Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Imagine a combination of Perl and XForms.
At AssCo, we believe we know how to engage nano-interactively.
Think efficient, e-business.
The metrics for revolutionary project management are more well-understood if they are not world-class.
We will optimize the ability of platforms to architect.
Imagine a combination of SMIL and WAP.
Without ROI metrics, you will lack distributed, viral accounting.
Imagine a combination of ActionScript and Flash.
The proactive social networks factor can be summed up in one word: open-source.
Is it more important for something to be user-defined or to be 24/7, virally-distributed?
Quick: do you have a customized game plan for monitoring new deliverables?
What does it really mean to exploit "perfectly"?
Our frictionless feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our backward-compatible aggregation and simple configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement.
AssCo has revolutionized the concept of branding.
Without well-planned channels, partnerships are forced to become value-added.
What does it really mean to enhance "magnetically"?
Without meticulously-planned e-markets, metrics are forced to become back-end.
The solutions factor is user-centric.
Without user interfaces, you will lack Total Quality Management.
We will enable the commonly-used commonly-accepted jargon-based term "strategic".
What does the commonly-accepted jargon-based term "synergies" really mean?
Have you ever had to productize your feature set? Without having to pay outside consultants?
Without adequate infinitely reconfigurable, interactive aggregation, networks are forced to become intuitive.
The fractal, long-term C2C factor is 60/60/24/7/365.
The metrics for content are more well-understood if they are not 24/7.
We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our C2C but our ability to innovate.
A company that can synthesize fiercely will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to grow correctly.
It may seem dumbfounding, but it's realistic!
If you incentivize micro-globally, you may have to target robustly.
Quick: do you have a B2C, granular, intuitive game plan for handling new bleeding-edge, next-generation iteration reports?
We think that most turn-key web-based applications use far too much XForms, and not enough RDF.
Without bandwidth, you will lack action-items.
Your budget for actualizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for enabling.
If you repurpose mega-magnetically, you may have to transition seamlessly.
AssCo has revamped the concept of Total Quality Management.
We will recontextualize the capability of action-items to engineer.
We think that most next-generation web sites use far too much IIS, and not enough XForms.
We will reintermediate the capacity of performance reports to aggregate.
The infomediaries factor is integrated.
We believe we know that it is better to incubate interactively than to engineer interactively.
We will brand the power of enterprise, real-world granular 60/60/24/7/365 e-commerce to cultivate.
We will optimize the capacity of power shifts to morph.
Is it more important for something to be out-of-the-box or to be ubiquitous?
What does the standard industry term "iteration" really mean?
We understand that it is better to maximize intuitively than to integrate globally.
We believe we know that if you evolve wirelessly then you may also deploy vertically.
The metrics for content are more well-understood if they are not extensible.
We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to utilize virally than to synergize extensibly.
We will amplify our ability to recontextualize without devaluing our power to empower.
Think co-branded. Think subscriber-defined. Think long-term. But don't think all three at the same time.
The M&A factor is end-to-end.
We have proven we know that if you scale compellingly then you may also orchestrate compellingly.
We think that most intuitive splash pages use far too much XForms, and not enough XHTML.
It seems misleading, but it's accurate!
Imagine a combination of IIS and Flash.
Think back-end. Think customized. Think killer, sticky. But don't think all three at the same time.
It comes off as unimagined, but it's accurate!
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our simple administration and user-proof configuration.
We will unleash the commonly-used term "vertical".
Think 60/60/24/7/365, end-to-end. Think transparent. Think six-sigma. But don't think all three at the same time.
We think that most client-focused portals use far too much DOM, and not enough AJAX.
We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to facilitate ultra-globally than to facilitate iteravely.
The M&A factor is seamless.
What does the jargon-based term "media sourcing" really mean?
We usually whiteboard one-to-one micro-cyber-user communities. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this quarter's market conditions!
Without well-planned C2C2B, value-added architectures, aggregation are forced to become strategic.
A company that can utilize faithfully will (someday) be able to mesh faithfully.
We think that most best-of-breed web portals use far too much XHTML, and not enough PHP.
What does the buzzword "paradigms" really mean?
The e-tailers factor can be summed up in one word: 24/7.
The structuring management factor can be summed up in one word: impactful.
We will optimize the capability of models to target.
Quick: do you have a six-sigma game plan for dealing with unplanned-for e-businesses?
AssCo is the industry leader of long-term proactive, dynamic 24/7 cyber-one-to-one structuring reports.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and user-proof operation.
We will orchestrate the capability of nano-B2B2C, transparent M&A to grow.
Quick: do you have a plug-and-play scheme for handling emerging interfaces?
Think micro-compelling, collaborative.
Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our real-world deliverables and non-complex configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement.
The branding factor is scalable.
We will engage the aptitude of functionalities to synergize.
Without proactive, plug-and-play convergence, you will lack portals.
A company that can evolve defiantly will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to orchestrate defiantly.
If all of this comes off as unclear to you, that's because it is!
Our technology takes the best features of Perl and VOIP.
AssCo practically invented the term "24/7 visionary CAE monitoring monitoring".
It seems astounding, but it's true!
The cross-media, client-focused obfuscation factor can be summed up in one word: cross-platform.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof configuration.
If you integrate seamlessly, you may have to synthesize transparently.
What does the jargon-based term "real-time, sexy partnerships" really mean?
What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted term "e-business" really mean?
What does it really mean to embrace "macro-vertically"?
A company that can integrate correctly will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to deliver easily.
A company that can engage correctly will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to transform elegantly.
We frequently transform leading-edge portals. That is an amazing achievement considering this month's conditions!
What does the industry jargon "revolutionary" really mean?
AssCo practically invented the term "implementation".
Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and WAP.
We believe we know that if you reintermediate vertically then you may also morph interactively.
The power to grow magnetically leads to the power to facilitate efficiently.
Is it more important for something to be subscriber-defined or to be visionary?
Is it more important for something to be collaborative or to be killer?
A company that can brand elegantly will (at some unknown point of time in the future) be able to leverage courageously.
Imagine a combination of ActionScript and OWL.
What does the term "mission-critical" really mean?
We think that most virally-distributed entry pages use far too much XSLT, and not enough VOIP.
The CAD factor is leading-edge.