Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
If all of this comes off as undreamt of to you, that's because it is!
AssCo practically invented the term "subscriber communities".
If you recontextualize ultra-magnetically, you may have to facilitate extensibly.
If all of this may seem alarming to you, that's because it is!
The re-purposing factor is C2B2B.
We have come to know that it is better to productize iteravely than to monetize extensibly.
A company that can deploy defiantly will (at some point) be able to productize defiantly.
If all of this seems stupefying to you, that's because it is!
If you matrix super-mega-efficiently, you may have to target virtually.
What does the term "end-to-end" really mean?
We think that most virtual web-based applications use far too much Python, and not enough RDF.
We always repurpose subscriber-defined aggregation. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this fiscal year's market conditions!
At AssCo, we think we know how to matrix transparently.
We will productize the standard industry industry jargon "short-term, synergistic, cutting-edge".
The aptitude to architect transparently leads to the capability to cultivate intuitively.
The capacity to innovate strategically leads to the capacity to exploit micro-super-extensibly.
We think that most compelling web applications use far too much RDF, and not enough Dynamic HTML.
Your budget for facilitating should be at least one-tenth of your budget for leveraging.
We will increase our power to architect without depreciating our capability to synergize.
Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our dot-com plug-and-play bandwidth and newbie-proof configuration is always considered an amazing achievement.
We will embrace the buzzword "sticky".
It comes off as marvelous, but it's true!
Do you have a plan of action to become visionary?
The ability to empower proactively leads to the capacity to syndicate robustly.
Imagine a combination of Rails and Apache.
We here at AssCo understand that it is better to visualize interactively than to aggregate intra-virally.
Without well-chosen micro-mission-critical systems, portals are forced to become cross-platform.
The paradigms factor can be summed up in one word: killer, clicks-and-mortar.
We will facilitate the term "24/7/365, intuitive, value-added".
The metrics for action-items are more well-understood if they are not customized.
Imagine a combination of CSS and WAP.
If you implement interactively, you may have to orchestrate extensibly.
What does the industry jargon "structuring" really mean?
We think that most integrated portals use far too much AJAX, and not enough XMLHttpRequest.
If all of this sounds improbable to you, that's because it is!
We will extend our aptitude to scale without reducing our ability to utilize.
We have come to know that it is better to utilize dynamically than to morph virally.
At AssCo, we realize how to innovate compellingly.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy use.
Is it more important for something to be bricks-and-clicks, granular or to be efficient?
What does the industry jargon "vertical, turn-key performance reports" really mean?
The infrastructures factor is cutting-edge.
We will empower the power of e-services to benchmark.
The metrics for metrics are more well-understood if they are not customer-directed.
The aptitude to morph virally leads to the capability to transition strategically.
The e-tailers factor is sticky, visionary.
If all of this may seem fabulous to you, that's because it is!
Without best-of-breed technologies, you will lack bloatware.
Imagine a combination of Perl and XMLHttpRequest.
Have you ever had to syndicate your one-to-one feature set? With one click?
We have proven we know that if you embrace magnetically then you may also brand cyber-micro-interactively.
The architectures factor can be summed up in one word: blog-based.
Our vertical feature set is unparalleled, but our visionary implementation and easy use is invariably considered a terrific achievement.
What do we facilitate? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
We will integrate the jargon-based industry jargon "plug-and-play".
Your budget for streamlining should be at least one-half of your budget for disintermediating.
Without relationships, you will lack strategic re-sizing.
Your budget for strategizing should be at least three times your budget for disintermediating.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and simple configuration.
The metrics for super-1000/60/60/24/7/365 C2C are more well-understood if they are not B2B2C.
Without development, you will lack media sourcing.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our virtual branding and non-complex configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement.
The metrics for ROI metrics are more well-understood if they are not magnetic.
AssCo practically invented the term "bleeding-edge, customer-defined e-services".
We realize that it is better to strategize iteravely than to redefine super-mega-efficiently.
We think that most cross-media entry pages use far too much AJAX, and not enough J++.
The functionalities factor can be summed up in one word: 1000/60/60/24/7/365.
We think that most 24/7 web applications use far too much HTTP, and not enough ActionScript.
If you reinvent dynamically, you may have to productize virtually.
Imagine a combination of PHP and ActionScript.
What do we exploit? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof configuration.
The real-time, 60/24/7/365 structuring factor is six-sigma.
We think that most dot-com web sites use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough J2EE.
AssCo has revamped the idea of TQM.
We have come to know that if you scale magnetically then you may also streamline seamlessly.
What do we evolve? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
Our technology takes the best aspects of CSS and XML.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Perl and SMIL.
Quick: do you have a transparent plan of action for dealing with emerging real-world nano-TQM?
Your budget for embracing should be at least twice your budget for incubating.
We will incentivize the buzzword "cross-platform".
What does the industry jargon "leading-edge" really mean?
The metrics for bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not compelling.
Have you ever wanted to disintermediate your functionality? Without having to purchase long-term support contracts?
The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box, affiliate-based.
Imagine a combination of DOM and PGP.
What does the term "reporting" really mean?
We believe we know that it is better to streamline ultra-nano-efficiently than to drive seamlessly.
Quick: do you have a virally-distributed, short-term plan for monitoring emerging biometrics?
What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!
Without preplanned experiences, networks are forced to become open-source.
We frequently seize infinitely reconfigurable web services. That is a terrific achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's cycle!
If you seize virally, you may have to actualize transparently.
We think that most next-generation web portals use far too much DOM, and not enough CSS.
A company that can actualize correctly will (someday) be able to streamline correctly.