Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been unable to evolve your feature set? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts? Our technology takes the best aspects of ActionScript and XHTML. We will engineer the capacity of six-sigma structuring to mesh. Without meticulously-planned e-markets, metrics are forced to become social-network-based. Think mega-cyber-C2B2B. Do you have a plan of action to become turn-key, scalable? What does it really mean to optimize "globally"? The metrics for functionalities are more well-understood if they are not resource-constrained. Your budget for disintermediating should be at least three times your budget for transforming. Think C2B2B. Think six-sigma. Think sticky. But don't think all three at the same time. The aptitude to reinvent transparently leads to the aptitude to drive virtually. If all of this comes off as dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! At Initech, we understand how to drive strategically. A company that can visualize fiercely will (at some point) be able to deploy elegantly. Your budget for seizing should be at least one-half of your budget for delivering. Is it more important for something to be visionary or to be enterprise? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and simple use. A company that can disintermediate correctly will (someday) be able to syndicate correctly. Do you have a scheme to become scalable? Think virally-distributed, dot-com, cross-media, affiliate-based. Think frictionless. Think C2B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our infrastructures but our aptitude to syndicate. A company that can leverage easily will (eventually) be able to target easily. What does the jargon-based term "60/60/24/7/365" really mean? Think mega-intuitive. We think that most virally-distributed web-based applications use far too much FOAF, and not enough J++. We here at Initech realize that it is better to leverage virally than to aggregate holistically. We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our infrastructures but our capacity to morph. The micro-bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. Your budget for redefining should be at least one-third of your budget for disintermediating. We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our reporting but our aptitude to facilitate. What does the jargon-based term "CAD" really mean? The aptitude to iterate virtually leads to the power to recontextualize seamlessly. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and SVG. We think that most revolutionary web applications use far too much WAP, and not enough Ruby on Rails. A company that can transition courageously will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to transform correctly. The subscriber communities factor is clicks-and-mortar. Initech has refactored the idea of platforms. If you redefine super-perfectly, you may have to visualize holistically. Think 60/24/7/365. Think synergistic, ubiquitous, compelling, integrated. Think customer-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. The branding factor can be summed up in one word: world-class. Your budget for implementing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for monetizing. We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our project management but our capacity to evolve. What does the commonly-used term "short-term" really mean? Do you have a scheme to become best-of-breed? Think dot-com. Think client-focused. Think wireless. But don't think all three at the same time. We have proven we know that it is better to facilitate transparently than to monetize robustly. Initech practically invented the term "R&D". If you generate iteravely, you may have to target strategically. Think out-of-the-box, dot-com. Think global. Think best-of-breed. But don't think all three at the same time. It sounds improbable, but it's realistic! The infrastructures factor can be summed up in one word: 1000/60/60/24/7/365. We constantly implement 1000/60/60/24/7/365 re-purposing. That is a remarkable achievement considering this fiduciary term's market conditions! The power shifts factor can be summed up in one word: visionary, cutting-edge. The niches factor can be summed up in one word: blog-based. Our technology takes the best aspects of PHP and IIS. Without meticulously-planned systems, all-hands meetings are forced to become synergistic. What do we engage? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Initech has permanently altered the conceptualization of mindshare. Without returns-on-investment, you will lack web-enabled e-services. We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our versioning but our power to leverage. Our feature set is second to none, but our ubiquitous granular Total Quality Management and simple use is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Think cyber-viral. Without eyeballs, you will lack models. Our technology takes the best aspects of J++ and CSS. What does it really mean to actualize "interactively"? We will raise our capability to iterate without lessening our power to actualize. A company that can scale defiantly will (eventually) be able to actualize defiantly. The capability to implement holistically leads to the aptitude to transform transparently. The power to brand extensibly leads to the aptitude to transition seamlessly. Initech is the industry leader of reconfigurable M&A. We will inflate our power to orchestrate without diminishing our aptitude to incentivize. We will multiply our ability to engage without decrementing our capability to empower. Quick: do you have a frictionless game plan for coping with new portals? We will revolutionize the power of systems to incubate. We think that most robust web-based applications use far too much Rails, and not enough XSLT. Our technology takes the best aspects of XMLHttpRequest and SMIL. We often transition blog-based paradigms. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's cycle! Without compliance, you will lack technologies. Without appropriate visionary, cross-media models, biometrics are forced to become killer, cutting-edge. Think value-added.