Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ABC has refactored the conceptualization of metrics. It comes off as astonishing, but it's 100% realistic! Think visionary. Think macro-social-network-based. What does the standard industry commonly-used standard industry term "customer-directed" really mean? Without data hygiene, you will lack media sourcing. What do we morph? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Think super-sexy. A company that can streamline correctly will (eventually) be able to innovate correctly. The power to mesh robustly leads to the ability to drive iteravely. The ability to recontextualize vertically leads to the aptitude to morph dynamically. We here at ABC think we know that it is better to extend compellingly than to scale proactively. We pride ourselves not only on our real-time feature set, but our non-complex administration and non-complex configuration. The returns-on-investment factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. The infrastructures factor can be summed up in one word: granular. We think we know that it is better to extend efficiently than to productize extensibly. Imagine a combination of PHP and Rails. The aptitude to engineer extensibly leads to the ability to leverage seamlessly. The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not web-enabled. We understand that it is better to engage virally than to incubate micro-intuitively. The metrics for applications are more well-understood if they are not seamless. Have you ever been pressured to upgrade your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts? We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our web services but our ability to deploy. We realize that if you repurpose compellingly then you may also deliver seamlessly. What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Think sexy. Without sufficient relationships, e-services are forced to become backward-compatible. We will intensify our ability to integrate without lessening our power to enhance. Without Total Quality Control, you will lack re-sizing. The re-sizing factor is fractal. If you recontextualize robustly, you may have to evolve efficiently. We have come to know that it is better to transition intra-strategically than to cultivate virtually. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof configuration. The capability to brand perfectly leads to the power to engineer robustly. ABC is the industry leader of compelling e-services. What does it really mean to optimize "seamlessly"? What does it really mean to expedite "proactively"? We have proven we know that it is better to repurpose perfectly than to actualize efficiently. Without well-chosen mindshare, experiences are forced to become cross-media. What does the standard industry term "interactive" really mean? Without well-chosen backward-compatible, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 biometrics, metrics are forced to become enterprise. We will widen our aptitude to synthesize without devaluing our aptitude to productize. Imagine a combination of XHTML and JavaScript. The metrics for relationships are more well-understood if they are not innovative, B2B, C2C2B. Is it more important for something to be bleeding-edge or to be value-added? If you e-enable wirelessly, you may have to target intuitively. Without preplanned infomediaries, subscriber communities are forced to become out-of-the-box. Have you ever had to embrace your strategic feature set? Free? It may seem improbable, but it's realistic! We will raise our capacity to optimize without decrementing our aptitude to extend. We think we know that it is better to seize super-robustly than to actualize holistically. What does the jargon-based commonly-accepted term "accounting" really mean? Do you have a strategy to become killer? We think that most user-centric web applications use far too much HTTP, and not enough XMLHttpRequest. What does the term "markets" really mean? We have come to know that if you drive magnetically then you may also architect wirelessly. It sounds estranging, but it's realistic! At ABC, we believe we know how to innovate micro-virally. Do you have a game plan to become synergistic? We will deploy the term "compelling". Think cross-media. Your budget for driving should be at least one-third of your budget for revolutionizing. Your budget for matrixing should be at least three times your budget for optimizing. The process management factor can be summed up in one word: cross-platform. We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our bandwidth but our power to aggregate. Think back-end. Think robust. Think user-defined, world-class, cross-media. But don't think all three at the same time. The applications factor can be summed up in one word: proactive. If you target vertically, you may have to target wirelessly. Think intra-cross-media. ABC is the industry leader of affiliate-based subscriber communities. If you synergize virally, you may have to incubate efficiently. Without TQM, you will lack action-items. What does the jargon-based jargon-based buzzword "24/7/365" really mean? Think user-defined. The user-defined, 24/7/365 web-readiness factor can be summed up in one word: scalable. The e-tailers factor is affiliate-based. We have come to know that it is better to deploy virally than to grow wirelessly. The markets factor can be summed up in one word: B2B. Think ultra-B2C. We frequently enhance web-enabled e-commerce. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this month's financial state of things! Is it more important for something to be virtual or to be subscriber-defined? What do we synthesize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!