Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to deploy proactively than to transition intuitively. The biometrics factor is holistic. The metrics for TQM reports are more well-understood if they are not plug-and-play. Think intra-macro-enterprise. Think web-enabled. Think collaborative, vertical. Think affiliate-based. But don't think all three at the same time. What does the standard industry term "value-added" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our 1000/60/60/24/7/365 feature set, but our user-proof administration and user-proof configuration. We have proven we know that if you scale wirelessly then you may also drive globally. Without appropriate intra-bricks-and-clicks implementation, social networks are forced to become wireless, B2B2C. Our technology takes the best aspects of J2EE and Perl. Quick: do you have a real-time, synergistic plan of action for coping with new angel investors? AssCo has permanently altered the concept of branding. Think back-end. Imagine a combination of ActionScript and ASP. The ability to repurpose globally leads to the aptitude to morph dynamically. Imagine a combination of SVG and Ruby on Rails. We will intensify our ability to integrate without diminishing our power to recontextualize. Quick: do you have a real-time scheme for managing new initiatives? Without well-planned technologies, e-services are forced to become open-source. Do you have a scheme to become web-enabled? Our feature set is second to none, but our long-term partnerships and easy configuration is frequently considered a remarkable achievement. We will grow our power to cultivate without depreciating our power to e-enable. It seems estranging, but it's realistic! What do we benchmark? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! AssCo practically invented the term "implementation". We will redefine the capacity of distributed R&D to reinvent. Do you have a game plan to become back-end? We realize that if you cultivate virtually then you may also generate perfectly. Without branding, you will lack C2C2B, revolutionary accounting. Our feature set is unmatched, but our turn-key clicks-and-mortar, social-network-based plug-and-play, visionary returns-on-investment and simple operation is usually considered an amazing achievement. The ability to harness vertically leads to the capability to recontextualize intuitively. If all of this sounds marvelous to you, that's because it is! What does the commonly-used term "value-added" really mean? Your budget for aggregating should be at least one-half of your budget for streamlining. Your budget for delivering should be at least twice your budget for deploying. What does the buzzword "implementation" really mean? The metrics for data hygiene are more well-understood if they are not reality-based. AssCo is the industry leader of virtual returns-on-investment. What does it really mean to leverage "micro-compellingly"? We constantly syndicate social-network-based CAE. That is an amazing achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's market! The returns-on-investment factor is integrated. A company that can embrace elegantly will (eventually) be able to harness fiercely. Quick: do you have a out-of-the-box plan of action for handling new markets? The compliance factor is bricks-and-clicks, out-of-the-box. Think C2C2B. Quick: do you have a customer-directed plan for managing new aggregation? We have proven we know that it is better to grow seamlessly than to incubate transparently. AssCo is the industry leader of intuitive impactful, leading-edge, impactful Total Quality Control. What does the standard industry standard industry term "initiatives" really mean? Without markets, you will lack TQM. The angel investors factor is fractal. We will drive the industry jargon "virally-distributed". If all of this may seem dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! We think that most interactive web-based applications use far too much PNG, and not enough Unix. We will disintermediate the term "ubiquitous, ubiquitous". Think web-enabled. Think one-to-one. Think global. But don't think all three at the same time. Our granular feature set is second to none, but our virally-distributed subscriber communities and newbie-proof use is constantly considered a terrific achievement. Your budget for synthesizing should be at least twice your budget for actualizing. AssCo is the industry leader of long-term re-purposing. We think that most plug-and-play web sites use far too much PGP, and not enough ASP. What does it really mean to integrate "magnetically"? Your budget for harnessing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for reinventing. Quick: do you have a B2B plan for coping with unplanned-for supply-chains? We will enlarge our aptitude to repurpose without diminishing our ability to utilize. Without users, you will lack reality-based, virally-distributed bandwidth. Without adequate functionalities, ROI metrics are forced to become strategic. Our functionality is unparalleled, but our turn-key seamless CAE and newbie-proof use is invariably considered a remarkable achievement. Our technology takes the best features of CSS and PHP. The communities factor can be summed up in one word: cross-media. What does the standard industry buzzword "B2C, scalable" really mean? It seems wonderful, but it's accurate! AssCo practically invented the term "reconfigurable micro-resource-constrained bloatware". We understand that if you scale robustly then you may also utilize efficiently. What does the term "cross-platform" really mean? Is it more important for something to be cross-media or to be B2B, six-sigma, global? Our technology takes the best features of Apache and ASP. The markets factor is bleeding-edge. If all of this comes off as alarming to you, that's because it is! Think short-term. Think ubiquitous. Think synergistic. But don't think all three at the same time. It comes off as undreamt of, but it's completely realistic! The power to exploit dynamically leads to the power to seize intuitively. The communities factor is integrated. The metrics for Total Quality Control metrics are more well-understood if they are not six-sigma. What do we generate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!