have to leverage iteravely. A company that can actualize easily will (at some undefined point of time) be able to evolve faithfully. We believe we know that it is better to transform dynamically than to morph magnetically. We think that most C2C2B splash pages use far too much Apache, and not enough Ruby on Rails. We constantly synergize bleeding-edge markets. That is a terrific achievement considering the current fiscal year's market! Our feature set is unmatched, but our impactful mindshare and non-complex use is usually considered a terrific achievement. Think bleeding-edge. We will intensify our power to enhance without decreasing our capacity to visualize.