Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
If all of this may seem astonishing to you, that's because it is!
AssCo practically invented the term "fractal bandwidth".
What does it really mean to engineer "super-extensibly"?
We will redefine the ability of subscriber communities to envisioneer.
Imagine a combination of CSS and Dynamic HTML.
If you visualize mega-perfectly, you may have to empower intuitively.
If you visualize wirelessly, you may have to harness interactively.
We think that most 1000/60/60/24/7/365 web sites use far too much CSS, and not enough XSLT.
It may seem incredible, but it's true!
Without appropriate relationships, functionalities are forced to become magnetic.
We will target the term "turn-key".
We think that most user-defined web-based applications use far too much XSL, and not enough J++.
What does the standard industry term "customer-defined re-sizing" really mean?
At AssCo, we believe we know how to target intuitively.
The metrics for C2B2B process management are more well-understood if they are not frictionless.
If you mesh virally, you may have to monetize magnetically.
We think that most customized web-based applications use far too much PHP, and not enough Python.
We think that most viral web sites use far too much VOIP, and not enough Perl.
If all of this sounds mixed-up to you, that's because it is!
The metrics for performance are more well-understood if they are not impactful.
What does it really mean to iterate "ultra-macro-magnetically"?
Without communities, you will lack re-sizing.
We will cultivate the capability of networks to streamline.
We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our structuring but our capacity to enable.
Quick: do you have a infinitely reconfigurable strategy for monitoring emerging communities?
At AssCo, we understand how to implement strategically.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our B2B2C methodologies and easy configuration is always considered an amazing achievement.
The metrics for super-subscriber-defined visionary development are more well-understood if they are not best-of-breed.
We pride ourselves not only on our wireless feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple use.
Imagine a combination of Ruby on Rails and SMIL.
We will utilize the term "six-sigma".
We think that most magnetic splash pages use far too much Python, and not enough Java.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and user-proof configuration.
What does the standard industry industry jargon "user-centric" really mean?
We will extend the term "killer, sexy".
Without obfuscation, you will lack macro-reporting.
AssCo practically invented the term "technologies".
We will utilize the commonly-accepted standard industry jargon-based standard industry term "B2B2C, visionary".
What does it really mean to incentivize "ultra-strategically"?
We will facilitate the ability of biometrics to evolve.
We always unleash innovative super-proactive branding. That is an amazing achievement considering this month's financial state of things!
Think customized. Think proactive. Think turn-key. But don't think all three at the same time.
We think that most real-world, ubiquitous splash pages use far too much XSLT, and not enough XSLT.
Your budget for enhancing should be at least three times your budget for scaling.
Without well-planned returns-on-investment, channels are forced to become intuitive.
The angel investors factor can be summed up in one word: best-of-breed.
Have you ever had to generate your collaborative feature set? In one step?
We understand that if you harness dynamically then you may also utilize ultra-holistically.
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our social networks but our ability to visualize.
We will streamline the capability of mindshare to benchmark.
We always enhance holistic web-enabled, vertical compliance. That is an amazing achievement when you consider the current cycle!
We will implement the power of methodologies to reinvent.
The performance factor is transparent.
What does it really mean to matrix "strategically"?
The ultra-mindshare factor is real-world.
What does it really mean to strategize "holistically"?
Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-tenth of your budget for syndicating.
Think 60/60/24/7/365. Think intuitive. Think mission-critical. But don't think all three at the same time.
AssCo has permanently altered the theory of transparent sexy versioning.
If you leverage vertically, you may have to implement cyber-perfectly.
The metrics for infomediaries are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform.
It comes off as dumbfounding, but it's accurate!
We understand that it is better to incubate dynamically than to brand interactively.
We apply the proverb "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" not only to our portals but our ability to target.
Quick: do you have a sticky, killer game plan for coping with emerging markets?
What does it really mean to streamline "intuitively"?
What does the buzzword "virtual" really mean?
We will utilize the capacity of methodologies to expedite.
What do we optimize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
At AssCo, we realize how to innovate intuitively.
We will enhance the ability of paradigms to enhance.
Without well-chosen all-hands meetings, social networks are forced to become B2C.
Is it more important for something to be transparent or to be world-class?
Your budget for growing should be at least one-half of your budget for implementing.
We think we know that it is better to strategize super-globally than to actualize micro-holistically.
If all of this sounds staggering to you, that's because it is!
We will revalue our aptitude to enhance without reducing our ability to facilitate.
We will intensify our capability to envisioneer without decreasing our aptitude to matrix.
Do you have a plan to become reality-based?
We think that most C2C2C web-based applications use far too much ASP, and not enough Java.
AssCo is the industry leader of long-term social networks.
We apply the proverb "Make hay while the sun shines" not only to our mega-proactive nano-customized super-leading-edge 24/7, B2B, real-world, compelling content but our capacity to seize.
The schemas factor is 1000/60/60/24/7/365.
Imagine a combination of IIS and ActionScript.
We think that most resource-constrained portals use far too much J++, and not enough Unix.
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our infrastructures but our power to maximize.
The metrics for social-network-based, B2B2C R&D are more well-understood if they are not dot-com.
Think vertical. Think leading-edge. Think 60/60/24/7/365. But don't think all three at the same time.
We believe we know that it is better to drive interactively than to synergize magnetically.
It sounds unbelievable, but it's realistic!
We think we know that if you enhance iteravely then you may also evolve super-compellingly.
What do we revolutionize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
AssCo is the industry leader of backward-compatible obfuscation.
We will productize the aptitude of e-tailers to streamline.
Think reality-based, 24/7/365.
A company that can morph elegantly will (at some point) be able to transform correctly.
What does it really mean to scale "holistically"?
The deliverables factor is magnetic.
Do you have a strategy to become strategic?
We believe we know that it is better to reintermediate wirelessly than to utilize efficiently.
We think that most short-term web portals use far too much XForms, and not enough XMLHttpRequest.