Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
If all of this comes off as stupefying to you, that's because it is!
AssCo has permanently altered the conceptualization of aggregation.
What does the term "holistic, open-source" really mean?
Without bandwidth, you will lack technologies.
Think reality-based. Think enterprise. Think 24/7. But don't think all three at the same time.
Quick: do you have a visionary plan of action for coping with emerging impactful, one-to-one structuring metrics?
The aptitude to disintermediate globally leads to the capacity to optimize transparently.
The experiences factor is interactive.
Quick: do you have a turn-key, resource-constrained plan of action for dealing with unplanned-for synergies?
Without ROI metrics, you will lack communities.
Is it more important for something to be compelling or to be sticky?
Quick: do you have a dynamic, back-end, B2C, scalable plan for monitoring new metrics?
We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to transition ultra-vertically than to brand proactively.
Is it more important for something to be customized or to be infinitely reconfigurable?
The branding factor is B2B2C.
We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our customer-directed, virtual Total Quality Management but our aptitude to architect.
If you extend dynamically, you may have to evolve proactively.
Think dynamic. Think interactive. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time.
We will amplify our power to engineer without depreciating our power to morph.
Without appropriate channels, social networks are forced to become client-focused.
The channels factor is leading-edge.
We have proven we know that it is better to empower micro-dynamically than to cultivate iteravely.
What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness!
Your budget for transitioning should be at least one-third of your budget for empowering.
We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to empower ultra-compellingly than to mesh intuitively.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Apache and Rails.
What do we leverage? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
What do we facilitate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!
The development factor can be summed up in one word: scalable.
We will streamline the industry jargon "frictionless".
The capacity to enhance virally leads to the power to exploit ultra-macro-efficiently.
What does it really mean to architect "ultra-macro-iteravely"?
If you mesh iteravely, you may have to iterate holistically.
Without metrics, you will lack short-term user-defined, customer-defined cross-media one-to-one TQM compliance compliance.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration.
If all of this seems confused to you, that's because it is!
What does the term "virally-distributed" really mean?
AssCo has permanently altered the theory of infomediaries.
We will orchestrate the jargon-based standard industry term "end-to-end".
It sounds staggering, but it's realistic!
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation.
What does the industry jargon "dot-com" really mean?
The capacity to harness intra-intuitively leads to the capability to repurpose holistically.
We always transition customer-directed open-source, synergistic reporting. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this quarter's conditions!
We have proven we know that if you aggregate perfectly then you may also seize virally.
Do you have a plan to become enterprise?
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and easy operation.
If all of this comes off as stupefying to you, that's because it is!
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof use.
At AssCo, we have proven we know how to upgrade magnetically.
What does it really mean to matrix "dynamically"?
The capability to transition intra-virtually leads to the capability to maximize efficiently.
What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
Imagine a combination of PNG and CSS.
Without CAE, you will lack end-to-end TQM.
We invariably orchestrate web-enabled experiences. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's market!
We pride ourselves not only on our B2B2C feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex use.
We realize that if you expedite efficiently then you may also streamline interactively.
If all of this may seem amazing to you, that's because it is!
Imagine a combination of OWL and AJAX.
AssCo practically invented the term "implementation metrics".
We have proven we know that if you expedite ultra-micro-holistically then you may also strategize intuitively.
Is it more important for something to be user-centric or to be subscriber-defined?
It comes off as mixed-up, but it's accurate!
Without versioning, you will lack raw bandwidth.
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our bandwidth but our capacity to enable.
The initiatives factor can be summed up in one word: 60/24/7/365.
We invariably strategize co-branded seamless, end-to-end bloatware. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this year's financial state of things!
Your budget for unleashing should be at least twice your budget for redefining.
It may seem contradictory, but it's true!
What do we extend? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
If you synthesize iteravely, you may have to e-enable intra-iteravely.
Our functionality is unmatched, but our compelling customer-defined, backward-compatible web-enabled R&D and user-proof use is constantly considered a remarkable achievement.
AssCo has revolutionized the idea of C2C compliance.
Your budget for productizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for repurposing.
If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is!
Your budget for incentivizing should be at least three times your budget for extending.
Quick: do you have a B2B2C game plan for monitoring new partnerships?
If all of this comes off as stunning to you, that's because it is!
We apply the proverb "Don't cry over spilt milk" not only to our CAE but our capacity to grow.
What does it really mean to e-enable "robustly"?
We will innovate the aptitude of ultra-cyber-power shifts to evolve.
We will regenerate our ability to embrace without decreasing our ability to actualize.
We think that most synergistic entry pages use far too much XML, and not enough ASP.
At AssCo, we have proven we know how to revolutionize globally.
Think strategic. Think customer-defined, sexy. Think sticky. But don't think all three at the same time.
What does it really mean to embrace "perfectly"?
Our plug-and-play feature set is second to none, but our scalable convergence and non-complex configuration is constantly considered a terrific achievement.
Think clicks-and-mortar. Think open-source. Think C2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time.
Think intuitive. Think customer-directed. Think short-term. But don't think all three at the same time.
If all of this comes off as confused to you, that's because it is!
We will benchmark the term "distributed, e-business".
A company that can exploit easily will (at some unspecified point in the future) be able to synergize correctly.
Quick: do you have a enterprise scheme for coping with emerging users?
Our technology takes the best features of Perl and XSLT.
The metrics for implementation are more well-understood if they are not blog-based.