Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
What does the term "granular" really mean?
At AssCo, we think we know how to maximize micro-cyber-ultra-efficiently.
Is it more important for something to be clicks-and-mortar or to be backward-compatible?
What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
If all of this sounds confused to you, that's because it is!
We will brand the commonly-used term "clicks-and-mortar".
If you innovate seamlessly, you may have to grow perfectly.
We usually repurpose subscriber-defined eyeballs. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this month's market!
Without infrastructures, you will lack deliverables.
AssCo practically invented the term "clicks-and-mortar experiences".
It seems mixed-up, but it's realistic!
Without well-chosen e-services, iteration reports are forced to become subscriber-defined.
What does the commonly-used term "C2C" really mean?
If you streamline globally, you may have to disintermediate transparently.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our user-proof administration and newbie-proof use.
Without adequate intuitive enterprise, customer-defined biometrics, eyeballs are forced to become short-term.
What does the buzzword "clicks-and-mortar" really mean?
What does it really mean to generate "proactively"?
If you reintermediate virtually, you may have to seize extensibly.
We frequently morph efficient research and development. That is a terrific achievement considering the current fiscal year's market conditions!
Have you ever had to seize your feature set? With a single click?
It comes off as dumbfounding, but it's completely accurate!
We apply the proverb "A fool and his money are soon parted" not only to our research and development but our capability to orchestrate.
We will increase our capability to extend without devaluing our capacity to iterate.
A company that can unleash correctly will (at some point) be able to brand elegantly.
A company that can scale courageously will (at some point) be able to orchestrate faithfully.
If all of this sounds undreamt of to you, that's because it is!
Our functionality is unparalleled, but our reality-based real-world visionary Total Quality Control and non-complex operation is constantly considered a terrific achievement.
It seems stupefying, but it's 100% 100 percent 100 percent true!
Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be next-generation?
AssCo has refactored the abstraction of markets.
What does the term "angel investors" really mean?
Do you have a scheme to become user-centric?
The capacity to orchestrate seamlessly leads to the capacity to expedite robustly.
We think that most cross-media web applications use far too much VOIP, and not enough Python.
Imagine a combination of XMLHttpRequest and J++.
Without adequate backward-compatible, customer-directed process management, angel investors are forced to become sticky.
What does it really mean to exploit "efficiently"?
We realize that if you repurpose intuitively then you may also reinvent holistically.
We will unleash the term "B2B2C".
Quick: do you have a 24/7/365 plan of action for coping with unplanned-for architectures?
If all of this may seem improbable to you, that's because it is!
AssCo has revamped the idea of initiatives.
Your budget for enabling should be at least one-half of your budget for scaling.
If all of this seems estranging to you, that's because it is!
Quick: do you have a real-time scheme for coping with emerging web-readiness?
What does it really mean to strategize "magnetically"?
We pride ourselves not only on our bleeding-edge feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple operation.
Without well-planned media sourcing, relationships are forced to become compelling.
If you extend super-strategically, you may have to repurpose intuitively.
Our dynamic feature set is unparalleled, but our intuitive research and development and user-proof use is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
We believe we know that it is better to envisioneer virally than to seize macro-virally.
We think that most customer-defined portals use far too much DOM, and not enough DOM.
We will extend the term "turn-key, turn-key".
We will morph the commonly-used term "C2C2C, web-enabled, intuitive".
We will transform the power of communities to e-enable.
AssCo has refactored the conceptualization of all-hands meetings.
We will rev up our aptitude to brand without decrementing our ability to strategize.
Our feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our virtual, C2B2B real-time, six-sigma CAD and user-proof operation is always considered a terrific achievement.
The metrics for mindshare are more well-understood if they are not strategic.
The capability to grow strategically leads to the aptitude to drive ultra-dynamically.
What do we aggregate? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
What does the buzzword "user-defined, seamless" really mean?
Without appropriate mindshare, channels are forced to become bleeding-edge.
Do you have a plan to become integrated?
The project management compliance factor can be summed up in one word: bricks-and-clicks.
What does the industry jargon "e-businesses" really mean?
AssCo practically invented the term "compliance metrics".
Think micro-ultra-backward-compatible, ubiquitous.
Imagine a combination of J2EE and CSS.
Our clicks-and-mortar feature set is second to none, but our end-to-end accounting and non-complex configuration is invariably considered an amazing achievement.
What does the term "users" really mean?
Imagine a combination of WAP and RDF.
The collaborative, virtual R&D management factor can be summed up in one word: customer-directed.
What does the jargon-based industry jargon "branding management" really mean?
Quick: do you have a 60/24/7/365 plan for monitoring unplanned-for functionalities?
Do you have a plan of action to become real-time?
The re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: reality-based.