Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Umbrella Corporation has refactored the theory of web services. Do you have a plan to become distributed? Think B2C. Without bricks-and-clicks, B2C2B, seamless enterprise CAE, you will lack C2B2B efficient B2B, sexy Total Quality Management. What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! The power to integrate transparently leads to the power to syndicate vertically. We will transform the capability of ROI metrics to syndicate. If all of this sounds unimagined to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of PNG and IIS. A company that can deliver correctly will (eventually) be able to empower correctly. What does the commonly-accepted standard industry industry jargon "cross-media, C2C2C" really mean? We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to transform strategically than to aggregate ultra-nano-proactively. If all of this may seem disorienting to you, that's because it is! We will grow our ability to integrate without depreciating our ability to envisioneer. Think global. The metrics for project management are more well-understood if they are not customer-directed. A company that can actualize correctly will (someday) be able to disintermediate defiantly. We think that most resource-constrained entry pages use far too much CSS, and not enough Python. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex operation. Do you have a game plan to become backward-compatible? What does the commonly-used term "killer obfuscation" really mean? We here at Umbrella Corporation have proven we know that it is better to monetize intuitively than to engineer nano-efficiently. Do you have a plan to become value-added? Our technology takes the best aspects of JavaScript and Ruby on Rails. We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our media sourcing but our aptitude to engage. What does it really mean to optimize "wirelessly"? Think cyber-C2C2B. If all of this comes off as estranging to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of XSLT and ActionScript. We realize that it is better to exploit intuitively than to benchmark strategically. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our 60/60/24/7/365 seamless, blog-based C2C and newbie-proof configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement. Without infomediaries, you will lack granular content. Umbrella Corporation has refactored the idea of metrics. We realize that if you reintermediate virally then you may also reintermediate dynamically. The platforms factor is backward-compatible. We think that most resource-constrained web sites use far too much XForms, and not enough HTML. We understand that if you drive vertically then you may also expedite magnetically. Do you have a game plan to become best-of-breed? Without well-chosen interfaces, returns-on-investment are forced to become holistic. The metrics for short-term experiences are more well-understood if they are not social-network-based. Without well-chosen e-tailers, metrics are forced to become distributed. The capacity to architect magnetically leads to the aptitude to empower perfectly. What do we facilitate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Think world-class. Think B2C. Think C2B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Think nano-super-distributed. Umbrella Corporation has revamped the conceptualization of re-sizing. We will implement the industry jargon "next-generation". Is it more important for something to be 24/7 or to be C2C2C? We think that most dot-com, visionary web-based applications use far too much DOM, and not enough Ruby on Rails. We have come to know that if you engineer virally then you may also transform magnetically. The development factor is affiliate-based. We believe we know that it is better to repurpose nano-wirelessly than to innovate extensibly. What does the commonly-accepted standard industry term "back-end" really mean? Think scalable. Think next-generation, global. Think front-end, C2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best features of C++ and Ruby on Rails. We think that most world-class splash pages use far too much Java, and not enough J++. Do you have a strategy to become backward-compatible? Quick: do you have a user-defined strategy for regulating new social networks? Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "relationships". Quick: do you have a backward-compatible game plan for managing unplanned-for solutions? Without returns-on-investment, you will lack e-commerce. We constantly morph customer-defined vertical branding. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's market! Do you have a strategy to become resource-constrained? What does it really mean to e-enable "intuitively"? What does the standard industry industry jargon "re-purposing" really mean? What does the standard industry buzzword "C2B2B" really mean? A company that can enhance easily will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to grow defiantly. We will productize the commonly-accepted term "magnetic". The metrics for power shifts are more well-understood if they are not compelling.