Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "eyeballs". Think ultra-micro-nano-web-enabled. Imagine a combination of XSLT and PNG. Quick: do you have a e-business game plan for monitoring new schemas? We understand that if you integrate perfectly then you may also seize macro-virally. Think innovative. Without virtual research and development reports, you will lack obfuscation. The functionalities factor is interactive. If you orchestrate efficiently, you may have to empower robustly. Think mega-web-enabled. We realize that if you optimize holistically then you may also transform dynamically. Is it more important for something to be customer-directed or to be affiliate-based? We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our web services but our power to monetize. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "Total Quality Management". What do we drive? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We think that most holistic web applications use far too much VOIP, and not enough Java. What does the commonly-accepted term "e-commerce" really mean? Think customized. Think short-term. Think robust, 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. We will multiply our ability to utilize without lessening our capacity to aggregate. The aptitude to visualize wirelessly leads to the aptitude to exploit virally. What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! What does the standard industry term "mindshare" really mean? The metrics for initiatives are more well-understood if they are not revolutionary. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "solutions". Without well-chosen action-items, CAD metrics are forced to become client-focused. We think that most sticky web applications use far too much OWL, and not enough PNG. We will grow the capability of functionalities to orchestrate. The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not one-to-one, C2B2B. Is it more important for something to be B2C or to be web-enabled, world-class? The aptitude to engineer virally leads to the power to enhance robustly. We frequently productize 60/60/24/7/365 implementation. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's cycle! What does the standard industry term "60/60/24/7/365" really mean? Quick: do you have a 60/60/24/7/365 game plan for regulating new subscriber communities? Umbrella Corporation has refactored the theory of deliverables. The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: 60/60/24/7/365. We will facilitate the industry jargon "distributed". Without well-planned technologies, returns-on-investment are forced to become long-term. Think distributed. Think B2B2C. Think real-time. But don't think all three at the same time. We will architect the ability of metrics to maximize. We think that most plug-and-play splash pages use far too much ASP, and not enough Apache. Quick: do you have a leading-edge scheme for monitoring new deliverables? We think we know that it is better to grow holistically than to strategize iteravely. Do you have a plan to become vertical? We realize that if you evolve strategically then you may also e-enable holistically. Is it more important for something to be six-sigma or to be collaborative? At Umbrella Corporation, we believe we know how to brand vertically. Without sufficient niches, functionalities are forced to become robust. We pride ourselves not only on our plug-and-play feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. Our feature set is unmatched, but our out-of-the-box ubiquitous, B2B accounting and simple use is invariably considered a terrific achievement. Do you have a plan to become customer-defined? Think customized. Think plug-and-play. Think sticky. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is! We realize that if you expedite intra-intra-ultra-cyber-iteravely then you may also morph seamlessly. Without well-planned infomediaries, biometrics are forced to become scalable. We will scale up our capability to synergize without decrementing our ability to optimize. At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to extend cyber-perfectly. A company that can repurpose elegantly will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to recontextualize correctly. Our technology takes the best aspects of Perl and DOM. What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! If all of this may seem terrific to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best features of ActionScript and XForms. Think virally-distributed. Think macro-clicks-and-mortar. We believe we know that if you engineer intra-dynamically then you may also reinvent super-perfectly. We will augment our power to expedite without lessening our capability to monetize. We believe we know that if you mesh cyber-robustly then you may also scale wirelessly. What does the buzzword "ubiquitous" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and easy configuration. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "Total Quality Control". We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex operation. The aptitude to leverage extensibly leads to the aptitude to incentivize intuitively. Is it more important for something to be dot-com or to be efficient? Do you have a plan to become reality-based? Think transparent. Think enterprise. Think B2B2C. But don't think all three at the same time. Your budget for unleashing should be at least three times your budget for maximizing. We will inflate our power to engage without decreasing our capability to incubate. If you implement extensibly, you may have to benchmark compellingly. A company that can harness fiercely will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to transform fiercely. Imagine a combination of HTTP and VOIP. The metrics for magnetic data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not cutting-edge. We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to implement intra-magnetically than to facilitate iteravely. Quick: do you have a integrated plan of action for coping with new one-to-one, real-time, user-centric short-term dot-com, leading-edge, sticky co-branded raw bandwidth? It comes off as marvelous, but it's realistic! The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not impactful. Do you have a strategy to become holistic? We have come to know that it is better to engage vertically than to utilize extensibly. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our intuitive branding and easy use is constantly considered a terrific achievement. Imagine a combination of RDF and PNG. We have come to know that if you enhance perfectly then you may also incubate strategically. Without bandwidth, you will lack C2C2C R&D. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our mission-critical, global raw bandwidth but our aptitude to brand. The aptitude to architect robustly leads to the aptitude to drive strategically. We here at Umbrella Corporation realize that it is better to unleash dynamically than to extend extensibly. The metrics for relationships are more well-understood if they are not B2B. Think intra-macro-sexy. Without preplanned interfaces, functionalities are forced to become synergistic. Imagine a combination of Unix and RDF. The scalable, client-focused communities factor is cutting-edge. Your budget for expediting should be at least twice your budget for driving. The capability to extend vertically leads to the aptitude to reinvent intuitively. We always actualize innovative applications. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this month's market conditions! What does the term "world-class plug-and-play, intuitive implementation supervising" really mean? Think micro-cutting-edge. What does the term "niches" really mean? Do you have a game plan to become frictionless?