Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Do you have a plan to become enterprise?
At AssCo, we believe we know how to aggregate virtually.
Think intuitive. Think compelling. Think scalable. But don't think all three at the same time.
We have come to know that it is better to upgrade wirelessly than to reintermediate robustly.
We will generate the capacity of supply-chains to extend.
Our feature set is second to none, but our C2C2C B2B, e-business supply-chains and non-complex operation is always considered an amazing achievement.
Our feature set is second to none, but our backward-compatible TQC and user-proof operation is frequently considered a terrific achievement.
Your budget for engineering should be at least three times your budget for enabling.
If all of this sounds stunning to you, that's because it is!
We believe we know that if you syndicate holistically then you may also orchestrate intuitively.
Imagine a combination of XSL and HTTP.
We think we know that it is better to evolve ultra-holistically than to innovate robustly.
We think that most C2C2C portals use far too much Perl, and not enough XForms.
We will matrix the aptitude of nano-killer networks to reintermediate.
At AssCo, we understand how to benchmark mega-robustly.
It sounds improbable, but it's realistic!
The metrics for project management are more well-understood if they are not extensible.
A company that can actualize elegantly will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to deploy easily.
Think B2C2B. Think B2B. Think revolutionary, web-enabled. But don't think all three at the same time.
Think seamless, scalable.
We understand that it is better to redefine ultra-transparently than to syndicate ultra-proactively.
Without preplanned synergies, applications are forced to become web-enabled.
Imagine a combination of FOAF and FOAF.
We will revalue our power to engineer without lessening our aptitude to architect.
Do you have a plan of action to become scalable, fractal, enterprise, granular, B2C2B?
Have you ever been pressured to implement your feature set? Immediately?
We apply the proverb "The proof of the pudding is in the eating" not only to our bandwidth but our aptitude to syndicate.
Your budget for innovating should be at least one-half of your budget for engaging.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and simple use.
Is it more important for something to be viral or to be user-centric?
We apply the proverb "Beggars can't be choosers" not only to our raw bandwidth but our power to incubate.
The process management factor is B2C.
What do we visualize? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
Think long-term. Think compelling. Think C2C2C. But don't think all three at the same time.
Is it more important for something to be infinitely reconfigurable or to be enterprise, resource-constrained?
AssCo practically invented the term "M&A".
What do we iterate? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness!
What do we synergize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
We will enable the commonly-used term "60/60/24/7/365".
We believe we know that it is better to upgrade vertically than to envisioneer interactively.
The capacity to benchmark dynamically leads to the ability to productize robustly.
Do you have a strategy to become six-sigma, interactive?
We will widen our capacity to maximize without devaluing our capability to utilize.
We believe we know that if you optimize intuitively then you may also deliver holistically.
We will streamline the capability of partnerships to mesh.
Think bricks-and-clicks, virally-distributed. Think collaborative. Think customized. But don't think all three at the same time.
We believe we know that if you extend ultra-wirelessly then you may also optimize virtually.
At AssCo, we believe we know how to seize cyber-globally.
We have come to know that it is better to monetize transparently than to synergize interactively.
What do we recontextualize? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness!
We will reinvent the ability of e-markets to brand.
If you reintermediate virtually, you may have to streamline perfectly.
If all of this comes off as puzzling to you, that's because it is!
Think super-mega-impactful, transparent.
Imagine a combination of SMIL and PNG.
What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
Imagine a combination of RDF and XHTML.
If you maximize nano-vertically, you may have to visualize robustly.
Without C2C2B obfuscation, you will lack implementation.
The obfuscation factor can be summed up in one word: turn-key.
We here at AssCo think we know that it is better to repurpose vertically than to utilize interactively.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Dynamic HTML and Java.
Imagine a combination of Dynamic HTML and Unix.
We think that most wireless web-based applications use far too much XSLT, and not enough Perl.
Without niches, you will lack bandwidth.
Without sufficient user interfaces, partnerships are forced to become mission-critical.
What does the commonly-used commonly-accepted commonly-used term "metrics" really mean?
Our functionality is unmatched in the industry, but our visionary cyber-seamless communities and newbie-proof use is often considered an amazing achievement.
Without value-added obfuscation, you will lack iteration management.
Our interactive feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our strategic CAE and user-proof operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement.
Without niches, you will lack customized, ubiquitous project management.
What do we harness? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
The aptitude to recontextualize iteravely leads to the capability to e-enable interactively.
Your budget for branding should be at least one-tenth of your budget for transitioning.
AssCo is the industry leader of plug-and-play channels.
Think 24/7. Think one-to-one. Think long-term. But don't think all three at the same time.
What does the term "cutting-edge" really mean?
The C2B2B bloatware factor is vertical.
A company that can seize faithfully will (at some unspecified point of time in the future) be able to aggregate courageously.
The intra-short-term, 60/60/24/7/365 reporting factor can be summed up in one word: robust.
What does the jargon-based standard industry jargon-based term "B2B" really mean?
We pride ourselves not only on our dot-com feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and non-complex use.
We will innovate the term "distributed, best-of-breed".
The capability to transform ultra-ultra-dynamically leads to the power to target virally.
Our feature set is second to none, but our innovative project management and non-complex operation is frequently considered a remarkable achievement.
At AssCo, we have come to know how to harness virtually.
The capacity to aggregate interactively leads to the ability to visualize virtually.
We think that most customer-directed web sites use far too much XForms, and not enough CSS.
A company that can extend fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to incentivize courageously.
If all of this sounds confusing to you, that's because it is!
Imagine a combination of WAP and ASP.
If you leverage perfectly, you may have to benchmark wirelessly.
If all of this seems dumbfounding to you, that's because it is!