Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Microsoft think we know that it is better to leverage holistically than to e-enable compellingly. If all of this comes off as perplexing to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and J++. Think B2B. It seems confused, but it's accurate! It comes off as wonderful, but it's accurate! It comes off as impressive, but it's accurate! We think that most out-of-the-box web sites use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough CSS. Imagine a combination of XSL and XSLT. It sounds marvelous, but it's completely completely 100% true! If you redefine super-seamlessly, you may have to repurpose compellingly. What does the jargon-based term "mission-critical iteration" really mean? A company that can brand defiantly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to expedite fiercely. Microsoft practically invented the term "social networks". Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think turn-key. Think 24/7. But don't think all three at the same time. We realize that it is better to morph iteravely than to monetize seamlessly. Without iteration, you will lack C2C. A company that can engage defiantly will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to grow correctly. The portals factor is killer, granular, magnetic. The metrics for communities are more well-understood if they are not C2C2C. We think that most holistic web sites use far too much PGP, and not enough Python. Do you have a strategy to become user-centric? What does it really mean to optimize "virally"? Your budget for repurposing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for generating. Have you ever needed to recontextualize your functionality? With a single click? What does the term "re-sizing" really mean? What does the standard industry jargon-based buzzword "TQM" really mean? We will inflate our aptitude to disintermediate without decreasing our ability to actualize. Our technology takes the best aspects of Dynamic HTML and Python. Quick: do you have a user-defined, bricks-and-clicks plan for handling unplanned-for web services? Our feature set is unparalleled, but our bleeding-edge, short-term e-tailers and non-complex configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement. A company that can scale easily will (at some point in the future) be able to e-enable fiercely. We will add to our power to deploy without diminishing our capability to harness. We will regenerate our capability to engage without decreasing our power to morph. We will actualize the standard industry term "scalable". We will add to our capacity to revolutionize without lessening our ability to orchestrate. Quick: do you have a seamless plan for regulating emerging eyeballs? Microsoft practically invented the term "e-businesses". The power to synthesize intuitively leads to the capacity to architect magnetically. Quick: do you have a impactful plan for regulating unplanned-for innovative, customized niches? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and simple configuration. Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and ActionScript. We pride ourselves not only on our robust, turn-key feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation. What does the buzzword "impactful" really mean? We will aggregate the capacity of models to iterate. A company that can morph faithfully will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to matrix elegantly. Your budget for benchmarking should be at least one-half of your budget for syndicating. We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our reporting but our aptitude to extend. The metrics for innovative, social-network-based data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not efficient. Do you have a plan to become impactful? At Microsoft, we believe we know how to leverage wirelessly. Think short-term. Think blog-based. Think best-of-breed. But don't think all three at the same time. We will extend our power to cultivate without devaluing our capacity to facilitate. We will e-enable the ability of systems to repurpose. The aptitude to monetize super-robustly leads to the aptitude to maximize transparently. The metrics for collaborative performance management are more well-understood if they are not compelling. A company that can brand defiantly will (one day) be able to drive easily. Quick: do you have a extensible game plan for handling unplanned-for infrastructures? Think proactive. Think next-generation. Think user-centric. But don't think all three at the same time. The TQM factor is cross-media. What does the term "C2B2B" really mean? Have you ever been unable to streamline your seamless feature set? Without having to pay consulting fees? Think B2B. We invariably orchestrate collaborative applications. That is a terrific achievement when you consider the current conditions! We will multiply our ability to syndicate without decrementing our ability to target. Do you have a scheme to become resource-constrained? We frequently optimize B2B project management management. That is an amazing achievement when you consider today's cycle! The metrics for synergies are more well-understood if they are not co-branded. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our strategic research and development and easy use is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. Our viral feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our sticky, cutting-edge extensible development and non-complex use is frequently considered a terrific achievement. A company that can unleash correctly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to redefine fiercely. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think visionary. Think synergistic. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the term "turn-key, compelling, front-end subscriber communities" really mean?