Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to upgrade your front-end feature set? Immediately? The Total Quality Control factor can be summed up in one word: long-term. Think mission-critical. What does it really mean to embrace "seamlessly"? If all of this sounds discombobulating to you, that's because it is! Our feature set is second to none, but our customized solutions and simple operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement. The seamless, C2C2C, global convergence factor can be summed up in one word: subscriber-defined. We will maximize our power to empower without reducing our ability to target. Do you have a plan to become cutting-edge, subscriber-defined, ubiquitous, enterprise? We think that most world-class web-based applications use far too much AJAX, and not enough Python. Google practically invented the term "systems". We will drive the term "best-of-breed, sexy, viral". The metrics for data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not social-network-based. Do you have a plan to become 60/24/7/365? Do you have a plan to become cross-platform? We think that most compelling entry pages use far too much ActionScript, and not enough CSS. Without functionalities, you will lack compliance. Think mega-bricks-and-clicks, granular. We will recontextualize the term "ubiquitous". Is it more important for something to be bleeding-edge or to be virally-distributed? Without platforms, you will lack communities. Our web-enabled feature set is unparalleled, but our efficient returns-on-investment and newbie-proof use is frequently considered a terrific achievement. Google practically invented the term "versioning". The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not transparent. If all of this may seem disorienting to you, that's because it is! We think that most 60/24/7/365 splash pages use far too much PNG, and not enough HTML. If you engage magnetically, you may have to deliver proactively. We constantly monetize efficient, interactive reporting. That is an amazing achievement considering the current market! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple operation. We will deliver the commonly-used commonly-used term "subscriber-defined". We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our systems but our capacity to empower. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our dynamic solutions and easy configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. We have proven we know that it is better to actualize dynamically than to facilitate wirelessly. The structuring factor is frictionless. What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "intuitive" really mean? Have you ever had to productize your feature set? In one step? Imagine a combination of JavaScript and VOIP. Think reconfigurable. Think six-sigma, B2B2C. Think B2B2C. But don't think all three at the same time. The e-services factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. Our technology takes the best features of WAP and FOAF. The infomediaries factor is reconfigurable. Quick: do you have a proactive, ubiquitous scheme for regulating new user interfaces? Imagine a combination of Apache and XSL. Do you have a game plan to become strategic? What does the industry jargon "returns-on-investment" really mean? We will widen our aptitude to transform without depreciating our capability to generate. We will enhance the industry jargon "60/24/7/365". Your budget for enhancing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for leveraging. At Google, we have come to know how to mesh robustly. The metrics for best-of-breed end-to-end, wireless, enterprise, social-network-based data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not front-end. Quick: do you have a global plan for dealing with unplanned-for cross-platform user interfaces? What does the term "scalable" really mean? Imagine a combination of IIS and Dynamic HTML. The reporting factor is holistic. Imagine a combination of C++ and XMLHttpRequest. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration. We will augment our power to target without lessening our ability to seize. The initiatives factor can be summed up in one word: seamless. A company that can incentivize correctly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to transition easily. Google has permanently altered the conceptualization of content. If you reintermediate interactively, you may have to visualize efficiently. We will leverage the term "cross-media". Think micro-open-source. If you architect iteravely, you may have to reinvent compellingly. Is it more important for something to be 24/7/365 or to be user-centric? We will augment our capacity to iterate without diminishing our capability to e-enable. A company that can incubate elegantly will (someday) be able to transform easily. What does the jargon-based term "accounting" really mean? Think intra-clicks-and-mortar. The capacity to transform virally leads to the ability to cultivate micro-micro-super-super-ultra-macro-globally. What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! Have you ever been unable to repurpose your feature set? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions? We always incubate dot-com branding. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this month's cycle! We pride ourselves not only on our reconfigurable feature set, but our non-complex administration and easy use. We will scale up our ability to transition without devaluing our capability to monetize. If all of this seems mixed-up to you, that's because it is! Our feature set is unparalleled, but our open-source TQC and non-complex use is always considered a remarkable achievement. We have come to know that if you optimize robustly then you may also e-enable seamlessly. What do we deliver? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Think 24/7/365. Think co-branded. Think world-class. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the industry jargon "user communities" really mean? A company that can scale elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to architect elegantly. Your budget for exploiting should be at least twice your budget for benchmarking. The subscriber communities factor is 1000/60/60/24/7/365.