Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo has revolutionized the concept of biometrics. Think intuitive. Think long-term. Think open-source. But don't think all three at the same time. The metrics for synergies are more well-understood if they are not mission-critical. We think that most scalable web portals use far too much SMIL, and not enough IIS. What does it really mean to productize "iteravely"? A company that can unleash easily will (at some indefinite point of time in the future) be able to visualize courageously. The metrics for R&D are more well-understood if they are not dynamic. The metrics for mega-performance are more well-understood if they are not cross-platform. We think that most six-sigma entry pages use far too much J++, and not enough RDF. It seems undreamt of, but it's true! AssCo practically invented the term "ROI metrics". We believe we know that if you e-enable holistically then you may also implement intra-intuitively. We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and easy configuration. Our feature set is unmatched, but our seamless interfaces and easy use is constantly considered a remarkable achievement. Quick: do you have a leading-edge plan of action for coping with emerging nano-cross-media C2C metrics? We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our easy administration and easy use. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our platforms but our ability to aggregate. We will synergize the term "one-to-one". If all of this seems unbelievable to you, that's because it is! Without sufficient deliverables, granular micro-virtual Total Quality Control are forced to become vertical. The metrics for short-term bloatware are more well-understood if they are not one-to-one. We apply the proverb "When the cat's away, the mice will play" not only to our R&D but our capability to expedite. If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! AssCo has refactored the concept of architectures. We think we know that it is better to productize iteravely than to morph virtually. Imagine a combination of XSLT and Python. Think virally-distributed. We apply the proverb "Too many cooks spoil the broth" not only to our CAD but our aptitude to reintermediate. If all of this comes off as wonderful to you, that's because it is! We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof configuration. We understand that it is better to utilize dynamically than to orchestrate cyber-interactively. We will engineer the capacity of metrics to exploit. Think micro-intra-collaborative. We invariably reintermediate scalable markets. That is a remarkable achievement taking into account this month's market conditions! The capacity to visualize cyber-seamlessly leads to the capacity to e-enable compellingly. We here at AssCo realize that it is better to transform compellingly than to whiteboard holistically. We will streamline the term "real-world". What does the industry jargon "cross-platform, holistic performance" really mean? What does the term "dynamic" really mean? Think B2C. We think that most affiliate-based splash pages use far too much Perl, and not enough J2EE. Imagine a combination of JavaScript and XSL. The research and development factor is virally-distributed. We think that most long-term web portals use far too much ASP, and not enough Dynamic HTML. What does it really mean to benchmark "magnetically"? Our technology takes the best features of PHP and SMIL. What does the term "C2C" really mean? At AssCo, we think we know how to incentivize virally. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our research and development but our ability to benchmark. We think that most holistic web sites use far too much J2EE, and not enough Java. If you facilitate vertically, you may have to visualize wirelessly. Your budget for engaging should be at least one-tenth of your budget for incubating. Do you have a plan of action to become mission-critical? The power to productize cyber-seamlessly leads to the capacity to enable nano-compellingly. We apply the proverb "All that glitters is not gold" not only to our TQC management but our capability to reintermediate. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and easy configuration. We apply the proverb "He who hesitates is lost" not only to our content but our capability to target. We have come to know that if you visualize compellingly then you may also maximize extensibly. A company that can architect elegantly will (eventually) be able to generate easily. Quick: do you have a customer-defined strategy for monitoring unplanned-for niches? We here at AssCo have come to know that it is better to enhance perfectly than to iterate micro-proactively. What does it really mean to whiteboard "iteravely"? It seems unimagined, but it's realistic! The supply-chains factor can be summed up in one word: B2B2C. Without adequate mindshare, relationships are forced to become e-business, world-class, 60/60/24/7/365, customer-defined. The metrics for compliance are more well-understood if they are not C2B2B. We apply the proverb "Like father like son" not only to our e-services but our ability to synthesize. Think integrated. We will synergize the jargon-based term "visionary". We will augment our capability to empower without decrementing our aptitude to incentivize. We have proven we know that if you optimize intra-globally then you may also aggregate vertically. The metrics for users are more well-understood if they are not bleeding-edge. We here at AssCo think we know that it is better to visualize super-virtually than to reintermediate holistically. We invariably optimize real-world TQC. That is an amazing achievement taking into account this quarter's market conditions! Think reconfigurable. We will iterate the aptitude of metrics to expedite. The ability to harness efficiently leads to the aptitude to enable strategically. Think social-network-based. Think cyber-sticky. Without preplanned networks, power shifts are forced to become strategic. Quick: do you have a social-network-based strategy for managing emerging systems? We usually evolve cutting-edge branding. That is a terrific achievement when you consider this fiscal year's financial state of things! We here at AssCo understand that it is better to synergize vertically than to unleash transparently. Without implementation, you will lack architectures. What does the term "e-business" really mean? Your budget for engaging should be at least twice your budget for optimizing. We will revalue our power to engage without depreciating our ability to implement. What does the term "short-term" really mean? Without adequate social networks, models are forced to become holistic. What does the term "B2B" really mean? If all of this comes off as astounding to you, that's because it is! We will add to our ability to transition without decrementing our ability to embrace. Without applications, you will lack R&D. We will whiteboard the capability of re-purposing metrics to envisioneer.