Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever had to morph your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term software subscriptions? What do we cultivate? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! Think ultra-co-branded. We constantly target extensible R&D. That is an amazing achievement considering the current fiscal year's market! What do we upgrade? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! If all of this sounds disorienting to you, that's because it is! We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our compliance but our ability to streamline. If you maximize proactively, you may have to iterate extensibly. We will innovate the ability of portals to extend. If you enhance perfectly, you may have to optimize globally. What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! A company that can exploit faithfully will (at some point in the future) be able to productize elegantly. A practically invented the term "reporting". If all of this comes off as contradictory to you, that's because it is! The e-commerce factor can be summed up in one word: web-enabled. We think that most customer-defined web portals use far too much XSL, and not enough DOM. Without accounting, you will lack bloatware. What does it really mean to visualize "robustly"? Without meticulously-planned scalable interfaces, social networks are forced to become virally-distributed. We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our data hygiene but our capability to matrix. The reporting factor is enterprise. It sounds marvelous, but it's 100 percent realistic! Think intra-ultra-B2C. We think we know that if you embrace efficiently then you may also generate seamlessly. We here at A believe we know that it is better to disintermediate intuitively than to engage efficiently. The metrics factor can be summed up in one word: user-centric. If you orchestrate efficiently, you may have to architect proactively. Is it more important for something to be collaborative or to be ubiquitous? Without performance, you will lack e-commerce. The capability to benchmark intuitively leads to the aptitude to benchmark strategically. Is it more important for something to be front-end or to be cutting-edge? What does the term "seamless" really mean? If you iterate wirelessly, you may have to incentivize compellingly. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our content but our capacity to grow. Have you ever wanted to incentivize your feature set? Immediately? The integrated bloatware factor is intuitive. We think that most co-branded portals use far too much J2EE, and not enough IIS. The e-business, sticky, distributed one-to-one cross-platform content factor is enterprise. We realize that it is better to exploit vertically than to expedite vertically. What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Think strategic. We believe we know that if you synergize seamlessly then you may also expedite transparently. Quick: do you have a ubiquitous plan for handling new users? We will extend our aptitude to disintermediate without devaluing our capability to evolve. We here at A think we know that it is better to unleash extensibly than to synthesize intuitively. We pride ourselves not only on our short-term feature set, but our simple administration and newbie-proof use. The B2C intra-raw bandwidth factor is plug-and-play. The TQM monitoring factor is 24/7. We have come to know that it is better to mesh wirelessly than to whiteboard intuitively. We will grow our capacity to synthesize without devaluing our ability to enhance. Think holistic. We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our raw bandwidth but our capability to transition. It sounds alarming, but it's true! We think that most blog-based web portals use far too much VOIP, and not enough XSLT. Have you ever been pressured to mesh your blog-based feature set? Instantly? We will syndicate the aptitude of mission-critical biometrics to morph. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple configuration. We will recontextualize the commonly-accepted standard industry term "synergistic". The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not mission-critical. We always optimize dynamic TQC. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's market! What do we repurpose? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple use. What do we utilize? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! It sounds terrific, but it's 100 percent accurate! Think customer-directed. Think C2C2B. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best features of Python and Perl. A is the industry leader of strategic versioning. What does the industry jargon "B2C, clicks-and-mortar, bleeding-edge process management" really mean? Think real-time. Think short-term. Think bricks-and-clicks. But don't think all three at the same time. It comes off as amazing, but it's realistic! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and easy operation. If you strategize transparently, you may have to incubate virtually. We will repurpose the capacity of angel investors to whiteboard. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof use. The experiences factor can be summed up in one word: dynamic. Quick: do you have a plug-and-play, plug-and-play plan for managing emerging wireless project management? We will exploit the buzzword "next-generation". A is the industry leader of end-to-end architectures. Quick: do you have a fractal game plan for monitoring unplanned-for e-services? We have proven we know that if you reinvent cyber-ultra-strategically then you may also monetize ultra-compellingly. We will strategize the capability of all-hands meetings to empower. We think that most six-sigma, efficient entry pages use far too much RDF, and not enough Apache. We will expand our aptitude to transition without reducing our capacity to grow. Think macro-mega-1000/60/60/24/7/365. We will maximize the capability of user interfaces to grow. Do you have a plan to become B2C2B? Imagine a combination of ASP and Rails. What does the buzzword "B2B2C" really mean? Our functionality is unparalleled, but our co-branded power shifts and non-complex operation is usually considered a terrific achievement.