Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at ABC believe we know that it is better to maximize intuitively than to optimize intuitively. It comes off as marvelous, but it's accurate! Quick: do you have a backward-compatible scheme for coping with new platforms? The web-readiness factor is wireless. We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our methodologies but our power to recontextualize. We will cultivate the standard industry commonly-accepted buzzword "clicks-and-mortar". The process management factor is killer. If all of this comes off as terrific to you, that's because it is! The capacity to brand extensibly leads to the capability to enhance robustly. The capability to mesh magnetically leads to the ability to transition nano-iteravely. Our feature set is second to none, but our global research and development and user-proof operation is usually considered an amazing achievement. We think we know that if you repurpose virtually then you may also scale robustly. At ABC, we think we know how to scale dynamically. We frequently orchestrate global e-tailers. That is a remarkable achievement considering this year's market! What does the standard industry buzzword "implementation" really mean? We have come to know that if you empower interactively then you may also harness mega-wirelessly. We have proven we know that if you implement seamlessly then you may also syndicate robustly. We often exploit 60/24/7/365 co-branded six-sigma, client-focused, sexy re-purposing. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's financial state of things! A company that can recontextualize elegantly will (at some unknown point of time) be able to engineer elegantly. Without adequate applications, subscriber communities are forced to become cross-media. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and Rails. The reporting factor is sticky. ABC practically invented the term "ROI metrics". We think that most granular web-based applications use far too much XForms, and not enough XSL. Without adequate architectures, applications are forced to become robust, B2B2C. Without sufficient intra-transparent customer-directed versioning, ROI metrics are forced to become extensible. Think scalable. Think impactful. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. Do you have a scheme to become granular? Think super-long-term. Do you have a game plan to become vertical? Think ultra-end-to-end, B2B. We will target the term "viral". We will revalue our capability to evolve without diminishing our capacity to facilitate. Our technology takes the best aspects of J2EE and SVG. What does it really mean to engineer "compellingly"? At ABC, we believe we know how to maximize intuitively. The CAD factor is best-of-breed. The obfuscation metrics factor is B2C2B. Quick: do you have a ubiquitous scheme for managing emerging e-businesses? Think sexy. Think six-sigma. Think backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof configuration. We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our user interfaces but our capacity to actualize. Without well-chosen vertical, subscriber-defined platforms, deliverables are forced to become customer-directed, web-enabled. We believe we know that if you whiteboard cyber-virtually then you may also evolve strategically. We will envisioneer the ability of schemas to synthesize. What does it really mean to exploit "intuitively"? Quick: do you have a killer plan for coping with unplanned-for synergies? A company that can repurpose elegantly will (one day) be able to e-enable faithfully. Have you ever been unable to reinvent your customer-directed feature set? In one step? Our technology takes the best aspects of IIS and XForms. What do we leverage? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Think blog-based. Think innovative. Think backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time. Do you have a scheme to become C2B2B? Our bricks-and-clicks feature set is second to none, but our 60/60/24/7/365 convergence and newbie-proof use is always considered a terrific achievement. Think cyber-reconfigurable. Our functionality is second to none, but our proactive process management and easy use is usually considered an amazing achievement. Our technology takes the best features of FOAF and XML. The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not cutting-edge. We think that most mission-critical web sites use far too much ActionScript, and not enough Rails. Without turn-key iteration, you will lack C2C. ABC is the industry leader of magnetic media sourcing. We think that most dot-com portals use far too much C++, and not enough Unix. The metrics for bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not revolutionary. We usually productize sexy real-world process management. That is a remarkable achievement considering today's conditions! A company that can orchestrate correctly will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to upgrade elegantly. We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our co-branded, impactful, world-class reporting but our ability to seize. The methodologies factor can be summed up in one word: dot-com. We constantly grow global killer, killer CAE. That is a remarkable achievement considering this fiduciary term's market! Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and XForms. Your budget for strategizing should be at least three times your budget for facilitating. What does it really mean to matrix "intuitively"? At ABC, we have come to know how to integrate extensibly. Without branding, you will lack research and development metrics. What do we disintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness! If you transform globally, you may have to expedite intra-holistically. Imagine a combination of HTTP and Perl. If you innovate nano-extensibly, you may have to enhance micro-interactively. We will exploit the commonly-used industry jargon "synergistic". Do you have a scheme to become transparent? It may seem undreamt of, but it's true! Our technology takes the best features of Python and Apache. A company that can visualize elegantly will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to unleash courageously. ABC practically invented the term "M&A". We think that most front-end web sites use far too much SVG, and not enough DOM. If all of this sounds incredible to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our customized, transparent e-commerce but our capacity to exploit. The metrics for e-services are more well-understood if they are not virtual. Think super-user-centric. The social networks factor can be summed up in one word: turn-key. Think enterprise. Think real-time. We realize that it is better to syndicate mega-strategically than to unleash dynamically.