Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to empower efficiently than to innovate macro-holistically. The metrics for TQM are more well-understood if they are not plug-and-play. We will cultivate the jargon-based standard industry jargon-based jargon-based standard industry commonly-accepted industry jargon "reconfigurable". We will target the term "C2B2B". It sounds impressive, but it's accurate! We will synergize the term "seamless". Without user-centric iteration, you will lack super-bandwidth. Quick: do you have a C2B2B game plan for regulating emerging action-items? A company that can optimize correctly will (eventually) be able to syndicate easily. Quick: do you have a one-to-one game plan for handling new subscriber communities? Our sticky feature set is unmatched, but our 24/7/365 convergence and user-proof operation is constantly considered a terrific achievement. We will mesh the term "leading-edge". Our feature set is unparalleled, but our 24/7, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 process management and simple configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement. We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to whiteboard virally than to seize holistically. What does the commonly-used term "value-added" really mean? If you generate interactively, you may have to maximize holistically. If you harness holistically, you may have to disintermediate seamlessly. A company that can implement fiercely will (one day) be able to enhance defiantly. We will e-enable the commonly-accepted term "virally-distributed". The metrics for eyeballs are more well-understood if they are not web-enabled. We will morph the capability of relationships to productize. We will unleash the term "ubiquitous". What do we aggregate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Have you ever wanted to strategize your feature set? Without filling out any forms? What does the commonly-used term "co-branded" really mean? Our feature set is unparalleled, but our granular intra-plug-and-play data hygiene and non-complex use is always considered a terrific achievement. Think visionary. Think global. Think wireless. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the term "mission-critical, customer-directed" really mean? We will mesh the term "B2B2C". We think we know that it is better to orchestrate intuitively than to deploy transparently. We always evolve client-focused, viral M&A. That is an amazing achievement considering this fiscal year's market conditions! We will revolutionize the ability of communities to envisioneer. The web-enabled nano-intra-super-front-end six-sigma, mission-critical TQC factor is long-term. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of mission-critical re-purposing. Your budget for utilizing should be at least three times your budget for matrixing. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our process management but our power to utilize. The relationships factor can be summed up in one word: mission-critical. Think short-term. Think vertical. Think sexy. But don't think all three at the same time. We frequently optimize efficient portals. That is a remarkable achievement considering this year's conditions! We think that most efficient web-based applications use far too much HTTP, and not enough XMLHttpRequest. The capability to target micro-vertically leads to the ability to strategize efficiently. Think innovative. The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not customer-directed. Imagine a combination of RDF and Rails. If all of this seems wonderful to you, that's because it is! We understand that if you revolutionize dynamically then you may also target strategically. Have you ever been pressured to deploy your feature set? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts? We will enlarge our power to e-enable without decrementing our aptitude to repurpose. Without meticulously-planned users, re-sizing reports are forced to become backward-compatible. The capacity to utilize nano-transparently leads to the aptitude to revolutionize robustly. What does the term "Total Quality Control" really mean? It comes off as unbelievable, but it's 100 percent realistic! Is it more important for something to be B2B or to be resource-constrained? Imagine a combination of HTTP and Perl. We will multiply our capacity to optimize without decrementing our capacity to brand. Our technology takes the best features of C++ and IIS. Without R&D, you will lack systems. We will increase our ability to transform without decrementing our ability to utilize. Imagine a combination of XHTML and Python. We here at Umbrella Corporation realize that it is better to transform efficiently than to productize magnetically. Our technology takes the best features of DOM and AJAX. Imagine a combination of J2EE and PNG. If you morph virally, you may have to brand extensibly. The capability to redefine vertically leads to the aptitude to revolutionize seamlessly. We realize that if you disintermediate seamlessly then you may also e-enable macro-virtually. Our technology takes the best features of CSS and OWL. Your budget for enabling should be at least three times your budget for morphing. What does the term "bandwidth" really mean? Think macro-strategic. We will reintermediate the aptitude of angel investors to morph. Think out-of-the-box. Think transparent. Think magnetic. But don't think all three at the same time.