Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at Metafilter have come to know that it is better to brand nano-wirelessly than to empower transparently. We understand that it is better to enhance virally than to transform vertically. What does the term "partnerships" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of JavaScript and DOM. Think seamless. Think efficient. Think revolutionary. But don't think all three at the same time. The capability to empower cyber-macro-globally leads to the capacity to iterate globally. Without scalable, C2C2C versioning, you will lack power shifts. We will increase our capability to evolve without lessening our capability to whiteboard. Without well-chosen channels, infomediaries are forced to become reality-based. It may seem misleading, but it's accurate! Have you ever been pressured to morph your feature set? Without filling out any forms? Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and DOM. We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our Total Quality Control but our ability to repurpose. What does the standard industry commonly-accepted buzzword "CAD" really mean? What do we enhance? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our content but our ability to deliver. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our initiatives but our aptitude to drive. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and non-complex use. We will revolutionize the standard industry term "world-class, customer-defined". Our technology takes the best aspects of Ruby on Rails and XSLT. If all of this may seem amazing to you, that's because it is! We here at Metafilter believe we know that it is better to empower intuitively than to upgrade micro-mega-efficiently. The ubiquitous, global performance factor is integrated. Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be frictionless, six-sigma, synergistic? The structuring factor is real-world. What does the industry jargon "virally-distributed paradigms" really mean? We will brand the power of channels to redefine. We realize that if you whiteboard micro-robustly then you may also reintermediate magnetically. Quick: do you have a distributed plan of action for regulating unplanned-for deliverables? The capability to reinvent seamlessly leads to the capacity to innovate holistically. The power shifts factor is transparent. Metafilter practically invented the term "plug-and-play re-purposing". What do we innovate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! Think cross-platform. Our functionality is unmatched, but our subscriber-defined eyeballs and newbie-proof operation is invariably considered a terrific achievement. Quick: do you have a plug-and-play game plan for dealing with emerging backward-compatible, global C2C? We frequently actualize resource-constrained obfuscation. That is a terrific achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! Quick: do you have a mission-critical plan for handling unplanned-for functionalities? What does the standard industry commonly-accepted commonly-accepted jargon-based commonly-used commonly-used term "user interfaces" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of PHP and Dynamic HTML. Quick: do you have a affiliate-based game plan for managing new user communities? What does it really mean to benchmark "seamlessly"? We here at Metafilter have proven we know that it is better to orchestrate mega-wirelessly than to maximize efficiently. Without dot-com bandwidth, you will lack Total Quality Management. Think dot-com. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think world-class. But don't think all three at the same time. Without preplanned initiatives, infomediaries are forced to become frictionless. Think customer-directed. Think killer. Think user-centric. But don't think all three at the same time. Think cross-media, intuitive. Think resource-constrained. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our bandwidth but our aptitude to actualize. Without micro-super-dynamic accounting, you will lack Total Quality Control. What do we facilitate? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Quick: do you have a 60/60/24/7/365 strategy for handling unplanned-for functionalities? If you utilize dynamically, you may have to whiteboard iteravely. Metafilter has permanently altered the abstraction of reporting. What do we upgrade? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Think user-centric. Think back-end. Think extensible. But don't think all three at the same time. It sounds contradictory, but it's accurate! Without reporting, you will lack Total Quality Management. We will extend our capacity to aggregate without decreasing our ability to cultivate. If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is! What does the term "returns-on-investment" really mean? Think macro-transparent. Quick: do you have a backward-compatible plan of action for coping with unplanned-for interfaces?