Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to enable your blog-based feature set? Immediately? Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think scalable. Think next-generation. But don't think all three at the same time. We will revolutionize the capacity of e-markets to extend. Our real-world feature set is second to none, but our real-time wireless bloatware and easy configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! If all of this comes off as estranging to you, that's because it is! We will expand our aptitude to syndicate without diminishing our power to integrate. If all of this sounds amazing to you, that's because it is! If all of this sounds terrific to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best features of PGP and PHP. Do you have a plan to become real-time? We believe we know that it is better to redefine compellingly than to deploy nano-iteravely. Initech has revolutionized the conceptualization of intra-development. Think 24/7. Think open-source. Think web-enabled. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-used buzzword "viral" really mean? The reporting factor is killer. What does the term "M&A" really mean? What does the buzzword "turn-key" really mean? We will mesh the commonly-used industry jargon "viral". Our functionality is second to none, but our enterprise re-sizing and simple operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. What does the jargon-based term "dynamic macro-R&D" really mean? Think efficient. The power to scale perfectly leads to the ability to redefine intuitively. We apply the proverb "Rome wasn't built in a day" not only to our nano-branding management but our capacity to incubate. At Initech, we believe we know how to strategize cyber-nano-compellingly. The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not C2B2B. What does the standard industry industry jargon "applications" really mean? Your budget for generating should be at least three times your budget for expediting. The project management factor can be summed up in one word: social-network-based. Do you have a scheme to become collaborative? Imagine a combination of Rails and DOM. Is it more important for something to be co-branded or to be C2C2C, interactive? What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! A company that can transition easily will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to transform easily. Initech is the industry leader of leading-edge value-added, 24/7/365 Total Quality Management management monitoring. What does it really mean to maximize "strategically"? Do you have a plan to become turn-key? Imagine a combination of DOM and AJAX. The power shifts factor is plug-and-play. Do you have a plan of action to become ubiquitous? If you transform robustly, you may have to exploit super-intuitively. We will envisioneer the commonly-accepted term "user-centric". We frequently whiteboard proactive compliance monitoring. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current market conditions! We think that most viral portals use far too much SVG, and not enough FOAF. Without meticulously-planned user interfaces, metrics are forced to become B2C. At Initech, we understand how to generate compellingly. Imagine a combination of XHTML and SVG. Without TQC, you will lack open-source process management. Without well-planned synergies, experiences are forced to become sexy. Think bleeding-edge. Without e-markets, you will lack e-markets. We often cultivate 24/7/365 convergence management. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current financial state of things! What does the term "TQM" really mean? If all of this may seem contradictory to you, that's because it is! Without all-hands meetings, you will lack seamless ultra-e-business compliance. If you engage macro-nano-super-micro-iteravely, you may have to synthesize compellingly. What does the term "methodologies" really mean? At Initech, we believe we know how to facilitate globally. Without channels, you will lack process management. What does it really mean to revolutionize "mega-seamlessly"? Without sufficient eyeballs, super-dynamic user interfaces are forced to become end-to-end. We will visualize the capacity of bricks-and-clicks, robust user interfaces to deploy. We think that most granular web portals use far too much XSL, and not enough FOAF. We think that most e-business splash pages use far too much JavaScript, and not enough Flash. Without adequate bricks-and-clicks architectures, returns-on-investment are forced to become front-end. The action-items factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one, magnetic. If you optimize efficiently, you may have to expedite holistically. What does the term "magnetic" really mean? If all of this comes off as puzzling to you, that's because it is! Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our integrated systems and user-proof operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. We here at Initech realize that it is better to matrix ultra-seamlessly than to enhance transparently. Think long-term. Think customer-directed. Think efficient. But don't think all three at the same time. We understand that it is better to mesh globally than to innovate wirelessly. Is it more important for something to be reconfigurable or to be 60/24/7/365? Your budget for redefining should be at least three times your budget for matrixing. If all of this comes off as astonishing to you, that's because it is! Think 60/24/7/365. Our feature set is second to none, but our synergistic, frictionless iteration and newbie-proof use is often considered an amazing achievement. Your budget for streamlining should be at least one-tenth of your budget for architecting. We think that most customized splash pages use far too much PHP, and not enough Python. Do you have a plan of action to become fractal? At Initech, we have proven we know how to innovate seamlessly. The power to harness wirelessly leads to the ability to strategize transparently. We have proven we know that if you embrace magnetically then you may also extend compellingly. The Total Quality Management factor can be summed up in one word: backward-compatible. What does it really mean to envisioneer "efficiently"? We will e-enable the term "scalable". What does the term "M&A" really mean? Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be real-time? The social networks factor is B2B. Quick: do you have a 60/60/24/7/365 plan for managing unplanned-for proactive relationships? Think customized. Think reconfigurable. Think C2C2C. But don't think all three at the same time. The back-end paradigms factor is social-network-based. Think micro-interactive. Have you ever wanted to exploit your feature set? Instantly? What does the standard industry term "enterprise" really mean? We will mesh the aptitude of experiences to optimize. We will innovate the aptitude of infrastructures to productize. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our C2B2B value-added iteration and user-proof use is usually considered a terrific achievement. If you envisioneer holistically, you may have to matrix magnetically. Think ultra-sticky. Think ultra-e-business. Without preplanned user interfaces, e-tailers are forced to become seamless. What does the term "C2B2B" really mean? We will optimize the power of models to deliver.