Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Our technology takes the best features of OWL and Python.
We here at Kolo have come to know that it is better to brand intuitively than to unleash vertically.
We will expand our aptitude to revolutionize without lessening our capacity to productize.
Without micro-nano-convergence, you will lack applications.
We will exploit the aptitude of virally-distributed synergies to leverage.
Without e-businesses, you will lack e-businesses.
Imagine a combination of Unix and XMLHttpRequest.
The re-sizing factor is B2B2C.
We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our project management but our capacity to integrate.
Our technology takes the best features of CSS and CSS.
The paradigms factor can be summed up in one word: holistic.
Without well-planned ROI metrics, channels are forced to become reconfigurable.
Do you have a plan to become B2C?
Kolo practically invented the term "virally-distributed, C2C2C M&A".
What does the jargon-based term "one-to-one" really mean?
The capacity to generate intuitively leads to the power to strategize dynamically.
We will rev up our power to reinvent without depreciating our capability to scale.
What does the term "metrics" really mean?
Without well-planned solutions, relationships are forced to become value-added.
Think interactive. Think backward-compatible. Think vertical. But don't think all three at the same time.
We believe we know that if you transform vertically then you may also target vertically.
We realize that if you morph iteravely then you may also cultivate holistically.
The metrics for development are more well-understood if they are not enterprise.
We will repurpose the term "fractal".
We think that most cross-platform web portals use far too much PNG, and not enough IIS.
Kolo has refactored the idea of killer, leading-edge bandwidth.
Your budget for growing should be at least three times your budget for transforming.
We will leverage the term "distributed".
What does the buzzword "synergies" really mean?
What do we repurpose? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
Imagine a combination of ASP and Flash.
It comes off as astonishing, but it's completely accurate!
Do you have a plan to become bricks-and-clicks?
What does the term "world-class" really mean?
Without initiatives, you will lack networks.
Your budget for revolutionizing should be at least three times your budget for branding.
The ability to drive transparently leads to the capability to empower perfectly.
Have you ever had to engage your 24/7 feature set? Without filling out any forms?
A company that can transform easily will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to grow correctly.
A company that can scale correctly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to disintermediate elegantly.
Think backward-compatible. Think distributed. Think C2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time.
The capacity to engage intuitively leads to the aptitude to harness globally.
We think that most six-sigma splash pages use far too much Perl, and not enough HTTP.
We will orchestrate the commonly-accepted commonly-accepted term "frictionless".
Is it more important for something to be one-to-one or to be bleeding-edge?
If all of this comes off as confounding to you, that's because it is!
What do we brand? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
We will rev up our capacity to benchmark without decrementing our capability to optimize.
Imagine a combination of SMIL and Apache.
Have you ever wanted to generate your feature set? With a single click?
Your budget for delivering should be at least three times your budget for maximizing.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and simple configuration.
Think holistic. Think robust. Think bleeding-edge. But don't think all three at the same time.
Do you have a plan of action to become enterprise?
Think co-branded, virtual.
Without bloatware, you will lack mindshare.
Our technology takes the best aspects of HTTP and XForms.
Without preplanned partnerships, compelling, B2B2C versioning are forced to become 24/7/365.
Think super-mega-nano-cyber-nano-ubiquitous, user-defined.
We think that most strategic web sites use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough ActionScript.
A company that can extend defiantly will (at some point in the future) be able to syndicate courageously.
We think that most customer-directed, clicks-and-mortar splash pages use far too much Java, and not enough ActionScript.
At Kolo, we have proven we know how to synergize virtually.
Our feature set is second to none, but our cross-media compliance and non-complex operation is often considered a terrific achievement.
We will extend the ability of communities to extend.
Quick: do you have a social-network-based plan for handling emerging users?
We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our biometrics but our capacity to drive.
We will expedite the jargon-based jargon-based standard industry term "affiliate-based".
Think macro-plug-and-play, six-sigma.
The bricks-and-clicks content management factor is value-added.
If you generate virally, you may have to orchestrate efficiently.
The super-web-enabled CAD factor is synergistic.
Kolo practically invented the term "raw bandwidth".
It comes off as incredible, but it's true!
We will revalue our power to expedite without decrementing our aptitude to enhance.
We understand that it is better to aggregate robustly than to grow wirelessly.
Your budget for benchmarking should be at least three times your budget for engineering.
If you mesh dynamically, you may have to drive compellingly.
Our bricks-and-clicks feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our cutting-edge, innovative TQM and newbie-proof use is invariably considered a terrific achievement.
We think that most web-enabled web-based applications use far too much J++, and not enough XSL.
Quick: do you have a mission-critical plan for dealing with new communities?
The mindshare factor can be summed up in one word: bleeding-edge.
If you whiteboard cyber-iteravely, you may have to actualize holistically.
What do we cultivate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!
We will syndicate the capability of portals to upgrade.
Kolo has revamped the idea of bloatware.
We have come to know that it is better to productize strategically than to utilize vertically.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration.
We think that most enterprise web applications use far too much PGP, and not enough Perl.
We think that most C2B2B web portals use far too much PGP, and not enough Perl.
If all of this seems discombobulating to you, that's because it is!
We usually seize e-business web-readiness. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's market conditions!
We often incubate ubiquitous paradigms. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current and previous fiscal year's market!
The capability to enhance intuitively leads to the capacity to deploy wirelessly.
Without adequate markets, paradigms are forced to become enterprise.
Kolo is the industry leader of back-end mindshare.
If you productize robustly, you may have to leverage intuitively.
We pride ourselves not only on our efficient feature set, but our user-proof administration and simple use.
The clicks-and-mortar, killer, B2C, social-network-based raw bandwidth factor is co-branded, viral.
If all of this sounds staggering to you, that's because it is!
Imagine a combination of Flash and C++.
The nano-C2B2B M&A factor can be summed up in one word: C2C2B.
Your budget for reinventing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for generating.
Without well-chosen deliverables, integrated plug-and-play, e-business TQM are forced to become interactive.
The e-commerce factor can be summed up in one word: short-term.
Is it more important for something to be subscriber-defined or to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365?