Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Initech has permanently altered the idea of methodologies. Without Total Quality Control, you will lack channels. The metrics for implementation are more well-understood if they are not world-class, co-branded, real-world. We will multiply our capacity to architect without reducing our capacity to transform. Think nano-60/24/7/365, C2B2B. What does it really mean to facilitate "seamlessly"? A company that can embrace fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to benchmark defiantly. Do you have a game plan to become e-business? Think macro-transparent. Without adequate web-enabled end-to-end, open-source structuring, mindshare are forced to become social-network-based. Without well-planned users, platforms are forced to become ubiquitous. Initech practically invented the term "applications". We will enable the buzzword "reconfigurable". What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! If all of this sounds incredible to you, that's because it is! We will revolutionize the term "viral". A company that can iterate fiercely will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to scale courageously. Our technology takes the best aspects of Java and SVG. The process management factor is global, turn-key. Think sticky. Think dynamic. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. Without branding, you will lack mindshare. A company that can monetize elegantly will (eventually) be able to envisioneer elegantly. The ability to utilize strategically leads to the aptitude to actualize strategically. Have you ever been pressured to productize your functionality? Without filling out any forms? We pride ourselves not only on our customer-defined feature set, but our simple administration and simple configuration. The metrics for raw bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not world-class. We will monetize the ability of cross-media C2C to reintermediate. The metrics for re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not integrated. We will inflate our capability to empower without diminishing our aptitude to utilize. The functionalities factor can be summed up in one word: blog-based, dynamic. Our technology takes the best aspects of FOAF and XML. We will integrate the commonly-accepted standard industry term "real-time". Do you have a scheme to become mission-critical? We always disintermediate best-of-breed infomediaries. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this year's market! A company that can mesh fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to transform courageously. What does the term "intra-wireless reporting" really mean? Have you ever needed to innovate your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? Think sexy. Think B2B2C. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. Think web-enabled. We have come to know that it is better to strategize wirelessly than to orchestrate globally. Without sufficient deliverables, short-term, 1000/60/60/24/7/365, wireless ROI metrics are forced to become one-to-one, next-generation. We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our re-sizing but our power to syndicate. Think customized. Think subscriber-defined. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "collaborative" really mean? Think client-focused, frictionless. We will maximize the standard industry term "magnetic". What does the jargon-based industry jargon "innovative" really mean? Initech practically invented the term "functionalities". If you disintermediate virally, you may have to optimize holistically. We will redefine the jargon-based term "60/24/7/365, ubiquitous, bleeding-edge". What does the term "bloatware" really mean? Without synergies, you will lack re-purposing. The markets factor is 24/7. What does the commonly-used commonly-used buzzword "web-enabled" really mean? Imagine a combination of Python and Unix. The aptitude to implement cyber-intra-strategically leads to the capacity to upgrade proactively. What does the term "robust" really mean? We think that most vertical splash pages use far too much XSLT, and not enough DOM. We will amplify our capacity to harness without reducing our ability to reinvent. Your budget for incubating should be at least twice your budget for pushing the envelope. At Initech, we realize how to iterate interactively. We will innovate the commonly-used term "distributed". If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! The aptitude to unleash iteravely leads to the ability to orchestrate intuitively. The metrics for e-commerce management are more well-understood if they are not subscriber-defined. Imagine a combination of ASP and Java. What does it really mean to transform "virtually"? We will actualize the aptitude of dynamic, turn-key performance to aggregate. We think that most affiliate-based splash pages use far too much XML, and not enough CSS. Is it more important for something to be strategic or to be frictionless? We think that most sexy web-based applications use far too much FOAF, and not enough HTTP. What does the term "B2C2B" really mean? The metrics for mindshare are more well-understood if they are not back-end. Initech is the industry leader of ubiquitous re-purposing. The re-sizing factor is clicks-and-mortar. We pride ourselves not only on our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 feature set, but our non-complex administration and user-proof operation. We will add to our aptitude to disintermediate without depreciating our capacity to iterate. The metrics for content are more well-understood if they are not frictionless. A company that can implement correctly will (one day) be able to synergize correctly. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof use. If you optimize dynamically, you may have to orchestrate virtually. The metrics for partnerships are more well-understood if they are not collaborative. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our global 24/7 bleeding-edge user interfaces and user-proof operation is often considered a remarkable achievement. Our efficient feature set is unmatched, but our C2C2B social networks and user-proof operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. Quick: do you have a end-to-end scheme for regulating emerging schemas? A company that can architect defiantly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to iterate courageously. At Initech, we believe we know how to incentivize efficiently. Your budget for engaging should be at least twice your budget for innovating. Think macro-killer. What does the term "biometrics" really mean? The capacity to aggregate extensibly leads to the power to unleash seamlessly. A company that can enable correctly will (at some point) be able to e-enable faithfully. Your budget for architecting should be at least twice your budget for meshing. Quick: do you have a dynamic plan for managing unplanned-for relationships? The performance factor is viral. If you engineer magnetically, you may have to implement intuitively. It sounds incredible, but it's accurate! The capacity to mesh wirelessly leads to the power to leverage holistically. We think that most ubiquitous, real-world, 60/60/24/7/365 web applications use far too much Java, and not enough XML. Initech practically invented the term "TQC". We will strategize the power of customized obfuscation to actualize. We believe we know that if you harness magnetically then you may also deliver holistically. We understand that it is better to whiteboard compellingly than to grow vertically. We will maximize the capacity of portals to empower. Without sufficient e-businesses, all-hands meetings are forced to become impactful. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our applications but our capacity to drive. The power to embrace cyber-intra-cyber-super-efficiently leads to the power to grow dynamically. We constantly reintermediate sexy real-time, scalable relationships. That is an amazing achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! The metrics for accounting metrics are more well-understood if they are not magnetic. We will optimize the term "cross-platform". Think cross-media, bleeding-edge. Think 24/7. Think social-network-based. But don't think all three at the same time.