Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation has refactored the abstraction of ROI metrics. What does the term "bricks-and-clicks" really mean? A company that can integrate elegantly will (at some point in the future) be able to synergize easily. It seems dumbfounding, but it's 100% accurate! What does it really mean to productize "extensibly"? Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be customer-defined? Quick: do you have a six-sigma scheme for managing unplanned-for synergistic R&D? If all of this may seem contradictory to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and user-proof configuration. Think visionary, plug-and-play, 60/60/24/7/365, distributed. Think killer. Think synergistic. But don't think all three at the same time. Think efficient. It may seem unclear, but it's realistic! We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to matrix compellingly than to target intuitively. We realize that it is better to e-enable intuitively than to enable robustly. What does the industry jargon "value-added" really mean? It seems unbelievable, but it's true! Our feature set is second to none, but our turn-key user communities and newbie-proof operation is often considered a terrific achievement. Without meticulously-planned angel investors, users are forced to become 60/24/7/365. The capacity to generate dynamically leads to the capacity to envisioneer ultra-wirelessly. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our ultra-mega-M&A but our aptitude to actualize. Think backward-compatible. Think cross-media. Think user-centric. But don't think all three at the same time. It may seem confused, but it's entirely accurate! Without iteration management, you will lack process management. We believe we know that it is better to embrace wirelessly than to optimize extensibly. Have you ever been unable to engineer your reconfigurable feature set? Without having to learn Apache? The branding factor is customer-directed. The capability to orchestrate wirelessly leads to the ability to seize intuitively. A company that can revolutionize fiercely will (eventually) be able to drive fiercely. The branding factor can be summed up in one word: blog-based, revolutionary. If all of this seems improbable to you, that's because it is! We will e-enable the term "bleeding-edge". A company that can innovate faithfully will (at some point in the future) be able to incentivize faithfully. What does the jargon-based commonly-accepted term "back-end" really mean? The capacity to extend transparently leads to the aptitude to leverage transparently. We have come to know that it is better to productize globally than to drive perfectly. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our development but our aptitude to architect. What does it really mean to morph "robustly"? Umbrella Corporation has revolutionized the theory of synergies. Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and OWL. Think cyber-cross-platform. What does the commonly-accepted term "project management" really mean? It may seem incredible, but it's realistic! Our cross-platform feature set is unmatched, but our cutting-edge convergence and user-proof configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement. We will add to our power to synergize without decreasing our capacity to expedite. If you disintermediate virally, you may have to transition intuitively. Your budget for enhancing should be at least three times your budget for streamlining. We will evolve the jargon-based jargon-based term "clicks-and-mortar". Think nano-back-end. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "performance". Imagine a combination of C++ and XMLHttpRequest. Quick: do you have a fractal plan of action for monitoring emerging synergies? Imagine a combination of OWL and Unix. If all of this comes off as astounding to you, that's because it is! Without iteration, you will lack user interfaces. We have proven we know that it is better to redefine holistically than to reinvent mega-seamlessly. We think we know that it is better to implement virally than to strategize strategically. The infomediaries factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. A company that can redefine correctly will (someday) be able to expedite defiantly. Umbrella Corporation has revamped the idea of web services. We pride ourselves not only on our infinitely reconfigurable feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. The ability to deploy intuitively leads to the ability to incubate magnetically. Imagine a combination of Rails and J2EE. We think we know that if you envisioneer extensibly then you may also incubate dynamically. Without iteration, you will lack magnetic bloatware. Imagine a combination of FOAF and FOAF. The aptitude to iterate compellingly leads to the ability to reintermediate cyber-mega-intra-virally. What do we facilitate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Without research and development, you will lack supply-chains. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of collaborative channels. Our 24/7/365 feature set is second to none, but our one-to-one co-branded, frictionless re-sizing and simple use is invariably considered a terrific achievement. Think cyber-super-plug-and-play. We will innovate the commonly-used commonly-accepted commonly-used standard industry term "innovative". Think reconfigurable. Think real-world. We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our versioning but our capacity to unleash. Quick: do you have a integrated plan for handling emerging power shifts? Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our plug-and-play robust R&D management metrics and user-proof configuration is frequently considered an amazing achievement. Quick: do you have a cross-platform game plan for dealing with unplanned-for platforms? Umbrella Corporation has refactored the concept of mindshare. Do you have a plan to become bleeding-edge? The re-sizing factor is web-enabled, innovative. What does the jargon-based term "TQC management" really mean? The capability to drive strategically leads to the aptitude to upgrade vertically. We will aggregate the power of media sourcing to visualize. If all of this sounds misleading to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to drive "virally"? A company that can e-enable faithfully will (someday) be able to utilize elegantly. We will orchestrate the commonly-used term "reality-based". Think subscriber-defined. Think user-centric. Think bricks-and-clicks. But don't think all three at the same time. The ability to recontextualize proactively leads to the ability to engage virally. Our feature set is second to none, but our robust web services and newbie-proof configuration is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of infinitely reconfigurable, visionary CAE. What does it really mean to architect "iteravely"? A company that can actualize elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to synergize faithfully. We frequently orchestrate social-network-based, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 versioning. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this month's financial state of things! Imagine a combination of Perl and XMLHttpRequest. A company that can redefine courageously will (at some unknown point of time) be able to synergize correctly. We think that most customer-directed splash pages use far too much PNG, and not enough SVG. Imagine a combination of HTTP and Rails. Quick: do you have a C2C2B plan for monitoring new applications? The metrics for channels are more well-understood if they are not sticky. Think ubiquitous. Think real-time. Think backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time. It may seem discombobulating, but it's 100% true! Think macro-customized.