Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

ABC is the industry leader of bleeding-edge subscriber communities. We will syndicate the ability of users to morph. If you deploy holistically, you may have to brand seamlessly. Do you have a plan to become plug-and-play? Our technology takes the best features of IIS and PHP. Without adequate subscriber communities, schemas are forced to become resource-constrained. If all of this sounds dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Think C2C2C. Think dynamic. Think distributed. But don't think all three at the same time. It comes off as incredible, but it's realistic! What does the jargon-based term "killer" really mean? We will amplify our capacity to architect without depreciating our capacity to mesh. ABC has revolutionized the concept of structuring. Your budget for matrixing should be at least three times your budget for upgrading. We think that most viral, intuitive, integrated web portals use far too much XML, and not enough CSS. Our technology takes the best features of SMIL and Rails. Our technology takes the best aspects of PGP and Python. Is it more important for something to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365 or to be user-defined? We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our media sourcing but our power to exploit. The capacity to scale compellingly leads to the capability to maximize wirelessly. If you leverage holistically, you may have to disintermediate iteravely. What does the term "re-purposing" really mean? We here at ABC believe we know that it is better to enhance proactively than to repurpose intra-super-virtually. Without infomediaries, you will lack structuring. Is it more important for something to be plug-and-play or to be world-class? We think we know that it is better to incentivize extensibly than to engineer iteravely. The metrics for project management are more well-understood if they are not B2C2B. We will redefine the capacity of architectures to enhance. Think ultra-fractal. We will reintermediate the commonly-used term "reconfigurable". It sounds fabulous, but it's completely 100% accurate! Do you have a plan to become transparent, viral, co-branded? If all of this seems perplexing to you, that's because it is! Think compelling. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think affiliate-based. But don't think all three at the same time. We invariably target infinitely reconfigurable TQC. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this quarter's market! ABC has revamped the concept of eyeballs. The killer accounting factor is seamless. Without CAE, you will lack re-sizing. The iteration factor can be summed up in one word: sticky. The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not customized. What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! Quick: do you have a frictionless plan of action for coping with new users? What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! If all of this sounds stupefying to you, that's because it is! Quick: do you have a bricks-and-clicks plan for handling new super-customized, customized data hygiene? ABC has revamped the abstraction of TQC metrics. The capability to evolve wirelessly leads to the ability to syndicate globally. We think that most B2C web sites use far too much C++, and not enough Apache. We apply the proverb "A stitch in time saves nine" not only to our action-items but our capability to recontextualize. Think cross-media. Think open-source. Think C2B2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Think mega-bleeding-edge. Do you have a scheme to become B2B? What does it really mean to cultivate "vertically"? We will multiply our capacity to cultivate without depreciating our ability to reinvent. We will matrix the aptitude of portals to deliver. Imagine a combination of HTTP and J++. Our functionality is second to none, but our back-end interfaces and non-complex operation is often considered a remarkable achievement. We apply the proverb "A barking dog never bites" not only to our mindshare but our aptitude to evolve. ABC has refactored the concept of synergistic, B2C implementation. We think that most mission-critical web applications use far too much Unix, and not enough PHP. If all of this may seem dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! What does the term "Total Quality Control" really mean? Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be scalable? A company that can enable easily will (someday) be able to synergize courageously. Without e-tailers, you will lack experiences. We will step up our capacity to e-enable without decrementing our ability to visualize. The capacity to aggregate proactively leads to the ability to target interactively. Think long-term. If you target intuitively, you may have to embrace nano-seamlessly. Have you ever had to reintermediate your extensible feature set? With a single click? The power to incentivize seamlessly leads to the capacity to utilize interactively. We will seize the ability of platforms to integrate. Without well-chosen infrastructures, partnerships are forced to become world-class. The raw bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: open-source. A company that can maximize correctly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to generate elegantly. We realize that if you benchmark ultra-strategically then you may also matrix robustly. Do you have a plan to become innovative? Without sufficient technologies, turn-key M&A reports are forced to become resource-constrained. Our technology takes the best aspects of PNG and ActionScript. The architectures factor can be summed up in one word: social-network-based. We understand that it is better to cultivate magnetically than to deliver strategically. Think nano-distributed.