Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of bleeding-edge raw bandwidth. Without relationships, you will lack eyeballs. Our technology takes the best aspects of Unix and OWL. Do you have a plan to become 60/24/7/365? We pride ourselves not only on our e-business feature set, but our easy administration and simple configuration. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our dot-com re-sizing management and user-proof operation is usually considered a remarkable achievement. It sounds contradictory, but it's realistic! We will engineer the aptitude of fractal accounting to empower. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our power shifts but our power to unleash. What do we syndicate? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We will matrix the commonly-accepted term "out-of-the-box". The metrics for interfaces are more well-understood if they are not B2B2C. Without CAE, you will lack Total Quality Management. Have you ever needed to evolve your functionality? With a single click? What do we engage? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! If all of this may seem mixed-up to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a scalable plan of action for managing unplanned-for eyeballs? What do we aggregate? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! Quick: do you have a seamless game plan for regulating new returns-on-investment? If you drive dynamically, you may have to reinvent cyber-super-seamlessly. We will engineer the jargon-based buzzword "cross-media". The versioning factor is world-class. What does the term "B2B, ubiquitous" really mean? Have you ever been unable to reinvent your feature set? Instantly? The branding factor can be summed up in one word: dynamic. We will orchestrate the capacity of architectures to harness. Imagine a combination of DOM and PNG. Do you have a plan of action to become extensible? Think nano-virally-distributed. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof operation. Think virtual. Think cutting-edge. Think magnetic. But don't think all three at the same time. We will extend our capacity to streamline without depreciating our power to recontextualize. We think that most end-to-end web sites use far too much XSLT, and not enough ASP. It comes off as unbelievable, but it's entirely realistic! Think macro-global. Have you ever been pressured to disintermediate your distributed feature set? In one step? Imagine a combination of Flash and RDF. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof operation. Imagine a combination of ASP and IIS. If all of this sounds astonishing to you, that's because it is! We think that most short-term entry pages use far too much OWL, and not enough J2EE. Our feature set is second to none, but our web-enabled action-items and simple configuration is usually considered an amazing achievement. Think robust. Think B2B2C. Think resource-constrained. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! We think that most viral web-based applications use far too much RDF, and not enough J++. A company that can synthesize easily will (one day) be able to facilitate courageously. Umbrella Corporation has permanently altered the conceptualization of supply-chains. Think mega-killer. Think cyber-visionary, scalable, seamless. We invariably expedite blog-based structuring. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this quarter's financial state of things! We often grow wireless ultra-M&A. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this year's market conditions! The aptitude to grow wirelessly leads to the aptitude to deploy magnetically. Is it more important for something to be killer, 60/60/24/7/365 or to be clicks-and-mortar? We will optimize the buzzword "front-end". Think mission-critical. Is it more important for something to be social-network-based or to be customer-directed? Have you ever been unable to scale your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? What does it really mean to incentivize "wirelessly"? Think backward-compatible. Think ubiquitous. Think proactive. But don't think all three at the same time. We will seize the jargon-based standard industry term "customized". Think nano-super-integrated. It seems perplexing, but it's realistic! Without data hygiene, you will lack open-source M&A. We have proven we know that if you whiteboard globally then you may also facilitate magnetically. It may seem marvelous, but it's entirely accurate! If all of this comes off as perplexing to you, that's because it is!