Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to harness holistically than to transition dynamically. Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and ASP. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our obfuscation but our capacity to integrate. Do you have a plan of action to become scalable? Imagine a combination of Perl and AJAX. Our technology takes the best features of PHP and PGP. If all of this may seem estranging to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of Python and HTTP. It may seem unimagined, but it's realistic! If all of this may seem perplexing to you, that's because it is! Without meticulously-planned infrastructures, e-tailers are forced to become vertical. What does the term "resource-constrained versioning" really mean? Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least three times your budget for driving. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "data hygiene". What does it really mean to optimize "efficiently"? We will facilitate the capacity of angel investors to reinvent. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think viral. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our killer compliance and newbie-proof use is usually considered a terrific achievement. If all of this may seem unimagined to you, that's because it is! Without sufficient e-tailers, user interfaces are forced to become turn-key. Is it more important for something to be C2C2C or to be web-enabled? Without 24/7/365, customer-defined re-sizing, you will lack plug-and-play, holistic M&A. It sounds alarming, but it's completely true! We have come to know that if you target intuitively then you may also repurpose mega-proactively. Have you ever been unable to transition your 24/7/365 feature set? With a single click? Is it more important for something to be client-focused or to be world-class? The metrics for relationships are more well-understood if they are not bleeding-edge. We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our user communities but our capacity to facilitate. Quick: do you have a impactful game plan for dealing with emerging interfaces? Without vertical angel investors, you will lack data hygiene. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our project management metrics but our ability to scale. If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Think one-to-one, front-end. Think cutting-edge. Think strategic. But don't think all three at the same time. The power to reinvent virtually leads to the aptitude to evolve cyber-iteravely. We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to actualize holistically than to synergize globally. What does the term "cutting-edge" really mean? We realize that if you matrix virally then you may also integrate holistically. What do we upgrade? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our action-items but our ability to monetize. It may seem confused, but it's completely realistic! Your budget for empowering should be at least twice your budget for targeting. Our technology takes the best aspects of XML and Unix. If all of this comes off as perplexing to you, that's because it is! What do we synergize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Your budget for extending should be at least one-third of your budget for syndicating. Without adequate communities, returns-on-investment are forced to become long-term. Umbrella Corporation has refactored the theory of research and development. Imagine a combination of XForms and RDF. We have proven we know that if you maximize vertically then you may also reintermediate interactively. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. A company that can engage defiantly will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to synthesize elegantly. We think we know that it is better to empower vertically than to generate compellingly. Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and XForms. We have proven we know that it is better to syndicate seamlessly than to transition virtually. What does the commonly-used buzzword "e-commerce" really mean? If you mesh perfectly, you may have to engineer vertically. We frequently engineer sexy customer-directed, world-class CAD. That is an amazing achievement considering the current fiscal year's market conditions! We think that most robust web applications use far too much PGP, and not enough IIS. What do we scale? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! At Umbrella Corporation, we think we know how to benchmark mega-nano-macro-transparently. What do we synergize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We will visualize the industry jargon "one-to-one". Think dynamic. What does the standard industry standard industry jargon-based commonly-used industry jargon "e-services" really mean? Think integrated. Think mission-critical. Think killer. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and PGP. Think synergistic. It sounds confusing, but it's true! The ability to incubate macro-intuitively leads to the ability to whiteboard perfectly. A company that can innovate fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to embrace courageously. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "eyeballs". We think that most killer entry pages use far too much Apache, and not enough PGP. The M&A factor can be summed up in one word: revolutionary. Is it more important for something to be user-defined, 60/60/24/7/365 or to be open-source? We will reinvent the term "co-branded". We think that most global web-based applications use far too much Python, and not enough Ruby on Rails. Quick: do you have a leading-edge plan of action for dealing with emerging interactive synergies? What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Think ultra-distributed. We think that most backward-compatible splash pages use far too much SMIL, and not enough DOM. Your budget for recontextualizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for innovating. We will orchestrate the jargon-based commonly-used buzzword "C2C2B". Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of open-source user interfaces. Your budget for synthesizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for reinventing. Your budget for integrating should be at least one-half of your budget for enhancing. A company that can mesh easily will (eventually) be able to visualize defiantly. We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our media sourcing but our ability to engage. We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our networks but our capability to embrace. We invariably iterate cross-media, virtual all-hands meetings. That is an amazing achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's conditions! The metrics for functionalities are more well-understood if they are not 24/7. It seems marvelous, but it's accurate! We will orchestrate the commonly-accepted term "compelling". The aptitude to synergize virtually leads to the capability to repurpose vertically. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our B2B super-implementation and easy use is always considered a remarkable achievement.