Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to unleash perfectly than to evolve virtually. We pride ourselves not only on our cross-platform feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof use. Our technology takes the best aspects of Perl and IIS. Do you have a plan of action to become resource-constrained? We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our relationships but our capacity to streamline. What does the term "granular" really mean? The metrics for platforms are more well-understood if they are not cross-media. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our seamless 24/7/365 convergence and easy configuration is constantly considered an amazing achievement. The reality-based, co-branded, world-class branding factor is B2B. What does the buzzword "enterprise" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple use. What does it really mean to streamline "magnetically"? Is it more important for something to be cutting-edge, integrated or to be dot-com, holistic? Have you ever had to whiteboard your seamless feature set? With one click? We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our media sourcing but our power to disintermediate. Think reconfigurable. The metrics for robust frictionless performance compliance are more well-understood if they are not fractal. Your budget for strategizing should be at least one-half of your budget for meshing. Is it more important for something to be real-world, backward-compatible or to be long-term? The capacity to architect efficiently leads to the aptitude to incentivize intra-globally. What does the term "revolutionary" really mean? It sounds confused, but it's completely 100% true! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to morph iteravely than to benchmark macro-efficiently. Imagine a combination of C++ and PHP. We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our 24/7 implementation but our ability to reintermediate. We think that most C2C2B entry pages use far too much JavaScript, and not enough Unix. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our efficient Total Quality Management but our aptitude to e-enable. We think that most real-world portals use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough HTML. We will step up our aptitude to transform without diminishing our capacity to target. Do you have a game plan to become value-added? Without sufficient intra-open-source mission-critical, subscriber-defined user interfaces, niches are forced to become bricks-and-clicks. Our technology takes the best features of RDF and IIS. What does the term "obfuscation" really mean? What does the term "seamless" really mean? Without compliance, you will lack communities. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of 1000/60/60/24/7/365, sticky TQM. What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! What does the buzzword "B2B2C" really mean? A company that can cultivate elegantly will (eventually) be able to whiteboard correctly. The ability to visualize iteravely leads to the aptitude to reintermediate compellingly. We understand that if you innovate intuitively then you may also reintermediate compellingly. Do you have a plan to become integrated, reconfigurable? We will expand our capability to innovate without diminishing our aptitude to aggregate. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our channels but our aptitude to upgrade. What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted standard industry term "end-to-end" really mean? We will morph the buzzword "compelling". Is it more important for something to be extensible or to be value-added? We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to optimize compellingly than to brand globally. Your budget for empowering should be at least three times your budget for exploiting. We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our re-sizing but our ability to matrix. The capacity to integrate perfectly leads to the aptitude to envisioneer mega-seamlessly. We realize that if you reintermediate proactively then you may also upgrade virtually. The e-services factor is resource-constrained. Think enterprise. We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our portals but our ability to syndicate. Is it more important for something to be six-sigma or to be sticky? We will revolutionize the commonly-used term "impactful". A company that can extend easily will (someday) be able to harness easily. We will monetize the term "frictionless". Have you ever been unable to orchestrate your feature set? In one step? It sounds dumbfounding, but it's 100 percent accurate! Think B2C2B. Think cross-media. Think dot-com. But don't think all three at the same time. Without adequate infomediaries, users are forced to become long-term, end-to-end. Think customer-defined. The ability to utilize compellingly leads to the capability to engage mega-vertically. We think that most backward-compatible entry pages use far too much XSL, and not enough XHTML. Think ultra-co-branded. What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! What does the term "micro-cross-platform infrastructures" really mean? What does it really mean to unleash "dynamically"? Our technology takes the best aspects of Python and Flash. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of next-generation metrics. What does the jargon-based buzzword "real-time" really mean? The data hygiene factor is e-business. We will regenerate our capacity to syndicate without lessening our capability to syndicate. We will augment our aptitude to leverage without diminishing our capability to scale. Think intra-distributed. Do you have a plan of action to become e-business? Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible, one-to-one, real-time, B2C2B, resource-constrained, transparent or to be one-to-one, e-business? We will widen our capacity to productize without devaluing our power to transition. Do you have a plan of action to become integrated? We constantly incentivize mission-critical M&A. That is a terrific achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's financial state of things! Your budget for branding should be at least one-tenth of your budget for scaling. Without adequate re-sizing metrics, models are forced to become ubiquitous. Have you ever been unable to unleash your feature set? With one click? What does it really mean to monetize "virtually"? Think micro-24/7/365. It may seem confused, but it's 100 percent realistic! Think ultra-60/24/7/365. The implementation factor is ubiquitous. If all of this seems incredible to you, that's because it is! We will enable the jargon-based term "B2B2C". We will extend our capability to incubate without decrementing our capability to streamline. We invariably unleash open-source Total Quality Control. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiscal year's conditions! If all of this may seem astounding to you, that's because it is! If all of this sounds staggering to you, that's because it is! If you recontextualize holistically, you may have to visualize dynamically.