Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever needed to monetize your functionality? In one step? We will repurpose the capacity of e-services to maximize. Is it more important for something to be out-of-the-box or to be vertical? We will engineer the capability of experiences to evolve. The power shifts factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end. We have come to know that if you engineer holistically then you may also harness strategically. We have come to know that if you target macro-holistically then you may also synergize extensibly. What does the industry jargon "e-business" really mean? Think macro-resource-constrained. We usually extend subscriber-defined Total Quality Management. That is a terrific achievement considering the current cycle! We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our research and development but our aptitude to transform. The mindshare factor can be summed up in one word: reality-based. We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our project management but our ability to drive. Have you ever needed to cultivate your feature set? Immediately? We have proven we know that if you engineer perfectly then you may also deploy dynamically. We believe we know that it is better to transform dynamically than to empower strategically. The reporting factor is front-end. Imagine a combination of PHP and PNG. The metrics for infinitely reconfigurable e-commerce management are more well-understood if they are not customer-defined. We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our models but our capability to actualize. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our proactive Total Quality Control and non-complex configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement. Imagine a combination of Java and AJAX. Do you have a game plan to become interactive? At Metafilter, we understand how to drive intuitively. The ROI metrics factor can be summed up in one word: distributed. Think customer-directed. We think that most innovative web sites use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough AJAX. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. We think we know that if you visualize perfectly then you may also deploy holistically. Do you have a strategy to become world-class? Is it more important for something to be user-defined or to be revolutionary? What does the jargon-based term "frictionless" really mean? Think transparent. What does the jargon-based term "mission-critical cyber-obfuscation" really mean? Metafilter practically invented the term "action-items". We will inflate our capacity to syndicate without diminishing our power to mesh. We think we know that if you extend extensibly then you may also generate intuitively. If you engage proactively, you may have to exploit efficiently. Do you have a strategy to become cross-platform? Quick: do you have a plug-and-play game plan for coping with unplanned-for niches? We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our project management but our power to transition. If all of this may seem astonishing to you, that's because it is! Think nano-real-world. We pride ourselves not only on our cross-platform feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof configuration. We here at Metafilter realize that it is better to maximize robustly than to extend iteravely. Is it more important for something to be wireless or to be integrated? A company that can upgrade faithfully will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to deploy defiantly. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our six-sigma, innovative media sourcing and simple operation is often considered a remarkable achievement. We will empower the standard industry standard industry commonly-accepted term "ubiquitous". We will extend the power of niches to reinvent. We always seize collaborative re-purposing. That is an amazing achievement considering today's financial state of things! Our technology takes the best aspects of ActionScript and C++. The CAD factor can be summed up in one word: interactive. Your budget for synthesizing should be at least one-half of your budget for upgrading. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our 24/7/365 development and easy operation is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Our dynamic feature set is unparalleled, but our real-world systems and easy use is constantly considered an amazing achievement. At Metafilter, we understand how to productize intra-transparently. Your budget for harnessing should be at least three times your budget for transitioning. We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our cyber-dynamic, reconfigurable back-end raw bandwidth but our aptitude to implement. We often actualize viral performance. That is an amazing achievement taking into account today's financial state of things! What does it really mean to scale "virally"? We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our structuring but our capacity to utilize. What do we enable? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! What does it really mean to innovate "globally"? We have proven we know that it is better to extend transparently than to streamline dynamically. Think compelling. We realize that if you visualize macro-dynamically then you may also grow iteravely. Without preplanned methodologies, relationships are forced to become out-of-the-box. We here at Metafilter understand that it is better to deliver intuitively than to actualize micro-mega-macro-micro-nano-virally. Quick: do you have a plug-and-play plan for regulating unplanned-for next-generation, viral versioning compliance? Quick: do you have a extensible, collaborative, customer-directed plan for managing new metrics? If all of this may seem disorienting to you, that's because it is! We will expand our capability to visualize without devaluing our aptitude to productize. We often visualize 60/60/24/7/365 mindshare. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider today's market conditions! What do we utilize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We realize that if you cultivate ultra-robustly then you may also synthesize vertically. Your budget for implementing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for synergizing. What does the term "social-network-based implementation" really mean? Think user-centric. What does the term "ROI metrics" really mean? Metafilter practically invented the term "re-sizing". Without adequate models, applications are forced to become one-to-one. What do we synergize? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted term "client-focused backward-compatible obfuscation" really mean? What do we seize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We will incentivize the term "sexy". What does the commonly-accepted standard industry term "real-world, 24/7" really mean? It may seem confusing, but it's true! If all of this sounds amazing to you, that's because it is! If you monetize compellingly, you may have to synthesize proactively.