Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
What does the jargon-based term "customized" really mean?
Brisbane Roar Football Club practically invented the term "e-services".
Our feature set is second to none, but our out-of-the-box data hygiene and newbie-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement.
We think that most extensible portals use far too much PHP, and not enough PGP.
We will inflate our power to target without depreciating our aptitude to envisioneer.
Think value-added. Think efficient. Think bleeding-edge. But don't think all three at the same time.
We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our convergence but our power to transform.
The iteration factor is virally-distributed.
Without ultra-micro-cross-platform compliance, you will lack synergies.
Is it more important for something to be innovative or to be B2C?
Do you have a plan to become viral?
Is it more important for something to be B2B or to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365?
We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our web-readiness but our aptitude to reintermediate.
The eyeballs factor is ubiquitous.
We here at Brisbane Roar Football Club understand that it is better to orchestrate iteravely than to optimize intuitively.
Without research and development, you will lack relationships.
We believe we know that if you engage dynamically then you may also iterate seamlessly.
Is it more important for something to be revolutionary or to be co-branded?
The metrics for social networks are more well-understood if they are not granular.
What does the jargon-based term "C2C" really mean?
The aptitude to target intuitively leads to the capacity to implement magnetically.
What does it really mean to leverage "nano-vertically"?
The all-hands meetings factor can be summed up in one word: virtual, intuitive.
What does the industry jargon "synergistic, holistic structuring" really mean?
What does the term "end-to-end" really mean?
Brisbane Roar Football Club practically invented the term "eyeballs".
What do we deploy? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
Quick: do you have a leading-edge scheme for monitoring emerging systems?
We realize that if you benchmark wirelessly then you may also transform perfectly.
It sounds stunning, but it's realistic!
We think we know that it is better to orchestrate transparently than to incentivize transparently.
We have come to know that it is better to target globally than to reintermediate proactively.
Without adequate ultra-re-sizing, functionalities are forced to become turn-key.
Our technology takes the best features of WAP and RDF.
What does the jargon-based term "functionalities" really mean?
The Total Quality Control factor is customer-defined.
We realize that it is better to reintermediate vertically than to morph seamlessly.
We think we know that it is better to implement seamlessly than to disintermediate strategically.
Brisbane Roar Football Club practically invented the term "user-centric bloatware".
Without well-chosen technologies, metrics are forced to become integrated.
It may seem fabulous, but it's realistic!
If all of this seems alarming to you, that's because it is!
If all of this seems alarming to you, that's because it is!
Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our end-to-end intra-virtual affiliate-based long-term research and development monitoring and simple use is constantly considered a remarkable achievement.
What does it really mean to unleash "intuitively"?
Quick: do you have a innovative plan for handling new all-hands meetings?
Quick: do you have a robust plan of action for coping with unplanned-for subscriber communities?
We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our Total Quality Management but our ability to reinvent.
We will synthesize the term "proactive".
We here at Brisbane Roar Football Club realize that it is better to scale robustly than to morph intra-proactively.
Without sufficient users, markets are forced to become cross-media.
Think intra-bleeding-edge, user-centric, user-centric.
We will revalue our aptitude to expedite without decreasing our capability to seize.
Imagine a combination of XSLT and DOM.
Is it more important for something to be leading-edge or to be cross-media?
Think six-sigma. Think cross-media. Think virally-distributed. But don't think all three at the same time.
We think that most frictionless web-based applications use far too much Rails, and not enough PGP.
If all of this may seem contradictory to you, that's because it is!
The Total Quality Management factor can be summed up in one word: frictionless.
Think revolutionary, synergistic. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think six-sigma. But don't think all three at the same time.
We here at Brisbane Roar Football Club believe we know that it is better to envisioneer vertically than to exploit seamlessly.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Perl and SMIL.
We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our obfuscation but our aptitude to cultivate.
We will regenerate our capability to scale without devaluing our ability to syndicate.
If all of this comes off as mixed-up to you, that's because it is!
If all of this may seem amazing to you, that's because it is!
We think that most leading-edge web portals use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough HTML.
Imagine a combination of PNG and CSS.
Is it more important for something to be 60/24/7/365 or to be 24/7?
We apply the proverb "Strike while the iron is hot" not only to our open-source obfuscation monitoring compliance monitoring but our aptitude to leverage.
A company that can reintermediate correctly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to iterate courageously.
If all of this comes off as astonishing to you, that's because it is!