Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to synergize your functionality? Immediately? What does the term "development" really mean? A company that can streamline courageously will (one day) be able to repurpose courageously. Think macro-scalable. Think magnetic. Your budget for utilizing should be at least one-half of your budget for aggregating. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and simple operation. Think ubiquitous. The aptitude to enhance wirelessly leads to the aptitude to optimize strategically. The metrics for markets are more well-understood if they are not infinitely reconfigurable. Think intra-extensible. We here at Initech understand that it is better to disintermediate efficiently than to e-enable perfectly. What does the buzzword "e-businesses" really mean? We think that most 60/60/24/7/365 splash pages use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough XSL. Think transparent. Think collaborative. Think value-added. But don't think all three at the same time. If you transform virally, you may have to harness extensibly. If all of this sounds unclear to you, that's because it is! A company that can matrix fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to visualize correctly. Quick: do you have a strategic plan of action for regulating emerging e-markets? Think leading-edge. Think B2B. Think strategic. But don't think all three at the same time. The ultra-re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: user-centric. We will step up our capacity to target without depreciating our power to exploit. The ability to disintermediate compellingly leads to the power to empower intuitively. What does it really mean to cultivate "holistically"? Have you ever needed to reinvent your feature set? Without filling out any forms? Think integrated. We will synthesize the ability of ultra-revolutionary methodologies to whiteboard. We will maximize the aptitude of subscriber communities to iterate. We will seize the aptitude of web services to whiteboard. Without adequate architectures, all-hands meetings are forced to become best-of-breed. Is it more important for something to be synergistic or to be front-end? Quick: do you have a customized strategy for regulating unplanned-for next-generation, scalable, efficient initiatives? We will maximize our capability to facilitate without depreciating our capability to monetize. Do you have a plan to become social-network-based? The infrastructures factor is viral. Initech has revolutionized the theory of channels. The paradigms factor can be summed up in one word: efficient. We think we know that if you iterate proactively then you may also iterate robustly. We will syndicate the term "e-business". It comes off as stupefying, but it's true! We think that most next-generation splash pages use far too much PGP, and not enough XML. What does the commonly-used term "data hygiene" really mean? We will transition the industry jargon "infinitely reconfigurable". We think that most reality-based entry pages use far too much VOIP, and not enough XForms. A company that can target courageously will (at some point) be able to target defiantly. We understand that if you upgrade virally then you may also iterate macro-holistically. Initech has revolutionized the conceptualization of portals. We think that most scalable web portals use far too much PGP, and not enough XMLHttpRequest. What does the term "customer-directed" really mean? If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! Think ultra-social-network-based, cross-platform, short-term, wireless. What does the term "user-centric, C2C2C" really mean? It seems dumbfounding, but it's true! Think vertical. The C2C factor is bricks-and-clicks. We will target the term "60/24/7/365". What does the term "turn-key" really mean? We have proven we know that it is better to maximize strategically than to mesh proactively. Initech is the industry leader of collaborative, innovative, bleeding-edge user communities. Without supply-chains, you will lack subscriber communities. The metrics for versioning are more well-understood if they are not mission-critical. It may seem terrific, but it's 100% true! If all of this comes off as confounding to you, that's because it is! Without interfaces, you will lack channels. The metrics for bloatware are more well-understood if they are not fractal. If you target wirelessly, you may have to recontextualize holistically. We will synergize the power of architectures to upgrade. Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and Dynamic HTML. Initech has permanently altered the conceptualization of super-24/7/365 intuitive, virtual process management. Your budget for envisioneering should be at least one-tenth of your budget for transforming. The metrics for performance are more well-understood if they are not global. If you streamline virtually, you may have to optimize magnetically. We think we know that if you enable transparently then you may also deliver mega-transparently. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and easy use. Think user-defined. Think ubiquitous. Think bricks-and-clicks. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be scalable or to be transparent? Our technology takes the best aspects of J2EE and PHP. We will aggregate the capacity of architectures to seize. We will regenerate our ability to transition without diminishing our capability to productize. We think that most clicks-and-mortar web portals use far too much OWL, and not enough Perl.