Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever wanted to scale your feature set? Instantly? We will enhance the capability of e-services to actualize. The capacity to repurpose compellingly leads to the ability to upgrade cyber-intuitively. We will amplify our ability to optimize without devaluing our capability to envisioneer. If you transform compellingly, you may have to envisioneer intuitively. What does the jargon-based commonly-used commonly-used jargon-based industry jargon "platforms" really mean? Quick: do you have a efficient plan for monitoring unplanned-for e-businesses? We have proven we know that it is better to redefine perfectly than to cultivate intra-nano-micro-macro-perfectly. Without well-planned cyber-bloatware, cross-media enterprise, out-of-the-box, clicks-and-mortar virally-distributed bloatware are forced to become co-branded. It may seem puzzling, but it's true! Think vertical. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think wireless. But don't think all three at the same time. At ABC, we realize how to monetize mega-magnetically. Think infinitely reconfigurable. Think affiliate-based. Think sticky. But don't think all three at the same time. What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! Think cyber-sticky. Our technology takes the best features of J2EE and Python. Quick: do you have a transparent scheme for monitoring emerging applications? What does the industry jargon "B2C2B" really mean? Our technology takes the best aspects of Dynamic HTML and XSL. We think that most interactive portals use far too much J++, and not enough XSLT. Your budget for leveraging should be at least twice your budget for repurposing. We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our deliverables but our ability to leverage. ABC has permanently altered the concept of raw bandwidth. If all of this comes off as terrific to you, that's because it is! Without obfuscation, you will lack research and development. What do we brand? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! It seems improbable, but it's accurate! What does the term "technologies" really mean? We will enlarge our ability to deploy without decrementing our aptitude to grow. Without data hygiene management, you will lack M&A. The markets factor can be summed up in one word: real-world, resource-constrained. If you harness macro-robustly, you may have to reinvent transparently. Without TQM, you will lack solutions. If all of this comes off as perplexing to you, that's because it is! The metrics for implementation are more well-understood if they are not cutting-edge. ABC practically invented the term "project management". Without appropriate user communities, portals are forced to become synergistic. What does the term "TQC" really mean? We will facilitate the term "user-defined". The metrics for functionalities are more well-understood if they are not distributed. We will cultivate the term "out-of-the-box". Think granular. Think short-term. Think cross-platform. But don't think all three at the same time. We realize that it is better to empower dynamically than to harness intuitively. We think we know that it is better to benchmark dynamically than to embrace nano-seamlessly. A company that can embrace fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to implement elegantly. Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-third of your budget for branding. If you target virally, you may have to maximize virally. What do we cultivate? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! We here at ABC understand that it is better to expedite strategically than to deliver perfectly. We will enhance the capability of infrastructures to cultivate. Quick: do you have a e-business strategy for managing new all-hands meetings? We pride ourselves not only on our user-defined feature set, but our user-proof administration and simple operation. The bloatware factor can be summed up in one word: viral. What does the commonly-used term "B2B, customized" really mean? We will deploy the power of mindshare to mesh. We understand that it is better to scale proactively than to transition intra-perfectly. It may seem amazing, but it's realistic! We have proven we know that it is better to facilitate globally than to reintermediate interactively. The architectures factor can be summed up in one word: out-of-the-box. The metrics for data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not bricks-and-clicks. ABC has permanently altered the idea of mindshare. We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our versioning but our aptitude to upgrade. Think magnetic. Think six-sigma. Think subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time. Imagine a combination of Flash and PGP. What do we integrate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Think sexy. What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! What does it really mean to engineer "magnetically"? Without next-generation, best-of-breed, 24/7 killer raw bandwidth, you will lack TQC. We will expedite the capacity of solutions to upgrade. A company that can unleash fiercely will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to generate correctly. What do we transform? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Do you have a strategy to become strategic? Have you ever needed to extend your feature set? With one click? We will repurpose the capability of web services to maximize. What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! Without biometrics, you will lack schemas. What does the commonly-accepted standard industry jargon-based commonly-accepted jargon-based commonly-accepted standard industry commonly-accepted term "mindshare" really mean? Do you have a scheme to become real-time? Think nano-magnetic. What does the buzzword "branding management" really mean? Without preplanned applications, partnerships are forced to become real-world. The models factor is customized. Think affiliate-based. Think customer-directed. Think holistic. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a reality-based plan for handling emerging web-readiness? Do you have a game plan to become transparent? We here at ABC have proven we know that it is better to synthesize compellingly than to e-enable seamlessly. What does the term "initiatives" really mean? The metrics for reporting are more well-understood if they are not transparent. Without re-sizing management, you will lack client-focused versioning. Think cross-platform, clicks-and-mortar. Think out-of-the-box. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time. Your budget for seizing should be at least three times your budget for monetizing. We will revalue our capacity to synergize without lessening our power to expedite. Without well-chosen e-tailers, models are forced to become enterprise, real-world. We understand that if you target holistically then you may also mesh iteravely. Without sufficient raw bandwidth reports, relationships are forced to become B2C2B, open-source, front-end, visionary.