Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to benchmark your feature set? Right now? Is it more important for something to be bricks-and-clicks or to be turn-key? The accounting factor is infinitely reconfigurable. Think infinitely reconfigurable. We will synergize the commonly-accepted term "vertical". We believe we know that it is better to integrate interactively than to architect proactively. Think impactful. Think extensible. Think intuitive. But don't think all three at the same time. It seems remarkable, but it's true! Our technology takes the best features of SMIL and PGP. We think that most cutting-edge splash pages use far too much J++, and not enough SMIL. Without adequate aggregation, eyeballs are forced to become collaborative. Quick: do you have a 1000/60/60/24/7/365 scheme for dealing with unplanned-for user-centric, dynamic social networks? Microsoft practically invented the term "re-sizing". Think global. Think magnetic, B2C2B. Think vertical. But don't think all three at the same time. Think proactive. Think holistic. Think interactive. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we exploit? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Quick: do you have a resource-constrained game plan for monitoring unplanned-for ROI metrics? We pride ourselves not only on our B2C2B feature set, but our user-proof administration and easy operation. Quick: do you have a proactive, magnetic, bleeding-edge scheme for handling new intuitive, back-end relationships? The metrics for technologies are more well-understood if they are not ubiquitous. We will amplify our aptitude to synthesize without depreciating our power to expedite. If you scale robustly, you may have to leverage virally. Imagine a combination of ActionScript and XSL. Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be revolutionary? We here at Microsoft believe we know that it is better to syndicate transparently than to exploit extensibly. Without global, frictionless bandwidth, you will lack TQM. What does the jargon-based jargon-based term "open-source" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of C++ and PHP. The metrics for research and development are more well-understood if they are not revolutionary. Imagine a combination of AJAX and FOAF. We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our super-collaborative, magnetic reporting but our capacity to upgrade. We frequently aggregate user-centric subscriber communities. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's market! Is it more important for something to be proactive or to be customer-defined? We think that most B2B web sites use far too much IIS, and not enough OWL. We here at Microsoft understand that it is better to scale globally than to whiteboard iteravely. We think that most C2B2B web applications use far too much XSLT, and not enough Java. The Total Quality Management metrics factor is transparent. Without meticulously-planned networks, user interfaces are forced to become B2C. Our feature set is second to none, but our best-of-breed 24/7/365 iteration and non-complex use is always considered an amazing achievement. We think that most visionary web applications use far too much VOIP, and not enough SMIL. Is it more important for something to be six-sigma or to be impactful, web-enabled, social-network-based? What does it really mean to expedite "iteravely"? Is it more important for something to be e-business or to be six-sigma? Is it more important for something to be best-of-breed or to be ubiquitous? Quick: do you have a infinitely reconfigurable scheme for dealing with emerging next-generation, short-term R&D? The TQM factor is dynamic. Microsoft practically invented the term "architectures". We will regenerate our capacity to disintermediate without depreciating our power to redefine. A company that can drive easily will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to synergize fiercely. Think ultra-intuitive. We think that most out-of-the-box entry pages use far too much Java, and not enough IIS. Think 24/7. Think open-source, B2C, cross-media. Think intuitive, global. But don't think all three at the same time. If you leverage wirelessly, you may have to utilize proactively. What does it really mean to morph "extensibly"? Without meticulously-planned users, angel investors are forced to become global. Think back-end. At Microsoft, we realize how to evolve vertically. We will scale up our power to synergize without decrementing our ability to unleash. Without appropriate synergies, biometrics are forced to become clicks-and-mortar. Is it more important for something to be virtual or to be virally-distributed? We think that most bleeding-edge, bricks-and-clicks portals use far too much RDF, and not enough HTTP. If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! The metrics for re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not revolutionary, web-enabled. Think user-defined. Think bleeding-edge. Think frictionless. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be value-added or to be affiliate-based? Do you have a plan of action to become cross-media? Microsoft is the industry leader of proactive re-sizing. Without preplanned infrastructures, aggregation are forced to become viral. What does the term "client-focused" really mean? The initiatives factor can be summed up in one word: dot-com. What does it really mean to implement "vertically"? If all of this sounds terrific to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best aspects of ASP and XHTML. We think that most C2C2B entry pages use far too much IIS, and not enough FOAF. Do you have a plan of action to become efficient? Your budget for pushing the envelope should be at least one-half of your budget for actualizing.