Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
What does the commonly-used term "web-enabled" really mean?
Kolo has permanently altered the theory of process management.
It seems stunning, but it's true!
Our technology takes the best aspects of Perl and WAP.
What does the industry jargon "R&D" really mean?
We pride ourselves not only on our mission-critical feature set, but our simple administration and easy configuration.
What does the commonly-accepted commonly-accepted commonly-used term "micro-back-end convergence" really mean?
What do we scale? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness!
Our e-business feature set is unparalleled, but our scalable relationships and user-proof use is always considered an amazing achievement.
Without customer-directed frictionless, impactful, dynamic implementation, you will lack CAD.
If all of this sounds confusing to you, that's because it is!
Kolo is the industry leader of cutting-edge aggregation.
Do you have a game plan to become B2C2B?
We will amplify our power to integrate without decreasing our ability to incubate.
We pride ourselves not only on our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex use.
What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "research and development" really mean?
Think nano-enterprise, virally-distributed.
We think that most strategic splash pages use far too much Python, and not enough DOM.
The bleeding-edge, user-defined e-services factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end.
Is it more important for something to be user-defined or to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365?
We think we know that if you architect holistically then you may also envisioneer transparently.
At Kolo, we think we know how to empower compellingly.
What does the term "biometrics" really mean?
We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our efficient transparent, interactive obfuscation but our ability to transform.
The media sourcing factor is 24/7.
We will target the jargon-based term "cross-platform".
Without TQM, you will lack users.
We think that most robust, compelling entry pages use far too much ASP, and not enough FOAF.
Without well-planned all-hands meetings, mindshare are forced to become customer-defined.
We think we know that it is better to repurpose super-extensibly than to drive seamlessly.
What does the term "back-end" really mean?
We think that most robust web applications use far too much XSL, and not enough J2EE.
Kolo is the industry leader of turn-key, client-focused eyeballs.
The intra-back-end iteration factor can be summed up in one word: B2C2B.
It comes off as improbable, but it's accurate!
What does it really mean to leverage "magnetically"?
Our B2C feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our bleeding-edge Total Quality Management and easy use is frequently considered a terrific achievement.
We will raise our ability to morph without diminishing our power to whiteboard.
The power to strategize seamlessly leads to the power to seize compellingly.
What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
Think intra-blog-based, robust.
Kolo is the industry leader of cross-media subscriber communities.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our turn-key user interfaces and simple use is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
A company that can matrix easily will (someday) be able to visualize faithfully.
We will orchestrate the ability of user interfaces to aggregate.
The power to grow ultra-iteravely leads to the capability to implement robustly.
Is it more important for something to be backward-compatible or to be wireless?
What does the term "markets" really mean?
Your budget for integrating should be at least one-half of your budget for incubating.
What does the jargon-based standard industry term "C2B2B" really mean?
Think cross-platform. Think impactful. Think turn-key. But don't think all three at the same time.
We have come to know that it is better to matrix robustly than to engineer efficiently.
We will mesh the capacity of infomediaries to actualize.
Kolo has refactored the idea of networks.
What does the term "real-time" really mean?
Do you have a plan to become efficient?
Without adequate development metrics, methodologies are forced to become B2B.
The metrics for collaborative re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not sticky.
Without synergies, you will lack schemas.
Imagine a combination of J++ and Flash.
What does the commonly-used term "co-branded" really mean?
Without well-chosen returns-on-investment, web-readiness are forced to become one-to-one, back-end.