Welcome to the Corporate Gibberish Generator™ by Andrew Davidson. andrewdavidson/at\andrewdavidson/dot\com
Enter your company name and click
"Generate" to generate several paragraphs of corporate gibberish
suitable for pasting into your prospectus.
(The gibberish is geared more toward Internet and technology companies.)
Think nano-bricks-and-clicks.
AssCo practically invented the term "synergies".
Our technology takes the best features of SMIL and XMLHttpRequest.
What does the standard industry jargon-based term "media sourcing" really mean?
If all of this comes off as astounding to you, that's because it is!
What does the commonly-used buzzword "open-source" really mean?
It sounds mixed-up, but it's completely accurate!
Think cyber-efficient.
Think wireless. Think scalable. Think customized. But don't think all three at the same time.
The metrics for M&A are more well-understood if they are not ubiquitous.
The metrics for eyeballs are more well-understood if they are not client-focused.
Think ultra-cross-platform.
At AssCo, we have proven we know how to visualize intuitively.
If all of this sounds stunning to you, that's because it is!
What does the term "deliverables" really mean?
If you unleash vertically, you may have to aggregate iteravely.
Do you have a scheme to become bleeding-edge?
What does it really mean to seize "nano-compellingly"?
Without sufficient schemas, users are forced to become next-generation.
We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our performance but our capacity to optimize.
Our six-sigma feature set is unparalleled, but our B2B2C obfuscation and simple configuration is often considered a terrific achievement.
Do you have a plan of action to become global?
Is it more important for something to be 1000/60/60/24/7/365 or to be value-added?
Think cross-platform. Think scalable. Think efficient. But don't think all three at the same time.
At AssCo, we understand how to embrace iteravely.
The social networks factor can be summed up in one word: plug-and-play.
Think ultra-nano-magnetic.
Without preplanned web services, e-businesses are forced to become client-focused.
Without well-chosen relationships, relationships are forced to become 24/7/365.
A company that can mesh correctly will (one day) be able to synthesize correctly.
The schemas factor can be summed up in one word: intuitive.
Is it more important for something to be interactive or to be B2C2B?
Think nano-ubiquitous.
The process management factor can be summed up in one word: front-end.
It comes off as dumbfounding, but it's true!
Imagine a combination of J2EE and VOIP.
Have you ever wanted to envisioneer your feature set? Without filling out any forms?
Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think ubiquitous. Think blog-based. But don't think all three at the same time.
Is it more important for something to be B2B2C or to be end-to-end?
Our feature set is unparalleled, but our global research and development and simple use is frequently considered a remarkable achievement.
What does it really mean to facilitate "extensibly"?
We will recontextualize the aptitude of niches to syndicate.
We think that most cutting-edge splash pages use far too much ActionScript, and not enough Dynamic HTML.
What does it really mean to implement "perfectly"?
Our technology takes the best features of ActionScript and IIS.
Think micro-long-term.
Do you have a scheme to become user-centric?
The capability to facilitate proactively leads to the capacity to target dynamically.
The capability to engineer vertically leads to the capacity to extend macro-micro-cyber-proactively.
Your budget for revolutionizing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for benchmarking.
AssCo has permanently altered the theory of raw bandwidth.
Think cyber-six-sigma.
We think that most granular splash pages use far too much Python, and not enough VOIP.
We will unleash the ability of relationships to target.
We will widen our ability to iterate without decreasing our capability to transform.
Think cyber-next-generation, C2C2C.
The world-class, real-time enterprise Total Quality Management factor is backward-compatible.
What do we disintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
It seems dumbfounding, but it's true!
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and easy configuration.
We will drive the ability of intra-micro-macro-social networks to transform.
It sounds undreamt of, but it's 100% realistic!
Without meticulously-planned intra-TQM, 24/7 re-sizing are forced to become proactive.
If all of this sounds terrific to you, that's because it is!
At AssCo, we have proven we know how to revolutionize macro-virally.
What does it really mean to innovate "extensibly"?
We will brand the term "magnetic".
We apply the proverb "A penny saved is a penny earned" not only to our global Total Quality Control but our capability to drive.
We will enhance the capability of e-businesses to redefine.
What does the buzzword "1000/60/60/24/7/365 iteration" really mean?
It sounds amazing, but it's 100 percent realistic!
Your budget for scaling should be at least one-third of your budget for synergizing.
What does it really mean to disintermediate "magnetically"?
What do we productize? Anything and everything, regardless of abstruseness!
Our functionality is unmatched, but our clicks-and-mortar power shifts and newbie-proof operation is constantly considered a remarkable achievement.
Quick: do you have a co-branded strategy for monitoring emerging media sourcing?
We here at AssCo realize that it is better to whiteboard extensibly than to transition interactively.
What does it really mean to synergize "interactively"?
If all of this seems confounding to you, that's because it is!
The metrics for metrics are more well-understood if they are not B2C2B, blog-based.
The metrics for intra-intuitive users are more well-understood if they are not e-business.
What do we redefine? Anything and everything, regardless of namelessness!
We will add to our capability to synthesize without decrementing our ability to integrate.
A company that can redefine defiantly will (at some unknown point of time) be able to architect correctly.
We think that most seamless entry pages use far too much Perl, and not enough Unix.
We will inflate our aptitude to embrace without depreciating our capability to transform.
What does it really mean to repurpose "vertically"?
Is it more important for something to be visionary or to be efficient?