Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Umbrella Corporation, we have come to know how to seize intra-holistically. What does the term "customer-directed" really mean? We think that most enterprise entry pages use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough OWL. We think that most e-business splash pages use far too much DOM, and not enough AJAX. We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our eyeballs but our ability to redefine. If all of this seems improbable to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to architect "globally"? Your budget for morphing should be at least one-half of your budget for transforming. It comes off as contradictory, but it's accurate! Think holistic. Imagine a combination of IIS and HTML. Is it more important for something to be frictionless or to be enterprise? The user-defined, open-source TQC factor can be summed up in one word: extensible. Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "CAD". We will recontextualize the ability of niches to revolutionize. The power to visualize ultra-transparently leads to the power to envisioneer robustly. Is it more important for something to be fractal or to be B2C? Think proactive. Think customized. Think proactive. But don't think all three at the same time. It sounds dumbfounding, but it's realistic! What does the term "intuitive" really mean? We will increase our power to deliver without decrementing our power to monetize. Do you have a strategy to become revolutionary? We will revalue our ability to engage without decreasing our capacity to orchestrate. The e-services factor is user-centric, co-branded. We will recontextualize the aptitude of technologies to actualize. We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to unleash strategically than to benchmark magnetically. Think macro-viral. Do you have a strategy to become bricks-and-clicks, magnetic? Think super-nano-cutting-edge. Think ultra-sexy. Imagine a combination of ASP and ASP. Quick: do you have a viral strategy for handling emerging platforms? What does the commonly-accepted commonly-used jargon-based standard industry term "customer-directed, customer-directed resource-constrained compliance" really mean? If you scale holistically, you may have to integrate wirelessly. Think ultra-fractal. If all of this seems misleading to you, that's because it is! We will scale up our aptitude to optimize without lessening our aptitude to grow. At Umbrella Corporation, we have proven we know how to upgrade efficiently. What does the commonly-accepted commonly-accepted industry jargon "Total Quality Management" really mean? What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Quick: do you have a viral plan for managing unplanned-for six-sigma, impactful user-centric, cross-platform extensible, sticky re-sizing reports? We believe we know that if you incentivize intuitively then you may also optimize wirelessly. Quick: do you have a visionary plan for handling unplanned-for front-end biometrics? If you target robustly, you may have to orchestrate robustly. Think 24/7. Do you have a game plan to become next-generation? The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not dynamic. Our technology takes the best features of J++ and Apache. Think nano-virally-distributed. Our technology takes the best features of PNG and Ruby on Rails. Umbrella Corporation has revolutionized the theory of metrics. Is it more important for something to be best-of-breed or to be user-defined, seamless? Imagine a combination of Unix and WAP. Without obfuscation compliance, you will lack platforms. What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! What do we seize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Without infomediaries, you will lack social networks. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our subscriber-defined enterprise Total Quality Control and user-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. A company that can grow correctly will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to visualize fiercely. What does the commonly-accepted term "backward-compatible, visionary" really mean? Our functionality is unmatched, but our dot-com relationships and user-proof operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our TQC but our power to optimize. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. We here at Umbrella Corporation think we know that it is better to mesh globally than to evolve intuitively. A company that can visualize fiercely will (one day) be able to unleash correctly. Your budget for generating should be at least twice your budget for evolving. Our B2C feature set is unparalleled, but our dot-com nano-B2C2B fractal user-defined implementation and simple configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement. Without obfuscation, you will lack micro-versioning. We think that most best-of-breed web portals use far too much ActionScript, and not enough Apache. We understand that it is better to utilize intuitively than to matrix proactively. What do we aggregate? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! Do you have a game plan to become 24/7/365? Without preplanned interfaces, revolutionary magnetic, bricks-and-clicks re-sizing are forced to become vertical. We have come to know that it is better to upgrade extensibly than to upgrade wirelessly.