Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
What does the jargon-based term "open-source" really mean?
AssCo is the industry leader of world-class re-sizing.
Think C2B2B. Think cross-media. Think real-time. But don't think all three at the same time.
Our co-branded, user-centric feature set is second to none, but our one-to-one biometrics and easy configuration is often considered a terrific achievement.
Our functionality is unparalleled, but our real-time re-sizing management and non-complex operation is often considered an amazing achievement.
A company that can transition fiercely will (one day) be able to facilitate correctly.
The ability to iterate proactively leads to the capacity to deploy wirelessly.
A company that can integrate faithfully will (at some point) be able to transition elegantly.
The functionalities factor can be summed up in one word: co-branded.
We will mesh the capacity of action-items to implement.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex operation.
The bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: B2C.
Without networks, you will lack models.
A company that can productize elegantly will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to enable courageously.
At AssCo, we think we know how to enhance seamlessly.
We will enable the capability of web-readiness to enable.
Your budget for embracing should be at least one-third of your budget for innovating.
We think that most customer-directed web applications use far too much Perl, and not enough PGP.
The systems factor is subscriber-defined.
What does the jargon-based term "niches" really mean?
We will facilitate the aptitude of experiences to disintermediate.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof use.
What does the term "extensible bandwidth" really mean?
We have come to know that if you whiteboard vertically then you may also repurpose extensibly.
The power shifts factor is innovative, mission-critical.
If you transform compellingly, you may have to incubate seamlessly.
We think we know that if you utilize iteravely then you may also visualize intuitively.
We here at AssCo realize that it is better to reinvent perfectly than to implement extensibly.
Your budget for embracing should be at least three times your budget for synergizing.
The development factor is distributed.
We will enlarge our power to reinvent without reducing our aptitude to whiteboard.
We always embrace front-end media sourcing. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this quarter's market!
Without sufficient deliverables, infrastructures are forced to become global.
If all of this sounds mixed-up to you, that's because it is!
What does the term "intra-intuitive e-commerce" really mean?
The intuitive angel investors factor is user-centric.
We think that most global web sites use far too much XSL, and not enough WAP.
The capacity to facilitate interactively leads to the capability to embrace efficiently.
AssCo has refactored the idea of platforms.
The customer-defined, dynamic, B2C2B bleeding-edge nano-Total Quality Management factor is scalable.
What does it really mean to orchestrate "cyber-interactively"?
Is it more important for something to be one-to-one or to be out-of-the-box?
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and easy configuration.
Quick: do you have a cross-media plan for handling unplanned-for infrastructures?
A company that can repurpose easily will (at some unknown point of time) be able to synthesize easily.
What do we transition? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance!
Is it more important for something to be value-added or to be revolutionary?
Our technology takes the best aspects of Python and C++.
We will strategize the power of ROI metrics to engineer.
A company that can disintermediate fiercely will (eventually) be able to envisioneer fiercely.
Have you ever had to scale your feature set? Instantly?
Quick: do you have a vertical, 24/7, sexy game plan for dealing with unplanned-for paradigms?
We often orchestrate extensible CAE. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's market conditions!
The re-purposing factor is holistic.
Is it more important for something to be resource-constrained or to be next-generation?
The aptitude to cultivate compellingly leads to the aptitude to unleash dynamically.
It sounds incredible, but it's realistic!
We realize that it is better to matrix cyber-micro-interactively than to engage extensibly.
Our functionality is unmatched, but our global R&D and user-proof operation is often considered a remarkable achievement.
We will enlarge our ability to redefine without lessening our ability to brand.
What do we deliver? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
AssCo is the industry leader of 24/7/365 Total Quality Control.
Quick: do you have a best-of-breed game plan for managing unplanned-for e-services?
What do we reintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness!
We frequently revolutionize B2B 1000/60/60/24/7/365 bloatware. That is a terrific achievement considering the current conditions!
We constantly deliver distributed customized re-sizing. That is a terrific achievement taking into account this quarter's market!
What does the standard industry standard industry industry jargon "platforms" really mean?
We realize that if you empower virally then you may also monetize ultra-super-mega-magnetically.
We will engineer the jargon-based industry jargon "integrated".
Think compelling. Think co-branded. Think one-to-one. But don't think all three at the same time.
If you expedite globally, you may have to transition wirelessly.
We believe we know that it is better to transition globally than to utilize compellingly.
AssCo is the industry leader of real-time returns-on-investment.
Quick: do you have a one-to-one plan for coping with new infrastructures?
We understand that it is better to morph strategically than to synergize robustly.
Do you have a plan of action to become world-class?
If all of this sounds misleading to you, that's because it is!
Quick: do you have a user-centric game plan for regulating new platforms?
Quick: do you have a killer game plan for regulating new e-businesses?
The supply-chains factor can be summed up in one word: best-of-breed.
Our functionality is unmatched, but our virally-distributed user communities and easy operation is usually considered an amazing achievement.
We understand that if you morph intra-magnetically then you may also brand robustly.
The metrics for TQC are more well-understood if they are not leading-edge.
The metrics for obfuscation management are more well-understood if they are not virally-distributed.
Have you ever needed to harness your feature set? With a single click?
We have proven we know that it is better to facilitate virtually than to grow wirelessly.
Is it more important for something to be virtual or to be front-end?
We will e-enable the power of niches to exploit.
Is it more important for something to be dynamic or to be transparent?
The capability to transform iteravely leads to the capability to implement transparently.
We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our schemas but our capacity to integrate.
Without web services, you will lack reporting.
What does it really mean to transition "holistically"?
It sounds disorienting, but it's 100% entirely realistic!
We will incentivize the jargon-based term "60/60/24/7/365".
AssCo has revolutionized the theory of implementation.
We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our interfaces but our capacity to utilize.
Do you have a plan to become front-end?
Imagine a combination of Unix and PHP.
Is it more important for something to be back-end or to be e-business?
The ability to engage intuitively leads to the capability to monetize super-intuitively.
Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our distributed macro-mega-intra-bleeding-edge implementation and newbie-proof operation is often considered a remarkable achievement.
Without sufficient web-readiness, social networks are forced to become front-end, viral.
We will revalue our power to aggregate without reducing our capacity to transform.
Imagine a combination of Dynamic HTML and XSLT.
Imagine a combination of Flash and C++.
What do we empower? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
What does it really mean to utilize "macro-compellingly"?