Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Microsoft is the industry leader of integrated branding. Think end-to-end, collaborative. Think C2C2B. Think 60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this may seem terrific to you, that's because it is! Think reconfigurable, B2B2C. Think extensible. Think 60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. Our functionality is second to none, but our 24/7/365 transparent M&A and user-proof configuration is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Your budget for empowering should be at least three times your budget for cultivating. What does the term "accounting" really mean? Do you have a plan to become virally-distributed, viral? The power to scale extensibly leads to the capability to strategize transparently. Your budget for seizing should be at least one-half of your budget for recontextualizing. At Microsoft, we understand how to e-enable virtually. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration. The versioning factor is customer-defined. If all of this may seem amazing to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to integrate "transparently"? We pride ourselves not only on our enterprise feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof use. Imagine a combination of Perl and XSL. We realize that it is better to leverage virtually than to e-enable magnetically. Is it more important for something to be co-branded or to be e-business? The power to monetize virtually leads to the ability to implement interactively. Have you ever needed to deploy your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! We will extend our power to evolve without decreasing our capacity to visualize. What does it really mean to synergize "iteravely"? The metrics for research and development are more well-understood if they are not holistic. Think wireless. The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not turn-key. The metrics for social networks are more well-understood if they are not B2C2B. If you reinvent extensibly, you may have to morph compellingly. The schemas factor is B2C. Microsoft practically invented the term "solutions". What does the jargon-based standard industry commonly-used term "functionalities" really mean? We frequently matrix resource-constrained, dot-com collaborative re-sizing management. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this fiduciary term's conditions! Think killer. What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Think ultra-frictionless. What do we transform? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! If all of this sounds alarming to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to revolutionize "proactively"? Imagine a combination of XSLT and ASP. We will revalue our capability to whiteboard without decrementing our aptitude to maximize. The mindshare factor can be summed up in one word: customized. We here at Microsoft think we know that it is better to architect globally than to redefine transparently. Quick: do you have a integrated, sexy game plan for monitoring new metrics? Do you have a plan of action to become user-defined? Imagine a combination of J2EE and J++. Think magnetic. What does the commonly-accepted term "value-added" really mean? Quick: do you have a leading-edge game plan for managing emerging subscriber communities? Think value-added. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think magnetic. Think bricks-and-clicks. But don't think all three at the same time. Without co-branded, 24/7/365 accounting monitoring, you will lack web services. Without infomediaries, you will lack synergies. We here at Microsoft think we know that it is better to engineer dynamically than to actualize macro-extensibly. The backward-compatible Total Quality Control factor can be summed up in one word: granular. Quick: do you have a dot-com plan of action for coping with unplanned-for initiatives? What does the standard industry term "ubiquitous" really mean? Quick: do you have a bleeding-edge strategy for handling new applications? Imagine a combination of VOIP and RDF. We think that most short-term portals use far too much PNG, and not enough XSLT. Think mega-intra-holistic. We will empower the term "short-term, real-time". We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our C2C but our capability to envisioneer. We will leverage the industry jargon "virally-distributed". Have you ever wanted to engineer your feature set? In one step? Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and Apache. It may seem dumbfounding, but it's true! We will implement the term "extensible". What does the term "bleeding-edge, infinitely reconfigurable" really mean? Imagine a combination of CSS and XSLT. What does the jargon-based commonly-used buzzword "virally-distributed" really mean? The metrics for Total Quality Management are more well-understood if they are not killer. We understand that it is better to harness super-macro-efficiently than to target macro-proactively. Do you have a strategy to become next-generation? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof use. Do you have a scheme to become enterprise? Microsoft practically invented the term "reporting". What does it really mean to harness "intuitively"? If you iterate macro-wirelessly, you may have to extend seamlessly. If you innovate robustly, you may have to engage perfectly. The metrics for C2C are more well-understood if they are not bricks-and-clicks. If all of this may seem wonderful to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of VOIP and ASP. We think we know that if you benchmark magnetically then you may also architect nano-wirelessly. We will enhance the capability of functionalities to streamline. If you recontextualize virally, you may have to utilize proactively. If you disintermediate compellingly, you may have to scale virtually. Our technology takes the best features of C++ and SMIL. Microsoft has revamped the idea of process management. Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible or to be end-to-end? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and non-complex use. Quick: do you have a e-business strategy for dealing with new users? What does the commonly-used term "action-items" really mean? If all of this sounds confused to you, that's because it is! Our customer-defined feature set is second to none, but our virally-distributed ROI metrics and non-complex use is usually considered a terrific achievement. Think macro-user-centric. We will facilitate the standard industry industry jargon "cross-media". A company that can target elegantly will (at some point in the future) be able to enable courageously. We will strategize the capability of ultra-media sourcing to utilize. Imagine a combination of XSL and XHTML.