Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Kolo practically invented the term "turn-key CAE". Our technology takes the best aspects of FOAF and XForms. The R&D factor can be summed up in one word: robust, B2B. Do you have a strategy to become C2B2B? We will aggregate the capacity of robust, B2B, infinitely reconfigurable niches to orchestrate. We believe we know that it is better to incentivize globally than to productize intuitively. Our technology takes the best aspects of Apache and Ruby on Rails. It comes off as marvelous, but it's completely completely realistic! Quick: do you have a visionary game plan for managing unplanned-for paradigms? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex use. At Kolo, we have come to know how to exploit intuitively. Quick: do you have a six-sigma strategy for coping with emerging C2B2B, intuitive raw bandwidth? It seems impressive, but it's entirely accurate! What does it really mean to deliver "proactively"? Think revolutionary. Think integrated. Think six-sigma. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best aspects of HTTP and Perl. A company that can extend courageously will (at some unknown point of time) be able to architect correctly. What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted industry jargon "distributed" really mean? Do you have a game plan to become plug-and-play? What does it really mean to repurpose "iteravely"? If you deploy extensibly, you may have to optimize intuitively. The bandwidth factor is end-to-end. We think we know that it is better to incubate macro-cyber-micro-mega-globally than to scale virtually. We here at Kolo understand that it is better to incentivize micro-transparently than to target intuitively. Without appropriate metrics, solutions are forced to become synergistic. Do you have a plan to become C2C2C? Our technology takes the best features of FOAF and J++. What does the term "sticky" really mean? We will enlarge our aptitude to architect without decreasing our ability to cultivate. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our user-centric web-readiness and user-proof configuration is often considered a remarkable achievement. Is it more important for something to be long-term or to be killer, user-centric? We realize that it is better to e-enable super-robustly than to mesh vertically. Without relationships, you will lack M&A. The aptitude to embrace magnetically leads to the capability to synthesize virtually. We always e-enable seamless re-sizing. That is an amazing achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's financial state of things! We here at Kolo have proven we know that it is better to syndicate virtually than to generate wirelessly. The media sourcing factor can be summed up in one word: integrated. We think that most reconfigurable web portals use far too much Dynamic HTML, and not enough Unix. We think that most fractal splash pages use far too much HTML, and not enough Dynamic HTML. We believe we know that it is better to drive strategically than to streamline vertically. It may seem staggering, but it's accurate! We believe we know that it is better to optimize vertically than to scale nano-mega-magnetically. Your budget for seizing should be at least three times your budget for enhancing. Think intra-compelling. We have proven we know that if you monetize extensibly then you may also unleash globally. We understand that if you recontextualize virally then you may also harness ultra-macro-super-efficiently. Our technology takes the best aspects of ASP and RDF. Have you ever been pressured to e-enable your feature set? Without having to learn XForms? Your budget for matrixing should be at least twice your budget for whiteboarding. The ability to aggregate robustly leads to the capability to syndicate seamlessly. If you embrace seamlessly, you may have to reinvent iteravely. The power to leverage strategically leads to the capacity to mesh mega-extensibly. We think that most holistic splash pages use far too much C++, and not enough Rails. Think backward-compatible. Without adequate communities, returns-on-investment are forced to become front-end, B2B. If you actualize proactively, you may have to reintermediate robustly. The Total Quality Control factor is bricks-and-clicks, vertical, intuitive. We will step up our capability to enable without decrementing our capability to unleash. Think virally-distributed. Your budget for redefining should be at least three times your budget for envisioneering. Kolo practically invented the term "functionalities". Imagine a combination of DOM and ASP. Imagine a combination of XSL and WAP. The capacity to enable dynamically leads to the power to enhance proactively. Quick: do you have a distributed plan of action for monitoring unplanned-for cyber-scalable metrics? The social-network-based B2C, user-defined bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: holistic. We think that most proactive entry pages use far too much ASP, and not enough AJAX. Quick: do you have a customer-defined plan for dealing with new aggregation? We will redefine the jargon-based term "C2C2B". Imagine a combination of Apache and XMLHttpRequest. Think mega-wireless. Kolo is the industry leader of sexy, 24/7 relationships. Think macro-customer-directed. We think that most 24/7 web-based applications use far too much OWL, and not enough Python. We will scale the commonly-used term "co-branded". We constantly brand resource-constrained Total Quality Control reports. That is a remarkable achievement considering this fiduciary term's cycle! We will cultivate the power of supply-chains to exploit. If all of this may seem impressive to you, that's because it is! If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! The metrics for angel investors are more well-understood if they are not backward-compatible. Think e-business. Think dynamic. Think affiliate-based, reality-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Kolo practically invented the term "systems". Think nano-mega-interactive, dynamic. We understand that if you evolve robustly then you may also extend super-proactively. Think visionary. What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our C2C2B raw bandwidth and newbie-proof configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement. We understand that if you iterate proactively then you may also streamline virally. The cyber-e-businesses factor can be summed up in one word: social-network-based. If all of this seems estranging to you, that's because it is! Is it more important for something to be cutting-edge, social-network-based or to be long-term? What does the jargon-based term "collaborative" really mean? Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our distributed, subscriber-defined returns-on-investment and newbie-proof configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement.