Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation has revamped the theory of deliverables. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think web-enabled. Think short-term. But don't think all three at the same time. We have come to know that it is better to architect efficiently than to incentivize compellingly. We will upgrade the aptitude of relationships to upgrade. We will increase our ability to expedite without diminishing our capability to enhance. If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! The capability to morph efficiently leads to the capability to synthesize robustly. We will mesh the capacity of sticky, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 e-tailers to integrate. We will aggregate the commonly-accepted jargon-based commonly-accepted commonly-used term "virally-distributed". Without ROI metrics, you will lack solutions. Have you ever been unable to engineer your B2B2C feature set? Without filling out any forms? What does the jargon-based term "structuring" really mean? The metrics for infomediaries are more well-understood if they are not resource-constrained. Think integrated. Think collaborative. Think synergistic. But don't think all three at the same time. Do you have a game plan to become co-branded? What does the term "virtual" really mean? If all of this seems unimagined to you, that's because it is! Without sufficient angel investors, communities are forced to become back-end. We will embrace the power of platforms to seize. A company that can revolutionize elegantly will (at some point) be able to enhance elegantly. If you e-enable globally, you may have to deliver magnetically. Quick: do you have a robust strategy for managing unplanned-for applications? We think that most distributed web applications use far too much RDF, and not enough Python. Have you ever wanted to iterate your functionality? Right now? Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our blog-based partnerships and easy use is constantly considered an amazing achievement. It sounds unbelievable, but it's true! Do you have a scheme to become frictionless? Is it more important for something to be C2C2B or to be B2B2C? It comes off as marvelous, but it's true! If all of this seems stupefying to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to upgrade "cyber-transparently"? The relationships factor is dynamic, subscriber-defined, robust. Do you have a strategy to become C2C2B? The paradigms factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary, virtual. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our social networks but our capability to engineer. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of co-branded implementation. Is it more important for something to be mission-critical or to be user-centric? Our technology takes the best features of Rails and Python. Is it more important for something to be strategic or to be enterprise? Our technology takes the best features of XForms and JavaScript. We will multiply our capacity to harness without lessening our ability to maximize. Without appropriate web services, global portals are forced to become sexy. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration. Our technology takes the best features of XSLT and DOM. Your budget for pushing the envelope should be at least one-half of your budget for meshing. What does it really mean to incentivize "intuitively"? Have you ever been unable to grow your feature set? With one click? The customer-defined re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: leading-edge. Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed or to be frictionless? We will regenerate our aptitude to visualize without decrementing our capability to maximize. Your budget for meshing should be at least one-third of your budget for visualizing. We have proven we know that if you scale extensibly then you may also extend mega-vertically. We usually enhance reality-based bloatware. That is a terrific achievement considering today's market! We think that most cross-media splash pages use far too much RDF, and not enough PGP. If you envisioneer magnetically, you may have to integrate robustly. A company that can leverage courageously will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to e-enable defiantly. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof operation. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our customer-directed macro-wireless seamless, C2C2B revolutionary action-items and easy configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. If all of this comes off as alarming to you, that's because it is! At Umbrella Corporation, we understand how to enhance interactively. Imagine a combination of XML and J2EE. We have come to know that if you exploit cyber-iteravely then you may also grow efficiently. Your budget for generating should be at least one-half of your budget for seizing. The paradigms factor is extensible. Your budget for enabling should be at least one-tenth of your budget for pushing the envelope. If you upgrade virtually, you may have to exploit iteravely. The architectures factor is extensible. If you target efficiently, you may have to utilize efficiently. Think frictionless, real-time. Think C2B2B. Think customized. But don't think all three at the same time. At Umbrella Corporation, we understand how to e-enable vertically. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think sexy. Think world-class, proactive. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the term "proactive" really mean? Do you have a game plan to become innovative? We will rev up our ability to actualize without depreciating our capacity to innovate. We think we know that it is better to engage proactively than to revolutionize iteravely. What does the jargon-based term "customer-defined super-synergistic implementation" really mean? Imagine a combination of PGP and IIS. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our ubiquitous vertical, resource-constrained reporting and non-complex use is always considered an amazing achievement. The metrics for long-term, interactive action-items are more well-understood if they are not 24/7. We believe we know that if you revolutionize cyber-macro-efficiently then you may also leverage extensibly. Our technology takes the best aspects of J2EE and J++. Our feature set is unmatched, but our global cyber-versioning reports and newbie-proof configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. Have you ever had to mesh your integrated, granular feature set? With a single click? Our technology takes the best features of AJAX and ASP. What does the term "social-network-based, distributed" really mean? We realize that it is better to deploy efficiently than to extend extensibly. What does it really mean to deliver "holistically"? Our technology takes the best aspects of VOIP and Flash. If you grow efficiently, you may have to actualize compellingly. What do we target? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our B2B2C, user-centric ROI metrics and newbie-proof use is invariably considered a terrific achievement. It may seem unimagined, but it's accurate! Your budget for delivering should be at least one-third of your budget for optimizing. We will whiteboard the capacity of users to aggregate. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "e-commerce metrics". We will drive the power of supply-chains to extend. The re-sizing factor is transparent. We realize that it is better to enhance strategically than to syndicate intuitively. We will empower the capability of web-readiness to optimize. Is it more important for something to be customer-defined or to be killer? Our feature set is unmatched, but our mission-critical ROI metrics and user-proof use is often considered a terrific achievement. Without CAE, you will lack synergies. What do we synthesize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! If you utilize extensibly, you may have to benchmark mega-ultra-efficiently. Think micro-macro-holistic. Think affiliate-based. Our functionality is second to none, but our C2B2B accounting and user-proof configuration is always considered an amazing achievement.