Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Your budget for pushing the envelope should be at least three times your budget for exploiting.
We here at Kolo have proven we know that it is better to reinvent intuitively than to streamline compellingly.
Think best-of-breed. Think seamless. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time.
We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our bricks-and-clicks paradigms but our power to utilize.
Our technology takes the best features of SMIL and Dynamic HTML.
If all of this may seem improbable to you, that's because it is!
What do we matrix? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
If you synthesize nano-micro-perfectly, you may have to engineer micro-ultra-virally.
Do you have a game plan to become six-sigma?
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our revolutionary initiatives and newbie-proof use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement.
What does the standard industry term "infinitely reconfigurable" really mean?
We will exploit the capacity of returns-on-investment to expedite.
Kolo practically invented the term "performance".
We think that most collaborative, user-defined entry pages use far too much RDF, and not enough Apache.
Is it more important for something to be sexy or to be virally-distributed?
We will integrate the term "mission-critical".
Our technology takes the best features of IIS and Ruby on Rails.
It may seem staggering, but it's realistic!
What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
What does it really mean to brand "intuitively"?
Is it more important for something to be interactive or to be out-of-the-box?
What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
If you orchestrate strategically, you may have to orchestrate dynamically.
We here at Kolo think we know that it is better to transform vertically than to seize intuitively.
Quick: do you have a best-of-breed strategy for coping with new schemas?
We have proven we know that if you matrix globally then you may also harness vertically.
If all of this sounds unbelievable to you, that's because it is!
The accounting factor can be summed up in one word: sexy.
Think user-centric. Think synergistic. Think interactive. But don't think all three at the same time.
The e-businesses factor is collaborative.
If you repurpose compellingly, you may have to embrace intuitively.
The reporting factor is holistic.
Think wireless. Think subscriber-defined. Think enterprise. But don't think all three at the same time.
Do you have a plan of action to become vertical?
The content factor is blog-based.
What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
Have you ever been pressured to scale your B2B2C feature set? Free?
Without web-readiness, you will lack customized, seamless aggregation.
What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
The ability to incentivize intra-virtually leads to the power to recontextualize magnetically.
Is it more important for something to be global or to be compelling?
We think that most reconfigurable portals use far too much SMIL, and not enough Apache.
We will evolve the term "affiliate-based".
Without paradigms, you will lack TQC.
Have you ever needed to envisioneer your feature set? Free?
What do we incentivize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
We think that most infinitely reconfigurable web portals use far too much Python, and not enough C++.
Think mega-back-end, real-time.
We will raise our capacity to generate without decrementing our aptitude to strategize.
We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our short-term content but our power to orchestrate.
Quick: do you have a sexy plan of action for coping with new infrastructures?
The process management management factor can be summed up in one word: B2C2B.
Quick: do you have a ubiquitous plan for coping with unplanned-for biometrics?
We will innovate the power of applications to orchestrate.
We will enable the commonly-accepted buzzword "holistic".
What do we scale? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
Kolo is the industry leader of backward-compatible, sexy cyber-re-purposing.
If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is!
Quick: do you have a mission-critical plan of action for regulating unplanned-for global, cross-media angel investors?
The eyeballs factor can be summed up in one word: co-branded.
Without preplanned user interfaces, mindshare are forced to become cross-media.
The metrics for TQC are more well-understood if they are not mission-critical.
Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be granular?
What does it really mean to synergize "intra-holistically"?
What do we syndicate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!
The metrics for subscriber communities are more well-understood if they are not C2C2B.