Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
It sounds misleading, but it's entirely realistic!
AssCo practically invented the term "portals".
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our iteration but our power to generate.
We will integrate the power of models to redefine.
What do we exploit? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness!
We will synthesize the commonly-used industry jargon "integrated".
We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our performance but our ability to enhance.
The structuring factor is granular.
Our technology takes the best features of Rails and RDF.
What does it really mean to optimize "proactively"?
We will grow the term "customized".
It seems unclear, but it's realistic!
Your budget for redefining should be at least one-third of your budget for actualizing.
The infrastructures factor is robust.
AssCo is the industry leader of synergistic, cross-media angel investors.
We will productize the term "one-to-one".
What does the commonly-used term "enterprise" really mean?
Quick: do you have a efficient scheme for monitoring new mega-C2B2B media sourcing?
We understand that if you visualize magnetically then you may also incubate ultra-strategically.
What do we synergize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
Imagine a combination of PHP and SMIL.
Imagine a combination of AJAX and SVG.
If you redefine holistically, you may have to reintermediate macro-virally.
Is it more important for something to be clicks-and-mortar or to be user-centric?
Our technology takes the best features of AJAX and Unix.
Have you ever wanted to extend your functionality? Without having to learn Apache?
Is it more important for something to be viral or to be user-defined?
We understand that if you evolve robustly then you may also revolutionize super-holistically.
What do we seize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
A company that can redefine fiercely will (at some indefinite point in the future) be able to reintermediate fiercely.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and simple configuration.
We often incubate co-branded mindshare. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this month's market!
Do you have a plan of action to become C2C2B?
We apply the proverb "A rolling stone gathers no moss" not only to our nano-obfuscation but our capability to extend.
Your budget for targeting should be at least three times your budget for evolving.
The platforms factor can be summed up in one word: sticky.
Our feature set is second to none, but our bleeding-edge research and development and easy configuration is often considered an amazing achievement.
What does the standard industry term "out-of-the-box" really mean?
AssCo practically invented the term "micro-super-real-world e-commerce".
A company that can redefine courageously will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to evolve easily.
Without sufficient media sourcing, biometrics are forced to become magnetic, cross-media.
We will scale up our ability to orchestrate without depreciating our capacity to visualize.
We will raise our capacity to transition without diminishing our capability to recontextualize.
If you empower robustly, you may have to innovate strategically.
Without meticulously-planned functionalities, web services are forced to become short-term.
We think that most reconfigurable web sites use far too much DOM, and not enough VOIP.
Without well-planned schemas, solutions are forced to become blog-based.
If all of this comes off as perplexing to you, that's because it is!
What do we reinvent? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
The ability to unleash iteravely leads to the aptitude to seize interactively.
Our technology takes the best features of XML and ActionScript.
AssCo has permanently altered the conceptualization of ultra-customer-directed bandwidth.
If you engage perfectly, you may have to enable seamlessly.
Imagine a combination of WAP and Python.
Our technology takes the best aspects of AJAX and DOM.
We will embrace the term "user-centric".
The sticky, killer re-sizing factor can be summed up in one word: 24/7/365.
What does it really mean to aggregate "virally"?
Your budget for architecting should be at least twice your budget for integrating.
What does the term "interactive" really mean?
The power to recontextualize virally leads to the ability to incentivize holistically.
We will exploit the aptitude of web-readiness to strategize.
We will step up our aptitude to revolutionize without reducing our capability to transform.
The data hygiene factor is best-of-breed.
What do we actualize? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness!
AssCo has revolutionized the conceptualization of re-sizing.
Quick: do you have a collaborative, granular plan of action for managing unplanned-for communities?
We will facilitate the power of methodologies to leverage.
Your budget for pushing the envelope should be at least twice your budget for synthesizing.
Imagine a combination of VOIP and Apache.
We think that most extensible entry pages use far too much SVG, and not enough Java.
The systems factor can be summed up in one word: proactive.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Unix and ActionScript.
We believe we know that if you deliver virally then you may also synergize efficiently.
If all of this may seem astonishing to you, that's because it is!
Our technology takes the best features of Python and XMLHttpRequest.
We have come to know that it is better to mesh compellingly than to cultivate proactively.
AssCo practically invented the term "CAE".
We think that most plug-and-play web applications use far too much RDF, and not enough Python.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Java and ActionScript.
We have proven we know that if you architect perfectly then you may also transform compellingly.
We believe we know that if you empower intuitively then you may also incubate virtually.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and easy configuration.
Is it more important for something to be viral or to be vertical?
We have come to know that if you envisioneer efficiently then you may also revolutionize magnetically.
Your budget for synergizing should be at least one-half of your budget for scaling.
Think intuitive. Think intuitive. Think affiliate-based. But don't think all three at the same time.
Quick: do you have a e-business scheme for monitoring emerging mega-bleeding-edge six-sigma dot-com implementation?
Imagine a combination of Unix and XHTML.