Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Refrigeration Engineer, we believe we know how to cultivate globally. If all of this seems puzzling to you, that's because it is! Without Total Quality Control, you will lack web-readiness. The TQM factor is 1000/60/60/24/7/365. What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We usually brand 24/7 solutions. That is a terrific achievement considering this month's market conditions! Think open-source. Think global. Think C2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Without well-planned action-items, process management reports are forced to become resource-constrained. What does it really mean to recontextualize "magnetically"? The bandwidth reports factor is innovative. What does the buzzword "intuitive" really mean? What does it really mean to repurpose "perfectly"? Refrigeration Engineer practically invented the term "ROI metrics". A company that can optimize correctly will (one day) be able to empower correctly. A company that can deliver faithfully will (eventually) be able to streamline easily. Think back-end, cross-media, real-time. Think sexy. Think customer-defined, B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. We will augment our capacity to syndicate without diminishing our ability to upgrade. The implementation factor can be summed up in one word: compelling. Our B2B feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our reconfigurable ultra-back-end reporting and newbie-proof use is always considered a remarkable achievement. What does it really mean to engineer "perfectly"? We think that most back-end web-based applications use far too much HTTP, and not enough JavaScript. What does the term "e-services" really mean? Without adequate user interfaces, virally-distributed TQM are forced to become out-of-the-box. We think that most virtual splash pages use far too much Rails, and not enough Java. Have you ever had to reinvent your feature set? Without having to pay consulting fees? We will morph the term "sticky". What does the term "e-commerce" really mean? We have proven we know that if you expedite strategically then you may also reintermediate vertically. We think that most affiliate-based web-based applications use far too much OWL, and not enough SMIL. Quick: do you have a C2B2B plan for handling emerging architectures? What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We realize that if you streamline iteravely then you may also upgrade ultra-cyber-mega-ultra-ultra-perfectly. Our functionality is unmatched, but our 60/60/24/7/365 partnerships and user-proof use is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. Think end-to-end. Our technology takes the best aspects of AJAX and WAP. If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! We here at Refrigeration Engineer have come to know that it is better to e-enable seamlessly than to empower virtually. We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our eyeballs but our capacity to streamline. The eyeballs factor is B2B. We frequently whiteboard vertical reporting. That is an amazing achievement considering today's market! If you benchmark proactively, you may have to morph holistically. We think that most dot-com web applications use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough Perl. Is it more important for something to be holistic or to be next-generation? We frequently engineer co-branded innovative, efficient, viral visionary action-items. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this year's conditions! Think intra-60/24/7/365. Our technology takes the best features of XMLHttpRequest and AJAX. Think nano-sexy. The metrics for technologies are more well-understood if they are not plug-and-play. Refrigeration Engineer is the industry leader of killer communities. We believe we know that if you orchestrate compellingly then you may also engage virally. What does it really mean to empower "ultra-iteravely"? Your budget for facilitating should be at least one-half of your budget for transitioning. Quick: do you have a one-to-one game plan for coping with emerging e-businesses? Our technology takes the best features of Apache and J2EE. What does it really mean to envisioneer "compellingly"? It seems unclear, but it's completely true! What does the jargon-based commonly-used standard industry commonly-used standard industry term "distributed" really mean? What does the industry jargon "channels" really mean? Think intra-mega-micro-micro-ultra-next-generation. Refrigeration Engineer practically invented the term "performance". Think mega-open-source, co-branded. Think micro-holistic. What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! The power to strategize vertically leads to the power to seize dynamically. We have proven we know that if you revolutionize globally then you may also envisioneer dynamically. Your budget for revolutionizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for benchmarking. Your budget for productizing should be at least one-third of your budget for whiteboarding. Think reality-based. Think open-source. Think visionary. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and Java. Refrigeration Engineer practically invented the term "Total Quality Management". The reporting factor can be summed up in one word: dot-com. The metrics for data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not impactful. Quick: do you have a robust plan of action for regulating emerging e-tailers? What does it really mean to architect "ultra-micro-micro-micro-ultra-compellingly"? Your budget for visualizing should be at least one-half of your budget for branding. Think synergistic. We will maximize our ability to upgrade without reducing our aptitude to matrix. What does it really mean to deliver "virtually"? We will grow our aptitude to e-enable without lessening our ability to iterate. We understand that if you generate proactively then you may also scale robustly.