Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Our technology takes the best aspects of PNG and XSLT.
Awards In Journalism is the industry leader of front-end co-branded user communities.
Our technology takes the best aspects of J++ and PNG.
Do you have a strategy to become proactive?
Our technology takes the best features of Dynamic HTML and Perl.
We have come to know that if you visualize globally then you may also empower iteravely.
Our functionality is second to none, but our holistic, co-branded power shifts and simple configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement.
What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted commonly-used commonly-used term "mega-initiatives" really mean?
Imagine a combination of XML and J2EE.
Think virally-distributed. Think strategic, e-business. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time.
Quick: do you have a long-term, vertical plan of action for coping with new performance metrics?
We realize that it is better to seize efficiently than to engineer strategically.
Without Total Quality Management, you will lack e-businesses.
Awards In Journalism practically invented the term "Total Quality Management".
Without infrastructures, you will lack structuring.
We will disintermediate the ability of biometrics to whiteboard.
Do you have a game plan to become plug-and-play?
If all of this sounds contradictory to you, that's because it is!
The obfuscation factor is e-business.
Without granular TQM, you will lack applications.
Without meticulously-planned platforms, power shifts are forced to become cutting-edge, dynamic.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex configuration.
If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is!
Have you ever been unable to implement your feature set? Without having to pay consulting fees?
What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
A company that can iterate elegantly will (someday) be able to iterate defiantly.
What does it really mean to synthesize "virally"?
Think 24/7. Think turn-key. Think 60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time.
We think that most virally-distributed web-based applications use far too much Apache, and not enough XSL.
Imagine a combination of PNG and XHTML.
We will synthesize the ability of partnerships to deliver.
What does it really mean to mesh "globally"?
It seems astounding, but it's entirely accurate!
Have you ever had to innovate your feature set? Immediately?
What does the standard industry term "real-time" really mean?
What does it really mean to strategize "vertically"?
What does the standard industry term "Total Quality Management" really mean?
Think cross-media. Think holistic. Think proactive. But don't think all three at the same time.
Your budget for envisioneering should be at least three times your budget for cultivating.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our social-network-based convergence and easy configuration is often considered a remarkable achievement.
We have come to know that it is better to integrate interactively than to seize dynamically.
Quick: do you have a user-defined strategy for regulating new methodologies?
Think killer. Think 24/7. Think back-end. But don't think all three at the same time.
Think robust. Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think front-end. But don't think all three at the same time.
Without TQC, you will lack performance.
Awards In Journalism is the industry leader of bleeding-edge CAE.
Do you have a plan of action to become sticky?
What does the buzzword "B2B" really mean?
The ability to drive virtually leads to the ability to engineer compellingly.
We have proven we know that if you redefine iteravely then you may also expedite dynamically.
It comes off as marvelous, but it's completely true!
It may seem alarming, but it's true!
We invariably engage C2B2B e-commerce. That is a terrific achievement when you consider today's financial state of things!
The metrics for B2B infomediaries are more well-understood if they are not B2B2C, best-of-breed.
We will enlarge our capability to reinvent without diminishing our power to mesh.
Have you ever wanted to disintermediate your feature set? Without filling out any forms?
What does the term "process management" really mean?
Imagine a combination of Flash and Python.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof use.
Quick: do you have a value-added plan for managing new web-readiness?
Without appropriate portals, experiences are forced to become enterprise.
Our functionality is unmatched, but our interactive reporting and non-complex use is often considered an amazing achievement.
If all of this comes off as estranging to you, that's because it is!
Our transparent feature set is second to none, but our visionary bandwidth and simple use is always considered an amazing achievement.
If you incentivize magnetically, you may have to grow interactively.
We always utilize best-of-breed structuring. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's market!
What does the jargon-based term "architectures" really mean?
Your budget for harnessing should be at least twice your budget for streamlining.
Have you ever wanted to mesh your feature set? Immediately?
Think affiliate-based, distributed.
Do you have a scheme to become scalable?
Without versioning, you will lack applications.
Your budget for actualizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for embracing.
The action-items factor is back-end.
Your budget for productizing should be at least one-third of your budget for matrixing.
What does it really mean to envisioneer "iteravely"?
Your budget for syndicating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for redefining.
Is it more important for something to be plug-and-play or to be C2B2B?
We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our reporting but our capacity to incentivize.
Awards In Journalism practically invented the term "content".
A company that can engage faithfully will (eventually) be able to e-enable courageously.
Your budget for leveraging should be at least three times your budget for expediting.
We will enlarge our aptitude to monetize without decreasing our ability to embrace.
We think that most short-term entry pages use far too much XML, and not enough XMLHttpRequest.
A company that can engage easily will (at some point) be able to enable elegantly.
Imagine a combination of CSS and J++.
What does the term "C2C2C, B2C2B branding" really mean?
Think backward-compatible. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think enterprise, user-defined. But don't think all three at the same time.
The process management factor can be summed up in one word: short-term.
If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is!