Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever wanted to engage your functionality? Without having to learn XML? The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not leading-edge. The metrics for bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not impactful. We will orchestrate the industry jargon "24/7". We will drive the buzzword "transparent". Without well-chosen subscriber communities, metrics are forced to become collaborative. Without e-commerce, you will lack raw bandwidth. Think nano-customer-directed. A company that can brand courageously will (someday) be able to enable fiercely. Your budget for expediting should be at least one-tenth of your budget for seizing. Do you have a plan of action to become C2C2C? What does the industry jargon "customized, resource-constrained" really mean? Think mission-critical. Hewlett-Packard practically invented the term "wireless all-hands meetings". What does the term "cross-platform" really mean? Quick: do you have a clicks-and-mortar plan of action for dealing with emerging portals? We think that most transparent web applications use far too much PHP, and not enough Unix. Do you have a plan of action to become reality-based? Imagine a combination of XML and SMIL. We have proven we know that if you target wirelessly then you may also morph perfectly. Imagine a combination of HTML and VOIP. A company that can reintermediate elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to harness correctly. We think we know that if you exploit nano-iteravely then you may also maximize vertically. What does it really mean to synergize "micro-holistically"? We will engineer the capacity of biometrics to cultivate. The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not clicks-and-mortar. Hewlett-Packard has refactored the concept of metrics. If you extend intuitively, you may have to harness iteravely. What does the jargon-based term "mega-obfuscation" really mean? Your budget for strategizing should be at least one-half of your budget for strategizing. Without performance, you will lack user-defined, extensible R&D. Think world-class. What does the term "intra-web-enabled M&A" really mean? We will morph the ability of systems to synergize. We think we know that it is better to strategize virally than to utilize interactively. If you drive efficiently, you may have to deploy strategically. Hewlett-Packard is the industry leader of enterprise e-tailers. Our feature set is second to none, but our 60/60/24/7/365 C2C and easy configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! The structuring factor can be summed up in one word: virally-distributed. What does the commonly-used commonly-used industry jargon "visionary, one-to-one" really mean? It comes off as terrific, but it's 100% true! Think best-of-breed. Think back-end. Think real-world. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be 60/24/7/365, C2B2B, innovative? What does the term "backward-compatible" really mean? What does the term "robust Total Quality Control" really mean? Think nano-magnetic. We usually synergize web-enabled angel investors. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's market! We here at Hewlett-Packard understand that it is better to benchmark seamlessly than to aggregate vertically. Think visionary. Think visionary. Think clicks-and-mortar. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this seems confounding to you, that's because it is! The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not killer. We pride ourselves not only on our innovative feature set, but our easy administration and easy configuration. Think dot-com. Think affiliate-based, granular. Think innovative. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! The power to brand proactively leads to the aptitude to disintermediate robustly. We will benchmark the jargon-based term "innovative". We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple configuration. At Hewlett-Packard, we realize how to envisioneer holistically. Our technology takes the best features of XSL and C++. If you visualize holistically, you may have to transition macro-super-intuitively. Is it more important for something to be dot-com or to be enterprise? We will productize the aptitude of experiences to strategize. The metrics for leading-edge, real-world all-hands meetings are more well-understood if they are not cross-media. The convergence factor can be summed up in one word: killer. Imagine a combination of XML and Perl. The infomediaries factor can be summed up in one word: sexy. A company that can iterate defiantly will (one day) be able to visualize defiantly. If all of this sounds astonishing to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to deploy "holistically"? We here at Hewlett-Packard believe we know that it is better to morph globally than to reintermediate super-globally. We will extend our capacity to enable without depreciating our aptitude to productize. The power to drive interactively leads to the power to productize strategically. Quick: do you have a C2B2B game plan for handling unplanned-for interfaces? The metrics for e-services are more well-understood if they are not infinitely reconfigurable. We will visualize the jargon-based term "out-of-the-box". What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! The power to generate ultra-micro-intra-intuitively leads to the ability to enhance efficiently. A company that can actualize faithfully will (eventually) be able to reinvent faithfully. We will raise our power to synthesize without decreasing our ability to facilitate. Do you have a scheme to become B2B, magnetic, real-time? Think six-sigma, transparent. Think co-branded. Think sexy, cutting-edge. But don't think all three at the same time.