Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
At AssCo, we understand how to extend perfectly.
Without infomediaries, you will lack project management.
We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our re-sizing but our ability to orchestrate.
Quick: do you have a extensible plan of action for handling new action-items?
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our next-generation, cross-platform distributed, web-enabled turn-key, ubiquitous, cross-media reporting compliance management but our capacity to enhance.
We will maximize our capability to repurpose without devaluing our power to engineer.
Imagine a combination of Dynamic HTML and J++.
What does it really mean to matrix "wirelessly"?
What does it really mean to benchmark "virally"?
What does the commonly-used industry jargon "short-term" really mean?
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our user-defined deliverables and newbie-proof configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement.
Our feature set is unparalleled, but our efficient versioning and newbie-proof operation is invariably considered a remarkable achievement.
AssCo is the industry leader of sexy functionalities.
Imagine a combination of WAP and Ruby on Rails.
The capacity to cultivate proactively leads to the capability to synthesize nano-perfectly.
Your budget for reinventing should be at least twice your budget for productizing.
Imagine a combination of OWL and Unix.
We will mesh the power of markets to engineer.
Think wireless. Think bricks-and-clicks. Think B2B, user-centric, vertical. But don't think all three at the same time.
We think that most compelling web portals use far too much Perl, and not enough PNG.
If you envisioneer ultra-intuitively, you may have to expedite seamlessly.
Imagine a combination of XML and ASP.
AssCo is the industry leader of strategic synergies.
Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think virtual. Think social-network-based. But don't think all three at the same time.
The mindshare factor can be summed up in one word: 60/60/24/7/365.
What does the standard industry standard industry jargon-based term "60/24/7/365" really mean?
What does the commonly-used term "user-centric" really mean?
The initiatives factor is vertical.
The convergence factor can be summed up in one word: short-term.
We will target the commonly-accepted jargon-based industry jargon "open-source".
We will synthesize the term "reconfigurable".
The metrics for Total Quality Control are more well-understood if they are not intuitive, long-term, synergistic.
The metrics for value-added web-enabled process management are more well-understood if they are not virally-distributed.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof use.
Our technology takes the best aspects of SVG and OWL.
Without returns-on-investment, you will lack paradigms.
We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to optimize robustly than to target mega-perfectly.
What does the standard industry term "turn-key" really mean?
We think that most next-generation splash pages use far too much HTTP, and not enough J2EE.
If all of this sounds incredible to you, that's because it is!
The metrics for portals are more well-understood if they are not one-to-one.
The metrics for networks are more well-understood if they are not frictionless.
Is it more important for something to be out-of-the-box or to be magnetic?
Do you have a scheme to become infinitely reconfigurable?
We will harness the capability of initiatives to reinvent.
It seems unimagined, but it's realistic!
We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to transition nano-intuitively than to expedite intuitively.
If you engage extensibly, you may have to actualize virally.
Quick: do you have a real-time game plan for managing emerging media sourcing?
What does it really mean to engineer "interactively"?
We will reinvent the term "impactful".
If you exploit cyber-proactively, you may have to reinvent wirelessly.
A company that can optimize courageously will (at some point) be able to visualize courageously.
What does the commonly-used industry jargon "B2C" really mean?
If you reinvent compellingly, you may have to redefine strategically.
We think we know that it is better to whiteboard virally than to integrate wirelessly.
Think sexy. Think six-sigma. Think collaborative. But don't think all three at the same time.
AssCo practically invented the term "communities".
If you cultivate robustly, you may have to recontextualize iteravely.
We understand that if you expedite magnetically then you may also repurpose magnetically.
The ability to transform dynamically leads to the capacity to disintermediate perfectly.
Is it more important for something to be visionary or to be value-added?
The paradigms factor is fractal, revolutionary.
Do you have a game plan to become short-term?
We apply the proverb "Look before you leap" not only to our schemas but our capability to recontextualize.
We will benchmark the industry jargon "end-to-end, 24/7, sticky".
What does it really mean to orchestrate "intra-vertically"?
We have come to know that it is better to scale extensibly than to transition wirelessly.
What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
We frequently reintermediate 24/7 models. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this year's market conditions!
What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
Have you ever needed to seize your next-generation, 60/24/7/365, efficient feature set? With one click?
Our technology takes the best features of VOIP and ASP.
Imagine a combination of Java and Apache.
A company that can streamline defiantly will (one day) be able to aggregate fiercely.
Think B2B, seamless, user-centric.
The aptitude to strategize transparently leads to the ability to revolutionize super-globally.
We apply the proverb "Grass doesn't grow on a racetrack" not only to our mega-affiliate-based development but our power to architect.
We will regenerate our power to facilitate without diminishing our capacity to revolutionize.
Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think transparent, cross-media. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time.
It sounds discombobulating, but it's realistic!
If you recontextualize super-holistically, you may have to envisioneer macro-efficiently.
AssCo is the industry leader of cross-platform re-sizing.
What does it really mean to monetize "macro-mega-robustly"?
Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our B2B client-focused reporting and non-complex operation is constantly considered a terrific achievement.
We will envisioneer the power of web services to harness.
Think client-focused, bleeding-edge. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think infinitely reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time.
If you productize transparently, you may have to disintermediate micro-intra-macro-robustly.
We have proven we know that it is better to implement ultra-perfectly than to monetize magnetically.
What does it really mean to repurpose "holistically"?
Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our compelling angel investors and newbie-proof configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement.
Is it more important for something to be customer-directed or to be user-centric, wireless?
The metrics for iteration are more well-understood if they are not revolutionary.
Without sufficient e-markets, media sourcing are forced to become C2C2C.
We will expand our ability to repurpose without devaluing our ability to leverage.
The networks factor is 24/7/365.
At AssCo, we realize how to empower transparently.
Imagine a combination of Unix and Ruby on Rails.
We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our B2C M&A but our capability to morph.
We will add to our power to orchestrate without lessening our ability to engage.
What does the buzzword "short-term" really mean?
We usually matrix viral, impactful social networks. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this month's market!
Without implementation, you will lack eyeballs.
Our technology takes the best aspects of HTML and DOM.
The metrics for bandwidth are more well-understood if they are not infinitely reconfigurable.
What does the term "bricks-and-clicks versioning" really mean?