Corporate Gibberish Generator™

Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click "Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)

AssCo practically invented the term "metrics". The metrics for biometrics are more well-understood if they are not 60/24/7/365. It seems astonishing, but it's realistic! A company that can redefine fiercely will (at some point) be able to morph faithfully. We apply the proverb "He who laughs last, laughs best" not only to our subscriber communities but our ability to embrace. If you unleash iteravely, you may have to iterate robustly. A company that can incentivize defiantly will (at some undefined point in the future) be able to empower elegantly. A company that can leverage easily will (at some point in the future) be able to transform courageously. Is it more important for something to be B2C or to be end-to-end? Think super-B2B2C. AssCo practically invented the term "resource-constrained, bleeding-edge, next-generation data hygiene". Quick: do you have a blog-based scheme for handling emerging all-hands meetings? What does the jargon-based term "social-network-based" really mean? The data hygiene factor can be summed up in one word: world-class, 24/7. Quick: do you have a global scheme for dealing with emerging data hygiene metrics? Our technology takes the best features of IIS and HTTP. The metrics for e-markets are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box. Think cross-media. Think subscriber-defined. Think open-source. But don't think all three at the same time. We will evolve the commonly-used term "resource-constrained". Do you have a scheme to become 24/7/365? If you empower interactively, you may have to redefine wirelessly. At AssCo, we think we know how to harness dynamically. Do you have a scheme to become granular? We realize that if you embrace ultra-vertically then you may also transition holistically. Quick: do you have a next-generation plan for monitoring unplanned-for angel investors? We will maximize our power to drive without reducing our ability to syndicate. We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our non-complex administration and newbie-proof operation. What do we target? Anything and everything, regardless of humbleness! What do we scale? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! We will increase our power to reinvent without lessening our power to engage. Your budget for generating should be at least three times your budget for enabling. Our technology takes the best features of OWL and Rails. We frequently strategize value-added compliance. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider this month's market conditions! At AssCo, we have come to know how to repurpose transparently. We think that most one-to-one web portals use far too much Ruby on Rails, and not enough Flash. The accounting factor is impactful. The structuring factor can be summed up in one word: strategic. Our dot-com feature set is unmatched, but our robust viral, B2C2B, transparent implementation and newbie-proof configuration is usually considered a terrific achievement. We frequently iterate reality-based infrastructures. That is a remarkable achievement when you consider the current and previous fiscal year's financial state of things! The ability to facilitate ultra-virally leads to the power to evolve virally. If all of this may seem wonderful to you, that's because it is! We will deliver the power of applications to redefine. We understand that if you brand perfectly then you may also facilitate holistically. At AssCo, we believe we know how to productize perfectly. Quick: do you have a synergistic game plan for managing new applications? Think wireless. The nano-research and development factor can be summed up in one word: magnetic. Our feature set is unmatched in the industry, but our dynamic paradigms and easy use is usually considered a remarkable achievement. If you drive intra-intuitively, you may have to evolve globally. Our feature set is unparalleled, but our C2C2B best-of-breed, next-generation Total Quality Control and newbie-proof operation is always considered a terrific achievement. What does the term "blog-based" really mean? The implementation factor is vertical. We will transition the aptitude of synergies to empower. The niches factor is seamless. We usually mesh resource-constrained deliverables. That is an amazing achievement when you consider this year's financial state of things! We here at AssCo have proven we know that it is better to optimize seamlessly than to unleash virally. We will benchmark the power of web-readiness to envisioneer. What do we syndicate? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness! It seems wonderful, but it's true! The R&D factor is robust. Your budget for productizing should be at least twice your budget for enabling. What do we orchestrate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility! What does it really mean to expedite "perfectly"? The metrics for all-hands meetings are more well-understood if they are not magnetic. We think that most reconfigurable entry pages use far too much DOM, and not enough Java. AssCo practically invented the term "reporting". The social networks factor can be summed up in one word: distributed. Our technology takes the best aspects of SVG and RDF. The user communities factor is real-world. We will step up our aptitude to aggregate without devaluing our capacity to visualize. A company that can generate fiercely will (someday) be able to benchmark fiercely. Is it more important for something to be world-class or to be back-end? The revolutionary, real-world data hygiene factor is virally-distributed. Think subscriber-defined. Our technology takes the best aspects of PHP and ASP. It sounds marvelous, but it's entirely accurate! At AssCo, we realize how to reinvent seamlessly. It may seem misleading, but it's true! Is it more important for something to be bricks-and-clicks or to be user-centric? What does the industry jargon "performance" really mean? Without relationships, you will lack research and development. Without paradigms, you will lack angel investors. Quick: do you have a C2C2B scheme for handling emerging intuitive super-performance? The metrics for bloatware are more well-understood if they are not strategic. We will regenerate our capability to brand without diminishing our ability to engineer. Without web services, you will lack e-commerce. We will widen our aptitude to innovate without devaluing our aptitude to reinvent. We realize that it is better to aggregate interactively than to drive micro-transparently.