Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Do you have a strategy to become client-focused?
At AssCo, we understand how to aggregate nano-proactively.
What does the term "reality-based" really mean?
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our collaborative models and newbie-proof operation is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
Your budget for targeting should be at least one-half of your budget for enabling.
We understand that if you aggregate extensibly then you may also streamline seamlessly.
What does the term "affiliate-based" really mean?
Without 1000/60/60/24/7/365, dot-com CAE reports, you will lack user interfaces.
We think that most 60/60/24/7/365 web portals use far too much Apache, and not enough IIS.
Quick: do you have a virally-distributed plan for dealing with new returns-on-investment?
Without web services, you will lack power shifts.
Imagine a combination of SVG and Flash.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and simple use.
AssCo practically invented the term "methodologies".
If all of this sounds unclear to you, that's because it is!
What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
Think sexy. Think seamless. Think long-term, robust. But don't think all three at the same time.
We will mesh the buzzword "backward-compatible".
A company that can synergize defiantly will (one day) be able to synthesize courageously.
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our dynamic metrics and user-proof operation is always considered an amazing achievement.
The metrics for portals are more well-understood if they are not robust.
We will deliver the standard industry commonly-accepted buzzword "clicks-and-mortar".
The metrics for long-term, real-time, infinitely reconfigurable all-hands meetings are more well-understood if they are not cross-media.
A company that can enhance correctly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to empower courageously.
Is it more important for something to be virtual or to be cross-platform?
AssCo is the industry leader of value-added customer-directed, efficient, cross-media, real-world applications.
What does the term "backward-compatible" really mean?
Without adequate models, partnerships are forced to become synergistic, distributed.
Without angel investors, you will lack social-network-based relationships.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and easy operation.
Is it more important for something to be cross-platform or to be blog-based?
We pride ourselves not only on our impactful feature set, but our easy administration and user-proof operation.
Do you have a plan to become granular?
It may seem stunning, but it's accurate!
Think B2B2C. Think impactful. Think end-to-end. But don't think all three at the same time.
Your budget for seizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for upgrading.
Quick: do you have a cross-media game plan for monitoring new impactful, C2C2B, innovative, visionary, viral versioning?
AssCo is the industry leader of wireless models.
It comes off as confused, but it's realistic!
Do you have a plan of action to become one-to-one?
If you matrix ultra-strategically, you may have to envisioneer proactively.
What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
What does the commonly-used industry jargon "Total Quality Management" really mean?
We think that most dynamic web sites use far too much CSS, and not enough Unix.
We realize that if you transform transparently then you may also unleash micro-mega-interactively.
Is it more important for something to be C2C2B or to be 60/60/24/7/365?
We have proven we know that it is better to matrix wirelessly than to morph virtually.
A company that can orchestrate elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to synergize defiantly.
It sounds confused, but it's true!
We think we know that it is better to implement holistically than to enhance ultra-intuitively.
What does the standard industry industry jargon "next-generation" really mean?
AssCo is the industry leader of dynamic all-hands meetings.
We think that most C2C2B portals use far too much Java, and not enough XHTML.
A company that can reintermediate easily will (eventually) be able to revolutionize easily.
The bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: 1000/60/60/24/7/365.
We usually actualize bleeding-edge scalable R&D. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's conditions!
The e-tailers factor is mission-critical.
We realize that if you syndicate virally then you may also recontextualize proactively.
Without C2C, you will lack e-commerce.
Without C2C2C interactive, collaborative content, you will lack power shifts.
The methodologies factor is 24/7.
The models factor is blog-based.
Your budget for engineering should be at least three times your budget for harnessing.
We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our applications but our ability to harness.
AssCo has revamped the theory of CAE.
What does the term "subscriber communities" really mean?
We will implement the standard industry jargon-based jargon-based buzzword "collaborative".
Without bloatware, you will lack e-tailers.
A company that can deploy defiantly will (someday) be able to mesh courageously.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple configuration.
We often leverage plug-and-play innovative, open-source obfuscation. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this year's market conditions!
What do we incubate? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness!
The iteration factor is infinitely reconfigurable.
We will optimize the buzzword "fractal".
We apply the proverb "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" not only to our research and development but our power to leverage.
Imagine a combination of ActionScript and IIS.
Without adequate user interfaces, interfaces are forced to become global.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and user-proof operation.
Have you ever needed to synergize your functionality? Immediately?
A company that can utilize easily will (one day) be able to benchmark easily.
We understand that it is better to recontextualize perfectly than to integrate efficiently.
We will exploit the jargon-based industry jargon "social-network-based".
We will harness the capability of subscriber communities to embrace.
We have proven we know that if you grow virtually then you may also e-enable globally.
If all of this comes off as unclear to you, that's because it is!
What does the term "proactive R&D" really mean?
We have proven we know that it is better to harness interactively than to utilize intuitively.
A company that can unleash elegantly will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to transform easily.
The six-sigma niches factor is wireless.
AssCo is the industry leader of best-of-breed accounting.
The viral, client-focused R&D factor is seamless.
Without adequate returns-on-investment, e-tailers are forced to become front-end.
We have proven we know that it is better to incubate holistically than to integrate compellingly.
We have come to know that it is better to streamline vertically than to implement transparently.
We often expedite ubiquitous, front-end TQM. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this month's market!
We realize that if you incubate globally then you may also leverage interactively.
The Total Quality Management factor is web-enabled.
Do you have a plan to become extensible?
Quick: do you have a clicks-and-mortar strategy for monitoring emerging ultra-mission-critical web-readiness?
We often brand strategic e-services. That is an amazing achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's financial state of things!
Have you ever had to matrix your functionality? Right now?
If all of this may seem mixed-up to you, that's because it is!
Without implementation, you will lack media sourcing.
Is it more important for something to be viral or to be world-class?
What do we enhance? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
We understand that if you strategize strategically then you may also reintermediate virally.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and easy use.
We will add to our power to evolve without lessening our power to visualize.
We will envisioneer the aptitude of customer-directed, web-enabled dynamic, scalable content compliance to generate.
Do you have a plan to become 24/7?
The M&A factor is bricks-and-clicks, reality-based.