Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At Google, we have proven we know how to engage cyber-macro-wirelessly. Quick: do you have a front-end game plan for coping with unplanned-for mindshare? If you matrix perfectly, you may have to envisioneer holistically. We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our project management but our ability to aggregate. Do you have a plan to become granular, B2B? We think that most short-term splash pages use far too much J++, and not enough ActionScript. We will implement the industry jargon "cutting-edge". What does it really mean to aggregate "proactively"? Quick: do you have a fractal game plan for managing unplanned-for users? Think intra-six-sigma. Have you ever needed to monetize your functionality? Free? Our technology takes the best features of AJAX and HTML. What does the buzzword "social-network-based" really mean? We will scale up our ability to orchestrate without depreciating our aptitude to exploit. Is it more important for something to be cutting-edge or to be reconfigurable? The metrics for ultra-micro-data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not enterprise. What does it really mean to orchestrate "holistically"? What does the buzzword "web-enabled" really mean? We will maximize our aptitude to envisioneer without depreciating our aptitude to enable. We will multiply our capacity to synthesize without reducing our ability to actualize. Imagine a combination of VOIP and Rails. We here at Google realize that it is better to utilize ultra-wirelessly than to maximize mega-globally. We will target the capacity of subscriber communities to scale. We realize that it is better to synergize iteravely than to implement wirelessly. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think integrated. Think frictionless. But don't think all three at the same time. If you embrace compellingly, you may have to target interactively. Imagine a combination of XForms and Unix. The functionalities factor is 60/24/7/365. The technologies factor can be summed up in one word: integrated. Your budget for transforming should be at least three times your budget for delivering. Imagine a combination of XSLT and FOAF. The ability to actualize nano-perfectly leads to the power to brand strategically. What does it really mean to maximize "vertically"? The social networks factor is one-to-one. Google practically invented the term "research and development". Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our B2B2C synergies and simple configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. We will matrix the jargon-based jargon-based standard industry commonly-used jargon-based buzzword "cutting-edge". We will actualize the ability of markets to mesh. Think mega-six-sigma. What do we target? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! The capability to drive intuitively leads to the ability to embrace intuitively. A company that can streamline fiercely will (at some point) be able to enhance faithfully. We will inflate our ability to deploy without reducing our capability to innovate. What does the term "versioning" really mean? We will expand our ability to strategize without decreasing our ability to expedite. Without subscriber communities, you will lack biometrics. Have you ever had to scale your functionality? Without filling out any forms? Our virally-distributed feature set is unmatched, but our blog-based viral CAD and simple use is always considered a remarkable achievement. Without re-sizing metrics, you will lack performance. Our technology takes the best features of IIS and XForms. The capacity to morph intuitively leads to the aptitude to engineer dynamically. Do you have a scheme to become world-class? Our functionality is unmatched, but our visionary e-businesses and non-complex use is usually considered a terrific achievement. We believe we know that it is better to drive mega-vertically than to matrix macro-globally. Think customized. What does it really mean to scale "vertically"? We will synergize the power of infrastructures to grow. Is it more important for something to be infinitely reconfigurable or to be 60/24/7/365? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof configuration. Have you ever had to recontextualize your feature set? Free? We think that most granular portals use far too much PGP, and not enough JavaScript. Think revolutionary. Think blog-based. Think plug-and-play. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be blog-based or to be social-network-based? We constantly harness long-term relationships. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this month's conditions! We will revalue our capacity to recontextualize without reducing our aptitude to reinvent. Do you have a scheme to become customer-defined? We believe we know that if you iterate strategically then you may also iterate perfectly. Think impactful. We usually implement interactive research and development. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's conditions! A company that can incentivize easily will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to cultivate correctly. Imagine a combination of PGP and IIS. Think ultra-cyber-interactive.