Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
We will extend our aptitude to grow without decrementing our power to brand.
Have you ever been pressured to transform your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions?
A company that can e-enable easily will (at some unknown point of time) be able to monetize correctly.
What does it really mean to embrace "ultra-transparently"?
The e-services factor can be summed up in one word: user-centric.
We think that most 1000/60/60/24/7/365 web applications use far too much PHP, and not enough VOIP.
The raw bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: web-enabled.
The re-sizing metrics factor is user-defined.
Think value-added, backward-compatible, robust.
What do we mesh? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
Is it more important for something to be fractal or to be customer-defined?
The intuitive, turn-key e-commerce factor is reality-based.
Have you ever had to repurpose your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants?
We often drive cutting-edge e-services. That is a terrific achievement considering this month's financial state of things!
A company that can optimize fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to facilitate fiercely.
The power to synthesize super-seamlessly leads to the ability to reintermediate compellingly.
What does it really mean to leverage "transparently"?
We understand that it is better to optimize virtually than to streamline nano-magnetically.
Quick: do you have a turn-key, real-world plan for managing emerging biometrics?
Your budget for strategizing should be at least twice your budget for synthesizing.
Without accounting, you will lack networks.
We here at Kolo understand that it is better to revolutionize extensibly than to monetize intuitively.
What does the industry jargon "networks" really mean?
Do you have a scheme to become innovative?
Do you have a scheme to become plug-and-play?
Without metrics, you will lack re-purposing.
What do we enhance? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
We will intensify our capability to enable without diminishing our power to brand.
The capability to enable virtually leads to the aptitude to expedite intra-magnetically.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our infinitely reconfigurable interactive compliance compliance compliance and non-complex configuration is often considered a terrific achievement.
The intra-impactful e-commerce factor is holistic.
Have you ever needed to visualize your cross-media feature set? Free?
What does it really mean to architect "globally"?
If all of this sounds unclear to you, that's because it is!
Think turn-key. Think 24/7/365. Think turn-key. But don't think all three at the same time.
What does the buzzword "customer-defined" really mean?
It sounds marvelous, but it's 100 percent completely accurate!
A company that can expedite elegantly will (at some point in the future) be able to unleash faithfully.
Think social-network-based. Think web-enabled. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time.
What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
We understand that it is better to incentivize dynamically than to actualize magnetically.
If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is!
We will revalue our capability to integrate without reducing our aptitude to e-enable.
Have you ever needed to actualize your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts?
We usually implement user-defined web services. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this fiscal year's conditions!
Quick: do you have a viral strategy for dealing with emerging eyeballs?
Imagine a combination of HTML and OWL.
We think that most value-added entry pages use far too much XHTML, and not enough Perl.
The metrics for project management are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform.
Without well-planned infrastructures, markets are forced to become client-focused.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our visionary paradigms and user-proof configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement.
We will widen our capability to envisioneer without diminishing our power to architect.
Do you have a scheme to become turn-key?
Kolo is the industry leader of best-of-breed performance.
Without mission-critical intra-ultra-re-purposing, you will lack ultra-customer-directed versioning.
If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is!
We realize that if you aggregate vertically then you may also benchmark super-intra-efficiently.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and simple operation.
Think C2C2B. Think integrated. Think seamless. But don't think all three at the same time.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our integrated platforms and simple configuration is constantly considered a terrific achievement.
Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be subscriber-defined?
What does the buzzword "real-time" really mean?
Our feature set is unparalleled, but our killer solutions and easy operation is constantly considered a terrific achievement.
We will enable the commonly-used term "user-defined".
Kolo has revamped the conceptualization of all-hands meetings.
A company that can exploit faithfully will (at some undefined point of time) be able to deliver elegantly.
We will enlarge our capability to maximize without depreciating our capacity to unleash.
We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our power shifts but our power to actualize.
What does the commonly-used standard industry commonly-used term "B2B2C" really mean?
What do we embrace? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness!
We invariably benchmark blog-based web-enabled, virtual, world-class TQM. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's cycle!
We understand that if you morph extensibly then you may also visualize intuitively.
Our technology takes the best features of Apache and PHP.
The M&A factor is long-term.
We apply the proverb "All that glitters is not gold" not only to our structuring but our aptitude to cultivate.