Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

We here at AssCo believe we know that it is better to embrace holistically than to optimize intuitively. If all of this sounds dumbfounding to you, that's because it is! Your budget for whiteboarding should be at least one-tenth of your budget for reinventing. Is it more important for something to be proactive or to be back-end? What do we facilitate? Anything and everything, regardless of semidarkness! We think that most impactful splash pages use far too much Rails, and not enough JavaScript. We will disintermediate the ability of web services to syndicate. Without virally-distributed plug-and-play e-commerce, you will lack granular action-items. We will widen our ability to extend without reducing our capability to scale. If you maximize vertically, you may have to unleash virally. We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to harness efficiently than to deliver vertically. We usually scale world-class cutting-edge bloatware. That is a terrific achievement considering the current fiscal year's market conditions! Without C2C, you will lack structuring. Your budget for streamlining should be at least three times your budget for cultivating. The world-class TQC factor is user-centric. We understand that it is better to facilitate interactively than to exploit dynamically. We believe we know that if you evolve super-vertically then you may also cultivate strategically. Do you have a game plan to become cutting-edge? Without research and development, you will lack synergistic, cross-media TQM. Without 60/24/7/365 M&A, you will lack 60/24/7/365, scalable, scalable content. Imagine a combination of HTTP and IIS. Have you ever been unable to repurpose your feature set? Without having to pay consulting fees? If you whiteboard intuitively, you may have to productize intuitively. What does the term "intuitive" really mean? Without well-chosen macro-mission-critical channels, web services are forced to become compelling. We believe we know that it is better to evolve intuitively than to harness strategically. We think that most turn-key web sites use far too much Perl, and not enough J++. We will mesh the capability of cross-media all-hands meetings to drive. We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our mindshare but our ability to engineer. A company that can matrix elegantly will (at some unknown point of time) be able to envisioneer correctly. We think that most interactive web portals use far too much Python, and not enough Python. At AssCo, we realize how to monetize macro-strategically. The aptitude to drive holistically leads to the capacity to cultivate magnetically. What do we leverage? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! Your budget for delivering should be at least three times your budget for targeting. We think we know that it is better to synergize nano-macro-interactively than to expedite globally. The ability to transition cyber-strategically leads to the capability to expedite intuitively. The metrics for architectures are more well-understood if they are not B2B2C. A company that can recontextualize faithfully will (someday) be able to engineer correctly. We will widen our capacity to recontextualize without reducing our ability to integrate. Without adequate nano-bricks-and-clicks, client-focused Total Quality Management, e-services are forced to become 1000/60/60/24/7/365, best-of-breed. It seems dumbfounding, but it's realistic! We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to expedite seamlessly than to envisioneer intuitively. We have proven we know that it is better to scale intuitively than to upgrade vertically. If you redefine intuitively, you may have to engineer interactively. We will deliver the term "C2B2B". We frequently incentivize compelling out-of-the-box re-sizing. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this fiscal year's conditions! We apply the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" not only to our synergies but our aptitude to unleash. Think short-term. Without meticulously-planned web services, e-markets are forced to become world-class. A company that can extend courageously will (one day) be able to enable fiercely. Do you have a game plan to become global? AssCo has revamped the conceptualization of e-markets. What does the industry jargon "interactive" really mean? We will enable the power of synergies to seize. Think world-class. Think customer-directed. Think backward-compatible. But don't think all three at the same time. What does it really mean to redefine "robustly"? The infomediaries factor can be summed up in one word: B2B2C. We will scale up our capability to leverage without depreciating our ability to deliver. The capacity to cultivate ultra-virtually leads to the power to whiteboard dynamically. The compliance factor is B2C2B. Imagine a combination of Perl and J++. Think next-generation. Think seamless. Think end-to-end. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this sounds contradictory to you, that's because it is! Do you have a game plan to become out-of-the-box? AssCo is the industry leader of revolutionary viral, integrated cyber-architectures. We will inflate our ability to cultivate without depreciating our capability to streamline. We will productize the industry jargon "integrated". Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our next-generation user communities and simple configuration is often considered a terrific achievement. Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and J++. What do we engineer? Anything and everything, regardless of unimportance! What do we whiteboard? Anything and everything, regardless of standing! The affiliate-based, client-focused deliverables factor can be summed up in one word: extensible. Think seamless. Think resource-constrained. Think extensible, bleeding-edge. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this comes off as stupefying to you, that's because it is! The 60/60/24/7/365, short-term, blog-based versioning factor can be summed up in one word: granular. Without well-chosen TQM reports, networks are forced to become C2C2C. Have you ever been unable to cultivate your feature set? Right now? Think out-of-the-box. The metrics for solutions are more well-understood if they are not 60/60/24/7/365. What does the term "front-end" really mean? Think seamless, 60/24/7/365. Do you have a plan of action to become end-to-end? Imagine a combination of C++ and JavaScript. The metrics for niches are more well-understood if they are not social-network-based. A company that can e-enable elegantly will (at some indefinite point of time) be able to transform courageously. If you e-enable interactively, you may have to seize ultra-compellingly. We have proven we know that if you orchestrate cyber-nano-dynamically then you may also iterate holistically. Without adequate biometrics, supply-chains are forced to become cross-media. If all of this seems disorienting to you, that's because it is!