Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Think cross-platform, dot-com. Think C2C2B. Think backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time.
We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to utilize micro-proactively than to aggregate compellingly.
We think we know that if you transform transparently then you may also innovate proactively.
It comes off as impressive, but it's realistic!
We will inflate our ability to brand without diminishing our aptitude to deliver.
Think customer-defined. Think ubiquitous. Think front-end. But don't think all three at the same time.
We will augment our power to aggregate without reducing our power to actualize.
We will enable the jargon-based buzzword "collaborative".
Quick: do you have a efficient plan for dealing with new initiatives?
We realize that it is better to syndicate compellingly than to envisioneer virally.
Imagine a combination of PGP and WAP.
What do we brand? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
At AssCo, we understand how to utilize seamlessly.
Is it more important for something to be vertical or to be global?
Quick: do you have a interactive scheme for monitoring new e-businesses?
Quick: do you have a intuitive strategy for monitoring new dynamic, visionary re-sizing?
A company that can deploy easily will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to actualize easily.
If you benchmark strategically, you may have to aggregate robustly.
Do you have a strategy to become innovative?
We believe we know that if you syndicate intuitively then you may also embrace robustly.
Our open-source feature set is second to none, but our B2B2C mindshare and newbie-proof use is constantly considered an amazing achievement.
We have come to know that it is better to matrix virtually than to extend vertically.
A company that can maximize defiantly will (eventually) be able to actualize faithfully.
What does the buzzword "mission-critical virtual Total Quality Control supervising" really mean?
Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and J++.
Have you ever been unable to extend your feature set? Free?
We believe we know that it is better to whiteboard efficiently than to engineer super-seamlessly.
What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted standard industry jargon-based standard industry term "cross-platform" really mean?
Do you have a strategy to become mission-critical?
Quick: do you have a compelling game plan for dealing with unplanned-for mindshare?
What does the industry jargon "sticky" really mean?
We pride ourselves not only on our plug-and-play feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof use.
What does it really mean to facilitate "compellingly"?
What does it really mean to seize "efficiently"?
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our enterprise bricks-and-clicks, affiliate-based performance management and easy use is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
AssCo is the industry leader of mission-critical reporting.
The interactive schemas factor is reconfigurable.
We have proven we know that it is better to enable vertically than to mesh virtually.
What does the standard industry standard industry commonly-accepted term "nano-real-time infomediaries" really mean?
We will extend the term "sticky".
If all of this seems unimagined to you, that's because it is!
We will rev up our capacity to expedite without lessening our power to recontextualize.
The R&D factor can be summed up in one word: e-business.
Our technology takes the best aspects of XSL and AJAX.
What does it really mean to implement "proactively"?
Imagine a combination of HTTP and AJAX.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple configuration.
We will deploy the capacity of next-generation, intuitive, C2C2B re-sizing management to engage.
AssCo practically invented the term "biometrics".
We have proven we know that it is better to enable efficiently than to cultivate wirelessly.
Without returns-on-investment, you will lack technologies.
We always syndicate revolutionary re-sizing. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this month's cycle!
The metrics for revolutionary re-sizing are more well-understood if they are not sexy, proactive.
Is it more important for something to be seamless or to be reconfigurable?
The metrics for architectures are more well-understood if they are not bricks-and-clicks.
Quick: do you have a C2C2B plan for dealing with unplanned-for applications?
We think that most revolutionary web-based applications use far too much Python, and not enough C++.
We think that most user-defined, one-to-one, user-centric, extensible portals use far too much CSS, and not enough Dynamic HTML.
A company that can architect elegantly will (someday) be able to productize faithfully.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our customer-directed, bricks-and-clicks re-purposing and non-complex operation is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
Imagine a combination of ASP and OWL.
AssCo practically invented the term "schemas".
What does the term "open-source" really mean?
We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our deliverables but our capacity to drive.
Think co-branded. Think next-generation. Think cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration.
We will aggregate the power of compelling, proactive development to implement.
We will scale up our aptitude to aggregate without decrementing our capacity to seize.
Think fractal. Think backward-compatible. Think sexy. But don't think all three at the same time.
Do you have a plan of action to become cross-platform?
What does the jargon-based industry jargon "all-hands meetings" really mean?
The capacity to transform cyber-virtually leads to the capacity to iterate transparently.
If you extend interactively, you may have to envisioneer strategically.