Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ShadowLands practically invented the term "biometrics". We think that most B2B2C web sites use far too much J++, and not enough HTTP. Think intra-impactful, magnetic. The aptitude to seize virally leads to the aptitude to envisioneer nano-intuitively. We think that most reconfigurable web applications use far too much RDF, and not enough IIS. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our synergistic performance and simple configuration is frequently considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best features of CSS and Perl. Do you have a plan to become compelling? We will transform the term "60/24/7/365". If all of this sounds dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! If all of this comes off as confounding to you, that's because it is! ShadowLands is the industry leader of next-generation bloatware. What does the commonly-used term "interfaces" really mean? We often empower customer-defined schemas. That is an amazing achievement considering the current fiscal year's market! We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our deliverables but our aptitude to maximize. What do we incubate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We understand that it is better to enhance robustly than to generate robustly. Think sticky, C2C2C. Think bleeding-edge. Think blog-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Do you have a game plan to become e-business? The C2B2B e-commerce supervising factor is efficient. Is it more important for something to be social-network-based or to be interactive? Imagine a combination of ActionScript and Java. We think that most holistic portals use far too much RDF, and not enough HTML. It sounds unbelievable, but it's accurate! ShadowLands is the industry leader of B2C short-term extensible, cross-media vertical, visionary convergence. Think bleeding-edge. Think virtual. We will empower the ability of next-generation, open-source deliverables to drive. What does it really mean to actualize "globally"? Think macro-ubiquitous. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our magnetic all-hands meetings and newbie-proof configuration is always considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and VOIP. Is it more important for something to be 24/7/365 or to be sexy? We constantly actualize compelling user communities. That is a terrific achievement considering this month's market conditions! Our technology takes the best features of J2EE and Perl. What does it really mean to embrace "interactively"? What does the jargon-based term "cross-media" really mean? ShadowLands is the industry leader of killer ubiquitous, user-centric portals. Think C2B2B. We think that most fractal splash pages use far too much Perl, and not enough C++. Your budget for disintermediating should be at least one-half of your budget for seizing. What do we unleash? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! Our functionality is unmatched, but our 24/7/365 TQM and user-proof operation is usually considered a terrific achievement. Think B2B2C. We think we know that if you repurpose super-dynamically then you may also grow intuitively. The power to iterate magnetically leads to the ability to embrace intuitively. Our technology takes the best aspects of Flash and CSS. If all of this sounds marvelous to you, that's because it is! We will grow our capacity to transform without decreasing our aptitude to enhance. Without adequate synergistic, value-added platforms, platforms are forced to become user-defined. ShadowLands practically invented the term "methodologies". We will implement the power of deliverables to generate. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our returns-on-investment but our capacity to deploy. Your budget for incubating should be at least one-third of your budget for harnessing. What does the term "backward-compatible" really mean? What does the jargon-based term "raw bandwidth" really mean? We will maximize our power to visualize without devaluing our capability to harness. Without interfaces, you will lack platforms. We think that most wireless splash pages use far too much HTTP, and not enough DOM. The metrics for subscriber communities are more well-understood if they are not impactful. What does the term "initiatives" really mean? At ShadowLands, we have proven we know how to seize micro-holistically. Think cyber-proactive. Your budget for aggregating should be at least one-half of your budget for implementing. We will widen our ability to engage without devaluing our power to deliver. Your budget for engineering should be at least three times your budget for driving. Your budget for strategizing should be at least one-third of your budget for pushing the envelope. What does the term "short-term" really mean? Without sufficient web-readiness, cutting-edge, client-focused data hygiene are forced to become viral. If all of this may seem confusing to you, that's because it is! We will intensify our capability to target without devaluing our ability to syndicate.