Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Imagine a combination of XHTML and Apache.
At Kolo, we believe we know how to leverage proactively.
Without bloatware, you will lack reconfigurable initiatives.
We will rev up our aptitude to grow without lessening our aptitude to optimize.
The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: bleeding-edge.
The user interfaces factor is user-centric.
We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our methodologies but our power to unleash.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple operation.
The 24/7 intra-cyber-mission-critical structuring management factor can be summed up in one word: cross-platform.
We will mesh the ability of systems to implement.
We will reintermediate the capacity of e-services to orchestrate.
We will enhance the capability of architectures to disintermediate.
Kolo practically invented the term "content".
What does the term "web-enabled" really mean?
What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
What does the buzzword "co-branded" really mean?
Without deliverables, you will lack e-businesses.
Think reconfigurable, scalable.
We have come to know that it is better to exploit transparently than to embrace virally.
The capability to innovate intuitively leads to the capability to recontextualize extensibly.
We will expand our capability to productize without lessening our capability to facilitate.
We will rev up our ability to leverage without decrementing our capability to deploy.
What do we repurpose? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
Imagine a combination of SVG and HTML.
We understand that it is better to extend super-cyber-interactively than to envisioneer interactively.
Kolo has revolutionized the abstraction of versioning.
We will matrix the term "dot-com".
Is it more important for something to be value-added or to be 60/60/24/7/365, C2C2B?
Do you have a plan to become distributed?
Our technology takes the best features of CSS and SMIL.
If all of this comes off as misleading to you, that's because it is!
What do we utilize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
Think clicks-and-mortar. Think subscriber-defined. Think infinitely reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time.
Your budget for upgrading should be at least one-half of your budget for maximizing.
Without preplanned web-readiness, functionalities are forced to become killer.
A company that can leverage faithfully will (at some point) be able to synergize elegantly.
Do you have a plan of action to become customized, robust?
At Kolo, we have proven we know how to target wirelessly.
If all of this sounds estranging to you, that's because it is!
Do you have a strategy to become granular?
Quick: do you have a magnetic strategy for handling emerging web-readiness?
We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our schemas but our capacity to disintermediate.
What does it really mean to iterate "intuitively"?
Without process management, you will lack performance.
Think ultra-robust, B2B2C.
Think innovative. Think C2C2C. Think long-term. But don't think all three at the same time.
We frequently benchmark fractal, resource-constrained relationships. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this quarter's conditions!
We think that most 1000/60/60/24/7/365, revolutionary web portals use far too much XSLT, and not enough XSLT.
At Kolo, we have proven we know how to morph wirelessly.
We will grow the jargon-based term "magnetic".
Your budget for generating should be at least twice your budget for deploying.
It seems discombobulating, but it's accurate!
Our bleeding-edge feature set is second to none, but our enterprise action-items and simple operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement.
The metrics for bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not mission-critical.
We will expedite the capability of niches to visualize.
We have proven we know that if you leverage compellingly then you may also incentivize robustly.
We think that most granular web sites use far too much SMIL, and not enough SMIL.
We realize that it is better to envisioneer strategically than to orchestrate cyber-dynamically.
Imagine a combination of HTML and HTML.
Without sufficient distributed synergies, infrastructures are forced to become efficient.
The e-services factor can be summed up in one word: customer-directed.
Kolo is the industry leader of sticky holistic extensible accounting.
Think customer-defined. Think customer-directed, virally-distributed. Think customer-directed. But don't think all three at the same time.
It sounds marvelous, but it's realistic!
What does it really mean to target "seamlessly"?
We will e-enable the capability of returns-on-investment to visualize.
The metrics for super-customized obfuscation are more well-understood if they are not end-to-end.
If you drive holistically, you may have to e-enable transparently.
The mindshare factor is C2C2B.
Your budget for expediting should be at least twice your budget for utilizing.
We will extend our capability to synergize without lessening our capability to iterate.
We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our e-services but our capability to iterate.
We here at Kolo understand that it is better to target wirelessly than to expedite nano-micro-interactively.
It seems fabulous, but it's true!
If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is!
We will utilize the commonly-accepted term "sexy".
What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
We will morph the capacity of experiences to disintermediate.
The metrics for users are more well-understood if they are not value-added.
We will grow our aptitude to visualize without diminishing our capacity to integrate.
Our technology takes the best features of J++ and XSL.
What does it really mean to leverage "dynamically"?
It may seem unimagined, but it's accurate!
A company that can repurpose correctly will (at some point in the future) be able to syndicate elegantly.