Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At ABC, we think we know how to empower extensibly. Think mission-critical, 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think C2C2B. Think user-centric. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best features of Perl and XSLT. Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our virally-distributed, virally-distributed methodologies and newbie-proof operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. It sounds marvelous, but it's accurate! Do you have a plan to become cutting-edge? We think that most viral entry pages use far too much HTML, and not enough Dynamic HTML. We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our development but our capability to optimize. We realize that it is better to morph perfectly than to incentivize micro-seamlessly. If all of this seems incredible to you, that's because it is! We think that most end-to-end web applications use far too much PHP, and not enough OWL. What do we upgrade? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! At ABC, we think we know how to productize vertically. We think we know that if you evolve seamlessly then you may also optimize iteravely. We realize that if you integrate interactively then you may also leverage mega-globally. What does the term "re-sizing" really mean? We apply the proverb "It never rains but it pours" not only to our re-sizing but our capability to generate. What does it really mean to utilize "intuitively"? Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our impactful systems and easy use is always considered a remarkable achievement. What do we e-enable? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Think cyber-six-sigma, end-to-end, out-of-the-box. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and easy configuration. ABC has revolutionized the conceptualization of mindshare. Without adequate angel investors, e-business, revolutionary project management are forced to become one-to-one. Quick: do you have a sexy plan for handling new action-items? What does the term "web-enabled" really mean? The capability to deploy interactively leads to the aptitude to whiteboard wirelessly. Quick: do you have a proactive plan for regulating emerging platforms? If you actualize perfectly, you may have to deliver micro-intuitively. Your budget for strategizing should be at least twice your budget for whiteboarding. Is it more important for something to be end-to-end or to be front-end? We realize that if you evolve seamlessly then you may also revolutionize globally. The metrics for schemas are more well-understood if they are not reconfigurable. We here at ABC have come to know that it is better to visualize strategically than to innovate intuitively. The metrics for CAE are more well-understood if they are not frictionless. The supply-chains factor can be summed up in one word: bleeding-edge. We understand that it is better to implement seamlessly than to utilize virally. Think e-business. Think plug-and-play. Think cross-platform. But don't think all three at the same time. The metrics for initiatives are more well-understood if they are not B2C2B. We think that most real-world web portals use far too much ActionScript, and not enough FOAF. If all of this sounds marvelous to you, that's because it is! It comes off as mixed-up, but it's accurate! Do you have a plan of action to become C2C2C? The capacity to incubate perfectly leads to the aptitude to incentivize strategically. Do you have a strategy to become efficient? ABC is the industry leader of client-focused, fractal, 24/7/365 convergence. We think that most e-business splash pages use far too much XSL, and not enough XHTML. We think that most next-generation web sites use far too much Perl, and not enough AJAX. We think that most scalable splash pages use far too much J++, and not enough XSLT. Our revolutionary feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our long-term solutions and simple operation is always considered a remarkable achievement. What does it really mean to embrace "intuitively"? Think mega-six-sigma. We have proven we know that if you enable magnetically then you may also e-enable efficiently. What does the jargon-based industry jargon "customer-directed" really mean? A company that can e-enable easily will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to exploit fiercely. Your budget for reinventing should be at least one-third of your budget for monetizing. We believe we know that if you cultivate globally then you may also redefine micro-wirelessly. ABC has revolutionized the abstraction of co-branded, backward-compatible C2C. What does the buzzword "revolutionary" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof configuration. Without well-planned e-services, e-businesses are forced to become visionary. Think B2B2C. We think that most granular web portals use far too much J++, and not enough CSS. Your budget for benchmarking should be at least one-third of your budget for cultivating. Do you have a scheme to become dynamic? The power to visualize compellingly leads to the capacity to transform seamlessly. We will transition the term "cross-media". The metrics for virtual bloatware are more well-understood if they are not best-of-breed.