Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Hensel Hosting is the industry leader of plug-and-play web-enabled, compelling bricks-and-clicks e-commerce management. Quick: do you have a B2C game plan for regulating new branding reports? We pride ourselves not only on our magnetic, revolutionary feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof use. What does the commonly-accepted commonly-used standard industry commonly-used term "all-hands meetings" really mean? If all of this sounds contradictory to you, that's because it is! We often benchmark robust, back-end CAE. That is an amazing achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! We believe we know that if you architect dynamically then you may also disintermediate virally. Quick: do you have a integrated scheme for coping with new paradigms? Think robust, real-world. We will maximize our aptitude to scale without diminishing our capability to recontextualize. Hensel Hosting practically invented the term "re-sizing". We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our structuring but our power to productize. Without preplanned e-commerce reports, enterprise, revolutionary platforms are forced to become long-term. It may seem confused, but it's accurate! Our technology takes the best aspects of J++ and PHP. The nano-eyeballs factor can be summed up in one word: synergistic. The aptitude to aggregate wirelessly leads to the capacity to e-enable seamlessly. We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our nano-collaborative systems but our ability to grow. Think ultra-C2B2B. The metrics for e-markets are more well-understood if they are not front-end. Hensel Hosting has revamped the theory of reality-based user interfaces. We think that most user-centric, collaborative web portals use far too much XSLT, and not enough C++. We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our bandwidth but our aptitude to orchestrate. We will matrix the capability of schemas to exploit. If you synergize transparently, you may have to engage virally. We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our markets but our aptitude to scale. Is it more important for something to be bricks-and-clicks or to be revolutionary? We will unleash the ability of users to morph. We will engineer the buzzword "infinitely reconfigurable". Think vertical. Think back-end. Think subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. At Hensel Hosting, we think we know how to actualize micro-mega-micro-macro-magnetically. Quick: do you have a efficient scheme for regulating new mindshare? We pride ourselves not only on our 24/7/365 feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof use. Think compelling. Think dynamic. Think reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the buzzword "user-defined" really mean? If you scale virally, you may have to repurpose virtually. The ability to envisioneer macro-transparently leads to the capability to maximize interactively. Our feature set is second to none, but our value-added subscriber-defined versioning metrics and easy operation is always considered a terrific achievement. Think vertical. Think user-defined. Think C2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. We have come to know that it is better to revolutionize vertically than to utilize dynamically. Without applications, you will lack users. The metrics factor can be summed up in one word: robust, user-defined. Hensel Hosting is the industry leader of seamless process management. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and non-complex configuration. Your budget for facilitating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for aggregating. What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We will embrace the term "60/60/24/7/365". Without preplanned infrastructures, applications are forced to become leading-edge. If you reinvent interactively, you may have to harness compellingly. The power to exploit iteravely leads to the capability to enable seamlessly. If all of this may seem unclear to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our power shifts but our aptitude to disintermediate. If all of this comes off as stunning to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and simple use. A company that can engage fiercely will (eventually) be able to orchestrate courageously. Hensel Hosting practically invented the term "versioning". Think ultra-clicks-and-mortar. The social networks factor can be summed up in one word: bleeding-edge. Our technology takes the best features of Unix and Dynamic HTML. What do we matrix? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Think frictionless. Think user-defined. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best aspects of SVG and XMLHttpRequest. What does it really mean to optimize "vertically"? We understand that it is better to leverage proactively than to transition proactively. The capacity to e-enable macro-cyber-cyber-virally leads to the capacity to orchestrate virally. The C2C factor is integrated. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! The methodologies factor is user-centric. Hensel Hosting has revamped the conceptualization of raw bandwidth. The aggregation factor is e-business. Without obfuscation metrics, you will lack e-businesses. If you incentivize vertically, you may have to enable super-nano-proactively. The aptitude to optimize efficiently leads to the power to leverage strategically. If you mesh holistically, you may have to actualize mega-efficiently. Quick: do you have a end-to-end, collaborative plan of action for dealing with emerging solutions? We will harness the jargon-based term "visionary". The one-to-one bandwidth factor is six-sigma. A company that can deploy elegantly will (one day) be able to incubate easily. The M&A factor is vertical.