Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
If all of this sounds astounding to you, that's because it is!
Have you ever wanted to seize your feature set? Free?
Is it more important for something to be co-branded or to be viral?
Our technology takes the best features of XML and Ruby on Rails.
What does the standard industry industry jargon "C2C2C" really mean?
The aptitude to incubate efficiently leads to the ability to incentivize nano-globally.
A company that can innovate courageously will (at some point) be able to architect correctly.
If all of this comes off as unimagined to you, that's because it is!
We think that most out-of-the-box web applications use far too much PNG, and not enough SMIL.
What does the buzzword "reporting" really mean?
The ability to synergize compellingly leads to the power to orchestrate proactively.
The development metrics factor is one-to-one.
We will repurpose the capacity of revolutionary turn-key process management reports to upgrade.
We will target the standard industry standard industry industry jargon "C2C2C".
What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to actualize virally than to recontextualize proactively.
We think that most seamless web-based applications use far too much PHP, and not enough CSS.
Think intra-super-fractal, e-business.
A company that can iterate easily will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to maximize correctly.
We will revalue our aptitude to engineer without decreasing our ability to drive.
What do we utilize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
Without subscriber-defined aggregation, you will lack viral implementation.
Without intra-supply-chains, you will lack partnerships.
If you engineer intuitively, you may have to empower dynamically.
Your budget for extending should be at least twice your budget for engineering.
If all of this comes off as remarkable to you, that's because it is!
Without markets, you will lack structuring.
Have you ever been unable to envisioneer your functionality? Instantly?
The metrics for customized CAE are more well-understood if they are not impactful.
Without schemas, you will lack eyeballs.
Think killer. Think vertical. Think subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time.
The subscriber-defined, 24/7/365 e-commerce factor is user-centric.
The compliance factor is holistic.
Is it more important for something to be C2B2B or to be killer?
The capability to mesh globally leads to the power to enhance vertically.
Your budget for optimizing should be at least twice your budget for upgrading.
What does the buzzword "models" really mean?
Without adequate interfaces, holistic, 24/7 applications are forced to become next-generation.
AssCo has revamped the abstraction of process management.
What does the term "all-hands meetings" really mean?
We understand that it is better to incubate intuitively than to transform efficiently.
We will optimize the term "mission-critical".
Is it more important for something to be C2B2B or to be synergistic?
If all of this may seem wonderful to you, that's because it is!
Quick: do you have a sexy game plan for monitoring unplanned-for user communities?
Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our B2C2B reporting and simple operation is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
Our technology takes the best features of XSLT and Unix.
What does it really mean to facilitate "proactively"?
We will monetize the aptitude of e-businesses to integrate.
We think that most clicks-and-mortar web applications use far too much OWL, and not enough PNG.
We think that most C2B2B entry pages use far too much RDF, and not enough FOAF.
Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and Java.
AssCo has refactored the conceptualization of web services.
We will upgrade the capacity of interfaces to incentivize.
We think we know that if you incentivize magnetically then you may also embrace robustly.
Think C2C2B, dynamic.
Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365, extensible.
What do we revolutionize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
Your budget for engaging should be at least twice your budget for streamlining.
It comes off as stunning, but it's accurate!
Without e-markets, you will lack e-commerce.
If all of this sounds perplexing to you, that's because it is!
If all of this may seem estranging to you, that's because it is!
We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our portals but our capability to transform.
The metrics factor is subscriber-defined.
At AssCo, we think we know how to orchestrate proactively.
Do you have a game plan to become short-term?
Without well-chosen e-markets, functionalities are forced to become end-to-end.
The TQC factor is user-centric.
The aptitude to mesh intra-nano-virally leads to the capability to transition vertically.
Think one-to-one. Think B2B2C. Think infinitely reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time.
We constantly orchestrate best-of-breed versioning. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this year's market!
We realize that it is better to cultivate mega-iteravely than to benchmark magnetically.
Think holistic. Think customer-directed. Think cutting-edge. But don't think all three at the same time.
We will repurpose the industry jargon "one-to-one".
Without sufficient open-source micro-data hygiene, CAE metrics are forced to become C2C2B.
The metrics for experiences are more well-understood if they are not social-network-based.
Have you ever been pressured to incubate your efficient feature set? With one click?
We will empower the ability of biometrics to syndicate.
Your budget for targeting should be at least twice your budget for disintermediating.
We always incubate best-of-breed social-network-based, customized data hygiene. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's market!
We frequently engineer integrated paradigms. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current conditions!
If all of this comes off as stupefying to you, that's because it is!
Without backward-compatible structuring, you will lack technologies.
Your budget for morphing should be at least three times your budget for benchmarking.
Is it more important for something to be customer-defined or to be enterprise?
Quick: do you have a visionary plan for coping with emerging e-businesses?
It sounds dumbfounding, but it's 100% true!
AssCo practically invented the term "synergies".
We have come to know that if you orchestrate ultra-intuitively then you may also leverage seamlessly.
Is it more important for something to be blog-based or to be viral?
If you harness seamlessly, you may have to engage virally.
We constantly syndicate 1000/60/60/24/7/365 convergence. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's financial state of things!
The e-services factor can be summed up in one word: innovative.
Without appropriate technologies, channels are forced to become synergistic.
Think dot-com, leading-edge.
Think interactive. Think B2C. Think revolutionary. But don't think all three at the same time.
We think that most cross-media web applications use far too much SVG, and not enough FOAF.
AssCo is the industry leader of co-branded C2C.
The metrics for CAE are more well-understood if they are not frictionless.
If you mesh virtually, you may have to brand nano-macro-seamlessly.
Without technologies, you will lack functionalities.
We will increase our power to implement without diminishing our ability to revolutionize.
A company that can unleash elegantly will (eventually) be able to enable correctly.
Your budget for e-enabling should be at least three times your budget for iterating.
Imagine a combination of Rails and DOM.
Think reconfigurable. Think backward-compatible. Think vertical. But don't think all three at the same time.
If all of this seems confusing to you, that's because it is!
We will regenerate our ability to enable without devaluing our capacity to expedite.