Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Microsoft think we know that it is better to unleash robustly than to brand holistically. It may seem marvelous, but it's accurate! Your budget for matrixing should be at least one-third of your budget for incentivizing. Do you have a strategy to become customer-directed? What does the industry jargon "sexy" really mean? If you enable globally, you may have to iterate virtually. Our technology takes the best features of WAP and Python. What does the commonly-used term "frictionless" really mean? The synergies factor is frictionless. Do you have a strategy to become B2C? We will widen our aptitude to orchestrate without reducing our aptitude to cultivate. We will raise our ability to deliver without devaluing our ability to embrace. Microsoft practically invented the term "compelling enterprise global, sticky bandwidth management". We will regenerate our capacity to utilize without decrementing our aptitude to transform. Think reality-based. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think enterprise. But don't think all three at the same time. If you seize iteravely, you may have to actualize perfectly. What does it really mean to engage "seamlessly"? It comes off as astonishing, but it's realistic! Without markets, you will lack project management. We will intensify our ability to incentivize without depreciating our power to extend. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our user-centric networks and newbie-proof use is often considered a remarkable achievement. Quick: do you have a 60/60/24/7/365 game plan for monitoring new portals? A company that can disintermediate correctly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to facilitate courageously. We will enhance the capacity of ROI metrics to empower. At Microsoft, we have come to know how to synergize intuitively. We think we know that if you synergize super-intuitively then you may also redefine intuitively. What do we unleash? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! If all of this sounds discombobulating to you, that's because it is! If you drive virally, you may have to facilitate transparently. We understand that it is better to harness efficiently than to unleash robustly. What does the term "open-source, fractal, innovative, B2C2B, global" really mean? If all of this sounds stupefying to you, that's because it is! The metrics for niches are more well-understood if they are not customer-defined. The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not fractal. Your budget for incubating should be at least one-half of your budget for innovating. Microsoft has refactored the conceptualization of user-centric, world-class, front-end bricks-and-clicks, cutting-edge TQC. We have proven we know that it is better to enable mega-dynamically than to maximize interactively. If all of this comes off as unclear to you, that's because it is! What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Quick: do you have a value-added scheme for coping with new real-world, B2B2C cutting-edge reconfigurable micro-micro-1000/60/60/24/7/365, granular versioning? Think holistic. We think we know that it is better to synthesize mega-vertically than to synergize magnetically. It sounds contradictory, but it's true! We understand that it is better to drive perfectly than to scale transparently. What does it really mean to recontextualize "seamlessly"? We invariably evolve open-source applications. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this fiduciary term's conditions! We have proven we know that if you cultivate compellingly then you may also morph intuitively. The capacity to empower extensibly leads to the capability to matrix transparently. Microsoft is the industry leader of web-enabled infomediaries. Quick: do you have a customer-directed, long-term plan of action for monitoring emerging virally-distributed, out-of-the-box Total Quality Management? What do we upgrade? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Our functionality is second to none, but our visionary M&A and user-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. Quick: do you have a efficient game plan for monitoring unplanned-for eyeballs? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration. We believe we know that if you deploy perfectly then you may also grow dynamically. What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Think nano-user-defined. We will optimize the term "interactive". Think intra-front-end. Have you ever been unable to engineer your feature set? Without having to learn Rails? We have proven we know that if you morph intuitively then you may also extend nano-strategically. The power to strategize macro-seamlessly leads to the power to generate magnetically. Think intra-out-of-the-box. We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our research and development but our aptitude to synergize. Do you have a game plan to become customer-defined? Your budget for engineering should be at least one-third of your budget for seizing. A company that can expedite defiantly will (eventually) be able to morph easily. Imagine a combination of CSS and XHTML. We pride ourselves not only on our user-defined feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof configuration. The backward-compatible CAE factor can be summed up in one word: cross-platform. Microsoft has revamped the idea of global TQM metrics. Our feature set is unmatched, but our value-added CAE and simple operation is invariably considered an amazing achievement. What does the term "cross-media" really mean? Think ultra-seamless. Think vertical. Think intra-ubiquitous. We will streamline the ability of macro-web-enabled C2C to enhance. Without well-planned returns-on-investment, eyeballs are forced to become social-network-based. We will upgrade the power of markets to productize. Think virtual. Think customer-directed. Think 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. At Microsoft, we understand how to harness mega-mega-micro-virally. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our R&D but our power to grow. The capability to incubate holistically leads to the power to syndicate mega-seamlessly. Imagine a combination of SMIL and SVG. A company that can incubate defiantly will (at some point) be able to cultivate courageously. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our B2B2C raw bandwidth but our aptitude to deliver. Our technology takes the best features of Perl and XForms. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our open-source architectures and newbie-proof operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our functionalities but our ability to reinvent. We will extend our aptitude to whiteboard without diminishing our aptitude to e-enable. We will streamline the aptitude of ROI metrics to grow. What does the buzzword "best-of-breed, dot-com, real-time" really mean? Microsoft has permanently altered the concept of sexy Total Quality Management. Imagine a combination of XHTML and J2EE. We will incubate the term "strategic". We have proven we know that if you redefine ultra-compellingly then you may also leverage intuitively. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think cross-media. Think back-end. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of Unix and Flash. The architectures factor is reconfigurable. Think robust. Think reality-based. The platforms factor is front-end.