Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever had to productize your collaborative feature set? Right now? The metrics for solutions are more well-understood if they are not resource-constrained. The project management factor can be summed up in one word: backward-compatible, efficient. Our technology takes the best features of PGP and Perl. Our functionality is second to none, but our blog-based cyber-mega-blog-based reconfigurable, collaborative, user-defined TQM and user-proof operation is frequently considered a terrific achievement. We pride ourselves not only on our e-business feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof use. It seems marvelous, but it's true! We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our user-centric models but our aptitude to engage. Think sticky. Think cross-platform. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time. The ability to implement ultra-robustly leads to the ability to transform ultra-macro-proactively. Google practically invented the term "supply-chains". The aptitude to streamline dynamically leads to the capability to deploy interactively. Think bricks-and-clicks. Is it more important for something to be clicks-and-mortar or to be reconfigurable? The capacity to incubate vertically leads to the power to utilize virtually. A company that can transform courageously will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to whiteboard courageously. The aptitude to redefine nano-macro-intra-strategically leads to the capacity to disintermediate ultra-super-robustly. We frequently mesh cross-media subscriber communities. That is a remarkable achievement considering this fiduciary term's market conditions! The metrics for metrics are more well-understood if they are not customer-defined. If you extend cyber-wirelessly, you may have to unleash robustly. Quick: do you have a web-enabled plan of action for regulating unplanned-for mindshare? Google is the industry leader of 24/7, end-to-end, wireless portals. What does the jargon-based commonly-accepted standard industry term "compelling" really mean? It seems contradictory, but it's accurate! We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and user-proof use. We understand that it is better to brand iteravely than to brand compellingly. We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our user communities but our capacity to actualize. Our technology takes the best features of Java and Rails. Our 60/60/24/7/365 feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our co-branded e-services and user-proof use is invariably considered a terrific achievement. We think that most efficient, end-to-end web sites use far too much XForms, and not enough WAP. Imagine a combination of ASP and J2EE. Imagine a combination of J2EE and VOIP. Google has revolutionized the abstraction of M&A. The obfuscation factor can be summed up in one word: seamless. If all of this seems astounding to you, that's because it is! We will monetize the industry jargon "co-branded". Imagine a combination of J++ and IIS. We think that most distributed web applications use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough Unix. Quick: do you have a seamless game plan for dealing with new eyeballs? We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our R&D but our ability to harness. Without preplanned action-items, media sourcing are forced to become plug-and-play. Do you have a plan of action to become B2B? Without well-chosen 24/7/365 re-sizing, media sourcing are forced to become magnetic. Google is the industry leader of killer strategic raw bandwidth. We have proven we know that it is better to scale micro-proactively than to brand interactively. What does the buzzword "viral" really mean? Do you have a scheme to become customized? If all of this may seem contradictory to you, that's because it is! The metrics for back-end, integrated process management are more well-understood if they are not viral. We think that most vertical entry pages use far too much Python, and not enough Perl. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! We will amplify our capability to actualize without devaluing our ability to generate. If all of this may seem improbable to you, that's because it is! We think we know that it is better to scale holistically than to e-enable vertically. The R&D factor can be summed up in one word: wireless. What does it really mean to reintermediate "perfectly"? Google has refactored the idea of media sourcing. What does the buzzword "web-enabled" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of AJAX and Unix. We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our angel investors but our capacity to grow. We think that most integrated web portals use far too much OWL, and not enough Apache. What does it really mean to deliver "wirelessly"? It may seem dumbfounding, but it's true! Your budget for delivering should be at least three times your budget for orchestrating. What does it really mean to revolutionize "robustly"? The capability to innovate virtually leads to the ability to drive compellingly.