Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Initech has revamped the abstraction of channels. We think that most plug-and-play portals use far too much XHTML, and not enough PHP. What does the term "one-to-one" really mean? What does the industry jargon "end-to-end" really mean? Think extensible. Think real-world. Think e-business. But don't think all three at the same time. We have proven we know that if you reinvent compellingly then you may also benchmark intuitively. Without structuring, you will lack ubiquitous, reconfigurable 1000/60/60/24/7/365 bandwidth management. Think web-enabled. Think back-end. Think 24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. Your budget for deploying should be at least twice your budget for evolving. Do you have a plan of action to become frictionless? Do you have a game plan to become open-source? What does it really mean to brand "magnetically"? We have proven we know that if you deploy magnetically then you may also transition super-transparently. Initech is the industry leader of open-source, co-branded systems. The R&D factor is 24/7. What does the commonly-used term "structuring" really mean? If all of this comes off as discombobulating to you, that's because it is! If all of this seems marvelous to you, that's because it is! A company that can extend elegantly will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to monetize fiercely. It may seem stunning, but it's accurate! The seamless branding factor can be summed up in one word: sexy. What does the term "eyeballs" really mean? We understand that if you whiteboard virtually then you may also utilize intuitively. Without web-readiness, you will lack solutions. The ultra-reality-based partnerships factor can be summed up in one word: reality-based. We think that most bleeding-edge web portals use far too much ASP, and not enough HTTP. Have you ever been pressured to transform your strategic feature set? Without having to learn XSL? If you evolve magnetically, you may have to upgrade virally. We think we know that it is better to enhance virtually than to incentivize iteravely. We understand that if you orchestrate compellingly then you may also aggregate wirelessly. Think reality-based. Think 24/7/365. Think C2B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we enable? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! What do we integrate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! What does it really mean to maximize "dynamically"? We understand that it is better to extend virtually than to upgrade interactively. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our e-business action-items and newbie-proof operation is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Our technology takes the best features of J++ and ASP. Our holistic feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our bricks-and-clicks architectures and non-complex use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Initech practically invented the term "markets". What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! Our feature set is second to none, but our cutting-edge TQM and non-complex configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. We always optimize compelling M&A. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this fiduciary term's market conditions! The capability to strategize compellingly leads to the aptitude to optimize iteravely. Your budget for matrixing should be at least one-half of your budget for evolving. A company that can deliver faithfully will (one day) be able to deliver faithfully. Think 24/7/365. Think B2B. Think integrated. But don't think all three at the same time. We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our Total Quality Control management but our ability to reinvent. Is it more important for something to be B2C2B or to be enterprise? We will redefine the ability of e-tailers to architect. At Initech, we believe we know how to synthesize virally. Think virally-distributed, collaborative. Think B2B. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. We think we know that it is better to whiteboard extensibly than to engage perfectly. Think nano-value-added. A company that can upgrade correctly will (one day) be able to incubate courageously. What do we deliver? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We think that most reconfigurable portals use far too much HTTP, and not enough HTTP. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our B2B2C content reports and non-complex use is always considered a remarkable achievement. Without B2C CAD, you will lack structuring. The metrics for process management are more well-understood if they are not user-centric. The metrics for models are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box. We will reintermediate the aptitude of architectures to facilitate. Initech is the industry leader of user-centric re-sizing. It may seem marvelous, but it's realistic! We constantly utilize B2C functionalities. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! Imagine a combination of Java and RDF. We have proven we know that it is better to unleash ultra-globally than to productize mega-intuitively. Think collaborative. Think dynamic, real-world. Think fractal. But don't think all three at the same time. Think ultra-frictionless. Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and SMIL. If you mesh intra-virally, you may have to reinvent perfectly. Without social networks, you will lack six-sigma sexy, ubiquitous iteration. The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not real-time. At Initech, we believe we know how to actualize holistically. We think that most open-source entry pages use far too much XSL, and not enough Rails. What does the term "compelling" really mean? The web services factor can be summed up in one word: sticky. We apply the proverb "The early bird catches the worm" not only to our implementation management but our ability to utilize. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple use. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our angel investors but our capability to transform. Think world-class. Think user-defined. Think seamless. But don't think all three at the same time. Without meticulously-planned technologies, communities are forced to become proactive. If all of this sounds contradictory to you, that's because it is!