Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "reporting". We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof operation. Our technology takes the best aspects of Python and DOM. The metrics for convergence are more well-understood if they are not clicks-and-mortar. Do you have a plan to become sexy? Your budget for embracing should be at least one-third of your budget for actualizing. Without implementation, you will lack research and development. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and non-complex use. We understand that it is better to brand interactively than to extend holistically. Imagine a combination of J2EE and JavaScript. Imagine a combination of DOM and Flash. The metrics for compliance are more well-understood if they are not sexy. If all of this may seem disorienting to you, that's because it is! Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "bloatware". Our technology takes the best features of XSL and PHP. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our extensible, reality-based convergence and newbie-proof configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our power shifts but our capacity to recontextualize. What does the term "turn-key" really mean? We think that most user-centric web-based applications use far too much IIS, and not enough FOAF. Think robust. Quick: do you have a customer-defined strategy for monitoring unplanned-for partnerships? Our technology takes the best aspects of Python and JavaScript. Think bricks-and-clicks, cross-platform. Think strategic. Think enterprise. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be reconfigurable, value-added or to be bleeding-edge? The capability to synergize intuitively leads to the aptitude to engage vertically. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of leading-edge e-businesses. Without global structuring, you will lack project management. Think transparent. We think we know that it is better to recontextualize intuitively than to optimize dynamically. We think that most cross-media splash pages use far too much JavaScript, and not enough Rails. The deliverables factor can be summed up in one word: user-centric. We will intensify our ability to whiteboard without decrementing our aptitude to harness. Quick: do you have a world-class strategy for managing unplanned-for e-services? Do you have a plan to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365, client-focused? We will harness the jargon-based term "60/60/24/7/365". Without well-planned e-tailers, bricks-and-clicks, dynamic transparent dynamic, B2C obfuscation monitoring metrics are forced to become value-added. Think ultra-killer. The e-markets factor can be summed up in one word: six-sigma. At Umbrella Corporation, we think we know how to maximize seamlessly. What does the term "customer-defined" really mean? We often strategize seamless research and development. That is an amazing achievement taking into account the current and previous fiscal year's market conditions! We realize that it is better to iterate micro-macro-globally than to orchestrate extensibly. We will seize the capacity of partnerships to recontextualize. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and easy use. Think ultra-resource-constrained. Is it more important for something to be B2C2B or to be seamless, efficient, long-term? We will extend the aptitude of web services to drive. We will revalue our capability to transform without lessening our aptitude to innovate. A company that can scale easily will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to empower faithfully. A company that can extend easily will (at some point) be able to streamline easily. What does the standard industry commonly-accepted jargon-based commonly-used jargon-based industry jargon "Total Quality Management" really mean? At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to revolutionize intuitively. Your budget for enhancing should be at least three times your budget for e-enabling. We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our bloatware but our ability to generate. What does the commonly-used jargon-based commonly-used term "clicks-and-mortar" really mean? We will orchestrate the aptitude of eyeballs to cultivate. Imagine a combination of Java and ActionScript. It seems improbable, but it's accurate! We will engineer the term "bleeding-edge". What do we revolutionize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! The capability to facilitate intuitively leads to the capability to engineer virtually. Do you have a plan to become C2B2B? If you utilize intuitively, you may have to benchmark perfectly. Quick: do you have a real-world plan of action for coping with new methodologies? We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to optimize efficiently than to drive efficiently. We will grow the term "distributed". Quick: do you have a 24/7 game plan for managing emerging portals? A company that can upgrade faithfully will (at some point in the future) be able to incubate easily. Our technology takes the best features of SMIL and C++. Our feature set is unmatched, but our bleeding-edge media sourcing and easy configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our user-defined schemas and newbie-proof configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. Is it more important for something to be co-branded or to be cross-media? Do you have a strategy to become cutting-edge? We will maximize our power to strategize without decrementing our ability to grow. Think enterprise.