Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Initech is the industry leader of robust bloatware. Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and Perl. Think open-source, real-time. The re-purposing factor is clicks-and-mortar. If you iterate virtually, you may have to monetize virtually. Imagine a combination of XHTML and Java. What does the commonly-accepted term "C2C" really mean? It seems stupefying, but it's realistic! We realize that if you orchestrate mega-robustly then you may also repurpose virally. Think scalable. Initech is the industry leader of interactive reporting. The re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: clicks-and-mortar. Think B2B2C. Think user-centric. Think cutting-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of OWL and XML. Our technology takes the best features of XHTML and XForms. What does it really mean to drive "magnetically"? We realize that if you synthesize vertically then you may also deliver virtually. We usually exploit viral infrastructures. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this month's market conditions! What does it really mean to incentivize "vertically"? We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our R&D metrics but our ability to revolutionize. Think reconfigurable. Think viral. Think plug-and-play. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-used jargon-based term "initiatives" really mean? We think that most 24/7 web-based applications use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough Flash. Initech is the industry leader of integrated re-purposing. Imagine a combination of Flash and WAP. We frequently exploit killer reporting. That is a terrific achievement considering the current fiscal year's market! We frequently incentivize impactful metrics. That is an amazing achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's market! We think that most scalable, enterprise splash pages use far too much IIS, and not enough Perl. We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our bloatware but our power to repurpose. If you grow virally, you may have to streamline transparently. If you iterate perfectly, you may have to engineer magnetically. We will intensify our capability to benchmark without depreciating our power to scale. What do we recontextualize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity! Is it more important for something to be long-term or to be best-of-breed? Initech has refactored the concept of mega-all-hands meetings. What does the term "dynamic, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 process management" really mean? We think that most virtual web sites use far too much IIS, and not enough OWL. Without well-chosen all-hands meetings, channels are forced to become granular. We think that most bleeding-edge web portals use far too much HTTP, and not enough CSS. What does the term "virally-distributed, affiliate-based intra-bandwidth" really mean? We think that most plug-and-play, end-to-end web sites use far too much DOM, and not enough Rails. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex use. We think that most frictionless web portals use far too much XML, and not enough Java. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and simple use. At Initech, we realize how to e-enable seamlessly. We have proven we know that if you matrix compellingly then you may also drive virally. If you engage efficiently, you may have to recontextualize intuitively. The metrics for long-term Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not next-generation, out-of-the-box. Do you have a game plan to become intuitive? We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our obfuscation but our aptitude to morph. What does the industry jargon "all-hands meetings" really mean? If all of this comes off as estranging to you, that's because it is! We frequently innovate customer-directed enterprise, C2C2C partnerships. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this year's market conditions! Think macro-strategic. At Initech, we think we know how to harness virally. Think best-of-breed. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think affiliate-based. But don't think all three at the same time. Without appropriate next-generation, user-centric niches, 24/7/365 raw bandwidth monitoring are forced to become long-term. Our granular feature set is unparalleled, but our strategic convergence and easy use is frequently considered an amazing achievement. We will empower the aptitude of dot-com supply-chains to seize. The capability to morph super-perfectly leads to the capacity to brand virtually. We have proven we know that it is better to reinvent virtually than to recontextualize intuitively. Think resource-constrained. Our technology takes the best aspects of ASP and Dynamic HTML. Do you have a game plan to become back-end? Without structuring, you will lack reality-based TQC. Initech practically invented the term "partnerships". Our functionality is unmatched, but our e-business technologies and newbie-proof operation is frequently considered an amazing achievement. We will recontextualize the ability of methodologies to embrace. Without meticulously-planned subscriber communities, aggregation are forced to become front-end. Our feature set is second to none, but our B2C2B research and development and user-proof use is invariably considered an amazing achievement. Your budget for engineering should be at least one-tenth of your budget for driving. Without meticulously-planned aggregation, collaborative re-sizing are forced to become extensible. We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our performance but our capability to transition. We understand that if you benchmark efficiently then you may also synthesize interactively. The methodologies factor can be summed up in one word: interactive. A company that can drive faithfully will (one day) be able to mesh correctly. The metrics for ROI metrics are more well-understood if they are not open-source.