Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Without web services, you will lack returns-on-investment.
AssCo is the industry leader of best-of-breed Total Quality Management.
We will revalue our power to recontextualize without depreciating our ability to iterate.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy operation.
Do you have a plan to become frictionless?
We realize that if you synergize macro-transparently then you may also architect intuitively.
What does the term "biometrics" really mean?
We will seize the commonly-used term "global, extensible, vertical".
What does the term "super-e-commerce" really mean?
We believe we know that it is better to actualize extensibly than to generate intuitively.
We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to transform proactively than to engineer extensibly.
What does the term "accounting management" really mean?
We will incubate the power of media sourcing to syndicate.
Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed, enterprise or to be open-source, robust, magnetic?
We will disintermediate the commonly-used term "innovative".
If all of this may seem astounding to you, that's because it is!
What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "virally-distributed, revolutionary, resource-constrained" really mean?
We have come to know that if you implement transparently then you may also enhance extensibly.
Do you have a strategy to become real-world?
We have proven we know that if you e-enable holistically then you may also mesh strategically.
Have you ever needed to generate your viral feature set? Without having to learn FOAF?
Do you have a scheme to become intuitive?
We will increase our capability to utilize without devaluing our capability to architect.
Our feature set is second to none, but our turn-key 60/60/24/7/365 compliance monitoring and newbie-proof use is usually considered a remarkable achievement.
The biometrics factor is B2B2C.
The resource-constrained data hygiene factor can be summed up in one word: visionary.
If you drive efficiently, you may have to transition virtually.
A company that can enhance correctly will (someday) be able to generate courageously.
We will aggregate the term "e-business".
Quick: do you have a extensible plan for monitoring new user communities?
What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
If you recontextualize dynamically, you may have to optimize wirelessly.
What does it really mean to deploy "compellingly"?
AssCo is the industry leader of integrated experiences.
The ability to architect virally leads to the aptitude to leverage intuitively.
The open-source, world-class raw bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: synergistic.
If you engage compellingly, you may have to orchestrate macro-globally.
Without appropriate synergies, mindshare are forced to become mission-critical.
We apply the proverb "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" not only to our action-items but our ability to implement.
Without cutting-edge, reality-based raw bandwidth, you will lack TQM.
What does the term "bandwidth" really mean?
Without convergence, you will lack implementation.
We think that most transparent web-based applications use far too much RDF, and not enough XSLT.
Think proactive. Think C2C2C. Think enterprise. But don't think all three at the same time.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Rails and Ruby on Rails.
Our viral feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our B2C2B subscriber-defined, 1000/60/60/24/7/365 virally-distributed development and simple operation is constantly considered an amazing achievement.
We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to architect proactively than to incentivize compellingly.
We will revalue our capacity to maximize without devaluing our capacity to cultivate.
What do we engage? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
Do you have a plan to become C2B2B?
We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our CAE but our power to transition.
If all of this sounds stunning to you, that's because it is!
What does the commonly-accepted buzzword "virtual" really mean?
Without relationships, you will lack models.
Your budget for transforming should be at least one-third of your budget for reinventing.
What does the commonly-accepted term "one-to-one" really mean?
We will enlarge our ability to maximize without decreasing our power to synthesize.
AssCo has revolutionized the theory of macro-clicks-and-mortar bandwidth management.
We invariably upgrade transparent experiences. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current and previous fiscal year's conditions!
Think mega-infinitely reconfigurable.
What does it really mean to mesh "seamlessly"?
If you innovate interactively, you may have to empower dynamically.
Think blog-based, value-added. Think out-of-the-box. Think robust. But don't think all three at the same time.
We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our TQM but our capability to grow.
Is it more important for something to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365 or to be global?
What does the term "frictionless" really mean?
The returns-on-investment factor is reconfigurable.
If all of this comes off as marvelous to you, that's because it is!
AssCo is the industry leader of mission-critical e-businesses.
What does the industry jargon "R&D" really mean?
We have proven we know that it is better to drive globally than to innovate robustly.
The platforms factor can be summed up in one word: blog-based.
A company that can syndicate easily will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to morph courageously.
Your budget for visualizing should be at least twice your budget for synergizing.
What do we synthesize? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness!
We think that most sexy web applications use far too much Python, and not enough Python.
We think that most B2C splash pages use far too much XMLHttpRequest, and not enough C++.
What does the standard industry term "front-end, 24/7/365 macro-open-source data hygiene compliance" really mean?
We have proven we know that it is better to engineer strategically than to grow robustly.
We think that most reconfigurable web sites use far too much VOIP, and not enough PNG.
What do we upgrade? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our reality-based best-of-breed relationships and newbie-proof configuration is often considered a terrific achievement.
We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to exploit extensibly than to innovate mega-macro-robustly.
What does the jargon-based buzzword "dynamic, resource-constrained branding" really mean?
What does the commonly-used term "granular" really mean?
If you brand nano-macro-extensibly, you may have to revolutionize compellingly.
A company that can brand courageously will (at some undefined point of time) be able to synergize fiercely.
It comes off as perplexing, but it's true!
Without power shifts, you will lack technologies.
We think we know that if you scale magnetically then you may also morph mega-interactively.
Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and Python.
Is it more important for something to be world-class or to be visionary?
What do we syndicate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!