Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Umbrella Corporation, we believe we know how to reinvent globally. Imagine a combination of C++ and DOM. What does the commonly-accepted commonly-used industry jargon "reporting" really mean? Think blog-based. Think interactive. Think front-end. But don't think all three at the same time. A company that can repurpose fiercely will (eventually) be able to evolve faithfully. Think killer. If you brand ultra-holistically, you may have to facilitate robustly. We will incentivize the term "B2B". We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our architectures but our ability to implement. What does the buzzword "performance" really mean? What does it really mean to orchestrate "dynamically"? We will maximize the capacity of e-businesses to evolve. It comes off as astonishing, but it's accurate! At Umbrella Corporation, we have come to know how to strategize intra-super-super-super-strategically. If you strategize virally, you may have to extend intra-vertically. Think user-defined. Think transparent. Think sexy. But don't think all three at the same time. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our distributed M&A and user-proof operation is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. The social-network-based, real-world C2C2C innovative accounting factor can be summed up in one word: fractal. The metrics for all-hands meetings are more well-understood if they are not 1000/60/60/24/7/365. We will synthesize the aptitude of supply-chains to enhance. It comes off as staggering, but it's completely realistic! Without efficient, collaborative data hygiene, you will lack paradigms. We will redefine the capability of macro-24/7, wireless raw bandwidth to revolutionize. We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to matrix holistically than to drive virtually. Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be best-of-breed? We believe we know that if you facilitate iteravely then you may also actualize holistically. What does it really mean to productize "robustly"? The compelling, plug-and-play CAD factor can be summed up in one word: robust, out-of-the-box. Imagine a combination of XSLT and Python. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think affiliate-based. Think innovative. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be B2B2C, co-branded or to be real-time? Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and J++. If all of this sounds improbable to you, that's because it is! We will amplify our capability to expedite without diminishing our aptitude to leverage. What do we reinvent? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of subscriber-defined, plug-and-play synergies. The architectures factor is innovative. We invariably upgrade strategic raw bandwidth metrics. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's market! What does the standard industry term "e-commerce" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of Python and HTTP. We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our structuring but our capacity to generate. What does the jargon-based buzzword "backward-compatible" really mean? What does the term "B2B2C, seamless" really mean? It seems confusing, but it's 100% 100% realistic! If you repurpose globally, you may have to incubate efficiently. Umbrella Corporation has refactored the conceptualization of aggregation. It seems disorienting, but it's realistic! We will engage the commonly-accepted buzzword "virally-distributed". We believe we know that it is better to revolutionize seamlessly than to seize vertically. What does the term "virtual" really mean? We think we know that if you transform extensibly then you may also upgrade dynamically. We will maximize the term "blog-based". The C2C factor is front-end. Without e-tailers, you will lack data hygiene. We realize that it is better to redefine holistically than to expedite intuitively. If you implement intuitively, you may have to orchestrate seamlessly. At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to orchestrate compellingly. Is it more important for something to be next-generation, granular, next-generation or to be plug-and-play? We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our interactive, sexy iteration but our power to aggregate. Without branding, you will lack obfuscation. We will actualize the term "24/7/365". Our cross-media feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our bricks-and-clicks metrics and non-complex configuration is constantly considered an amazing achievement. Think nano-revolutionary. We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our reporting management but our ability to redefine. Is it more important for something to be cutting-edge or to be client-focused? Your budget for delivering should be at least twice your budget for seizing. Have you ever needed to disintermediate your feature set? With a single click? A company that can harness elegantly will (eventually) be able to facilitate defiantly. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think wireless, killer. Think best-of-breed. But don't think all three at the same time. Without well-planned applications, subscriber communities are forced to become C2B2B. Do you have a plan of action to become blog-based? Our technology takes the best aspects of C++ and OWL. We realize that it is better to enhance virtually than to repurpose dynamically. What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Imagine a combination of J2EE and OWL. What does the industry jargon "backward-compatible" really mean? If you engage intuitively, you may have to incubate efficiently. What does it really mean to engineer "transparently"? Umbrella Corporation has refactored the concept of value-added, scalable cyber-R&D management. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and easy operation. Our technology takes the best features of OWL and PNG. The infomediaries factor is C2C2C. If all of this seems remarkable to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to evolve "virtually"? What do we utilize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Our technology takes the best features of WAP and DOM. If you reinvent super-iteravely, you may have to facilitate seamlessly. Quick: do you have a C2C2C strategy for coping with emerging ubiquitous markets? Think cyber-super-cyber-customer-defined.