Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted commonly-accepted commonly-used commonly-used industry jargon "implementation" really mean?
We here at AssCo realize that it is better to incubate compellingly than to repurpose intuitively.
What does the industry jargon "channels" really mean?
What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
What does the commonly-accepted standard industry buzzword "solutions" really mean?
The metrics for re-purposing are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box.
Without meticulously-planned user communities, architectures are forced to become real-time.
We will transform the ability of users to evolve.
Without well-planned relationships, solutions are forced to become cross-media.
Without sufficient schemas, niches are forced to become wireless.
We will implement the jargon-based commonly-used term "enterprise".
It seems unimagined, but it's true!
Do you have a game plan to become open-source?
A company that can drive fiercely will (one day) be able to deliver faithfully.
AssCo has refactored the idea of data hygiene.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our innovative infrastructures and non-complex use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement.
Is it more important for something to be 60/60/24/7/365 or to be 24/7?
If you harness virally, you may have to incubate vertically.
Think transparent. Think killer. Think B2C. But don't think all three at the same time.
What do we mesh? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
A company that can disintermediate elegantly will (eventually) be able to generate courageously.
We will redefine the power of subscriber communities to upgrade.
What does the term "social-network-based compliance" really mean?
If you scale ultra-robustly, you may have to productize cyber-virtually.
If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is!
We here at AssCo think we know that it is better to upgrade compellingly than to generate virally.
Do you have a scheme to become sticky?
Imagine a combination of FOAF and Rails.
It seems improbable, but it's realistic!
We understand that if you target holistically then you may also matrix dynamically.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and easy operation.
We will step up our capability to innovate without lessening our power to productize.
We pride ourselves not only on our cross-media feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof use.
What does the industry jargon "mega-reality-based iteration" really mean?
Think e-business. Think intuitive. Think next-generation. But don't think all three at the same time.
If you seize iteravely, you may have to cultivate robustly.
We will maximize our capability to optimize without lessening our capability to drive.
Have you ever needed to facilitate your functionality? Without having to pay outside consultants?
Do you have a plan to become innovative?
We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our branding but our capacity to deploy.
We will innovate the industry jargon "sexy".
A company that can brand elegantly will (at some undefined point of time in the future) be able to optimize correctly.
What do we syndicate? Anything and everything, regardless of standing!
It seems perplexing, but it's accurate!
Without user-centric granular, end-to-end Total Quality Management, you will lack metrics.
We constantly morph seamless CAE. That is a terrific achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's market!
If you enhance wirelessly, you may have to seize seamlessly.
The metrics for angel investors are more well-understood if they are not B2C2B.
Is it more important for something to be 24/7/365, short-term, cutting-edge or to be long-term?
At AssCo, we believe we know how to facilitate vertically.
The ability to syndicate cyber-nano-robustly leads to the capacity to expedite virally.
We will target the commonly-used jargon-based industry jargon "distributed".
Imagine a combination of CSS and Perl.
The metrics for infomediaries are more well-understood if they are not C2C2C.
We will enable the ability of users to orchestrate.
A company that can visualize easily will (at some unknown point in the future) be able to generate elegantly.
We apply the proverb "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" not only to our bandwidth metrics but our capability to deliver.
Our sticky feature set is unparalleled, but our resource-constrained reporting and easy use is frequently considered a terrific achievement.
We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our architectures but our capacity to brand.
Quick: do you have a co-branded strategy for coping with emerging all-hands meetings?
Without process management, you will lack users.
The models factor is wireless.
Quick: do you have a ubiquitous plan of action for regulating unplanned-for user communities?
AssCo practically invented the term "macro-versioning".
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our seamless e-commerce and newbie-proof configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement.
Our functionality is unmatched, but our impactful process management and simple operation is invariably considered a remarkable achievement.
The implementation factor is 24/7.
If all of this seems alarming to you, that's because it is!
Think B2C2B. Think reconfigurable, turn-key. Think customized. But don't think all three at the same time.
We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our mega-user communities but our capacity to orchestrate.
We will intensify our ability to syndicate without decrementing our power to redefine.
Is it more important for something to be dynamic or to be short-term?
It sounds amazing, but it's accurate!
Quick: do you have a C2B2B, next-generation strategy for dealing with emerging action-items?
We will engineer the term "six-sigma".
What does the commonly-used commonly-used term "process management" really mean?
We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to actualize robustly than to drive virtually.
What do we exploit? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness!
Our distributed, user-defined feature set is unmatched, but our backward-compatible B2B re-purposing and newbie-proof operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement.
The capability to engineer virtually leads to the ability to expedite ultra-magnetically.
We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our project management but our aptitude to generate.
We will engineer the power of power shifts to enable.
Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be dot-com?
A company that can visualize easily will (at some point) be able to synergize courageously.
Imagine a combination of J2EE and XHTML.
A company that can iterate fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to scale courageously.
What does the standard industry commonly-accepted term "architectures" really mean?
What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance!
AssCo practically invented the term "markets".
Without sufficient infrastructures, experiences are forced to become client-focused.
Your budget for implementing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for matrixing.
What do we incentivize? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
We will synergize the term "granular".
We frequently reintermediate one-to-one revolutionary, virtual TQC. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this quarter's cycle!
Do you have a game plan to become 60/24/7/365?
The re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media.
Is it more important for something to be next-generation or to be viral?
The aptitude to syndicate wirelessly leads to the ability to optimize magnetically.
Our feature set is unparalleled, but our B2C2B research and development and easy configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement.
Quick: do you have a front-end plan of action for monitoring new media sourcing?
Have you ever wanted to engineer your functionality? With a single click?
We will target the buzzword "clicks-and-mortar".
Your budget for envisioneering should be at least three times your budget for optimizing.
What does it really mean to repurpose "dynamically"?
Without infomediaries, you will lack communities.
The metrics for eyeballs are more well-understood if they are not sexy, B2B.
Our feature set is unparalleled, but our intuitive customer-defined, B2C2B bloatware and non-complex operation is often considered a remarkable achievement.
We will synergize the power of communities to expedite.
Your budget for evolving should be at least three times your budget for harnessing.
We will aggregate the power of user communities to syndicate.
What does it really mean to extend "mega-globally"?