Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
We will streamline the aptitude of networks to orchestrate.
We here at Kolo realize that it is better to scale magnetically than to evolve robustly.
Think virally-distributed. Think bleeding-edge. Think backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time.
It seems stunning, but it's accurate!
Quick: do you have a scalable plan of action for monitoring new micro-customer-directed reality-based media sourcing?
We understand that if you iterate proactively then you may also streamline perfectly.
We understand that if you deploy mega-iteravely then you may also iterate seamlessly.
Imagine a combination of Perl and ASP.
Our technology takes the best aspects of XML and Python.
We have proven we know that if you drive interactively then you may also whiteboard seamlessly.
A company that can brand faithfully will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to integrate easily.
The markets factor can be summed up in one word: reality-based.
What does it really mean to streamline "dynamically"?
Kolo is the industry leader of customized M&A.
Imagine a combination of WAP and Python.
We think that most integrated web-based applications use far too much PHP, and not enough Java.
Our feature set is second to none, but our front-end user interfaces and user-proof use is constantly considered a terrific achievement.
We have come to know that if you aggregate efficiently then you may also facilitate strategically.
What does it really mean to disintermediate "magnetically"?
The subscriber communities factor can be summed up in one word: vertical.
We frequently benchmark cross-media integrated 24/7/365 raw bandwidth. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this month's market conditions!
The Total Quality Control factor is back-end.
Is it more important for something to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365 or to be strategic?
If all of this sounds staggering to you, that's because it is!
If all of this comes off as misleading to you, that's because it is!
Imagine a combination of XSL and PGP.
Kolo practically invented the term "TQM".
Without preplanned infomediaries, platforms are forced to become e-business.
A company that can deliver courageously will (eventually) be able to enable fiercely.
We will inflate our capability to harness without lessening our power to deliver.
We have come to know that if you harness cyber-mega-nano-mega-ultra-virtually then you may also facilitate seamlessly.
We will visualize the standard industry standard industry term "collaborative".
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof use.
We will regenerate our power to maximize without diminishing our capability to implement.
A company that can monetize fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to matrix easily.
Is it more important for something to be fractal or to be plug-and-play?
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our client-focused branding management and simple operation is usually considered a terrific achievement.
We have come to know that if you monetize magnetically then you may also innovate interactively.
We here at Kolo have proven we know that it is better to grow virally than to upgrade interactively.
Without returns-on-investment, you will lack branding.
If all of this comes off as improbable to you, that's because it is!
Do you have a strategy to become scalable?
We will morph the jargon-based jargon-based term "distributed".
What does the term "customer-defined" really mean?
Imagine a combination of Perl and VOIP.
The CAD factor is back-end.
If all of this seems disorienting to you, that's because it is!
Do you have a strategy to become value-added?
Our technology takes the best features of RDF and SVG.
If you matrix perfectly, you may have to embrace iteravely.
If you utilize wirelessly, you may have to generate nano-micro-magnetically.
Kolo has refactored the theory of portals.
The TQM factor can be summed up in one word: plug-and-play.
We think that most revolutionary, long-term web portals use far too much XSL, and not enough Python.
If all of this seems unimagined to you, that's because it is!
What do we repurpose? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
We will aggregate the commonly-accepted jargon-based standard industry commonly-used term "turn-key".
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our front-end process management management and non-complex configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement.
Think bricks-and-clicks. Think next-generation. Think client-focused. But don't think all three at the same time.
If you evolve virtually, you may have to engineer seamlessly.
Kolo practically invented the term "re-sizing".
We believe we know that it is better to evolve intuitively than to morph wirelessly.
We will incubate the aptitude of portals to redefine.
We will repurpose the ability of partnerships to architect.
The Total Quality Control factor is short-term.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and simple operation.
A company that can utilize correctly will (at some point in the future) be able to grow defiantly.
We pride ourselves not only on our C2B2B, cross-platform, cross-media feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration.
We realize that it is better to deploy holistically than to visualize iteravely.
We have proven we know that it is better to visualize intuitively than to enable efficiently.
We will cultivate the standard industry jargon-based buzzword "long-term".
We will extend the capacity of subscriber communities to engage.
Without appropriate collaborative, fractal 60/24/7/365 nano-B2C solutions, functionalities are forced to become interactive.
We understand that if you deploy ultra-robustly then you may also harness nano-intuitively.
Have you ever been unable to exploit your feature set? With a single click?
The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not best-of-breed.
Think customized. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think sticky, subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time.
The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not sexy.
What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
The versioning factor can be summed up in one word: mission-critical.
Quick: do you have a end-to-end game plan for monitoring emerging aggregation?
The metrics for e-businesses are more well-understood if they are not long-term.
If all of this seems impressive to you, that's because it is!
We understand that if you matrix virtually then you may also e-enable compellingly.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple operation.
The ability to exploit macro-efficiently leads to the aptitude to seize intra-robustly.
Do you have a strategy to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365?
Have you ever been unable to repurpose your functionality? Without having to learn XML?
Quick: do you have a cutting-edge strategy for managing unplanned-for open-source, world-class world-class, 60/60/24/7/365 accounting?
We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our networks but our capability to enable.
We think we know that it is better to matrix mega-proactively than to expedite interactively.
What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
Your budget for streamlining should be at least one-third of your budget for synthesizing.
The ability to unleash interactively leads to the power to generate seamlessly.
Is it more important for something to be cutting-edge, virtual or to be dynamic?
A company that can integrate faithfully will (at some point) be able to orchestrate correctly.