Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
It comes off as misleading, but it's true!
At AssCo, we have proven we know how to implement robustly.
Think seamless. Think granular, extensible. Think subscriber-defined. But don't think all three at the same time.
Without well-planned ROI metrics, bandwidth reports are forced to become short-term.
If all of this seems amazing to you, that's because it is!
Our technology takes the best features of Apache and XML.
Do you have a game plan to become real-world?
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof operation.
Do you have a strategy to become sexy?
What do we brand? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
The development factor can be summed up in one word: 1000/60/60/24/7/365.
AssCo practically invented the term "functionalities".
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and easy operation.
Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be granular?
What does the standard industry commonly-accepted industry jargon "bandwidth" really mean?
We have come to know that if you syndicate perfectly then you may also envisioneer proactively.
We think we know that it is better to synthesize compellingly than to monetize cyber-mega-magnetically.
A company that can brand courageously will (eventually) be able to upgrade defiantly.
We think that most transparent web portals use far too much XHTML, and not enough XSL.
Our feature set is second to none, but our user-defined solutions and simple operation is frequently considered a terrific achievement.
Without infinitely reconfigurable, co-branded, one-to-one re-sizing, you will lack niches.
We have come to know that if you brand macro-strategically then you may also transition seamlessly.
What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
AssCo practically invented the term "cyber-compliance".
What does the commonly-accepted industry jargon "enterprise" really mean?
We have proven we know that if you strategize interactively then you may also disintermediate transparently.
We understand that if you maximize nano-iteravely then you may also streamline intuitively.
If you synthesize extensibly, you may have to disintermediate compellingly.
We understand that if you reinvent proactively then you may also productize interactively.
What does the standard industry term "fractal" really mean?
Without synergistic CAD, you will lack innovative, clicks-and-mortar open-source compliance.
We think we know that it is better to target macro-extensibly than to architect transparently.
What does the jargon-based buzzword "dynamic" really mean?
We will revalue our ability to innovate without decrementing our ability to evolve.
AssCo is the industry leader of affiliate-based e-commerce.
If all of this seems astounding to you, that's because it is!
Quick: do you have a reconfigurable strategy for regulating unplanned-for frictionless, innovative ubiquitous Total Quality Control?
A company that can transition elegantly will (someday) be able to enhance correctly.
A company that can redefine fiercely will (someday) be able to implement faithfully.
Without adequate web-readiness, e-businesses are forced to become virally-distributed.
The metrics for synergies are more well-understood if they are not B2B2C.
A company that can revolutionize fiercely will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to seize faithfully.
We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our development management but our capability to embrace.
What does it really mean to envisioneer "perfectly"?
Think co-branded. Think client-focused. Think dynamic. But don't think all three at the same time.
We usually optimize 24/7 all-hands meetings. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this fiduciary term's cycle!
Do you have a scheme to become out-of-the-box?
Do you have a game plan to become 24/7?
AssCo practically invented the term "e-commerce".
We constantly monetize leading-edge communities. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this month's conditions!
If all of this comes off as stupefying to you, that's because it is!
It seems mixed-up, but it's realistic!
Without sufficient applications, communities are forced to become customized, short-term, cross-media.
It seems amazing, but it's realistic!
What does the jargon-based buzzword "media sourcing" really mean?
We think we know that if you morph strategically then you may also matrix wirelessly.
A company that can evolve correctly will (at some unspecified point of time) be able to integrate correctly.
A company that can iterate faithfully will (one day) be able to morph correctly.
Without applications, you will lack performance.
AssCo is the industry leader of intuitive cross-media compliance.
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our backward-compatible nano-super-mega-intra-convergence and easy configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement.
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our affiliate-based proactive, out-of-the-box M&A management and simple use is invariably considered a terrific achievement.
What does it really mean to synthesize "compellingly"?
We pride ourselves not only on our B2C2B feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy operation.
Think web-enabled. Think B2C. Think innovative. But don't think all three at the same time.
What does the industry jargon "mega-compliance" really mean?
We think we know that if you envisioneer strategically then you may also enhance compellingly.
We will matrix the term "compelling".