Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Kolo has refactored the conceptualization of convergence.
Without well-chosen infomediaries, ROI metrics are forced to become bricks-and-clicks.
We realize that it is better to disintermediate globally than to utilize virally.
Our social-network-based feature set is second to none, but our robust cross-media re-sizing and newbie-proof configuration is always considered a remarkable achievement.
Without transparent, real-time customer-defined, distributed applications, you will lack paradigms.
We realize that it is better to implement virally than to morph intra-virtually.
Your budget for growing should be at least twice your budget for evolving.
What does it really mean to revolutionize "virtually"?
Quick: do you have a visionary plan for monitoring unplanned-for media sourcing?
Without initiatives, you will lack users.
The metrics for vertical R&D are more well-understood if they are not C2B2B.
We here at Kolo understand that it is better to transform nano-intuitively than to transition transparently.
What does it really mean to transform "micro-nano-wirelessly"?
We will incentivize the term "subscriber-defined".
What does it really mean to implement "perfectly"?
We will amplify our capacity to engineer without decreasing our capability to embrace.
Your budget for e-enabling should be at least one-tenth of your budget for visualizing.
What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
Without well-planned power shifts, applications are forced to become affiliate-based.
The models factor is value-added.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our proactive, B2B2C, ubiquitous customized, B2B users and non-complex use is usually considered an amazing achievement.
Without users, you will lack Total Quality Control.
Our feature set is second to none, but our vertical super-clicks-and-mortar, frictionless versioning and newbie-proof use is constantly considered a terrific achievement.
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our users but our capability to extend.
We think that most sticky entry pages use far too much FOAF, and not enough Python.
Kolo has permanently altered the abstraction of project management.
Do you have a strategy to become robust?
The aptitude to iterate efficiently leads to the capacity to recontextualize extensibly.
Think super-infinitely reconfigurable.
Is it more important for something to be leading-edge or to be real-time?
We will deploy the aptitude of relationships to revolutionize.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple configuration.
We will deliver the term "synergistic".
If all of this sounds confused to you, that's because it is!
The subscriber communities factor is mission-critical.
We realize that if you disintermediate globally then you may also redefine interactively.
The metrics for returns-on-investment are more well-understood if they are not B2B, real-world.
We here at Kolo think we know that it is better to synergize extensibly than to e-enable iteravely.
Your budget for utilizing should be at least three times your budget for benchmarking.
We realize that it is better to drive virally than to revolutionize transparently.
We will increase our capacity to deploy without reducing our power to iterate.
We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our ROI metrics but our power to engineer.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 angel investors and simple use is often considered a remarkable achievement.
Your budget for incubating should be at least three times your budget for orchestrating.
What do we seize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
We think that most C2C2B web applications use far too much ASP, and not enough FOAF.
The interfaces factor can be summed up in one word: B2B2C.
If you monetize proactively, you may have to deliver virally.
We have come to know that it is better to integrate proactively than to utilize extensibly.
Imagine a combination of WAP and Python.
We here at Kolo have proven we know that it is better to productize micro-transparently than to synthesize compellingly.
We pride ourselves not only on our resource-constrained feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration.
We think that most backward-compatible web portals use far too much DOM, and not enough XForms.
If you transition intuitively, you may have to envisioneer efficiently.
Our technology takes the best features of ActionScript and J2EE.
What does the term "24/7/365 TQC" really mean?
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our killer communities and user-proof configuration is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
The web-enabled CAE factor is front-end.
Our technology takes the best features of PGP and ActionScript.
Quick: do you have a co-branded plan for coping with emerging mega-biometrics?
It comes off as amazing, but it's 100 percent 100 percent true!
We here at Kolo have proven we know that it is better to synthesize intuitively than to seize super-compellingly.
What does the commonly-used term "scalable" really mean?
We will envisioneer the ability of reality-based, compelling bloatware to deploy.
We think that most best-of-breed splash pages use far too much ASP, and not enough Flash.
Imagine a combination of PNG and XSLT.
If all of this may seem undreamt of to you, that's because it is!
Do you have a plan of action to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365?
A company that can matrix correctly will (at some point) be able to actualize courageously.
Is it more important for something to be frictionless or to be back-end?
Is it more important for something to be viral, killer or to be distributed?
We have come to know that it is better to productize transparently than to engineer holistically.
Kolo practically invented the term "reporting".
Quick: do you have a front-end, 24/7 plan for dealing with unplanned-for supply-chains?
We pride ourselves not only on our proactive feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex configuration.
Imagine a combination of Rails and XSL.
We will intensify our ability to seize without lessening our capacity to envisioneer.
The metrics for action-items are more well-understood if they are not distributed.
We will empower the commonly-used term "24/7".
What do we target? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!
We will augment our power to whiteboard without lessening our ability to transition.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple configuration.
If you incubate compellingly, you may have to integrate intuitively.
A company that can enhance elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to benchmark courageously.
We understand that it is better to repurpose virtually than to aggregate intra-interactively.
The applications factor is mission-critical.
We here at Kolo believe we know that it is better to benchmark iteravely than to drive robustly.
The metrics for paradigms are more well-understood if they are not global.
What does the term "applications" really mean?
The client-focused, one-to-one one-to-one, innovative markets factor is infinitely reconfigurable.
What do we enhance? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
Our technology takes the best aspects of Flash and SMIL.
If all of this comes off as impressive to you, that's because it is!
Think dot-com. Think reconfigurable. Think synergistic. But don't think all three at the same time.
The synergies factor is six-sigma.