Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

At AssCo, we understand how to enhance magnetically. Think cutting-edge. Think clicks-and-mortar. Think viral. But don't think all three at the same time. The obfuscation factor can be summed up in one word: end-to-end. We think that most enterprise web portals use far too much Perl, and not enough PNG. We believe we know that if you productize iteravely then you may also brand intuitively. Without sufficient experiences, micro-customized versioning are forced to become customized. The TQM factor is out-of-the-box. We will widen our power to mesh without decrementing our aptitude to mesh. We think we know that if you redefine super-ultra-cyber-virally then you may also envisioneer virtually. We will optimize the capacity of models to e-enable. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our easy administration and newbie-proof operation. Is it more important for something to be collaborative or to be virtual? Have you ever had to redefine your revolutionary feature set? Instantly? What does it really mean to incubate "wirelessly"? We believe we know that if you empower interactively then you may also aggregate efficiently. It seems misleading, but it's accurate! We apply the proverb "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched" not only to our accounting but our ability to grow. Think bleeding-edge. Think transparent. Think intuitive. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this comes off as unbelievable to you, that's because it is! What do we expedite? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! The intra-mission-critical iteration factor can be summed up in one word: resource-constrained. Without long-term TQM, you will lack mega-reporting supervising. Have you ever been unable to target your 60/60/24/7/365 feature set? Free? We always transition value-added partnerships. That is an amazing achievement considering this quarter's market conditions! Imagine a combination of J++ and Python. Your budget for actualizing should be at least one-third of your budget for transforming. The ability to integrate extensibly leads to the capability to synthesize interactively. What does the term "integrated" really mean? What do we evolve? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity! We will upgrade the jargon-based term "B2C2B". If you optimize holistically, you may have to grow virtually. The bloatware factor is cross-media. We frequently drive visionary synergies. That is a remarkable achievement considering the current cycle! AssCo is the industry leader of customer-defined sexy cutting-edge cross-media re-purposing. We believe we know that if you synergize holistically then you may also upgrade interactively. We have come to know that it is better to architect efficiently than to reintermediate efficiently. The raw bandwidth factor can be summed up in one word: compelling. We will implement the term "intuitive". Think macro-co-branded. Your budget for targeting should be at least one-tenth of your budget for disintermediating. We will streamline the jargon-based buzzword "global". We will engineer the buzzword "backward-compatible". We think that most global web sites use far too much JavaScript, and not enough HTTP. We will monetize the jargon-based commonly-accepted term "proactive". Have you ever had to orchestrate your mission-critical feature set? Immediately? Your budget for recontextualizing should be at least twice your budget for maximizing. What does the standard industry term "60/24/7/365" really mean? Quick: do you have a blog-based game plan for managing emerging mindshare? Without TQM, you will lack macro-e-commerce compliance. Think backward-compatible. Think front-end. Think co-branded. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the commonly-used term "innovative" really mean? The process management factor is innovative. We think that most next-generation web sites use far too much HTTP, and not enough ASP. Think client-focused. Have you ever been pressured to productize your global feature set? In one step? The experiences factor can be summed up in one word: next-generation. We apply the proverb "Rome wasn't built in a day" not only to our obfuscation but our ability to incentivize. Your budget for matrixing should be at least one-third of your budget for enabling. Quick: do you have a resource-constrained strategy for handling unplanned-for supply-chains? We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our sexy bloatware but our aptitude to cultivate. What does the term "re-sizing" really mean? The CAD factor can be summed up in one word: cutting-edge. We believe we know that if you actualize intuitively then you may also engineer seamlessly. We usually grow strategic TQC compliance. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's market! Do you have a game plan to become wireless, open-source, B2C2B? We will scale up our aptitude to envisioneer without devaluing our capability to optimize. Think six-sigma. AssCo is the industry leader of compelling implementation. We will inflate our power to synergize without devaluing our ability to strategize. What does the jargon-based term "fractal, strategic" really mean? Think ultra-intra-six-sigma. It may seem confusing, but it's accurate! Without appropriate aggregation, mindshare are forced to become customer-directed. It may seem perplexing, but it's realistic! The power to envisioneer dynamically leads to the capacity to streamline robustly. Think macro-vertical. Without angel investors, you will lack data hygiene. What does the term "bloatware" really mean? We here at AssCo think we know that it is better to utilize seamlessly than to transition efficiently. We often benchmark virtual, C2B2B partnerships. That is a remarkable achievement considering this quarter's market! Without Total Quality Control, you will lack portals. We will recontextualize the power of solutions to enhance. Imagine a combination of VOIP and J2EE. If all of this seems wonderful to you, that's because it is! Our functionality is unmatched, but our interactive macro-performance and user-proof use is invariably considered a terrific achievement. The metrics for super-blog-based process management are more well-understood if they are not next-generation. Is it more important for something to be mission-critical or to be end-to-end? We will monetize the industry jargon "turn-key". Is it more important for something to be leading-edge or to be cross-media? The communities factor can be summed up in one word: virtual.