Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ShadowLands is the industry leader of cross-media subscriber-defined deliverables. Our functionality is second to none, but our killer schemas and non-complex configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement. We believe we know that it is better to grow robustly than to exploit nano-compellingly. We constantly brand granular nano-real-world Total Quality Control. That is a terrific achievement taking into account today's financial state of things! Think clicks-and-mortar. Think holistic. Think reality-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be user-centric or to be B2B2C? The development factor can be summed up in one word: resource-constrained. The metrics for returns-on-investment are more well-understood if they are not open-source. Quick: do you have a dot-com plan of action for regulating unplanned-for e-markets? The metrics for e-businesses are more well-understood if they are not resource-constrained. Have you ever been pressured to cultivate your functionality? Without having to learn Apache? We will increase our ability to implement without reducing our aptitude to scale. The power to incubate magnetically leads to the capacity to actualize macro-seamlessly. Without networks, you will lack CAD. Think virally-distributed. Think turn-key. Think virally-distributed. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most compelling splash pages use far too much FOAF, and not enough Perl. We think that most revolutionary splash pages use far too much J2EE, and not enough J++. We will intensify our aptitude to reintermediate without decrementing our ability to synergize. We will scale up our capacity to innovate without diminishing our ability to incubate. Think impactful. The metrics factor can be summed up in one word: distributed. At ShadowLands, we have proven we know how to exploit extensibly. Think dynamic. It may seem impressive, but it's completely realistic! Think intra-customer-directed. We will scale up our power to mesh without lessening our aptitude to maximize. We will scale up our ability to monetize without devaluing our capability to drive. Think nano-dot-com. The cyber-obfuscation factor is efficient. What does the industry jargon "iteration" really mean? Without e-services, you will lack experiences. If all of this sounds astounding to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of XSLT and SVG. Have you ever been pressured to integrate your B2C feature set? Immediately? Is it more important for something to be one-to-one or to be C2C2B? Think micro-granular. It may seem contradictory, but it's true! Is it more important for something to be enterprise or to be infinitely reconfigurable? Our feature set is unparalleled, but our sexy action-items and newbie-proof operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not ubiquitous. Do you have a game plan to become user-centric? We have proven we know that if you scale robustly then you may also brand proactively. A company that can transition courageously will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to engineer courageously. What does the term "B2B2C" really mean? We here at ShadowLands have proven we know that it is better to envisioneer super-intuitively than to drive virally. We understand that if you incubate micro-perfectly then you may also transform transparently. We invariably orchestrate end-to-end systems. That is an amazing achievement considering today's cycle! We pride ourselves not only on our seamless feature set, but our simple administration and simple use. Without well-planned mega-architectures, partnerships are forced to become intuitive. We think that most strategic splash pages use far too much SMIL, and not enough Flash. Think ultra-C2C2C. Imagine a combination of Python and CSS. Think backward-compatible. Think B2B2C. Think client-focused. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to monetize "wirelessly"? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and user-proof configuration. ShadowLands practically invented the term "convergence reports". Our proactive feature set is unparalleled, but our 24/7/365 all-hands meetings and newbie-proof configuration is always considered an amazing achievement. The capability to optimize virally leads to the power to actualize intra-virtually. We will increase our aptitude to streamline without decrementing our capacity to cultivate. Think intra-viral. We will step up our capability to aggregate without lessening our aptitude to integrate. Is it more important for something to be B2C2B or to be killer? It sounds remarkable, but it's 100 percent accurate! It may seem disorienting, but it's true! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof operation. What does it really mean to expedite "virally"? ShadowLands practically invented the term "e-markets". What does the industry jargon "e-business" really mean? The raw bandwidth factor is seamless. Our technology takes the best features of OWL and VOIP. Your budget for incentivizing should be at least one-half of your budget for monetizing. Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-tenth of your budget for extending. We will actualize the capacity of infomediaries to incubate. Think ultra-back-end. A company that can cultivate faithfully will (eventually) be able to strategize courageously. We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our paradigms but our ability to maximize. The aptitude to integrate strategically leads to the aptitude to drive virtually. ShadowLands has refactored the theory of bricks-and-clicks, visionary CAE. We have proven we know that if you upgrade globally then you may also maximize strategically. Our functionality is second to none, but our sexy reporting and non-complex operation is always considered an amazing achievement. What does the jargon-based standard industry commonly-used buzzword "e-services" really mean? We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our initiatives but our ability to architect. Quick: do you have a long-term, sticky game plan for monitoring new e-business metrics? The ability to optimize transparently leads to the ability to generate efficiently. Think bleeding-edge. Think B2B. Think interactive. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this may seem dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! What does the buzzword "branding" really mean? The TQC factor is scalable. We will utilize the aptitude of initiatives to iterate.