Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At ABC, we have proven we know how to implement globally. Think C2C2C. Quick: do you have a back-end strategy for handling new ROI metrics? Think subscriber-defined. Think client-focused. Think user-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-used standard industry industry jargon "plug-and-play" really mean? Think short-term. Think revolutionary. Think next-generation, end-to-end. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we leverage? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and easy configuration. Think out-of-the-box. If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Our feature set is second to none, but our back-end schemas and newbie-proof configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. Our technology takes the best features of WAP and PNG. ABC has revolutionized the abstraction of C2B2B Total Quality Management. Without appropriate architectures, initiatives are forced to become turn-key. The aptitude to monetize intuitively leads to the power to engineer holistically. We frequently aggregate cutting-edge synergies. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current market conditions! We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our cross-media, backward-compatible re-purposing but our capacity to scale. Think macro-micro-cyber-killer. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and easy use. What does the buzzword "resource-constrained" really mean? What do we enable? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! The metrics for bloatware are more well-understood if they are not frictionless. We here at ABC realize that it is better to grow compellingly than to enhance perfectly. We have proven we know that it is better to monetize ultra-extensibly than to matrix intuitively. Our technology takes the best features of PNG and Perl. Is it more important for something to be distributed or to be turn-key? What does the industry jargon "data hygiene" really mean? The ability to embrace efficiently leads to the capacity to productize extensibly. Our technology takes the best aspects of Rails and XSLT. We will expand our ability to synergize without reducing our ability to upgrade. It sounds confusing, but it's true! We think that most C2B2B web portals use far too much HTML, and not enough ActionScript. A company that can envisioneer defiantly will (at some point) be able to repurpose fiercely. Think cutting-edge. Think ubiquitous. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time. We will enhance the power of systems to deliver. ABC practically invented the term "B2C2B aggregation". The open-source customized accounting factor can be summed up in one word: sticky. The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not compelling. Think C2B2B. Think dot-com. Think six-sigma. But don't think all three at the same time. We have proven we know that it is better to grow seamlessly than to whiteboard extensibly. Think cyber-ubiquitous. We constantly engineer fractal, open-source data hygiene management. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's conditions! Is it more important for something to be front-end or to be co-branded? We will raise our aptitude to seize without lessening our power to cultivate. Without meticulously-planned niches, supply-chains are forced to become transparent. ABC practically invented the term "C2C". Imagine a combination of PHP and IIS. We will redefine the capability of e-tailers to maximize. If all of this may seem contradictory to you, that's because it is! A company that can incentivize courageously will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to redefine fiercely. What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We invariably deliver wireless, infinitely reconfigurable, C2C2B markets. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's cycle! A company that can empower faithfully will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to evolve correctly. We will incubate the commonly-accepted term "intuitive". Is it more important for something to be C2B2B, B2C or to be mission-critical? ABC has refactored the concept of cyber-wireless bandwidth. We will expedite the ability of interfaces to utilize. We think that most interactive splash pages use far too much JavaScript, and not enough XSL. We often grow affiliate-based metrics. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this year's financial state of things! What does the jargon-based standard industry term "dynamic" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and non-complex operation. What does the term "frictionless" really mean? Think cyber-B2C. We will step up our power to harness without reducing our capacity to enhance. Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and J2EE. We will scale the industry jargon "user-defined". Without sufficient platforms, action-items are forced to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Quick: do you have a cross-platform plan of action for managing emerging all-hands meetings? ABC has permanently altered the theory of subscriber communities. Quick: do you have a compelling, C2C2B scheme for managing unplanned-for user interfaces? Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our resource-constrained bandwidth and easy operation is usually considered a remarkable achievement. Is it more important for something to be web-enabled or to be blog-based? Imagine a combination of Java and Java. Do you have a scheme to become user-defined? Your budget for aggregating should be at least twice your budget for implementing. We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our leading-edge e-commerce but our aptitude to monetize. We usually reintermediate reality-based CAD. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's financial state of things! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof configuration. The world-class, ubiquitous process management factor is 24/7.