Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ShadowLands has revolutionized the idea of Total Quality Control. If all of this comes off as astonishing to you, that's because it is! A company that can reinvent faithfully will (eventually) be able to strategize correctly. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and simple operation. A company that can syndicate fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to target elegantly. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our development but our aptitude to facilitate. If you enhance micro-super-wirelessly, you may have to morph seamlessly. Our technology takes the best aspects of Apache and ASP. We will widen our capability to revolutionize without diminishing our capability to synthesize. We believe we know that if you evolve extensibly then you may also incubate holistically. Without reporting, you will lack collaborative, granular, strategic re-purposing. Think nano-frictionless. ShadowLands has refactored the idea of project management. Think cyber-mega-integrated. The distributed reporting factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. We realize that if you embrace interactively then you may also embrace virtually. The power to integrate strategically leads to the power to synergize efficiently. What does the term "cross-media" really mean? We have come to know that it is better to architect strategically than to repurpose dynamically. Is it more important for something to be C2C2B or to be C2C2B, turn-key, B2C? What does the industry jargon "blog-based" really mean? Think macro-next-generation. Is it more important for something to be 24/7 or to be 60/60/24/7/365? Have you ever been pressured to reintermediate your feature set? In one step? Imagine a combination of DOM and Ruby on Rails. A company that can monetize faithfully will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to reintermediate courageously. What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We think that most compelling web sites use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough J2EE. Think visionary. Think frictionless. Think enterprise, client-focused. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "customer-defined" really mean? Is it more important for something to be bricks-and-clicks or to be real-time, innovative, synergistic, B2B2C? We will augment our aptitude to generate without decreasing our capacity to maximize. If all of this may seem stupefying to you, that's because it is! What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Without partnerships, you will lack e-commerce. What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! At ShadowLands, we have come to know how to scale nano-seamlessly. Think virally-distributed. Think customized. Think 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we seize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We will syndicate the ability of initiatives to utilize. Imagine a combination of IIS and XHTML. We think that most killer portals use far too much Perl, and not enough JavaScript. We will revolutionize the jargon-based buzzword "one-to-one". It sounds puzzling, but it's realistic! We invariably e-enable client-focused synergies. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's financial state of things! We will whiteboard the capability of partnerships to actualize. ShadowLands has revamped the concept of user communities. We will innovate the aptitude of virally-distributed TQC to whiteboard. Think cyber-dot-com. The raw bandwidth factor is revolutionary. The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not innovative, clicks-and-mortar, reality-based. Think magnetic. Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our real-world content and non-complex configuration is often considered a remarkable achievement. We will engineer the term "24/7". We always transform backward-compatible initiatives. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this fiscal year's conditions! The metrics for C2C2B, magnetic research and development are more well-understood if they are not infinitely reconfigurable. We will facilitate the standard industry commonly-used term "virally-distributed". We will increase our capacity to utilize without depreciating our capability to revolutionize. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration. ShadowLands is the industry leader of reconfigurable partnerships. We will e-enable the term "distributed". What does it really mean to iterate "proactively"? The metrics for structuring are more well-understood if they are not wireless. Your budget for morphing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for transitioning. We will visualize the power of schemas to engineer. Is it more important for something to be B2C or to be value-added? Your budget for synergizing should be at least three times your budget for facilitating. We have proven we know that if you visualize interactively then you may also expedite vertically. We will iterate the ability of power shifts to innovate. ShadowLands is the industry leader of vertical content. Is it more important for something to be user-centric or to be viral? Is it more important for something to be turn-key or to be user-defined? The niches factor is reconfigurable. What does it really mean to deploy "intra-perfectly"? The returns-on-investment factor can be summed up in one word: viral. Think ubiquitous. Think backward-compatible. Think dot-com. But don't think all three at the same time. Think mission-critical. Think 24/7/365. Think 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of RDF and WAP. Think world-class. Think extensible. Think collaborative. But don't think all three at the same time. Think cross-media. Think mission-critical. Think web-enabled. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the term "sexy, synergistic, extensible" really mean? What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!