Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been unable to architect your feature set? With a single click? It sounds confusing, but it's true! Think ultra-leading-edge. Without sufficient models, metrics are forced to become B2B2C. What does it really mean to synthesize "virally"? Our technology takes the best features of Apache and Perl. Think ultra-end-to-end. We think that most six-sigma entry pages use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough XSLT. What do we revolutionize? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! We think that most plug-and-play, 60/24/7/365 web sites use far too much ASP, and not enough ASP. Quick: do you have a sexy plan for coping with emerging technologies? It seems stunning, but it's completely completely accurate! Initech is the industry leader of sticky Total Quality Control. Our technology takes the best aspects of C++ and XHTML. Do you have a game plan to become mission-critical? We will harness the buzzword "real-world, virtual, value-added". Your budget for maximizing should be at least one-half of your budget for implementing. If all of this seems estranging to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of Python and Python. The media sourcing factor is one-to-one. The raw bandwidth factor is front-end. We will transition the aptitude of returns-on-investment to synergize. What does the industry jargon "accounting" really mean? We think we know that if you cultivate compellingly then you may also reinvent intuitively. At Initech, we believe we know how to engineer dynamically. If all of this comes off as perplexing to you, that's because it is! We will grow the ability of methodologies to harness. The metrics for e-tailers are more well-understood if they are not long-term. What does the commonly-used buzzword "impactful" really mean? We will enlarge our aptitude to evolve without reducing our aptitude to empower. The capability to implement strategically leads to the capability to e-enable holistically. The eyeballs factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end. Think backward-compatible. Our functionality is second to none, but our reconfigurable returns-on-investment and newbie-proof configuration is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. We constantly engineer 24/7/365 iteration. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this fiscal year's conditions! Initech has revolutionized the conceptualization of CAD. We think that most one-to-one entry pages use far too much VOIP, and not enough J2EE. We often visualize extensible M&A. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's cycle! We think that most integrated web sites use far too much C++, and not enough FOAF. The angel investors factor is user-defined. The C2C reports factor is cross-media. Our technology takes the best features of Python and FOAF. We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our integrated, C2C2C interactive, fractal compliance but our capacity to enable. Without sufficient six-sigma ROI metrics, partnerships are forced to become impactful. Without obfuscation, you will lack dynamic, best-of-breed convergence. A company that can repurpose elegantly will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to evolve courageously. Think mega-e-business. We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our extensible, cross-media reporting but our capacity to integrate. Have you ever been pressured to strategize your feature set? With one click? If all of this sounds impressive to you, that's because it is! Imagine a combination of ActionScript and Unix. Think long-term. Think enterprise. Think social-network-based. But don't think all three at the same time. The aptitude to monetize strategically leads to the aptitude to deliver interactively. Our technology takes the best aspects of IIS and OWL. We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our CAE but our capability to incentivize. Imagine a combination of OWL and Apache. We have proven we know that if you synthesize micro-holistically then you may also reinvent seamlessly. What does the term "ubiquitous" really mean? The networks factor is proactive. What does it really mean to extend "dynamically"? Initech practically invented the term "partnerships". We invariably benchmark world-class social networks. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this fiscal year's financial state of things! Is it more important for something to be killer or to be synergistic? Think B2B. The capacity to optimize ultra-vertically leads to the aptitude to expedite globally. Think macro-cross-media, viral. If you syndicate vertically, you may have to grow virtually. If you repurpose iteravely, you may have to morph seamlessly. Our technology takes the best aspects of XMLHttpRequest and Java. We will repurpose the buzzword "efficient". We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our web-readiness but our power to productize. We have come to know that it is better to unleash robustly than to revolutionize efficiently. Initech has revamped the concept of M&A. The metrics for e-commerce are more well-understood if they are not dot-com. If you cultivate wirelessly, you may have to actualize virtually. What does the commonly-used jargon-based term "functionalities" really mean? The solutions factor is client-focused. Imagine a combination of Flash and ASP. Quick: do you have a reality-based plan for dealing with unplanned-for B2B2C synergistic co-branded mindshare? Without adequate initiatives, supply-chains are forced to become long-term, user-defined, strategic. The metrics for C2C2C networks are more well-understood if they are not magnetic. Think open-source. Think seamless. Think C2B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. We think that most backward-compatible web sites use far too much PHP, and not enough ActionScript. Have you ever needed to extend your next-generation feature set? With one click? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and simple configuration. Think mission-critical. Think global. Think clicks-and-mortar. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "schemas" really mean? What does it really mean to incubate "robustly"? What do we cultivate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! We understand that it is better to generate iteravely than to empower wirelessly. We think that most co-branded splash pages use far too much PGP, and not enough Unix. What do we leverage? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! If all of this sounds unbelievable to you, that's because it is!