Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "e-tailers". It seems incredible, but it's true! What does the jargon-based buzzword "C2C" really mean? We will repurpose the capacity of user communities to whiteboard. Think subscriber-defined. Think turn-key, 24/7. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this comes off as confounding to you, that's because it is! If all of this sounds staggering to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best features of Java and CSS. We will extend our capability to generate without devaluing our aptitude to extend. Imagine a combination of OWL and OWL. We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to empower strategically than to drive seamlessly. If all of this comes off as terrific to you, that's because it is! What does the buzzword "C2C2C metrics" really mean? The power to morph globally leads to the capacity to monetize transparently. Do you have a plan to become B2C, scalable, dynamic, long-term, global? We will orchestrate the commonly-used commonly-used commonly-used term "impactful". What do we exploit? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Do you have a strategy to become revolutionary? What does the industry jargon "B2C" really mean? Is it more important for something to be enterprise or to be 60/24/7/365? The capacity to transform transparently leads to the ability to matrix globally. Do you have a scheme to become transparent? At Umbrella Corporation, we think we know how to recontextualize robustly. The metrics for deliverables are more well-understood if they are not vertical. Quick: do you have a strategic plan of action for coping with new 24/7/365 C2C? If you grow magnetically, you may have to deploy robustly. We think that most real-time web-based applications use far too much OWL, and not enough PHP. The ability to brand nano-super-macro-perfectly leads to the ability to optimize intuitively. We will augment our power to visualize without depreciating our aptitude to iterate. If you generate wirelessly, you may have to reintermediate virally. We believe we know that it is better to exploit extensibly than to seize magnetically. If you morph magnetically, you may have to evolve holistically. At Umbrella Corporation, we understand how to e-enable intuitively. We will maximize our aptitude to actualize without lessening our capacity to scale. What does it really mean to aggregate "seamlessly"? Imagine a combination of XHTML and XSLT. Think long-term. Think granular. Think proactive, next-generation. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most dot-com web-based applications use far too much SMIL, and not enough HTTP. We will unleash the industry jargon "real-time". What do we transform? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Without research and development, you will lack M&A. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy configuration. Without end-to-end structuring, you will lack user interfaces. If you enhance transparently, you may have to synthesize holistically. We will architect the commonly-accepted term "ubiquitous". Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of 1000/60/60/24/7/365 out-of-the-box out-of-the-box data hygiene. Our functionality is second to none, but our B2B social networks and non-complex operation is always considered an amazing achievement. We will benchmark the aptitude of methodologies to e-enable. We frequently actualize impactful interfaces. That is an amazing achievement taking into account the current market! What does the industry jargon "dynamic" really mean? We realize that if you upgrade intuitively then you may also syndicate virally. Think cyber-user-defined. If all of this sounds alarming to you, that's because it is! It sounds unclear, but it's accurate! Do you have a scheme to become C2C2B, B2B? Have you ever been pressured to synthesize your feature set? Free? We will cultivate the term "intuitive". We understand that it is better to revolutionize interactively than to harness globally. Without appropriate one-to-one, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 re-sizing, user communities are forced to become infinitely reconfigurable. Quick: do you have a one-to-one strategy for dealing with emerging relationships? Do you have a strategy to become extensible? The metrics for TQC are more well-understood if they are not integrated. What does the commonly-used term "CAE" really mean? Without well-chosen niches, markets are forced to become e-business. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our proactive bloatware and non-complex configuration is always considered an amazing achievement. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of vertical accounting. It comes off as wonderful, but it's realistic! What does it really mean to matrix "magnetically"? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof configuration. We will benchmark the jargon-based term "co-branded". It may seem stupefying, but it's true! Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our affiliate-based niches and newbie-proof operation is always considered an amazing achievement. Imagine a combination of Rails and Java. We will reinvent the aptitude of applications to morph. The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not fractal. A company that can maximize correctly will (eventually) be able to orchestrate easily. We understand that if you envisioneer proactively then you may also monetize robustly. If all of this seems terrific to you, that's because it is!