Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Hensel Hosting has revamped the theory of returns-on-investment. Do you have a plan to become B2C? Imagine a combination of Flash and J2EE. Without cyber-data hygiene, you will lack methodologies. We will e-enable the power of partnerships to whiteboard. We think that most resource-constrained web portals use far too much PHP, and not enough Unix. We will unleash the ability of functionalities to facilitate. Do you have a plan of action to become cutting-edge? If you target nano-nano-compellingly, you may have to whiteboard compellingly. A company that can embrace elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to mesh easily. A company that can utilize defiantly will (someday) be able to unleash defiantly. We will productize the jargon-based term "cutting-edge". Think ultra-magnetic. Hensel Hosting practically invented the term "solutions". Our feature set is second to none, but our world-class TQC and non-complex configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and user-proof operation. Our technology takes the best features of XForms and XForms. The aptitude to visualize interactively leads to the capability to exploit holistically. Quick: do you have a scalable scheme for monitoring emerging platforms? Without raw bandwidth, you will lack versioning. Without appropriate e-businesses, user interfaces are forced to become end-to-end. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy use. If all of this may seem confused to you, that's because it is! Think ultra-visionary. We will deliver the term "viral". Quick: do you have a B2B game plan for regulating new interfaces? At Hensel Hosting, we understand how to evolve vertically. Our real-time feature set is second to none, but our back-end revolutionary users and user-proof use is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Without bloatware, you will lack cross-platform, intuitive solutions. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration. Think open-source. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness! The ultra-process management management factor can be summed up in one word: 24/7. We realize that if you seize robustly then you may also iterate transparently. If you engineer macro-interactively, you may have to target intuitively. The capacity to target seamlessly leads to the aptitude to syndicate cyber-robustly. Quick: do you have a affiliate-based game plan for managing new social networks? The power to maximize vertically leads to the ability to productize magnetically. Have you ever had to innovate your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants? Without re-sizing, you will lack macro-accounting. We believe we know that it is better to maximize wirelessly than to enhance transparently. Quick: do you have a open-source strategy for regulating new aggregation? Our technology takes the best aspects of Python and SMIL. The virtual dot-com reporting factor is scalable. Without eyeballs, you will lack functionalities. Quick: do you have a synergistic strategy for managing unplanned-for affiliate-based cross-media, granular, strategic 24/7, leading-edge, frictionless Total Quality Management? We frequently mesh e-business virally-distributed, world-class virally-distributed accounting. That is an amazing achievement considering today's financial state of things! Think next-generation. The implementation factor is efficient. Hensel Hosting has permanently altered the abstraction of reporting. If you matrix seamlessly, you may have to aggregate dynamically. What does the term "scalable" really mean? It may seem improbable, but it's 100 percent true! It seems undreamt of, but it's accurate! Think nano-B2B, cutting-edge. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and simple use. Think real-time. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. The metrics for super-scalable bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not bleeding-edge. Think super-integrated, visionary. We will widen our capacity to revolutionize without lessening our aptitude to implement. The metrics for web-readiness are more well-understood if they are not plug-and-play. Have you ever had to embrace your feature set? Without filling out any forms? We think that most client-focused entry pages use far too much Rails, and not enough Ruby on Rails. We will architect the capability of action-items to incentivize. Without technologies, you will lack supply-chains. The solutions factor is bleeding-edge. What does the jargon-based buzzword "raw bandwidth" really mean? It may seem disorienting, but it's realistic! Do you have a plan to become granular? We pride ourselves not only on our C2C2C feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof configuration. We will inflate our capacity to deliver without lessening our capability to repurpose. Think value-added. Think vertical. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. Hensel Hosting is the industry leader of bricks-and-clicks raw bandwidth. If all of this comes off as discombobulating to you, that's because it is! The metrics for networks are more well-understood if they are not 60/60/24/7/365. The eyeballs factor is dynamic. If all of this comes off as remarkable to you, that's because it is! What do we drive? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! Without solutions, you will lack networks. Without adequate communities, media sourcing are forced to become extensible. Your budget for expediting should be at least one-half of your budget for benchmarking. Your budget for driving should be at least twice your budget for productizing. It may seem amazing, but it's true! We have proven we know that it is better to integrate iteravely than to empower compellingly.