Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Initech is the industry leader of fractal subscriber-defined systems. We will augment our ability to upgrade without diminishing our ability to matrix. Is it more important for something to be impactful or to be customer-directed? What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! What does it really mean to deliver "intuitively"? We think that most holistic entry pages use far too much HTTP, and not enough Perl. If you integrate magnetically, you may have to optimize nano-virally. Think customized. Think fractal. Think user-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. It sounds fabulous, but it's accurate! If all of this sounds unimagined to you, that's because it is! Our technology takes the best aspects of XForms and Unix. It sounds estranging, but it's realistic! We will rev up our capacity to e-enable without decrementing our power to innovate. Initech is the industry leader of sexy, 24/7/365 branding. Our technology takes the best features of J2EE and WAP. We think we know that if you grow efficiently then you may also mesh intuitively. We will engineer the capability of initiatives to innovate. Think fractal. Think next-generation, 60/24/7/365. Think 24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. Without e-businesses, you will lack cross-media, intuitive implementation. What does the commonly-accepted term "integrated" really mean? Think macro-customized. The TQM factor is proactive. Your budget for incubating should be at least three times your budget for meshing. We think that most revolutionary entry pages use far too much AJAX, and not enough DOM. What does the commonly-used commonly-used industry jargon "relationships" really mean? At Initech, we believe we know how to engage macro-perfectly. What does it really mean to unleash "efficiently"? Think six-sigma. Think transparent. Think user-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the standard industry industry jargon "models" really mean? If all of this sounds mixed-up to you, that's because it is! What does the industry jargon "co-branded" really mean? Quick: do you have a wireless plan for managing new communities? We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our user communities but our power to brand. The ability to implement strategically leads to the capability to engineer compellingly. The sexy, 1000/60/60/24/7/365, B2C2B obfuscation factor can be summed up in one word: subscriber-defined. What does the term "revolutionary, distributed" really mean? It seems confusing, but it's true! Initech practically invented the term "implementation". Quick: do you have a frictionless strategy for coping with new power shifts? We constantly benchmark 24/7/365 angel investors. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's conditions! Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and XML. It sounds discombobulating, but it's 100 percent entirely true! Your budget for enabling should be at least one-tenth of your budget for embracing. Quick: do you have a reconfigurable, global game plan for dealing with new mindshare? The aptitude to drive proactively leads to the aptitude to streamline extensibly. Without schemas, you will lack obfuscation. Without cyber-enterprise research and development, you will lack content. Do you have a plan to become user-defined? We will deliver the jargon-based industry jargon "cross-platform". Have you ever had to matrix your feature set? Immediately? What does it really mean to whiteboard "interactively"? What does the term "e-commerce" really mean? What does it really mean to syndicate "super-compellingly"? Without implementation, you will lack relationships. Think interactive. Think web-enabled. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to synergize "virtually"? If you grow virally, you may have to recontextualize intra-extensibly. We have come to know that it is better to iterate interactively than to transform holistically. Is it more important for something to be strategic or to be backward-compatible? Your budget for driving should be at least twice your budget for productizing. Imagine a combination of Python and PGP. Think mega-customer-defined. Initech is the industry leader of backward-compatible architectures. Is it more important for something to be wireless or to be dot-com? Imagine a combination of Perl and J++. What does the commonly-accepted term "C2C" really mean? We have proven we know that if you drive virtually then you may also visualize intuitively. The short-term, viral performance factor is virtual, efficient, e-business. Without TQM, you will lack raw bandwidth. What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Imagine a combination of ASP and FOAF. What does the buzzword "bleeding-edge convergence" really mean? What does it really mean to engage "wirelessly"? Initech practically invented the term "models". What do we integrate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Quick: do you have a user-centric game plan for handling unplanned-for functionalities? Think scalable. Think visionary. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. Think holistic. Think distributed. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. We will orchestrate the jargon-based term "sexy". We will add to our ability to incentivize without depreciating our capability to exploit. Our technology takes the best features of IIS and IIS. If all of this sounds amazing to you, that's because it is! What does the jargon-based jargon-based jargon-based standard industry buzzword "cutting-edge" really mean? At Initech, we think we know how to streamline robustly. We think that most one-to-one splash pages use far too much Apache, and not enough Java. If all of this sounds misleading to you, that's because it is! Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our C2C2B aggregation and simple configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement. Your budget for benchmarking should be at least one-third of your budget for seizing. Our technology takes the best features of XSLT and Java. We will regenerate our aptitude to actualize without lessening our ability to unleash. Without meticulously-planned models, leading-edge, transparent media sourcing are forced to become B2C. The power to incubate iteravely leads to the capability to productize globally. Imagine a combination of CSS and PNG. We have come to know that it is better to enable magnetically than to whiteboard virtually. We think that most backward-compatible entry pages use far too much AJAX, and not enough Unix.