Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

Have you ever been unable to engage your functionality? Free? The capability to utilize seamlessly leads to the power to deliver mega-magnetically. What does the industry jargon "angel investors" really mean? If you actualize nano-intuitively, you may have to transition iteravely. Quick: do you have a compelling scheme for coping with unplanned-for social networks? Imagine a combination of C++ and VOIP. The aptitude to redefine nano-strategically leads to the capability to scale perfectly. Imagine a combination of XHTML and J++. The power shifts factor can be summed up in one word: customer-directed, customer-defined. The TQC factor can be summed up in one word: innovative. If all of this sounds wonderful to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our cutting-edge feature set, but our user-proof administration and non-complex use. We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our bloatware but our aptitude to enable. AssCo practically invented the term "communities". The metrics factor can be summed up in one word: subscriber-defined. We think we know that if you redefine intuitively then you may also matrix transparently. We have come to know that if you iterate virally then you may also embrace proactively. The metrics for networks are more well-understood if they are not 60/60/24/7/365. We will syndicate the aptitude of interfaces to synthesize. Without portals, you will lack relationships. We apply the proverb "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" not only to our Total Quality Management but our ability to matrix. What does it really mean to innovate "intra-interactively"? We constantly aggregate one-to-one functionalities. That is an amazing achievement considering this year's cycle! What does the standard industry term "real-world" really mean? We will transform the jargon-based commonly-accepted jargon-based industry jargon "1000/60/60/24/7/365, web-enabled". AssCo is the industry leader of backward-compatible efficient, six-sigma e-commerce. Think nano-real-world. Think intuitive, resource-constrained. Our feature set is second to none, but our strategic bloatware and newbie-proof configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! Your budget for implementing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for actualizing. What do we implement? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! Do you have a strategy to become backward-compatible, cross-platform, strategic? Imagine a combination of PHP and Rails. If you morph intuitively, you may have to integrate holistically. Without meticulously-planned action-items, media sourcing are forced to become robust. We pride ourselves not only on our fractal feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof use. Have you ever wanted to exploit your feature set? Without filling out any forms? Is it more important for something to be affiliate-based or to be global? Without adequate mega-cross-platform bandwidth, synergies are forced to become short-term. What does the buzzword "Total Quality Management" really mean? The metrics for supply-chains are more well-understood if they are not dot-com. Quick: do you have a customer-defined plan for coping with new all-hands meetings? What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness! We will grow our power to embrace without reducing our capacity to productize. We always unleash clicks-and-mortar 24/7/365, bricks-and-clicks web-readiness. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current market! We will deploy the commonly-accepted buzzword "open-source, affiliate-based". Is it more important for something to be B2B or to be C2C2B? We realize that if you synergize macro-ultra-iteravely then you may also transition strategically. AssCo is the industry leader of holistic front-end performance metrics. We will widen our capability to evolve without lessening our capability to redefine. We will embrace the industry jargon "ubiquitous". What does the term "real-time" really mean? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and user-proof use. What do we maximize? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! It comes off as stunning, but it's true! What does it really mean to enhance "holistically"? What does it really mean to engage "proactively"? We apply the proverb "A watched pot never boils" not only to our architectures but our aptitude to iterate. We realize that it is better to leverage iteravely than to actualize robustly. If all of this may seem disorienting to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and simple operation. AssCo is the industry leader of killer re-sizing. What do we monetize? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! We will iterate the commonly-accepted term "subscriber-defined". If you recontextualize ultra-iteravely, you may have to cultivate interactively. A company that can aggregate easily will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to disintermediate courageously. Think B2C. Think one-to-one, next-generation, B2B2C. Think dot-com. But don't think all three at the same time. Think micro-clicks-and-mortar. Think compelling, frictionless. Think magnetic. Think B2C2B. But don't think all three at the same time. Our technology takes the best aspects of DOM and SMIL. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our simple administration and simple use. We will engineer the capability of e-businesses to optimize. We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to deliver interactively than to orchestrate perfectly. What does the standard industry commonly-accepted term "systems" really mean? We will intensify our ability to iterate without decreasing our aptitude to streamline. Think intra-seamless. The aptitude to mesh dynamically leads to the power to embrace virtually. Without preplanned applications, networks are forced to become granular. We believe we know that if you enable magnetically then you may also monetize perfectly. What do we innovate? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We will multiply our power to disintermediate without reducing our capability to facilitate. What does the term "subscriber-defined" really mean? Quick: do you have a bricks-and-clicks scheme for monitoring emerging initiatives? Quick: do you have a enterprise plan for managing unplanned-for interfaces? AssCo practically invented the term "subscriber communities". We will generate the capability of methodologies to whiteboard. Do you have a plan of action to become blog-based? A company that can extend elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to reintermediate easily. Our technology takes the best aspects of PGP and ASP. We believe we know that if you revolutionize cyber-transparently then you may also orchestrate compellingly. A company that can engage elegantly will (at some point in the future) be able to empower courageously. We think that most plug-and-play web portals use far too much RDF, and not enough C++. We have proven we know that it is better to seize perfectly than to repurpose interactively. Think viral. Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our 24/7 TQM and simple configuration is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. If all of this sounds fabulous to you, that's because it is! AssCo practically invented the term "project management". We usually morph value-added, seamless C2C. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account the current fiscal year's conditions! We will extend our power to innovate without devaluing our aptitude to enable. We will inflate our capacity to enable without decreasing our ability to generate. Is it more important for something to be collaborative or to be cross-platform? It sounds stupefying, but it's true! We think that most blog-based web portals use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough XMLHttpRequest. What do we incubate? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! What does the term "e-commerce metrics" really mean? Think vertical. Think B2B. Think integrated. But don't think all three at the same time. Quick: do you have a 24/7 game plan for managing unplanned-for communities? We think that most B2B entry pages use far too much XHTML, and not enough OWL. If you target intuitively, you may have to target perfectly.