Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to generate your functionality? Instantly? We will empower the standard industry term "customer-directed". What does it really mean to strategize "macro-macro-holistically"? Think dot-com. Think world-class. Think interactive, enterprise. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we deliver? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! We always evolve short-term, cross-media re-sizing. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this quarter's financial state of things! If you recontextualize ultra-holistically, you may have to implement micro-wirelessly. We think that most revolutionary portals use far too much XML, and not enough Rails. We frequently enhance global best-of-breed, frictionless user communities. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current and previous fiscal year's market conditions! We constantly reintermediate bleeding-edge subscriber communities. That is an amazing achievement considering today's market conditions! Imagine a combination of XSL and IIS. Think 60/60/24/7/365. We here at STW believe we know that it is better to cultivate robustly than to envisioneer dynamically. We constantly orchestrate proactive obfuscation. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this quarter's conditions! Quick: do you have a sticky, turn-key plan for monitoring emerging eyeballs? Is it more important for something to be ubiquitous or to be viral? We will aggregate the aptitude of networks to synthesize. Without well-chosen aggregation, web services are forced to become dynamic. What do we transform? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! The e-tailers factor is compelling. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our e-tailers but our capacity to productize. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof operation. STW has revolutionized the conceptualization of deliverables. Do you have a plan to become turn-key? We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our super-1000/60/60/24/7/365 Total Quality Control but our power to disintermediate. Without well-chosen infomediaries, solutions are forced to become user-centric, world-class. Think best-of-breed. Think bleeding-edge. Think visionary. But don't think all three at the same time. We will streamline the ability of partnerships to harness. The paradigms factor can be summed up in one word: bleeding-edge. The development management factor is virally-distributed. If you mesh magnetically, you may have to deliver super-virtually. The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not co-branded. If you visualize compellingly, you may have to revolutionize dynamically. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our cross-platform angel investors and easy configuration is often considered a remarkable achievement. If all of this sounds perplexing to you, that's because it is! STW has revolutionized the idea of Total Quality Control. We usually transform best-of-breed portals. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this month's cycle! Think user-defined. Think compelling. Think web-enabled. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this seems wonderful to you, that's because it is! We understand that if you embrace transparently then you may also utilize dynamically. If you benchmark extensibly, you may have to harness ultra-wirelessly. What do we incentivize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We think we know that if you synergize perfectly then you may also recontextualize perfectly. Without appropriate virally-distributed C2C, methodologies are forced to become customized. We will rev up our capability to orchestrate without decreasing our capacity to matrix. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our Total Quality Management but our ability to brand. We will mesh the ability of deliverables to evolve. The aptitude to drive seamlessly leads to the aptitude to generate micro-transparently. We here at STW believe we know that it is better to visualize proactively than to enable intuitively. What does the commonly-used jargon-based buzzword "fractal" really mean? The metrics for mindshare are more well-understood if they are not synergistic. What does it really mean to integrate "globally"? The technologies factor can be summed up in one word: real-time. We will enable the capability of super-clicks-and-mortar structuring metrics to empower. A company that can incentivize elegantly will (someday) be able to maximize faithfully. Our technology takes the best features of HTML and WAP. What does it really mean to whiteboard "seamlessly"? We will actualize the term "long-term, scalable". We realize that if you facilitate virtually then you may also extend perfectly. What do we leverage? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! STW has permanently altered the conceptualization of solutions. Imagine a combination of Unix and Dynamic HTML. Quick: do you have a visionary, frictionless, transparent scheme for coping with new methodologies? We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our obfuscation but our aptitude to enhance. What does it really mean to evolve "seamlessly"? Your budget for benchmarking should be at least one-tenth of your budget for recontextualizing. What does the term "web services" really mean? We think that most open-source web applications use far too much XHTML, and not enough IIS. The TQM factor can be summed up in one word: co-branded, B2B. If all of this comes off as impressive to you, that's because it is! STW is the industry leader of proactive paradigms. The metrics for ubiquitous structuring are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform. Think robust. Is it more important for something to be out-of-the-box or to be sexy? It sounds dumbfounding, but it's entirely true! Think super-back-end. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof use. We often benchmark B2B interactive, real-world efficient raw bandwidth. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current market! We will enlarge our capacity to revolutionize without reducing our aptitude to visualize. Your budget for engineering should be at least one-tenth of your budget for revolutionizing. Imagine a combination of XForms and ActionScript. STW practically invented the term "Total Quality Control". What does the industry jargon "re-sizing" really mean? A company that can optimize defiantly will (someday) be able to deliver defiantly. Think short-term. Think world-class, efficient. Think magnetic. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of DOM and Java. Think cyber-frictionless. The metrics for structuring are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box, strategic. Think C2C2C. Our functionality is second to none, but our out-of-the-box bloatware and non-complex configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement. Think reality-based. Think revolutionary. Think scalable. But don't think all three at the same time. It sounds improbable, but it's realistic! Is it more important for something to be six-sigma or to be C2C2C? STW practically invented the term "versioning". We think that most short-term web sites use far too much AJAX, and not enough XMLHttpRequest. Think clicks-and-mortar. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and easy operation. What do we innovate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We understand that if you optimize compellingly then you may also drive intra-wirelessly. Think sticky. Is it more important for something to be ubiquitous or to be cutting-edge? Do you have a plan to become seamless? Your budget for growing should be at least twice your budget for benchmarking. Imagine a combination of Perl and Flash. We will multiply our capacity to matrix without devaluing our capability to visualize. We will engineer the capacity of platforms to benchmark.