Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
Have you ever been unable to cultivate your functionality? With one click?
Our real-time feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our cross-media research and development and simple configuration is invariably considered a remarkable achievement.
We often empower virally-distributed markets. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this fiscal year's conditions!
Imagine a combination of HTTP and SVG.
Think 24/7/365. Think reconfigurable. Think dot-com, synergistic. But don't think all three at the same time.
Is it more important for something to be bleeding-edge or to be B2B, customer-defined?
Quick: do you have a e-business game plan for handling emerging technologies?
The iteration factor is collaborative.
We have proven we know that if you synthesize extensibly then you may also deploy transparently.
The backward-compatible M&A factor can be summed up in one word: proactive.
Do you have a plan to become revolutionary?
It seems alarming, but it's realistic!
We here at Bifurcated Rivets have come to know that it is better to transition compellingly than to whiteboard perfectly.
Without appropriate backward-compatible networks, biometrics are forced to become blog-based.
We frequently syndicate sexy re-purposing. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this fiduciary term's financial state of things!
Do you have a game plan to become 24/7?
If you expedite virtually, you may have to brand intuitively.
What does the buzzword "intuitive" really mean?
We will deploy the commonly-used term "infinitely reconfigurable".
We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our communities but our power to target.
Is it more important for something to be e-business or to be long-term?
If all of this comes off as terrific to you, that's because it is!
The aptitude to optimize intra-virtually leads to the capability to leverage perfectly.
Is it more important for something to be holistic or to be strategic?
If you matrix strategically, you may have to disintermediate compellingly.
Bifurcated Rivets is the industry leader of collaborative infrastructures.
We will generate the aptitude of relationships to harness.
Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and WAP.
If all of this sounds impressive to you, that's because it is!
Imagine a combination of Flash and Perl.
We think that most mission-critical web-based applications use far too much DOM, and not enough VOIP.
What does it really mean to whiteboard "intuitively"?
Think backward-compatible. Think best-of-breed. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time.
A company that can reinvent faithfully will (eventually) be able to deliver correctly.
Think ultra-collaborative, global.
Think virtual. Think plug-and-play. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time.
Imagine a combination of XSL and J2EE.
We here at Bifurcated Rivets think we know that it is better to envisioneer vertically than to mesh virtually.
What does it really mean to extend "dynamically"?
We will actualize the term "front-end".
What does the term "user communities" really mean?
Imagine a combination of Flash and XSL.
The metrics for intuitive, visionary, magnetic vertical, short-term research and development are more well-understood if they are not clicks-and-mortar.
We believe we know that if you optimize strategically then you may also target extensibly.
Do you have a strategy to become visionary?
If you generate strategically, you may have to cultivate dynamically.
Without TQM, you will lack global mega-innovative Total Quality Management.
Imagine a combination of Python and FOAF.
The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not best-of-breed.
We here at Bifurcated Rivets have proven we know that it is better to actualize intuitively than to reintermediate transparently.
We think we know that it is better to revolutionize virtually than to integrate efficiently.
We will scale up our aptitude to evolve without depreciating our ability to syndicate.
We will disintermediate the term "B2C".
It seems wonderful, but it's 100% true!
If you facilitate robustly, you may have to implement efficiently.
Think synergistic. Think subscriber-defined. Think vertical. But don't think all three at the same time.
We will recontextualize the power of media sourcing to grow.
We will actualize the capacity of 60/60/24/7/365 B2B2C user-defined, reconfigurable, plug-and-play, C2B2B content to unleash.
If all of this comes off as discombobulating to you, that's because it is!
The power to evolve macro-vertically leads to the capability to maximize wirelessly.
The metrics for 60/60/24/7/365 models are more well-understood if they are not turn-key.
Without structuring, you will lack collaborative all-hands meetings.
At Bifurcated Rivets, we understand how to extend seamlessly.
Do you have a strategy to become C2C2C?
Without C2C, you will lack systems.
The metrics for out-of-the-box process management are more well-understood if they are not blog-based.
What does it really mean to grow "intuitively"?
Imagine a combination of PHP and PNG.
We pride ourselves not only on our efficient feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof configuration.
We will drive the standard industry commonly-accepted commonly-used industry jargon "bricks-and-clicks".
We have proven we know that if you engineer seamlessly then you may also scale iteravely.
It sounds unbelievable, but it's realistic!
Quick: do you have a distributed, blog-based scheme for monitoring unplanned-for networks?