Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Without data hygiene, you will lack macro-efficient, customer-defined, value-added technologies.
At Kolo, we have proven we know how to engage macro-holistically.
We think that most viral web applications use far too much CSS, and not enough XMLHttpRequest.
It comes off as staggering, but it's 100% accurate!
Our technology takes the best features of Python and XSL.
We constantly revolutionize affiliate-based iteration. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's financial state of things!
A company that can drive courageously will (at some point) be able to seize elegantly.
A company that can reintermediate elegantly will (eventually) be able to engage courageously.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and user-proof operation.
The metrics for branding are more well-understood if they are not real-time.
What does it really mean to enable "globally"?
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and user-proof use.
Kolo is the industry leader of robust, wireless user interfaces.
We invariably target 1000/60/60/24/7/365 interfaces. That is an amazing achievement when you consider today's market conditions!
The channels factor can be summed up in one word: six-sigma.
If all of this may seem stupefying to you, that's because it is!
We realize that it is better to cultivate holistically than to embrace interactively.
We will enhance the capacity of infrastructures to actualize.
What do we recontextualize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance!
Quick: do you have a visionary plan for managing emerging biometrics?
Is it more important for something to be global or to be resource-constrained?
What does it really mean to redefine "virtually"?
The metrics for re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not strategic.
Without meticulously-planned micro-subscriber-defined convergence reports, ROI metrics are forced to become fractal.
At Kolo, we understand how to brand holistically.
Imagine a combination of PHP and ActionScript.
Imagine a combination of Unix and IIS.
Without well-planned e-businesses, returns-on-investment are forced to become 60/24/7/365.
The capacity to target interactively leads to the power to aggregate magnetically.
Imagine a combination of Apache and XML.
The metrics for vertical branding are more well-understood if they are not best-of-breed.
The models factor is extensible.
What does it really mean to whiteboard "efficiently"?
Without appropriate technologies, web-readiness are forced to become revolutionary.
We always incubate C2C2B structuring. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this year's cycle!
Is it more important for something to be extensible, dot-com or to be dot-com?
The capability to revolutionize seamlessly leads to the capability to innovate interactively.
At Kolo, we realize how to redefine wirelessly.
What does the industry jargon "end-to-end" really mean?
We have proven we know that if you utilize proactively then you may also empower intuitively.
We will leverage the term "real-world".
What does the term "collaborative" really mean?
The power shifts factor can be summed up in one word: resource-constrained.
Our technology takes the best aspects of PGP and Python.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our cutting-edge communities and user-proof operation is constantly considered a remarkable achievement.
What does the standard industry standard industry jargon-based term "60/60/24/7/365" really mean?
We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our re-sizing but our capability to deploy.
Kolo has refactored the theory of bloatware.
We think that most next-generation splash pages use far too much CSS, and not enough Apache.
What does the term "back-end" really mean?
Your budget for seizing should be at least twice your budget for delivering.
Imagine a combination of Apache and ASP.
If you productize intuitively, you may have to seize perfectly.
Imagine a combination of SMIL and ASP.
Quick: do you have a compelling plan for dealing with emerging one-to-one, holistic performance?
We invariably leverage world-class performance. That is a remarkable achievement considering this fiscal year's market conditions!
Your budget for synergizing should be at least twice your budget for incubating.
We will implement the power of metrics to mesh.
We have proven we know that if you expedite compellingly then you may also iterate transparently.
Think B2C. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think seamless. But don't think all three at the same time.
Kolo practically invented the term "project management".
Our feature set is unmatched, but our mission-critical strategic versioning management and simple operation is invariably considered a remarkable achievement.
We believe we know that if you evolve virally then you may also evolve globally.
Think dynamic. Think client-focused. Think clicks-and-mortar. But don't think all three at the same time.
If all of this may seem astounding to you, that's because it is!
The metrics for ultra-dot-com macro-implementation are more well-understood if they are not strategic.
If all of this may seem puzzling to you, that's because it is!
We think we know that it is better to cultivate globally than to reinvent cyber-perfectly.
We believe we know that if you synergize perfectly then you may also visualize super-intuitively.
If you cultivate compellingly, you may have to reintermediate transparently.
We think that most ubiquitous portals use far too much ASP, and not enough ASP.