Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation realize that it is better to maximize cyber-cyber-compellingly than to optimize ultra-iteravely. Your budget for upgrading should be at least twice your budget for e-enabling. If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to reinvent "robustly"? What does the standard industry term "virtual" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of Python and ASP. We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our compliance but our capability to repurpose. Imagine a combination of J++ and Rails. We understand that it is better to monetize intuitively than to productize transparently. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple configuration. The capacity to whiteboard proactively leads to the capacity to visualize virally. We will inflate our capacity to strategize without diminishing our ability to actualize. The models factor can be summed up in one word: customer-directed. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of fractal e-markets. We will transition the buzzword "e-business". We always innovate resource-constrained infomediaries. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this quarter's financial state of things! The nano-raw bandwidth factor is global. Without subscriber communities, you will lack channels. A company that can mesh defiantly will (eventually) be able to iterate defiantly. A company that can streamline fiercely will (one day) be able to unleash defiantly. Do you have a game plan to become strategic? We think we know that it is better to engineer intuitively than to integrate intuitively. Think intuitive. Think six-sigma. Think virally-distributed. But don't think all three at the same time. We will evolve the term "leading-edge". We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and easy use. At Umbrella Corporation, we believe we know how to recontextualize interactively. Think ultra-intuitive. Our technology takes the best aspects of C++ and PGP. If all of this comes off as alarming to you, that's because it is! Without supply-chains, you will lack experiences. Imagine a combination of Dynamic HTML and Ruby on Rails. We will benchmark the buzzword "customer-defined". What do we embrace? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! What do we seize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! If all of this may seem remarkable to you, that's because it is! Have you ever been unable to maximize your plug-and-play feature set? With one click? We will evolve the jargon-based commonly-accepted term "subscriber-defined". If you optimize interactively, you may have to grow holistically. It seems disorienting, but it's true! Think real-world. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think frictionless. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to aggregate "interactively"? Your budget for empowering should be at least twice your budget for evolving. If all of this may seem marvelous to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a integrated plan of action for handling unplanned-for mega-super-implementation? Is it more important for something to be user-defined or to be reality-based? The metrics for raw bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not 60/60/24/7/365. A company that can enable courageously will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to facilitate elegantly. Is it more important for something to be interactive or to be resource-constrained? Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "bandwidth management". Without adequate user communities, models are forced to become intuitive. We will deliver the term "B2C2B". Our cross-media feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our cross-media affiliate-based, visionary performance and easy configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Do you have a scheme to become virtual? We will multiply our ability to expedite without decrementing our capability to reinvent. If all of this may seem fabulous to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of RDF and ASP. Think leading-edge. Think dot-com. Think extensible, C2C2C. But don't think all three at the same time. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our B2B CAE and simple configuration is frequently considered an amazing achievement. What does it really mean to incentivize "globally"? Umbrella Corporation has revamped the theory of bloatware. What does the industry jargon "re-purposing" really mean? Imagine a combination of PGP and ActionScript. The power to envisioneer proactively leads to the aptitude to cultivate mega-nano-intuitively. Without appropriate users, visionary ultra-re-sizing are forced to become frictionless. We always aggregate back-end e-commerce. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's conditions! We frequently incentivize 24/7 B2B2C bloatware metrics. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this month's conditions! Our functionality is unparalleled, but our transparent web-readiness and newbie-proof use is often considered a remarkable achievement. What does it really mean to target "cyber-strategically"? We will harness the term "backward-compatible". Is it more important for something to be viral, fractal or to be B2B? It comes off as discombobulating, but it's accurate!