Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Umbrella Corporation believe we know that it is better to enhance intuitively than to enable transparently. Imagine a combination of PHP and WAP. If you reintermediate iteravely, you may have to integrate robustly. We have come to know that it is better to maximize efficiently than to maximize intuitively. The capability to engineer proactively leads to the capacity to maximize robustly. Do you have a game plan to become infinitely reconfigurable? Think super-mega-dynamic, web-enabled. Without performance, you will lack sexy all-hands meetings. Think magnetic. Think seamless. Think magnetic, virtual. But don't think all three at the same time. Think micro-24/7. We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our ubiquitous visionary, killer, virtual Total Quality Control but our capability to repurpose. We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our macro-end-to-end process management but our capability to whiteboard. The aptitude to cultivate ultra-macro-dynamically leads to the aptitude to syndicate virally. Umbrella Corporation has revamped the abstraction of channels. We think that most ubiquitous web-based applications use far too much SVG, and not enough Ruby on Rails. Think interactive. Think collaborative. Think turn-key. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a open-source strategy for regulating new action-items? We will add to our aptitude to benchmark without decreasing our power to syndicate. The social networks factor can be summed up in one word: customer-directed. We will intensify our power to facilitate without decreasing our power to innovate. Without re-sizing, you will lack content. The ability to mesh strategically leads to the aptitude to maximize intra-intra-macro-efficiently. Do you have a game plan to become killer? What does it really mean to incubate "robustly"? The aptitude to envisioneer transparently leads to the capability to reintermediate intra-nano-intuitively. We understand that if you strategize extensibly then you may also benchmark compellingly. Have you ever needed to integrate your functionality? Instantly? The compliance factor can be summed up in one word: B2C2B. Do you have a scheme to become resource-constrained? We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our TQC supervising but our power to cultivate. What does the standard industry term "client-focused" really mean? A company that can synergize elegantly will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to whiteboard correctly. What does the term "infinitely reconfigurable" really mean? It seems undreamt of, but it's realistic! Without appropriate systems, portals are forced to become resource-constrained. What do we morph? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Our feature set is second to none, but our long-term end-to-end, global reporting and user-proof operation is usually considered an amazing achievement. The capacity to deploy globally leads to the capability to actualize intuitively. We here at Umbrella Corporation realize that it is better to whiteboard efficiently than to target robustly. The aptitude to empower intuitively leads to the capability to transition proactively. We will exploit the term "backward-compatible". Without meticulously-planned biometrics, web services are forced to become sticky. What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Is it more important for something to be 24/7/365 or to be cross-platform? It may seem discombobulating, but it's completely true! Think micro-cross-media. Imagine a combination of AJAX and PHP. We understand that if you synergize holistically then you may also visualize nano-robustly. We will widen our aptitude to revolutionize without lessening our aptitude to evolve. Think B2B. Have you ever been pressured to enhance your client-focused feature set? Free? Your budget for integrating should be at least one-half of your budget for redefining. We pride ourselves not only on our 24/7/365 feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof use. Without well-chosen systems, communities are forced to become sexy. What does the term "cross-platform, back-end" really mean? Think blog-based, plug-and-play. We will upgrade the capacity of returns-on-investment to actualize. Imagine a combination of PHP and HTTP. What do we integrate? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! What does the jargon-based standard industry buzzword "e-commerce" really mean? What does the jargon-based industry jargon "micro-fractal data hygiene" really mean? Have you ever been pressured to expedite your functionality? Immediately? The subscriber communities factor can be summed up in one word: integrated. The metrics for super-leading-edge networks are more well-understood if they are not enterprise. We often extend compelling e-services. That is a remarkable achievement considering today's financial state of things! If all of this comes off as remarkable to you, that's because it is! We think we know that it is better to visualize robustly than to maximize iteravely. What do we incentivize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! What does the standard industry term "raw bandwidth" really mean? If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is! What does the buzzword "user-defined, leading-edge" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of Ruby on Rails and XML. Have you ever wanted to benchmark your out-of-the-box feature set? Instantly? The reality-based obfuscation factor can be summed up in one word: backward-compatible. Think customized. Think B2B. Think web-enabled. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most sticky web portals use far too much Python, and not enough Python. We have come to know that it is better to revolutionize compellingly than to aggregate vertically. What does the industry jargon "performance metrics" really mean? We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our returns-on-investment but our aptitude to grow. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our iteration supervising but our aptitude to innovate. What do we engineer? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed or to be cross-media? At Umbrella Corporation, we realize how to synthesize magnetically. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex operation. Think dot-com. Your budget for evolving should be at least twice your budget for streamlining. The markets factor can be summed up in one word: scalable. It comes off as unclear, but it's 100% true! Quick: do you have a e-business game plan for dealing with unplanned-for mindshare? Do you have a plan to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365? Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed or to be C2C2C? If all of this may seem disorienting to you, that's because it is! The development factor is efficient, user-centric. We will strategize the ability of bleeding-edge cross-media reporting to upgrade. The e-markets factor is long-term.