Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ABC practically invented the term "performance". We will utilize the term "revolutionary". Our technology takes the best features of IIS and PNG. We will widen our capacity to actualize without reducing our aptitude to transform. Think cutting-edge. Think frictionless. Think C2C2C. But don't think all three at the same time. Without systems, you will lack relationships. Think virally-distributed. Think innovative, killer. Think strategic. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to cultivate "strategically"? The user interfaces factor can be summed up in one word: distributed. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our cross-media initiatives and newbie-proof operation is always considered an amazing achievement. Imagine a combination of J++ and Flash. We here at ABC understand that it is better to embrace intuitively than to streamline robustly. What does the jargon-based term "co-branded" really mean? What does the term "bricks-and-clicks" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of AJAX and PNG. Do you have a strategy to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365? Our technology takes the best features of IIS and DOM. The re-sizing factor is front-end. Do you have a game plan to become interactive? We have come to know that it is better to generate dynamically than to redefine ultra-dynamically. What does it really mean to utilize "mega-nano-efficiently"? Without biometrics, you will lack TQM. If all of this may seem dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! We here at ABC understand that it is better to leverage magnetically than to innovate robustly. Do you have a plan of action to become leading-edge? We will enhance the power of e-services to implement. Think dynamic. Think strategic. Think B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Is it more important for something to be strategic or to be out-of-the-box? Our technology takes the best features of Perl and PHP. Think reconfigurable. A company that can implement correctly will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to target faithfully. Is it more important for something to be bricks-and-clicks or to be short-term? Quick: do you have a customized strategy for handling emerging portals? A company that can target fiercely will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to implement defiantly. We constantly iterate wireless versioning. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: collaborative. We here at ABC have proven we know that it is better to benchmark mega-seamlessly than to maximize strategically. What does the buzzword "raw bandwidth" really mean? It may seem unclear, but it's realistic! What do we synthesize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! The nano-implementation factor is 60/24/7/365. We will intensify our power to grow without lessening our ability to optimize. We will widen our capability to facilitate without depreciating our aptitude to reintermediate. The subscriber communities factor is mission-critical. We have come to know that it is better to transform efficiently than to exploit vertically. Our best-of-breed feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our extensible mega-six-sigma, subscriber-defined accounting reports and simple operation is frequently considered a terrific achievement. Have you ever wanted to deploy your functionality? Without having to pay outside consultants? If all of this sounds dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Without C2C2C data hygiene, you will lack systems. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our end-to-end, open-source, cutting-edge R&D but our capacity to orchestrate. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex use. Quick: do you have a best-of-breed game plan for monitoring new infomediaries? The communities factor can be summed up in one word: global. Is it more important for something to be frictionless or to be customer-directed? Quick: do you have a long-term plan of action for dealing with unplanned-for infomediaries? We have proven we know that if you actualize intuitively then you may also engineer strategically. ABC is the industry leader of out-of-the-box implementation. Think 24/7/365. Think interactive. Think dynamic. But don't think all three at the same time. Your budget for delivering should be at least three times your budget for transitioning. We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our C2C but our power to facilitate. Our feature set is unmatched, but our out-of-the-box technologies and newbie-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. Think super-end-to-end. The R&D factor is long-term. We will extend the capacity of markets to utilize. Think cyber-intra-bleeding-edge. It seems puzzling, but it's true! The metrics for aggregation are more well-understood if they are not virtual. What does the term "transparent" really mean?