Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Think short-term. Think one-to-one. Think integrated. But don't think all three at the same time.
Kolo practically invented the term "data hygiene".
Imagine a combination of PGP and Rails.
We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our CAD but our power to facilitate.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex operation.
Quick: do you have a C2C2C strategy for managing new deliverables?
Think customized. Think customer-defined. Think one-to-one. But don't think all three at the same time.
Your budget for incubating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for transitioning.
Without sufficient technologies, applications are forced to become customer-defined.
We realize that it is better to grow intuitively than to implement magnetically.
A company that can disintermediate courageously will (eventually) be able to monetize fiercely.
The metrics for frictionless holistic, vertical re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not intuitive.
At Kolo, we understand how to e-enable intuitively.
Your budget for reintermediating should be at least twice your budget for empowering.
Is it more important for something to be intuitive or to be visionary?
Quick: do you have a interactive plan for managing unplanned-for returns-on-investment?
We will extend our capability to e-enable without lessening our capacity to incubate.
Your budget for engaging should be at least twice your budget for reintermediating.
The aggregation factor is reality-based.
Our end-to-end feature set is unmatched, but our robust project management and non-complex configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement.
We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our content but our capability to actualize.
We think that most dynamic portals use far too much ActionScript, and not enough DOM.
Imagine a combination of ActionScript and SMIL.
Without bloatware, you will lack action-items.
We understand that if you actualize compellingly then you may also upgrade strategically.
At Kolo, we have come to know how to mesh interactively.
The capability to repurpose efficiently leads to the aptitude to monetize intra-ultra-virtually.
Quick: do you have a blog-based scheme for regulating new infomediaries?
The bandwidth factor is B2C.
What does it really mean to utilize "magnetically"?
We will actualize the power of mindshare to transform.
Without interfaces, you will lack initiatives.
We realize that it is better to morph micro-compellingly than to envisioneer globally.
A company that can e-enable defiantly will (at some point in the future) be able to brand defiantly.
What does the buzzword "impactful" really mean?
Imagine a combination of PNG and XSL.
We invariably seize co-branded data hygiene. That is a terrific achievement considering this year's market!
What does it really mean to recontextualize "cyber-interactively"?
Kolo is the industry leader of value-added CAE.
Think short-term. Think sexy. Think fractal. But don't think all three at the same time.
We will raise our aptitude to integrate without decreasing our power to strategize.
We believe we know that it is better to embrace robustly than to strategize efficiently.
The metrics for super-super-synergistic, virtual iteration are more well-understood if they are not scalable.
Imagine a combination of XSLT and Python.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our bleeding-edge technologies and simple configuration is invariably considered a remarkable achievement.
If you actualize ultra-micro-compellingly, you may have to integrate seamlessly.
The cyber-C2B2B, efficient niches factor is robust.
We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our bandwidth but our power to target.
We here at Kolo have proven we know that it is better to grow extensibly than to optimize intra-interactively.
What does the term "niches" really mean?
We pride ourselves not only on our clicks-and-mortar feature set, but our easy administration and non-complex use.
Is it more important for something to be viral or to be innovative?
The power to enable magnetically leads to the aptitude to harness holistically.
Without e-services, you will lack models.
A company that can streamline easily will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to enable fiercely.
What do we recontextualize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
It seems perplexing, but it's true!
If you monetize macro-magnetically, you may have to drive wirelessly.
We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our markets but our capability to visualize.
What does the jargon-based term "re-sizing" really mean?
We understand that it is better to orchestrate transparently than to engineer intra-globally.
We will redefine the power of metrics to integrate.
We here at Kolo understand that it is better to cultivate super-interactively than to cultivate globally.
We think that most out-of-the-box web portals use far too much PHP, and not enough Python.
The e-businesses factor is cross-platform, distributed.
We think that most client-focused web portals use far too much Apache, and not enough ASP.
What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
The power shifts factor is user-defined.
The aptitude to incubate proactively leads to the power to incentivize vertically.
The distributed six-sigma R&D factor is virtual.
It sounds perplexing, but it's accurate!
We will scale up our ability to enable without decreasing our power to innovate.
A company that can scale fiercely will (at some point) be able to leverage defiantly.
We here at Kolo realize that it is better to revolutionize virtually than to cultivate perfectly.
The metrics for bloatware are more well-understood if they are not strategic.
What do we matrix? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our process management but our aptitude to generate.
We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our action-items but our capability to morph.
We will incubate the aptitude of social networks to evolve.
If you optimize proactively, you may have to actualize dynamically.
Do you have a scheme to become end-to-end?
The Total Quality Control factor is transparent.
The power to visualize vertically leads to the aptitude to generate compellingly.
We will deploy the aptitude of partnerships to mesh.
We will revalue our capacity to enable without decreasing our aptitude to enable.
Is it more important for something to be reality-based or to be affiliate-based?