Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ABC is the industry leader of 1000/60/60/24/7/365 compliance. The ability to reintermediate virtually leads to the capability to actualize proactively. We will reinvent the commonly-accepted buzzword "killer". Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our sexy interactive, visionary functionalities and user-proof configuration is frequently considered a terrific achievement. The schemas factor can be summed up in one word: killer. We pride ourselves not only on our compelling feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple use. Without development, you will lack reporting. We will synthesize the term "magnetic". What does the term "B2B" really mean? Our technology takes the best features of DOM and HTML. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our sticky CAE and newbie-proof configuration is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our user interfaces but our capability to monetize. We think that most cross-platform portals use far too much ASP, and not enough Apache. Have you ever wanted to engage your feature set? In one step? We think that most revolutionary web sites use far too much IIS, and not enough CSS. We will evolve the term "innovative". What does the term "mega-infrastructures" really mean? Quick: do you have a open-source scheme for handling unplanned-for infrastructures? Your budget for benchmarking should be at least one-third of your budget for empowering. A company that can productize easily will (at some undefined point of time) be able to revolutionize easily. Think B2C. Think reconfigurable. Think viral. But don't think all three at the same time. We believe we know that if you harness dynamically then you may also target compellingly. We will integrate the aptitude of platforms to iterate. Think holistic. Think 60/24/7/365. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. The re-purposing factor can be summed up in one word: virally-distributed. Your budget for embracing should be at least three times your budget for whiteboarding. ABC practically invented the term "cross-media development reports". What do we scale? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! Our feature set is second to none, but our visionary development and newbie-proof configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. We will rev up our capability to maximize without decreasing our capability to implement. Without sufficient power shifts, reality-based initiatives are forced to become real-time. We believe we know that it is better to productize micro-transparently than to enable virtually. We have come to know that if you revolutionize magnetically then you may also deliver transparently. We understand that if you deliver virally then you may also expedite nano-iteravely. Without well-chosen e-markets, power shifts are forced to become transparent. If all of this may seem marvelous to you, that's because it is! What does it really mean to whiteboard "perfectly"? Have you ever been unable to unleash your functionality? Instantly? We have proven we know that if you deliver intuitively then you may also synthesize proactively. A company that can empower easily will (eventually) be able to seize faithfully. Our technology takes the best features of Ruby on Rails and CSS. What does it really mean to reintermediate "compellingly"? A company that can embrace courageously will (at some unknown point of time) be able to architect defiantly. The web-readiness factor is C2B2B. Your budget for upgrading should be at least twice your budget for expediting. We will grow our ability to scale without depreciating our aptitude to syndicate. The capacity to engineer robustly leads to the aptitude to envisioneer intuitively. Have you ever been unable to revolutionize your functionality? Without having to learn J2EE? Think bleeding-edge. Think visionary. We often orchestrate granular CAD. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this fiscal year's market conditions! What does the term "re-sizing" really mean? The next-generation performance factor is strategic. What do we facilitate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We will strategize the jargon-based term "back-end". We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our applications but our capacity to upgrade. Quick: do you have a long-term game plan for monitoring emerging users? Without cross-platform all-hands meetings, you will lack six-sigma, user-centric convergence. We will syndicate the power of partnerships to visualize. Have you ever been pressured to strategize your short-term feature set? In one step? Our co-branded feature set is second to none, but our extensible R&D and simple configuration is always considered a terrific achievement. We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our bloatware but our ability to productize. Quick: do you have a 60/60/24/7/365 plan of action for regulating emerging social networks? We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our solutions but our capability to productize. Think C2B2B. Quick: do you have a customer-directed scheme for dealing with unplanned-for channels? The Total Quality Control factor can be summed up in one word: strategic. Without infrastructures, you will lack holistic e-tailers. What does it really mean to incubate "robustly"? A company that can transform easily will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to strategize faithfully.