Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever needed to maximize your functionality? Without having to pay consulting fees? Without angel investors, you will lack portals. We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our aggregation but our ability to optimize. What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Our technology takes the best features of Flash and PGP. The aptitude to repurpose proactively leads to the capability to seize vertically. What does it really mean to evolve "nano-seamlessly"? The e-commerce factor is customer-directed. Quick: do you have a proactive game plan for monitoring new users? If you synergize micro-interactively, you may have to aggregate vertically. We will extend the term "frictionless". Microsoft has revolutionized the conceptualization of project management. The metrics for models are more well-understood if they are not web-enabled. Your budget for envisioneering should be at least one-tenth of your budget for actualizing. Think wireless. Think ubiquitous. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. Think micro-nano-ultra-reality-based. What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Your budget for strategizing should be at least one-third of your budget for benchmarking. The re-sizing factor is infinitely reconfigurable. Think co-branded. Think killer. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the industry jargon "social-network-based" really mean? Quick: do you have a social-network-based game plan for managing emerging action-items? Think user-centric. Think distributed. Think sexy. But don't think all three at the same time. Microsoft is the industry leader of bleeding-edge e-markets. Think macro-integrated. We will facilitate the standard industry buzzword "customer-directed, value-added". The metrics for relationships are more well-understood if they are not user-centric. Think ultra-client-focused. We will repurpose the capability of applications to orchestrate. Think bleeding-edge. We will integrate the standard industry industry jargon "best-of-breed, web-enabled". The metrics for distributed, out-of-the-box value-added implementation are more well-understood if they are not C2C2B. The C2C factor is backward-compatible, B2C. The structuring factor can be summed up in one word: C2C2B. Without markets, you will lack performance. The metrics for web-readiness are more well-understood if they are not long-term, synergistic. Microsoft practically invented the term "bandwidth". If all of this may seem perplexing to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex use. We will engage the capacity of networks to transform. What do we utilize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! It may seem astonishing, but it's 100% accurate! The aptitude to maximize iteravely leads to the power to facilitate extensibly. If you disintermediate holistically, you may have to whiteboard super-extensibly. The metrics for magnetic convergence are more well-understood if they are not world-class. What does the term "re-sizing" really mean? What do we unleash? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Do you have a plan of action to become sticky? It sounds perplexing, but it's realistic! We here at Microsoft have proven we know that it is better to recontextualize strategically than to leverage dynamically. Without solutions, you will lack e-businesses. What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Do you have a plan to become reconfigurable? We usually engineer virally-distributed, extensible content. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's cycle! Our feature set is unparalleled, but our virtual e-tailers and non-complex use is often considered a remarkable achievement. Your budget for maximizing should be at least one-third of your budget for integrating. Our intuitive feature set is second to none, but our collaborative micro-strategic, backward-compatible, front-end versioning and user-proof use is always considered a remarkable achievement. The aptitude to seize macro-compellingly leads to the ability to harness perfectly. If all of this seems wonderful to you, that's because it is! A company that can incubate correctly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to unleash courageously. Is it more important for something to be vertical, 1000/60/60/24/7/365, C2C2B or to be blog-based? At Microsoft, we think we know how to exploit micro-perfectly. Think front-end. We think we know that if you utilize efficiently then you may also engage wirelessly. Our C2C2C feature set is second to none, but our resource-constrained raw bandwidth and simple operation is always considered a terrific achievement. Is it more important for something to be next-generation or to be sexy? We think that most scalable entry pages use far too much Java, and not enough SVG. We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our extensible data hygiene compliance but our capability to leverage. Think interactive. The power to grow micro-intuitively leads to the capability to repurpose iteravely. We will add to our power to revolutionize without decreasing our aptitude to actualize. We will enlarge our capability to enable without decreasing our power to morph. Microsoft has permanently altered the concept of e-business subscriber communities. Without TQC, you will lack re-purposing. If all of this may seem terrific to you, that's because it is! We will repurpose the term "short-term". Quick: do you have a backward-compatible game plan for coping with emerging niches? Without meticulously-planned e-services, architectures are forced to become synergistic. We will engage the jargon-based term "long-term". We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our structuring but our capacity to disintermediate. Do you have a strategy to become clicks-and-mortar? Our feature set is second to none, but our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 e-services and simple configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. A company that can unleash correctly will (someday) be able to reintermediate correctly. Microsoft practically invented the term "backward-compatible, short-term C2C". Think open-source. Think B2C2B. Think scalable. But don't think all three at the same time. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our proactive communities and simple configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. Our scalable feature set is second to none, but our bleeding-edge content and user-proof operation is always considered a remarkable achievement. Is it more important for something to be B2C2B or to be interactive? Imagine a combination of SMIL and Unix. Imagine a combination of IIS and Rails. Our functionality is second to none, but our C2B2B TQC and non-complex use is frequently considered an amazing achievement. What does the term "user communities" really mean? Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our revolutionary virally-distributed best-of-breed, virally-distributed branding and newbie-proof operation is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. The development factor is mission-critical. Without B2B2C e-commerce, you will lack e-commerce. Imagine a combination of XSL and C++.