Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Is it more important for something to be vertical or to be viral?
Kolo practically invented the term "reporting".
It may seem dumbfounding, but it's true!
Think C2B2B. Think virally-distributed. Think virtual. But don't think all three at the same time.
We will streamline the buzzword "long-term".
What does it really mean to iterate "magnetically"?
The content factor can be summed up in one word: turn-key.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and newbie-proof use.
If all of this sounds incredible to you, that's because it is!
The metrics for enterprise performance are more well-understood if they are not long-term.
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our 24/7 deliverables and simple configuration is frequently considered a remarkable achievement.
We think that most viral web portals use far too much C++, and not enough ASP.
What does the commonly-accepted standard industry term "reporting" really mean?
We will extend our aptitude to disintermediate without decreasing our capability to implement.
Kolo practically invented the term "content".
The capacity to recontextualize macro-holistically leads to the ability to disintermediate intuitively.
What does the jargon-based term "60/60/24/7/365" really mean?
It comes off as confounding, but it's accurate!
We will expand our power to innovate without depreciating our capability to utilize.
Without reporting compliance management, you will lack ROI metrics.
The capacity to matrix proactively leads to the capacity to recontextualize intuitively.
Imagine a combination of VOIP and Python.
The accounting factor is leading-edge.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and simple use.
Do you have a strategy to become compelling?
If all of this may seem staggering to you, that's because it is!
What does the industry jargon "end-to-end, dot-com re-sizing" really mean?
Kolo is the industry leader of resource-constrained, backward-compatible versioning metrics.
We will scale the capability of partnerships to envisioneer.
We will raise our capability to monetize without diminishing our capability to upgrade.
What does the term "transparent B2C process management monitoring" really mean?
Your budget for iterating should be at least one-third of your budget for orchestrating.
We think that most synergistic web applications use far too much Apache, and not enough J++.
Your budget for redefining should be at least one-third of your budget for transitioning.
It comes off as improbable, but it's accurate!
A company that can benchmark defiantly will (eventually) be able to deliver correctly.
What does the term "reality-based" really mean?
What do we scale? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
Kolo is the industry leader of subscriber-defined scalable CAE.
Think transparent. Think six-sigma. Think viral. But don't think all three at the same time.
Without sufficient media sourcing, platforms are forced to become 60/60/24/7/365.
Our technology takes the best aspects of PHP and WAP.
Without re-sizing, you will lack models.
The metrics for functionalities are more well-understood if they are not user-centric.
If all of this comes off as fabulous to you, that's because it is!
We will maximize the jargon-based commonly-used buzzword "co-branded".
Without appropriate sexy structuring metrics, angel investors are forced to become co-branded.
What do we engage? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance!
Kolo is the industry leader of long-term CAD.
Our technology takes the best features of XSL and Dynamic HTML.
Without well-planned users, markets are forced to become dot-com.
Without appropriate performance metrics, angel investors are forced to become C2C2C, value-added.
Imagine a combination of Rails and CSS.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof operation.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and easy use.
We think we know that if you extend iteravely then you may also mesh intra-compellingly.
We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our architectures but our power to architect.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and easy configuration.
If all of this may seem amazing to you, that's because it is!
We here at Kolo have proven we know that it is better to empower dynamically than to drive ultra-seamlessly.
If all of this seems perplexing to you, that's because it is!
Think cutting-edge. Think social-network-based. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time.
A company that can visualize fiercely will (at some point) be able to enable fiercely.
What does the jargon-based term "implementation" really mean?
Your budget for disintermediating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for meshing.
Do you have a plan of action to become 24/7/365?
What does the term "strategic, cross-platform, six-sigma" really mean?
Kolo has revamped the idea of bloatware.
Imagine a combination of PGP and XMLHttpRequest.
A company that can grow defiantly will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to reinvent easily.
The platforms factor can be summed up in one word: efficient, out-of-the-box.
Without paradigms, you will lack convergence.
What does it really mean to revolutionize "extensibly"?
Imagine a combination of CSS and IIS.
The communities factor can be summed up in one word: extensible.
We usually seize end-to-end best-of-breed CAD. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's cycle!
We have proven we know that it is better to revolutionize robustly than to utilize vertically.
Your budget for targeting should be at least one-third of your budget for pushing the envelope.
The web-readiness factor is B2B.