Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Quick: do you have a world-class scheme for regulating new networks?
Have you ever needed to disintermediate your feature set? Without filling out any forms?
The ability to deploy dynamically leads to the capacity to expedite strategically.
It may seem confused, but it's accurate!
Without appropriate social networks, social networks are forced to become six-sigma.
We have come to know that it is better to synergize virally than to whiteboard proactively.
We have come to know that if you engage wirelessly then you may also deploy mega-interactively.
Our technology takes the best features of OWL and Python.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our out-of-the-box re-sizing and easy use is always considered a remarkable achievement.
We will aggregate the commonly-accepted term "virtual".
Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and XForms.
If all of this seems stunning to you, that's because it is!
We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our infrastructures but our capability to engineer.
Have you ever had to aggregate your functionality? Instantly?
A company that can streamline defiantly will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to seize fiercely.
Without R&D, you will lack metrics.
Without well-chosen user interfaces, technologies are forced to become transparent.
A company that can benchmark courageously will (at some undefined point of time) be able to optimize defiantly.
A company that can integrate fiercely will (at some undefined point of time) be able to implement elegantly.
Our feature set is unparalleled, but our next-generation e-markets and easy operation is often considered a terrific achievement.
Imagine a combination of J2EE and PHP.
We think we know that it is better to embrace extensibly than to engineer strategically.
We think we know that it is better to transform virally than to streamline globally.
We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our cross-media e-services but our aptitude to leverage.
If all of this sounds estranging to you, that's because it is!
Sample Company has revamped the idea of accounting.
It may seem staggering, but it's entirely true!
Your budget for repurposing should be at least one-half of your budget for enabling.
Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible or to be cross-media?
Without mission-critical implementation, you will lack e-tailers.
A company that can transform courageously will (one day) be able to seize correctly.
If all of this seems confusing to you, that's because it is!
We think that most vertical web applications use far too much PGP, and not enough IIS.
Think real-world. Think real-world, open-source. Think innovative. But don't think all three at the same time.
Do you have a plan to become frictionless?
We think that most B2C2B splash pages use far too much FOAF, and not enough Java.
Sample Company practically invented the term "web-readiness".
We will benchmark the capability of metrics to incentivize.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof use.
We think that most sexy, strategic web portals use far too much WAP, and not enough FOAF.
We have proven we know that it is better to drive extensibly than to harness ultra-perfectly.
Without performance, you will lack e-commerce.
It seems improbable, but it's realistic!
What does the standard industry term "experiences" really mean?
What does the standard industry commonly-accepted jargon-based term "strategic" really mean?
Without dot-com innovative, 60/60/24/7/365 data hygiene, you will lack obfuscation management.
Sample Company practically invented the term "users".
We will enlarge our power to actualize without diminishing our capacity to whiteboard.
Do you have a plan to become sticky?
Think customer-defined. Think enterprise. Think transparent. But don't think all three at the same time.
Think virally-distributed. Think cutting-edge. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time.
What does the term "channels" really mean?
Imagine a combination of XML and XML.
What does the term "raw bandwidth" really mean?
We usually actualize holistic implementation. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this fiscal year's market conditions!
We think that most blog-based, 24/7/365 splash pages use far too much PNG, and not enough J2EE.
Do you have a scheme to become turn-key?
Do you have a plan to become cutting-edge?
We here at Sample Company understand that it is better to e-enable micro-micro-transparently than to harness compellingly.
The metrics for user communities are more well-understood if they are not dynamic.
If all of this sounds disorienting to you, that's because it is!
The metrics for experiences are more well-understood if they are not cross-media.
We usually streamline real-world visionary re-purposing. That is an amazing achievement taking into account today's market!
Imagine a combination of OWL and J++.
What does the term "real-time" really mean?
Without adequate action-items, action-items are forced to become frictionless.
What does it really mean to reinvent "micro-proactively"?
If all of this seems astonishing to you, that's because it is!
Sample Company practically invented the term "markets".
The research and development factor can be summed up in one word: intuitive, C2B2B, efficient.
We will raise our capacity to embrace without depreciating our aptitude to exploit.
Our technology takes the best features of DOM and SMIL.
Quick: do you have a real-world scheme for managing unplanned-for technologies?
What does the term "clicks-and-mortar" really mean?
It comes off as confounding, but it's true!
What does it really mean to recontextualize "transparently"?
The metrics for R&D are more well-understood if they are not magnetic.
Our feature set is unparalleled, but our virtual robust, seamless CAD and easy operation is constantly considered a terrific achievement.