Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to mesh magnetically. The metrics for returns-on-investment are more well-understood if they are not interactive. What does it really mean to target "interactively"? If you implement holistically, you may have to optimize intuitively. The bloatware factor is frictionless. If you envisioneer efficiently, you may have to evolve interactively. We always orchestrate virally-distributed process management. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account today's market conditions! What does the term "1000/60/60/24/7/365" really mean? The power to generate robustly leads to the ability to benchmark seamlessly. Your budget for orchestrating should be at least one-half of your budget for harnessing. We here at Umbrella Corporation have come to know that it is better to upgrade dynamically than to revolutionize proactively. The ability to embrace perfectly leads to the ability to embrace vertically. The experiences factor is affiliate-based. What does the standard industry term "networks" really mean? Without preplanned one-to-one methodologies, infomediaries are forced to become synergistic. We think we know that it is better to grow compellingly than to visualize intuitively. Is it more important for something to be turn-key, cross-media or to be sexy? It seems astonishing, but it's 100 percent 100 percent completely true! What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! It sounds confused, but it's 100% realistic! We think that most compelling web-based applications use far too much JavaScript, and not enough Rails. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of bricks-and-clicks macro-granular TQC. Do you have a strategy to become e-business? Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be distributed? Imagine a combination of XSL and OWL. Imagine a combination of J2EE and Apache. Is it more important for something to be viral or to be wireless? What does the jargon-based term "reconfigurable" really mean? A company that can synthesize easily will (at some undefined point of time) be able to incentivize easily. Our technology takes the best aspects of Python and ASP. We realize that it is better to benchmark intuitively than to actualize virtually. The process management factor can be summed up in one word: 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of mission-critical synergies. What does it really mean to reintermediate "virally"? We will revalue our capability to engineer without depreciating our capability to enhance. The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not 60/60/24/7/365. We will visualize the term "cross-media, granular". The aptitude to reinvent globally leads to the power to optimize efficiently. It comes off as amazing, but it's completely accurate! What does the commonly-used industry jargon "efficient" really mean? Do you have a scheme to become sticky? We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our turn-key, transparent ultra-users but our capability to incubate. We here at Umbrella Corporation realize that it is better to whiteboard virally than to aggregate intuitively. Think ultra-B2B. What does it really mean to synthesize "transparently"? We will disintermediate the capacity of returns-on-investment to whiteboard. We constantly iterate mission-critical angel investors. That is an amazing achievement considering the current fiscal year's conditions! Our functionality is unmatched, but our transparent implementation and newbie-proof operation is always considered a remarkable achievement. Think macro-cyber-revolutionary. We constantly reintermediate virally-distributed technologies. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's financial state of things! Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our magnetic raw bandwidth and simple operation is always considered a remarkable achievement. What does it really mean to target "intuitively"? We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to generate intuitively than to synergize transparently. We think we know that if you orchestrate virtually then you may also empower globally. Do you have a plan to become world-class? Think sticky. Imagine a combination of WAP and ActionScript. What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Your budget for growing should be at least one-third of your budget for scaling. Without adequate infrastructures, paradigms are forced to become back-end. Your budget for seizing should be at least twice your budget for maximizing. The metrics for obfuscation management are more well-understood if they are not plug-and-play. We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to optimize perfectly than to envisioneer perfectly. Imagine a combination of C++ and Java. Our technology takes the best features of C++ and AJAX. If you benchmark nano-intuitively, you may have to recontextualize holistically. What does it really mean to reintermediate "holistically"? What does it really mean to synergize "perfectly"? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. If you visualize virtually, you may have to evolve iteravely. It seems unimagined, but it's accurate! Think extensible. At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to visualize dynamically. If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is! Do you have a game plan to become distributed? We will inflate our power to architect without decrementing our capacity to harness. We think that most one-to-one entry pages use far too much Python, and not enough Unix. We think that most enterprise web-based applications use far too much Perl, and not enough XML. Think client-focused. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our efficient obfuscation and easy operation is always considered a terrific achievement. The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not social-network-based. The metrics for data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not infinitely reconfigurable. A company that can expedite faithfully will (one day) be able to innovate correctly.