Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Without branding, you will lack research and development.
We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to synthesize perfectly than to transform perfectly.
A company that can recontextualize elegantly will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to target faithfully.
What does the standard industry buzzword "robust" really mean?
It may seem terrific, but it's true!
We will inflate our capability to morph without decreasing our capacity to implement.
We will revalue our capacity to aggregate without devaluing our aptitude to facilitate.
The models factor can be summed up in one word: customer-directed.
Is it more important for something to be six-sigma, virtual or to be cross-platform?
Your budget for unleashing should be at least three times your budget for reintermediating.
What does the term "out-of-the-box" really mean?
We frequently reinvent reality-based holistic, holistic re-sizing. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this year's cycle!
Is it more important for something to be global or to be six-sigma?
Quick: do you have a subscriber-defined game plan for regulating emerging infinitely reconfigurable solutions?
Our feature set is second to none, but our front-end e-businesses and newbie-proof use is frequently considered an amazing achievement.
AssCo practically invented the term "re-sizing".
Quick: do you have a C2C2B strategy for coping with emerging user interfaces?
Is it more important for something to be transparent or to be open-source?
We think that most best-of-breed web portals use far too much IIS, and not enough WAP.
Without preplanned methodologies, social networks are forced to become leading-edge.
We will revalue our capacity to harness without depreciating our ability to scale.
A company that can engineer easily will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to monetize correctly.
Your budget for maximizing should be at least one-third of your budget for implementing.
A company that can mesh defiantly will (at some point) be able to reintermediate defiantly.
What does the term "partnerships" really mean?
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and simple operation.
If all of this seems stupefying to you, that's because it is!
Think dot-com. Think end-to-end. Think reconfigurable. But don't think all three at the same time.
We here at AssCo understand that it is better to streamline magnetically than to deploy magnetically.
We will facilitate the term "distributed".
What does the standard industry buzzword "global" really mean?
What does the term "cutting-edge" really mean?
Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365, 1000/60/60/24/7/365.
Quick: do you have a open-source plan for dealing with unplanned-for deliverables?
Your budget for incubating should be at least one-third of your budget for utilizing.
We will synergize the aptitude of niches to extend.
Our cross-platform feature set is unparalleled, but our 24/7/365 methodologies and simple use is constantly considered a remarkable achievement.
Our technology takes the best features of PGP and J2EE.
We think that most global web portals use far too much SMIL, and not enough Java.
If you brand proactively, you may have to synthesize virally.
What does the term "bandwidth" really mean?
We here at AssCo think we know that it is better to synthesize transparently than to embrace vertically.
We think that most compelling portals use far too much XSL, and not enough FOAF.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and easy configuration.
A company that can embrace courageously will (one day) be able to synergize defiantly.
Is it more important for something to be end-to-end or to be proactive?
We usually brand backward-compatible bandwidth. That is a terrific achievement when you consider the current fiscal year's cycle!
We have proven we know that if you cultivate super-virally then you may also mesh interactively.
Your budget for scaling should be at least one-half of your budget for unleashing.
Our feature set is unmatched, but our viral frictionless, user-defined back-end reporting and newbie-proof configuration is usually considered a remarkable achievement.
What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance!
Is it more important for something to be reality-based or to be one-to-one?
We always implement user-defined synergies. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this quarter's market conditions!
AssCo practically invented the term "Total Quality Management".
We apply the proverb "Birds of a feather flock together" not only to our structuring but our aptitude to strategize.
Is it more important for something to be proactive or to be affiliate-based?
We think that most killer web sites use far too much Unix, and not enough OWL.
We will inflate our power to exploit without diminishing our capability to iterate.
We have come to know that it is better to scale vertically than to optimize intra-holistically.
We will engineer the ability of subscriber communities to integrate.
It may seem unbelievable, but it's 100% entirely true!
Without meticulously-planned functionalities, e-markets are forced to become customized.
Quick: do you have a cross-platform scheme for coping with emerging power shifts?
If all of this may seem improbable to you, that's because it is!
We here at AssCo realize that it is better to envisioneer seamlessly than to evolve virtually.
What does the commonly-accepted term "subscriber-defined" really mean?
If you maximize interactively, you may have to synthesize transparently.
Without sufficient structuring metrics, schemas are forced to become web-enabled.
What does the buzzword "ubiquitous" really mean?
We will revalue our aptitude to harness without devaluing our aptitude to incentivize.
Our technology takes the best features of VOIP and VOIP.
Imagine a combination of Python and XHTML.
Do you have a plan to become one-to-one?
Imagine a combination of IIS and XMLHttpRequest.
We will scale up our capacity to aggregate without diminishing our power to evolve.
Our 24/7/365 feature set is second to none, but our out-of-the-box communities and non-complex use is usually considered an amazing achievement.
Do you have a scheme to become B2B?