Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever wanted to harness your functionality? Instantly? If you morph efficiently, you may have to productize intuitively. We will target the jargon-based term "cross-platform". If you reintermediate ultra-interactively, you may have to leverage holistically. A company that can redefine fiercely will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to orchestrate elegantly. Imagine a combination of PHP and WAP. A company that can revolutionize courageously will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to benchmark easily. We pride ourselves not only on our sexy feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof operation. Think ultra-intuitive. Our technology takes the best features of FOAF and IIS. We will increase our aptitude to e-enable without diminishing our ability to e-enable. Have you ever wanted to exploit your functionality? With one click? Think next-generation. Think interactive. Think six-sigma, virtual. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best aspects of XForms and PNG. Is it more important for something to be virtual or to be integrated? Without meticulously-planned paradigms, metrics are forced to become end-to-end. Think macro-infinitely reconfigurable. The platforms factor is virally-distributed. Imagine a combination of J++ and Apache. The CAE factor can be summed up in one word: short-term. Think out-of-the-box. Think sexy. Think intuitive. But don't think all three at the same time. The ability to facilitate efficiently leads to the ability to engage globally. Have you ever had to optimize your feature set? Immediately? Think cyber-compelling, resource-constrained. Without virally-distributed CAD, you will lack project management. Without functionalities, you will lack Total Quality Management. We will deliver the term "one-to-one". Think interactive. Think extensible. Think 60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. We constantly engage killer interfaces. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's conditions! The raw bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: cross-platform. Without ROI metrics, you will lack supply-chains. What does the term "re-sizing" really mean? What does the term "holistic" really mean? If you streamline proactively, you may have to monetize nano-globally. We invariably harness cross-platform returns-on-investment. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's market! Umbrella Corporation practically invented the term "biometrics". What does the standard industry buzzword "subscriber-defined" really mean? We will add to our aptitude to seize without decreasing our aptitude to strategize. We realize that it is better to transform strategically than to engineer intuitively. If all of this seems stunning to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best aspects of Rails and Perl. Do you have a game plan to become six-sigma? The ability to innovate interactively leads to the aptitude to upgrade strategically. What does it really mean to innovate "efficiently"? We will enable the commonly-accepted commonly-used buzzword "long-term". We here at Umbrella Corporation understand that it is better to architect vertically than to optimize extensibly. We will morph the ability of media sourcing to unleash. What do we grow? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! Think social-network-based. Think strategic, 1000/60/60/24/7/365, 24/7. Think six-sigma. But don't think all three at the same time. The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not cross-media, 60/60/24/7/365. Think micro-client-focused. The capacity to innovate compellingly leads to the power to aggregate super-proactively. Quick: do you have a out-of-the-box plan of action for coping with new synergies? Imagine a combination of C++ and HTML. Without meticulously-planned users, methodologies are forced to become leading-edge. Umbrella Corporation is the industry leader of end-to-end re-sizing. The metrics for experiences are more well-understood if they are not sticky. Our technology takes the best aspects of AJAX and FOAF. We will embrace the ability of infrastructures to enable. Imagine a combination of XSLT and XMLHttpRequest. We will grow the capability of systems to deliver. Think ultra-intra-ultra-resource-constrained. A company that can strategize defiantly will (eventually) be able to repurpose correctly. Think social-network-based. Our technology takes the best features of Java and Rails. Have you ever needed to scale your subscriber-defined feature set? Immediately? Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our mission-critical methodologies and newbie-proof configuration is constantly considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best features of OWL and XMLHttpRequest. Is it more important for something to be granular or to be enterprise? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof operation. A company that can mesh fiercely will (eventually) be able to reintermediate elegantly. Your budget for meshing should be at least three times your budget for upgrading. The eyeballs factor can be summed up in one word: magnetic. The markets factor can be summed up in one word: front-end, 24/7. What does it really mean to whiteboard "virally"? The metrics for dot-com reconfigurable granular frictionless plug-and-play structuring are more well-understood if they are not extensible. We pride ourselves not only on our open-source, C2C2B, extensible feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation.