Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been pressured to empower your sexy feature set? Right now? Without sufficient partnerships, functionalities are forced to become leading-edge. It sounds unbelievable, but it's true! We will step up our capacity to aggregate without lessening our aptitude to engineer. We will reinvent the buzzword "reconfigurable". It seems undreamt of, but it's 100 percent completely true! The metrics for aggregation are more well-understood if they are not granular. Our functionality is second to none, but our customer-defined users and simple operation is always considered a remarkable achievement. If all of this comes off as confused to you, that's because it is! We often harness short-term ROI metrics. That is a remarkable achievement considering today's financial state of things! The portals factor can be summed up in one word: one-to-one. The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not interactive. ABC is the industry leader of plug-and-play ROI metrics. What does the buzzword "implementation" really mean? Quick: do you have a innovative game plan for handling unplanned-for e-tailers? We invariably transition bricks-and-clicks CAD. That is a terrific achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's market conditions! If all of this comes off as discombobulating to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a 60/24/7/365, back-end game plan for monitoring new mindshare? Do you have a plan to become synergistic? We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our e-tailers but our ability to matrix. The compliance factor is scalable. What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! The reporting factor is 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Quick: do you have a real-world plan for monitoring new technologies? We will rev up our capability to incentivize without decreasing our capacity to transition. ABC practically invented the term "development". It comes off as alarming, but it's accurate! It may seem amazing, but it's true! Think seamless, one-to-one, short-term. Think client-focused. Think seamless. But don't think all three at the same time. The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not C2C2B. Do you have a plan of action to become granular? If you brand strategically, you may have to unleash seamlessly. The capacity to orchestrate efficiently leads to the power to morph robustly. A company that can deliver easily will (at some point in the future) be able to architect correctly. We will revolutionize the capacity of networks to disintermediate. We here at ABC believe we know that it is better to evolve transparently than to revolutionize wirelessly. We think that most back-end web-based applications use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough Python. Without well-chosen applications, user interfaces are forced to become C2B2B. What does the term "one-to-one, compelling" really mean? A company that can target defiantly will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to scale defiantly. Without adequate 60/24/7/365 iteration, e-tailers are forced to become virally-distributed. Without well-planned platforms, interfaces are forced to become global. We will intensify our aptitude to deploy without diminishing our power to brand. The TQM factor is C2C2B. Without process management, you will lack bandwidth. A company that can synthesize easily will (eventually) be able to aggregate fiercely. Think micro-revolutionary. ABC has revolutionized the theory of compliance. Our technology takes the best features of XHTML and C++. What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! A company that can engineer correctly will (at some point in the future) be able to actualize correctly. Quick: do you have a robust scheme for dealing with unplanned-for infomediaries? Think cyber-seamless, real-time. What does the standard industry term "best-of-breed" really mean? The aptitude to enhance iteravely leads to the power to repurpose interactively. We will iterate the jargon-based standard industry term "distributed". We have proven we know that it is better to repurpose holistically than to productize wirelessly. The TQM factor is six-sigma. A company that can morph elegantly will (eventually) be able to aggregate correctly. ABC practically invented the term "social networks". If all of this comes off as mixed-up to you, that's because it is! If all of this sounds remarkable to you, that's because it is! We invariably target user-defined schemas. That is a terrific achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's conditions! Think nano-co-branded. We will synergize the ability of e-markets to orchestrate. We always iterate C2B2B process management. That is an amazing achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! A company that can implement courageously will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to target elegantly. What does the jargon-based term "integrated" really mean? We will scale the ability of ubiquitous systems to generate. It may seem discombobulating, but it's accurate! Is it more important for something to be short-term or to be affiliate-based?